After writing the article "Filial piety is beautiful", I still have something to say.
In Zeng Guofan's "Eight Books" family instruction, the third "book" is "pleasing relatives", which means that the most fundamental thing to serve parents is to make them happy. Zeng's words are right. It is true that "being close to family" is filial piety, but this "being in favor" is undoubtedly the essence of filial piety.
The Twenty-four Filial Piety Pictures are all stories about filial piety of ancient people, but such cases as "Guo Ju burying his son", "strangling a tiger to save his father", "lying on the ice to seek carp", "wanton mosquitoes full of blood" and "crying bamboo shoots" are obviously contrary to common sense, and parents are expected to worry about their children instead of being happy. "Lao Laizi plays games to entertain relatives" should be regarded as a "pleasing" specimen, but it is too melodramatic to follow.
It seems that how to make parents really "happy" does make sense.
According to my experience, to make parents really "happy", we should learn some psychology and know what parents are thinking, expecting and worrying about.
Most parents want their children to succeed, their daughters to succeed, and each generation to be stronger than the next, instead of seeing the black sheep and grandchildren at home. If all children can become adults as they wish, it is undoubtedly the best filial piety to their parents and the greatest happiness.
Some parents are not old at heart and want to do business after retirement. Are the children for or against it? I think, if possible, of course, priority should be given to support Once parents see that there is still residual heat to play and feel that they are still useful, is that sense of accomplishment just "please"?
As we know, parents are people who have come from the past and have many traces of the past. Although some old habits and ideas are backward, right or wrong is not important. Children can't always demand them by modern standards. Otherwise, parents will feel ashamed and unhappy.
My parents are old, slow-moving, stumbling and unable to walk. Maybe you will accidentally drop a basin and bump into a bowl. At this time, the first reaction as a child should be comfort, not scolding. As long as the child looks disgusted or disgusted, it is enough to break the parents' hearts.
When parents are older, their reactions will be correspondingly slow, and they may be incoherent in preface or interrupted in thinking when speaking. Children don't laugh or blame, which parents themselves don't want. If you ridicule or criticize too much, your parents will be unhappy.
Old bones's parents are very conservative. It may become a routine to take some medicine when you are often sick, and sometimes you may get hurt accidentally. Children should not only treat them wholeheartedly, but also find ways to get them out of the shadow of disease and let the sunshine of the family get rid of the haze in their hearts.
My parents have come from bitter days. They have suffered too much all their lives, experienced ups and downs, experienced changes in the world, got used to where you will go, and may be emotionally numb. Children should learn to be good at mobilizing their emotions, plucking their happy nerves and doing more things that make them happy.
Don't despise some parents of "old and young" and "old urchin" as if they had all become "old people". It is not that they want to imitate children's behavior, but that they will have fun. These old people are as clever as fools. They dream of rejuvenation, maybe they will really be young.
Parents are generally nostalgic, so don't dispose of their old things casually, and don't interrupt their old memories at will. You can often see such a scene. My parents used to look gloomy. As soon as they mentioned the unforgettable past, their eyes suddenly lit up and their spirits came back.
Now there are more and more empty-nest families, especially lonely old people, and that kind of loneliness is very strong. Children should not think that it is filial piety to send some money to their parents regularly, or to visit their parents during the New Year. How much parents want their children around, that's what makes them happiest.
Of course, there are also some widowed families. When a widower has a second wife, or a widow dies, the children have deep feelings for the dead father or mother, but the dead are gone, and the living have to live well. At this time, supporting the elderly to take this step boldly is the greatest comfort to the living and the dead.
Parents also have shortcomings, some of which may be bad habits. Children can only gently persuade, but they can't add up ugly words such as orders, or ignore face in front of people. That will not only fail to achieve the goal, but may also lead to resistance. Where is the joy of contradiction, estrangement and generation gap?
All of the above, I think, belong to the category of "spiritual support".
In the modern society where the family structure of "124" is dominant, the younger generation, even the only child born after 1980s, is under the pressure of "having the old and the young", but most of them are consciously filial to their parents, and the unfilial and disobedient ones are a minority after all, which makes Qian Qian, as a parent, feel gratified. It would be even more icing on the cake if we could make some efforts to please our relatives and not inadvertently make our parents "angry" and "not so happy". Imagine that if our parents can "fall in love" every day, then things that make parents feel at a loss will not happen or decrease, and parents will stay away from depression, autism, neurosis and Alzheimer's disease to the maximum extent, so it is logical to live a long and healthy life.
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