The discussion of "freshness" never loses its topicality. Whether it's a celebrity couple breaking up to eat melon moments, or hearing about ordinary people's marital crisis, we often regard freshness as the "elixir" of intimacy. It seems that as long as the lovers keep the freshness, you can be happy for a long time, and on the contrary, any failure of the relationship is attributed to the consequences of the decline of freshness.
Is freshness really the only way to have a long-lasting relationship?
It's not love that depends on freshnessIn fact, the moment I saw the words "freshness", I was reminded of the TV series "Legend of Concubine Zhen Huan", which was once a popular TV series in the country.
The emperor was in possession of three palaces and six houses, three thousand beauties, fat and thin, but he did not really experience love in this large harem, and the concubines he favored were relying on freshness to win a few points of favor.
Anling Rong in those days impressed the emperor with a song "Golden Witch Hazel", and he said he had never encountered such a wonderful singing voice, and at that time on the heart, just later also fell silent.
Later, Anling Rong was favored again, or because of the freshness.
The emperor has never seen Anling Rong dancing on the ice sculpture, red clothes and red lips is really stunning and usually birdlike she seems to be another person.
Later in the palace favor of Ning Guiren at first only humble horsewoman, she subdued the appearance of valiant horse, apparently and the palace of a number of beauties in the usual model is different, get favor into the palace, in the case of the emperor, but also figure a moment of freshness.
Just rely on the freshness to maintain the love to come quickly, go quickly.
This, Zhen Huan seems to be favored quite a long time.
However, she was favored by the road ups and downs, love and life tied together, if only rely on the freshness to live but two episodes. When you think about it, Zhen Huan won in addition to their own talent, rely on the Emperor is tired of the newcomer, but also read the two points of the old love.
Not only is the ancient emperor, but anyone who is overly pursuing the freshness of the people are a little off the true meaning of love.
If you listen to more people around the "Romantic rapid demise history", you can hear the same kind of pain: they say that because of the passion of the love rose petals withered, they mistakenly think that love is also with the freshness of the disappearance of the end, and then open the next paragraph of the relationship, trying to find the freshness from it again.
And so the cycle continues, with love becoming as cheap as toilet paper.
Relying on the freshness to maintain the love is destined to be short-lived, this kind of love dream but not real, the dream woke up, the so-called past is only similar to the love, the real love has never appeared.
Freshness is easy to "expire"
Freshness in the early days of love is indeed easy to let people "on the head".
Recently, there is a very hot love reality show "love dream space", the content of the program is actually a bit similar to the blind date, there is a girl called Zhu Yunhui like a veteran called Yang Mingxin brother.
At first, the two like each other, a low-probability event that makes them seem lucky enough. But the development of things is always unpredictable.
After two sweet dates, Zhu Yunhui's heartfelt vote actually did not go to Yang Mingxin.
Why the sudden change in the picture?
She explained that she had been having a very heartfelt feeling in the previous days, but the last two heartfelt feelings were not as strong, and she was not so sure about her attitude towards Yang Mingxin, so she wanted to think about it again.
Later, Yang Mingxin repeatedly hit the wall with Zhu Yunhui, and it so happened that another girl appeared at this time, not waiting for Zhu Yunhui to figure out whether heartfelt and freshness are the standard of love, it was too late, and she ended up leaving alone and lonely.
The moderator said in his review, "She's too young to understand what real love is like, how can she keep her heart beating?"
Yes, the so-called heartbeat is easy to expire.
After the novelty, it is inevitable to experience the loss of expectations, and along with this disillusionment, there may be mutual attacks, cold wars, and even exhaustion.
Think of the Golden Wedding, where Zhang Guo Li and Jiang Wenli played a pair of happy couples, two people who have been arguing for a lifetime, but also over. They are at odds with each other from personality to habits, but why two people and can support each other through the years to accompany each other to old age.
The secret of a hand in hand golden wedding is not freshness, on the contrary, it is to rely on both sides to recognize the reality of the face to maintain communication and make adjustments.
Disillusionment and conflict are bound to happen, and soulmates are purely an afterthought.
People who are looking for something new have given up on this relationship as early as the excitement turns into disillusionment, and they can't touch each other's souls.
And the so-called soul mate is not just from the first time to see you on the heart, and from then on the piano and no more quarrels, but a thousand sails through the end of my favorite person or you, in the palm of time to develop a unique tacit understanding.
Enjoy the ordinary and sincere loveWe are often by some ordinary emotional story brush screen, the story protagonist is invariably some of the love of the elderly, they walk through life with each other, love with the precipitation of happiness, heavy and powerful.
My grandma and grandpa are very close.
When I was in high school before, I stayed at my grandma's house, and my grandma and grandpa were busy in the kitchen, and my grandma's sleeve fell down and might be stained with water, and I hadn't reacted yet to the fact that my grandpa was pulling her sleeve up, and the two of them looked at each other and laughed.
I, however, was suddenly inexplicably touched by the stuffing of the entire chest cavity, the word of firewood and oil and salt is full of longing, which is the state of mind that still maintains the love for each other for many years.
Once grandpa suddenly got interested in fishing, and every day he wanted to go to a fish pond to feel the feeling, and finally dragged grandma to go with him.
When he came back, he brought a few fat fish with him, and the old man, who was usually very frugal, spent a higher price than in the market, and still showed off to the younger generation: "This is the first time I've ever fished, and it turned out to be so much fun."
Their happy faces were bright and colorful, as if they were still in their youthful age, and it turned out that love really has the magic to make people young.
We can not pursue every day there are new surprises, every day there are new moments of the heart, we are pursuing is the mutual friendship, is the back of the shoulder against the trust, is accompanied by many years of understanding.
I think this is the good love, a lifetime so long, the lover is willing to enjoy the ordinary with you in each of the fine days.
Love TA needs skillsAnd then the beginning of the warm, will eventually become the daily drama of the firewood, so that the ordinary love long go, we also have to learn some of the management way.
Dr. Gary Chapman, a renowned expert on marriage, summarized the five types of strategies to enhance the happiness of intimate relationships in The Five Languages of Love.
(1) Language of Affirmation , we need to be able to find the good in our partner and express it, it is recognition based on respect and a lubricant for two people to get along.
"Rainbow farts" used in the body of the loved ones is by no means pompous, more on Ta to say some words of encouragement and praise, praised her new hairstyle, praised his ability to garbage classification ...... thing is small, words warm heart.
No one likes the atmosphere of cynicism, everyone needs to be appreciated, especially for the people who suffer from low self-esteem, hear a "you are great" like a spring breeze.
My friend Xiaoya is a single mother, and two years ago, she failed to start her own business. Rumor has it that she is getting worse and worse, but the other day we met again and found that she was glowing. She confessed that it is not how much money she earns now and happy, just meet a good at saying positive energy to encourage words of love, listen to more, really cheerful, face life also more confidence in the face.
(2) Careful Moments, Careful Moments means that we give our full attention to our loved ones, not the position close to him, he played the game, you are brushing the drama, each doing their own thing.
We need to be quality listeners and respond appropriately when our loved ones talk. Talk about your opinion, show participation, lover can perceive your concern.
Modern people are often busy, but listen to each other every day to talk about two or three things can always be done to accompany Ta to watch a favorite movie, or run together in the morning, what to do is not the focus of the key in that period of time to each other wholeheartedly.
The reason why some people feel more lonely than others, even if they meet with their loved ones every day, is that you lack a careful companionship as a long-term love.
(3) The gift of love, the gift of love here is not to teach people to worship material things. Platinum bag is a gift, affordable earrings is also a gift, although the gift is to invest in love, more than affordable gifts into the price tag to please, on the contrary, in the anniversary of a handmade gift full of affection can also express love.
A physical gift is a visual symbol of love that says "I love you" to Ta. In addition, there is the gift of yourself. When Ta needs you, the first time to be present, this friendship is more expensive than gold, Ta will naturally remember.
(4) Action of Service , we can help each other in ordinary life to do some small things within their reach.
A lot of female friends often complain, when in love without shouting, he is willing to help you with anything, but once married, you ask him to wash the dishes, the other side may not be willing to help.
How can it be so difficult to help your wife with the housework?
We have to let go of the pattern of life that we learned from our parents - that the man is the breadwinner and the wife does all the housework - and that's not the only right answer. A husband who helps his wife with the dishes and diapers doesn't have to be a man, and even a full-time dad can be a man of six inches.
Star Huang Lei often shares his cooking moments on social media, and is praised by many as a "good husband". You see, sometimes when we envy others, it's not their income that we envy, we just want our own family to be able to help out.
Move your hands and do some of the chores that Ta wants you to share, and fulfill the other's emotional needs with practical actions, is a smart way to get along with the trivial daily life.
(5) Physical contact, will always be an essential part of love, even a simple hand holding is a love of a warming.
Physical contact is a way of communicating emotions and a powerful tool for communicating intimacy. The touch of a stranger we will subconsciously avoid refusing, because the heart distance is far away, on the contrary, the intimate embrace between lovers can iron out the wrinkles of emotional relationships.
Dr. Chapman compares human emotional needs to a "gas tank" that needs to be filled, and if the tank is empty, love is at stake, but if we master and speak the right "love language" that our lover needs, we can still move forward with a full tank of gas, even when the novelty wears off.
This is the first time I've ever seen a woman in the world who has been in love with a woman.
To achieve true intimacy, we also need to learn to accept and give up, accept each other's imperfections, give up the paranoia about the novelty, only to get rid of these constraints, we can face the true face of love.
After all, freshness does not exist forever, and love can be undefeated.