Emotional case details:
Hello, teacher, I recently encountered a very disturbing problem, I hope you can use your expertise to help me analyze and give some advice.
My husband recently fell in love with ballroom dancing and sent a message to his partner that he wanted you and cared about you, and his partner wrote back to him and refused, saying that it was just a normal dance. I overheard the messages and very much disliked him dancing with her and my husband promised me to dance only once a week. However, the husband is the reason for work, go to the ballroom and this woman dancing, but also said to me that it is several people, not the two of them, for which I had a big fight with him.
Things in the past only a month, he and I said to go to the square dance, but the results went to the ballroom. Originally said 9:00 we go home together, but I have been waiting for him outside, he does not come, call and do not pick up, I went to the ballroom to find him, he is with a woman jumping black lights slow four. I was furious, I said to the woman (a month ago I sent a message to the woman, said my husband has ideas about you, please stay away from him, do not take the initiative to ask him to dance) and you said not to ask him to dance, why do you just do not listen. My husband felt that I gave him lose face, at that time the woman's face hit me, the next day after we made up, my husband said to me that he will not betray me, he loves me very much, but can not 100% love me. That woman brings him joy, he just likes to dance with her, he wishes he had a confidante. What should I do, I don't want my husband to be with other women all the time, can you help me, teacher?
Mr. Zhou replied:
I can see that you want to change your husband, so that his heart can completely belong to himself, but the way you tried before, it seems that it does not work.
Maybe you need to clean up what you want first, and then see what you can do about it. In your relationship, he loves you, but he also needs a confidante, who exists as one's spiritual companion. So, here, maybe you can rethink what your relationship is like, what do you have with each other, what are you missing, what are you throwing away? What is missing in your relationship? What needs to be fixed?
Honestly, this question could be a confluence of reasons. First, what traits, personality, upbringing, etc. have molded your husband into the person he is. Second, what was your marital relationship like and what traits do you have. Third, do you have any very addictive hobbies, like someone who loves mahjong, maybe the excitement and tension of the process is what he needs in his bones. Or maybe he has never eaten cream cake, at first too delicious, long time will fade.
In addition, I personally feel that in these things you deal with inappropriate, and you signed the marriage contract is your husband, he has the responsibility and obligation to be loyal to you, his behavior should consider your feelings. Your husband should be the main party in the conflict, but you are putting the blame and anger on the woman who has no obligation to be faithful to you. If you can't handle your husband, he'll find another woman to dance with without this woman, and your approach and attitude itself condones your husband's behavior.
What you do depends on what you want. If you want a home and a husband, you may have to lower your bottom line; you want to be loyal and devoted, then you can make him change, and if he does not change you can choose to leave.
My final advice is: be a better version of yourself and spend more energy on yourself than on your husband and the woman. One day you will realize that life and marriage are cruel but still beautiful.
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