1,
This is a relatively heavy topic, the family of origin is also everyone can not avoid.
There are always people who ask: Why do I work so hard and work so hard every day, but the harvest is still so insignificant?
Why do I always feel that what others have is what I can't get?
Why is it that some people have such a good relationship with everyone, but I'm the only one who is scared?
Why am I always worried that my superiors won't be happy with me, or my favorite girl friend won't be happy with me, or myself won't be happy with me?
And so on and so forth.
A large part of the reason for this is the usual psychology and logic that comes from the family of origin.
Every one of us has a family of origin in one way or another.
We can do a simple experiment: when you are very happy or very angry about something, does it look like the way your parents were happy or angry?
If it does, it means you're still under the influence of your family's behavioral logic.
It's not that the logic of family behavior is bad, it's that the more you're a grassroots family, the more you have to get rid of or overcome the logic of family behavior to thrive.
As an adult, we need to understand that the ceiling of your parents' development is your starting point.
If you go beyond that, you're in a world beyond your parents' perception, and there's nothing they can do to help you, or the solutions they offer are ineffective.
You have to make your own judgment.
A father who has spent his whole life working as a farmer can't offer you a better solution for your life in the concrete jungle.
A mother who has spent most of her life in a depressed state of mind can't provide you with better emotional choices in a relationship.
2.
Perspective, indeed, can determine the pattern.
My own father is a good case.
When the army retired from the excellent curriculum vitae, a straight, sharp eyes, the provincial capital has a few units can go, the first to accept the counterpart arrangement as a prison guard.
Uniform on the body of the formidable, but wearing less than two years, he felt that he had enough uniforms to wear, want to be a man of letters.
The leadership agreed and arranged to go to the children's high school.
Excellent performance, outstanding business ability, the organization sent to the first division of Hunan at public expense to further study for two years.
Everything should go smoothly.
The Jade Emperor didn't guess my father's magical brain circuit: he actually wanted to transfer back to his hometown!
A mention with the leadership, the leadership are angry with him laughed: others only want to go to the city, even if it is to do a cleaner, then it is also the preparation of the iron rice bowl ah, there are wages and benefits and housing allocation.
Who else would think of transferring back to the township from the provincial capital?
My old man is so stubborn, the leadership love talent, has been procrastinating.
He was looking for every day, but also angry, the leadership is also angry, a wave of the brush approved, just told him: if you regret, do not mention me!
My father was determined: I will never regret!
Why did my father have to go back from the provincial capital to the township where electricity was not even available at that time?
Just because my grandmother always recited: the youngest son ah, you go to the city, mom will not be able to see you Oh.
My grandmother was widowed in her middle age and brought up my father's three siblings, and my father was afraid that my mother would suffer if he considered his brother weak.
In order to their own mother, the righteous back to the countryside, and the first can only be to the next township, after ten years, before transferring back to their own side of the family.
When I arrived at the township, I was immediately introduced to the township's eldest daughter, my mother, who became a husband and wife.
From the age of forty-five, the old couple never moved nest, in that remote village high school, sunrise and sunset, noisy.
Now, the old man occasionally turned to the past photo albums, mom on the side to make fun of, pointing to one of the lady told us: this is the year like your father to your father's laundry of the English teacher.
The old man smiled sarcastically, not to deny or affirm.
Once I asked him, regret?
He said, "I don't have any regrets, and I don't have any regrets about your mom, but I feel a little bit indebted to your brother and sister.
You see, when I was a colleague, which is not a few suites in the provincial capital, who's son or daughter in the foreign study and settled, the old Sun family immigrated to Australia.
Look at my eyes: you yourself more efforts.
If it were me, I would not have gone back at that time.
You can put down roots in the provincial capital and then bring your mother here.
But no one has a God's eye view.
My grandma's words determined my father's life.
Of course, it is also inseparable from the bones of his homesickness.
When I was a kid, I was scolded and hit hard, and I would cry and say, "You're actually a farmer.
3.
The thinking and perception of the family of origin over the years will have a long or lifelong impact on a person's behavioral logic and growth trajectory.
Many families of origin emphasize thrift, and believe in their bones that thrift is a virtue.
This is true, but when this frugality is applied to interpersonal relationships, it is very likely to show up as a small, small pattern that only looks at the immediate future.
And the logic of "gain and loss" is "give and take": you have to give and take.
In the early nineties, high school graduates seemed to have a policy to go to Xinjiang to work on the border after unified training and assessment, solving the diploma, solving the work, solving the household registration, solving the treatment of cadres, only to work for ten years before being transferred back to the mainland, only to pay the 10,000 training fees by themselves.
Our village has a butcher, elementary school third grade education, commonly used Chinese characters can not recognize.
He was a man who had to sell his money, beg his grandparents, and step on the threshold of the director of the credit union's house, all of which he did, to get the 10,000 yuan together.
He sent his son to Xinjiang, and the day before he went out, he organized a big banquet, and he was very happy.
After the son left, the more diligent to kill the pig.
Every day, he guarded the pork and his wife ate the chaff and returned the money.
Today, he went to his son's place long ago to enjoy the happiness.
The city is tired of staying back in the countryside to build their own cottage.
The son is now a cadre in a city in the province.
Those who laughed at his neighbors, their sons continue to sweat on the land when they are busy and sweat on the construction site when they are not busy.
It is difficult for poor grassroots families to essentially change and iterate if they don't change their habitual patterns of thinking and behavioral logic.
4.
The family of origin has a profound impact on the growth and molding of character.
Or in other words, your personality hides all the good and bad reflections of your family.
My cousin wanted to marry my cousin's father for nothing.
Until now, when older neighbors sit down to gossip about my cousin's father, the air is always filled with a happy atmosphere.
It is said that the first time my cousin came to our village, he caused a sensation.
In today's words, he was a smooth and bright man.
175 head, a military uniform without collar insignia, fair skin and long legs, especially, a smile full of white teeth and two dimples.
White skin is because the cousin always washed his face with toothpaste, which was later discovered by the village parishioners.
The first time I saw him was when he was a young man.
The most important thing is that this person, he went to the place, where the place is happy, full of smiles, lively and interesting speech, love to make friends.
Now it is called high emotional intelligence.
In the words of my cousin's father, who was drunk, he said, "He has friends everywhere.
Cousin aunt is Hunan people, love to drink, that is really "drink a cup of white wine to make a friend", no matter where, one back to the second is a good brother, together with drinking and eating meat, six six six.
My dad often flirted with him, in the end is the Beijing Imperial City stayed, seen the world.
Cousin aunt is a Beijing troops retired, look at the barracks photo, stand like a pine eyebrow like electricity, a word: handsome!
To us this third time, and we have a few young descendants of the brotherhood, but also recognized a godfather.
Sister sister's may also recognize a bunch of, just that there is no ceremony.
Cousin's father may be the type of person who has a lot of ambition, but he didn't make a big name for himself in his life.
But his son, my cousin, is different.
My cousin didn't inherit his father's beauty, but his father's sociable character has been carried forward.
He dropped out of school before completing his second year.
After dropping out of school, he learned how to weld and joined the engineering team.
The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for the work.
Now he is the boss of an engineering company, and is worth ten million dollars.
After the money out of the countryside to repair roads and build bridges, or so-and-so members.
Cousin aunt although old, is still an old handsome one, have son's career moisturizing, every day in the village square dance is still dazzling star general existence, the big moms around him round and round.
Every time I meet my cousin at New Year's Eve, I'm always afraid that he'll say: "I'm not going to be able to make it, but I'm going to have to do it.
There is no such thing as a good or bad personality, and it's all about the family environment.
We need to be able to recognize the pros and cons of our personalities and make effective adjustments.
Remember that personality is inborn and cannot be changed, but it can be adjusted according to the needs.
5.
The "betrayal" of the family of origin by the grassroots is not about betrayal of the past, forgetting the past.
Rather, it's about recognizing the negative impact of family of origin on growth, getting out of the closet, and expanding one's life.
If you follow the inertia, you will be stuck with what you were born with for the rest of your life.
The more grassroots you are, the more you have to "betray" the past.
The more iterative the upgrade.