1
I, I guess, used to live in a small hotel with particularly poor soundproofing. When I was typing in my room, the northeastern lady in the opposite room was on the phone for two hours, and I was hardwired to listen to northeastern Chinese for two hours.
But this small hotel also has the advantage of being cheap, 90 yuan a day. When I stayed here, I really thought it was a bargain because it was a bit shabby, but it had all the right stuff.
But that night, while I was watching a variety show, the owner's wife's voice answered the phone through the hallway and around the corner, splitting the door and drilling directly into my ears.
What she said was: young man, 90 dollars is still too much? Where can you find a place to stay for 80 bucks a night?
You see, I was all high and mighty, but when I heard that, I got upset. What's wrong? We're all young men, so why should I pay 90 dollars a night and someone else pay 80 dollars a night? Do I look more like an idiot?
Just as I was getting angry, my inner alter ego asked me the question, what would I have thought if the boss's wife had just given the young man a price of 100 instead of 80?
Of course I would feel very happy, after all, others lost, I earned it. However, on second thought, I feel that my thinking is very stupid, because my happiness or not, actually completely based on the price that the boss's wife gave to others.
If the hotel had been soundproofed, I would have been so immersed in the variety show that I wouldn't have been able to hear the owner's voice. In other words, as long as I don't have to compare the "illusory gains and losses", I won't be unhappy.
What's more, I thought the hotel was cheap when I checked in, so this kind of blind comparison is unnecessary. With that in mind, I felt much more comfortable and continued to get high and mighty to watch Variety.
2
There's a book called "Thinking Blind," and the author of the book, William James, gives what seems to me to be a great example.
William James once traveled to a mountainous area in North Carolina, U.S.A. The natural beauty of the place was very beautiful, but unfortunately, part of the landscape had been destroyed by man.
The destroyed area is now full of traces of land that has been cleared by the locals, and there are crop fields everywhere.
Witnessing this made William James feel very uncomfortable as the beautiful forests were diminishing and the bare land was becoming more abundant.
After entering the houses of the natives, he realized that these people had shotguns and axes in their houses, and all William James could think of was: how many living beings had been brutally killed by these shotguns, and how many trees had been cut down by these axes.
I'm going to remember all this, he said to himself, so I can warn others that we humans need to get back to nature.
But his mind was soon changed, for when he asked the locals who exactly had destroyed this place so badly, they answered him: everyone here. Because they want to survive.
The locals have lived here since they were children, and the only way they can survive is to conquer nature. So what William James saw as destruction was actually a kind of construction in their eyes.
Why I think this example is so great is because in life, we too often fall into our own misguided thinking just like William James, and cause unhappiness by blindly trying to figure out others.
To give you the simplest example, when some guys are chasing after a girl, they can't wait for her to reply to him immediately after every message he sends.
If the girl did not do this, he will be there to think, guess the girl is not hate him, think of the girl is not playing with other boys, and can even brainstorm a can be put in the center of the eight sets of broadcasting the drama, he is so to give himself a jam, they make their own unpleasant. Why bother?
3
How to reduce unhappiness? The first said two, one is don't blindly go to compare, people do have loss aversion, but if you don't take the initiative to do some unnecessary comparison, you can make yourself much more comfortable; the other is don't blindly speculate about other people, don't because don't understand other people, and don't create unnecessary unhappiness for yourself.
These two points are not finished, because both of them belong to the "don't do what", but also to talk a little more "to do what".
To be free as the wind, to enjoy life to the fullest, to enjoy freedom without violating the law and customs.
I used to think that people who walked down the road singing songs and not sounding good were especially stupid, but they were not stupid at all, and the way he sang proved that he was happy.
The square dancers, they are really happy, they are in a happy mood during the dance, otherwise who would run to the dance every day on time.
We also have to treat ourselves well, don't always care so much about other people's eyes, people passers-by actually don't care about you at all.