Tonight again to leave home, this separation and a few months it, so sad. Last night before going to bed, the child asked his mother to sleep with him, so the three of them lay in a bed. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm going to be able to do it. Watching the child sleep peacefully, I can not help but lean toward my husband. At this moment, to the side of this person, so reluctant to give up ......
? These days, in the teacher's class, about intimate relationship. Before the class, the serious self, reviewing their own and the lover's acquaintance and love, very pleased to find that they are so happy. As the course progressed, I had a better understanding of intimacy, and reflecting on myself, I really still have a lot to improve in this marriage. Marriage is something that needs to be managed with care, a phrase that is now y realized.
When it comes to marriage, there is a word called "fate", and indeed, I believe in fate. Maybe when I went to school experienced or green or sweet love, there are a lot of lucky people and therefore companion for life; maybe after the work of the blind date like meeting, left and right to pick up a person, in the continuous bonding in the formation of a family; maybe after n times of encounter, but in a certain afternoon, was suddenly into the eyes of the person attracted to the heart, and he held hands with the old man, right. And so it was, together to the ninth year.
The days of love, very happy. I don't know how many phone porridge, sent how many lovey-dovey text messages. There was also a time when all the text messages were copied to a book, wanting to take out the old together with the taste (this book to where it went, did not lose it, haha). At that time, in addition to work, perhaps, all the care and attention to this person. Of course, love, is not all good, there was a serious misunderstanding, almost broke up, the two people suffered for a long time, and ultimately in the two sides of the reconciliation of relatives, handshake and make peace. Think about it, or fate. The two of them have been in the same place for a long time, but they are still in the same place.
The days of love, although in a city, but less away from more. He is always very busy at work. He said, and so on, a year or two later, the work is stable, I can more with you. I believe it to death. Even think, I'm so independent, don't need your company, as long as our hearts are together. My honey friend would sometimes say, how can you stand this kind of life, I can't. I would laugh, it's okay, I'm very independent ah, do not need him always with me, anyway, we can call every day. Before we got married, once, jokingly, in the future every day together, certainly will not be such a phone call. He said, no ah, certainly still need to call ah, at least will ask, you eat, eat what? I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. But still I said right, the days after, really is the phone less and less, and even together, there is nothing to say, in addition to things about the child.
? Married no honeymoon, because immediately put into a very important and urgent graduate school preparation. After receiving the acceptance notice, I breathed a sigh of relief and thought I could have some fun. Instead, I found out that I was pregnant and needed to keep the baby. Well, the honeymoon vacation abroad that he had promised me just went out the window. (In fact, I guess there is no such thing, but also can not go it, that time, no money ah no money, huh) while pregnant, while studying, life is so calm and stable, until the baby was born. When the mother, full of enthusiasm, all poured into the child. At that time, it seems that in the eyes, there is no husband. In his eyes, the same, there is no me. Gradually more and more feel, no words. Occasionally want to chat, he will say, chat what ah? I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it.
He is still very busy, more busy than before marriage. It seems that home is just a place where he sleeps. Because of his heartache, my in-laws and I took on almost everything at home, his coworkers once said, we envy him. Hearing this, there is a little sense of accomplishment. I feel that I have paid, worth it.
But this kind of life, but let me gradually have the feeling of suffocation. Sometimes, the trance, this is the marriage? We have a life, this is how to spend it? The woman who is independent again, also longs for a caring, a thoughtful ah! I do not know where the problem, but the inner loneliness and powerlessness, is so clear, like a dose of poison, eroding me.
? Then because of my children, I embarked on a path of self-growth. Gradually, I realized that the root of everything was in myself! The state of my inner self determines the outer self around me. No wonder, not only the relationship with my lover, but all the things around me looked so bad. I began to pay attention to my own growth, and I often felt that I was like a shoot that had just emerged from the ground, welcoming the sunlight and trying to grow upwards. There is darkness, there is wind and rain, there is hail, but the desire to grow, can not shake my upward force.
Gradually, my heart is getting fuller and fuller, and my life has a happy flavor again. The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't know what to say, but I'd like to say that I don't know what to say, and I'd like to say that I don't know what to say. I am grateful to the teachers I met, especially my current teacher, whose great love made me rethink the meaning of life, and made me fall in love with reading, learning, and striving to improve my ability. Over the years, despite once being known as a school bully, it is only now that I truly appreciate the charm of active learning.
Looking back on the teacher's lessons, I am also reflecting on the relationship with my husband.
One, understanding. I understand him? In the past, I really did not dare to say, even if it was the year of passionate love, I love is that ideal him only. But now I feel I understand him more and more. This is thanks to the countless times we face problems when we communicate, although sometimes communication almost become a war of words, but because of my efforts, the problems one by one dissolved, our relationship is also much closer. Now, when there are no problems, we can all chat and mingle casually. My teacher said that everyone has a need to be seen and interpreted. Yes, in the past, I was busy taking care of my family and my children, but my husband was not in my eyes, I couldn't see him. Couldn't see his needs anymore. And now, as I get to know, I find his erudition, his kindness, his commitment, his inner subtlety, his desire to communicate, and much, much more, waiting for me to slowly discover it later. Life is so long, must be slowly oh, the more you find the more surprise.
Second, care. I care about him? Remember the wedding ceremony, my vows: I know you are late from work, no matter how late, I will wait for you to come back. (At that time, grandma laughed below and said, surely sleep sleep, etc., haha) But, since when, I care less about him? Every day, I was busy like a headless fly, losing myself and him. What is he thinking? Is he tired? Is he off duty? Where has the moment-by-moment concern of a relationship gone? Completely disappeared into the faggotry? There is nothing wrong with life, not enough is, busy, the heart lost.
Third, dependence. Moderate dependence ah, but do not stick up, careful he could not support a moment to fall down, both fell down, haha. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this one. I think back to so many years, do an independent, understanding, for love to pay for the woman, has always been their own beliefs. It was when I was in love and it was when I was married. Sometimes it even felt like my husband was like a child and needed me to take care of him. But, everyone has the need to be needed. It is what makes a person valuable. Being needed is happiness. Did I give my husband the opportunity to experience that happiness? When I claim dependence, it's all full of resentment, just wanting to keep him away I guess. My teacher said that dependence, in moderation, is the glue that holds two people together. How about husband and wife relationship, isn't it true for other relationships too? Friends are all in helping each other, the relationship is getting deeper and longer. Nowadays, I realize that these are also because I am away from home, I can't manage my home, I earn a lot less money, I can't adapt to the new environment, and I suddenly realize that there are really a lot of things that I can't do, but my husband is able to do it. The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money from your family and friends.
? Four, interaction. Undeniably, this is my homework to repair. Whether it is daily communication, or late at night belonging to the warmth of two people. Like psychology, and therefore have a lot of friends a lot of circles, I pursued the recommendations of friends, reading and learning, and the husband's words, basically as a whisper. Once the teacher said, "Father and Son" this book is very good, I was surprised, oh, no wonder my husband has already bought for the child. Once a friend said "Walden Lake" is worth reading, I remembered, oh, my husband has this book, he said it's good. A coworker came over to the house and saw my husband's bookcase and marveled, wow, he's so literary. I said well, I haven't read any of his books. One time hubby protested, why do you have to listen only when someone else says it's good, you never ignore what I say! Well, I admit, I was really immersed in my own world and didn't see him ah! They say marriage is like dancing in pairs, always one person leading the other, it gets tiring and tiresome. It's best if you lead me for a while and I lead you for a while so that everyone is comfortable. Well, dancing duo, never know how to dance me and him, or not, together to learn up?
Five, trust. This is something I'm thankful for. I trusted him a lot. Even in our days of no communication and communication, very suffocating, I still trust him. Now that I think about it, that trust actually stems from my trust in myself. I believe that he trusted me as well. Because of this trust, I believe that we can definitely go all the way together for the rest of our lives. Heh heh!
Six, commitment. What is said, should be done. The biggest promise is, grow old together. This rest assured that there is no suspense. As for the other, many, many promises, you remember? I remember, I once promised that I would never put him in the middle and make things difficult for him because of the conflict with my in-laws. I feel like I did that. Life is hard to avoid conflict. He is not a very good lubricant, and most of the time, for his sake, I am the one who hardens my heart and solves the problem to resolve the conflict. Because, I know that having a harmonious life is what I need. If you love someone, you can't make them sad and suffer. What other promises are there? Think slowly, realize slowly. Hey, that person, once promised me, foreign honeymoon vacation, when can realize it? The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money from the government!
Writing, so happy feeling. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it. I am willing to live harder for him. Touch the side of him, dear, do you want? It's been nine years! I'm a little bit tired of it, or not, let's fall in love again, okay?