In fact, it would be much easier if you knew the principle of the secret of raising children. The secret is to grasp love and rules and cultivate them with the attitude of "recognition, appreciation and love". Most children are the same. From children to older children, there is a subconscious desire to be recognized, praised and loved. As long as the child's wishes are met, then no matter which child will be cultivated into an excellent child with a gentle heart and consideration for others. Ask the mother to satisfy the child's wishes and pass on her full love to him. However, what often happens in reality is that there have been many problems in cultivating children because mothers don't know how to convey love to their children.
Love and Rules tells mothers that the way to convey love to their children is recognition, appreciation and love. A mother who knows and can use this method will successfully improve the relationship with her children and establish a perfect mother-child trust relationship. Before considering how to teach children manners and how to cultivate their abilities, the most important thing is to establish a good relationship of trust between mother and child. If the child grows up with recognition, appreciation and love, the mother's heart will grow up with the child and get to know each other, thus forming a trust relationship between mother and child. If we can do this well, everything will be smooth for us and our children.
The author of this book, Makoto Seven, is from Shimane Prefecture, Japan, and holds a doctorate in education. He used to be a professor in the Department of Education at Newport University in Japan. From 1958, Dr. Qi Tianzhen began to engage in right brain education for children. From 1978, he established Qitian Education Research Institute, Qi Nai-naive classroom and implemented right brain education. At present, more than 500 classrooms in Qitian Town have been established all over the world, with a total of nearly 40,000 students. His educational theory has had a wide influence in the world. Because of his outstanding contribution in the field of right-brain education, Dr. Qi Tianzhen won the "Social and Cultural Labor Award" awarded by the Japanese government, the "International Academic Contribution Award" awarded by the World Academic and Cultural Review Council, and the "Knight of World Peace" awarded by the World Intellectual Property Association.
0 1. Only by strictly teaching on the basis of love can we truly love children.
Few parents don't love their children, but how to really love their children is very learned. At present, the common practice is to be meticulous in matter and press hard in work. This not only does not love children, but also harms them.
It is parents' nature to love children. When it comes to loving children, every parent will talk endlessly about how much they love their children. In fact, loving children is not that simple, but it is not as unfathomable as imagined. The key is whether we know or not, whether we will love.
Seven Tian Zhen told us that there are three keys to parenting: love, strictness and faith. On the basis of love, strict teaching can build trust between parents and children.
Many times we feel that we have been trying to train our children, but the children have not responded well to us, so we feel that the fault lies with the children. In fact, children are just a mirror, reflecting our own appearance. When the parenting process becomes unpleasant and the children have a contradictory or indifferent attitude, we should actually reflect on ourselves. When parents change, children will change.
There is a sentence in the book: children have always had the potential for self-growth. If parents pour their love into this nature, they will certainly soften their hearts and touch their hearts.
In the process of cultivating children, the most important thing is to give them a good impression of themselves. If children feel good about themselves, they will change accordingly. That will make children full of energy, easily integrate into the group, not criticize others, become kind and be able to communicate and coordinate with other children. If children are often suppressed and angered by their parents, they will not be able to integrate into this group.
A psychologist once said, "It is not difficult to raise children. Just like it. " Children will stand behind grandma and pat her on the back with their little hands. I will help my mother wash her feet with foot washing water. When you meet something delicious and know that you want to give it to everyone, you should also praise it. When you meet fun toys, you can play with children and praise them. After playing with toys, you can take the initiative to put them away and praise them; Wash your hands consciously when you come back from outside, and praise yourself for washing your face, brushing your teeth and washing your feet before going to bed at night. ...
Cultivating children is a happy thing in itself. If parents can correctly pass on their love to their children, their hearts will be nourished and their state will be changed. Praise should be specific. The more specific it is, the easier it is for children to understand what good behavior is and find the right direction for their efforts.
But when cultivating children, we should remember that love and rules need to exist at the same time, and "love" without rules is doting.
Will, endurance and toughness will take shape almost before the child is 3 years old. If you are over three years old and have the ability to distinguish, it will be too late to start education in this area. This character formed from the beginning is hard to change. Before children are 3 years old, the most important thing is to consider how to teach them rules. And the rules must be specific, such as: don't take other people's things, don't hurt your own body, don't touch other people's bodies without their permission, and so on.
Satisfy your child's wishes in everything and you will never get the result you want. The child's willpower will not be enhanced, but will only develop a wayward character. If you indulge your child and don't teach him self-discipline, his desire will gradually expand and he doesn't know how to suppress it. The expansion of children's desire does not stem from parents asking their children to be self-disciplined, but actually because parents have not taught their children to be self-disciplined.
What we must know is that the expansion of desire is not caused by parents paying too little, but by parents paying too much. A child who knows self-discipline will not be dissatisfied. Research shows that there are almost no juvenile delinquents in middle-class families in France. Children have been educated in strict self-discipline since childhood, so they already know in advance that they will restrain their desires and will not have an insatiable mentality. The so-called strict education is to make children feel good about themselves, cultivate their self-confidence, and give them firm willpower, perseverance, perseverance and so on.
02. Create a trust relationship between parents and children, and make parenting happy.
In the process of raising a baby, the most important thing is the trust relationship between mother and child. Parents correctly convey to their children that their love is the basis for raising their babies. In the process of raising a baby, some parents think they are happy, while others think they are unhappy. If you think that raising a baby is very happy, it means that mother and child have cultivated a sense of parent-child integration. Children often laugh and don't cry very much. Parents and children have established a good trust relationship, which makes children's ability to accept is very strong, and they can learn quickly no matter what their mothers teach, so raising a baby has become a gratifying thing.
The difference between happiness and unhappiness lies in whether a trust relationship has been established between mother and child, so how should a trust relationship be established between mother and child? In fact, the key to the construction of trust relationship is to let children get enough love from their parents in the process of raising children. Although parents and children are together every day, if there is no trust relationship, all information transmission will be hindered. As long as parents are good at expressing love to their children, children will trust their parents and entrust themselves to them. The trust relationship between parents and children is established through the transmission of love between parents and children.
Confucius said in the Book of Learning that "kiss his teacher and believe in his way", which means that "only when students are close to the teacher will they trust the teacher, believe what the teacher says and receive the education from the teacher". In fact, this sentence also applies to parents who educate their children. You must first gain your child's closeness and trust, so that the child will take the initiative to listen to your teaching.
If you want to build trust between parents and children and make parenting easier, you only need to meet six conditions:
First, don't look at children's shortcomings and deficiencies, but pay attention to their strengths and talents.
Second, don't treat the present situation as a fixed shape of a child, but as a process of growth.
Third, we should gently accept children's imperfections. All mothers in the world want their children to be healthy and smart.
Fourth, don't compare your children with other people's children.
Fifth, don't focus on learning ability to cultivate him.
Sixth, unconditionally accept children completely. Don't pursue the perfection of a child, even if he has shortcomings.
No matter how difficult it is to raise a child, if parents can look at the child in this way, then the child will change. Don't think about what children can and can't do, and how to teach them better, but treat them with respect. Let's not forget to treat the child as an independent person, be equal to ourselves and respect him.
No matter how bad a child is, as long as his parents respect him, his bad behavior will disappear. If you can get respect, no matter who can grow up correctly. Establish the trust relationship between parents and children with your heart. If the trust relationship between parents and children can be established, the problems that have been bothering parents before will be solved.
"Love and Rules" tells how to make children feel the love of their parents, and at the same time tells parents that love without "rules" for children is doting; Help parents understand how to establish a "trust" relationship between parents and children, and what is a "positive suggestion method" that can make children full of positive energy. These are the secrets of cultivating excellent children, so that parents can know their children better and let them grow up healthily in an environment full of love and positive energy. Cultivate children with love and recognition, parents and children will get to know each other and communicate with each other, so as to convey their ideals and expectations to their children to the maximum extent.