Hello, it's been 263 days since we met. In these 263 days, I've gotten to know you who is very important to me. At the same time, I have become another person ......
First of all, I would like to thank you for the days that I have been happy with you. I realized after I met you that I am also a great adventurer. I know that in the beginning we were together with "impure motives", "each with their own evil intentions", but later, I first moved heart is true, you are willing to be with me is not false. Then, how to start on my part, is not very important, the important thing is - I want to go with you to the future.
I remember when I first started to know you, you told me, "Who all have the past, nothing." When you said that, I actually wanted to retort. Because people have this mentality that "when something is not theirs, they don't care if it's perfect or not." I'm well aware of this inferior mentality of people, and while it's very inappropriate to describe a person or a relationship in terms of things, this mentality is applied more to people and relationships than anything else. I used to know that it is important for people to be able to keep the same mindset they had at the very beginning of a relationship from one time to the next. Because the more people you come in contact with, the more comparative you become and the more conflicts arise. So, before I met you, I had only one relationship, that first love eight years ago, which started on campus and ended after I met you. It was the craziest decision I made after 24 years of following the rules.
However, there is a price for madness, and that is that after 60 days of knowing you, I learned that you have a girlfriend. When I learned this news, I finally understood why sometimes with you, your phone is flight mode? I felt stupid for wanting to say goodbye to you because I knew you didn't really want to be together in the first place. But when I typed "Let's split up!" in the message input field. After I typed "Let's separate!" in the message input field, my whole body hurt, so big send button, I just can't press the right place every time, back and forth a few times, I deleted that sentence. I acted like I didn't know anything and continued to be with you, planning in my heart, "One more day together if I can!" So, I knew I was moving on and I was becoming the kind of person I hated the most. If this started as a game, I've lost the initiative.
I know that the reason every relationship ends is that there must be a variety of circumstances that come up or something that can't be fixed. Otherwise, no one would easily give up a relationship they've grown accustomed to, except for people who play with their feelings. You and I are the same, I know you understand. You always say that I do things impulsively, do not use my head, when things happen, I will cry, not solve the problem. But I'm afraid that you dwell on the past but refuse to look at the future with me, and I'm afraid I'll lose you. For the first time, I feel cowardly and humble. Eileen Chang was right, it turns out that to love someone is to be humble to the dirt. So, under this mentality, I hid a lot of things, I want to deal with it quietly by myself and not let you know. However, I forgot that the beginning of a relationship if you can't be honest, then the ending won't be very good either. So when the conflict erupted, I realized that it was my self-righteousness that almost screwed everything up. I'm sorry, please forgive me!
In the past, I was overly sensitive because I never put myself on a par with you. I've been telling myself "I'm the one who's on top," so it's like stealing a piece of ice cream, afraid of others knowing about it and afraid of it melting away, and I've been holding it in my hands, anxious and terrified. Until yesterday, I finally realized that I don't have to take your jokes seriously, and there is no need to be so sensitive. Maybe at first, you joke or how I will be very concerned about, afraid that you do not understand my heart, afraid that you think I am still in the game with you. So, you joke or not, really angry or not, I am very concerned about, and even emotional near collapse. A few times down the road, late at night when my eyes encountered strong light will flow tears. Last July 27th to know you when I 96 pounds, now I 88 pounds, I know that such a result is that I am too serious and stubborn lead, I change.
In fact, I was not like this before. In the past, I would not care about what people say about me, I will not because of some people will make a big fuss and make a big fuss. I used to be the most difficult to see is to do so, because I think, no matter what, this is always two people's things, the two people privately to solve on good, do not have to make everyone know, things are not solved, but caused gossip full of circles fly. However, I do not know how it became so now. I don't want to say because I care too much about you, afraid you will leave, now I think adults should not take this as an excuse. Things do wrong, I realize, I change.
However, I have to say that I finally stumbled and learned how to love you correctly, and finally understand that in the outbreak of conflicts you face the emotional collapse of my helplessness, but also finally understand the most comfortable way to contact you and interact with you down the road. I want to congratulate us on stumbling through the emotional breakthrough period.
So, are you still willing to go with me to the hot love, to stability, to the future?
Sydney Demon