After I watched the Olympics on TV, and after a few delays and successfully encouraging a few of my classmates to come to Beijing to prepare for the Olympics, I finally packed my bags and took my first long-distance bus to Beijing. The story I'm about to tell took place in Beijing after that October.
I
Where should I start? Perhaps I should start with the first time we met. It was half a month after I arrived in Beijing, and I first stayed with one of my brothers, but then I went out on my own for fear of giving him too much trouble. I've moved twice, twice. Once was moved to the east gate of Beijing Normal University Xinming Hutong inside a semi-basement, just beds, four people a room, 360 yuan a month. Later, because of the same room to live with the people often watch TV to midnight, I had to move away, to the North Normal University, a hutong I have forgotten the name of the guesthouse.
This hotel is divided into two kinds, one above ground and the other underground, which is a normal hotel and the other underground is a partitioned room for long-term rent. I could only afford to live in the underground, so I went from a half-basement where I could see a little bit of sunlight and the heat was enough to make me sleepy to a full-basement where I couldn't see the sunlight all day long and it was still warm because of the lack of ventilation. I thought, "This place is like hibernation in the middle of winter, and it's a nice bonus that I can experience the strange experience of being a snake and a turtle for only 500 bucks a month. Although self-deprecating, but a few weeks with some students have been unhappy always blocked in the heart uncomfortable. Some of my classmates had the appearance that I had defected to them and they condescended to take care of me, among them there was one who was very close to me during the university. Also from this time onwards, those who seem to have a good relationship to get rid of, those who have always had a general relationship at this time but was rediscovered as if, one by one to make friends and friendly up. That's all for later, and I'm only talking about it to describe how I felt at the time. The next step is to continue the story of my relationship with this Heilongjiang girl called Wang Shishi.
That day I finished the check-in procedure with my luggage, and officially settled in this place, I was in the second corridor on the east side of the right hand side of the third room, the most inside next to my room there is another, living in a pair of thirty-something years old I do not know where to work couples; the other side of the temporary no one to live in; I live in the opposite door of the woman who does a small business of fifty years old or so; my diagonal to the door of the girl, also in the preparation for the examination. is also here for exam preparation. These situations are in the check-in from the housekeeper, Mr. Li's mouth heard, he knew that I also came to study, and asked me to be more close to me and diagonally across the door of the people, I casually responded to also did not put too much on the mind.
That afternoon, I ate dinner at the school ready to go back to take a break, just turned to the mouth of the corridor, I heard a dainty laugh, "Thank you, Master Li, haha", the sound is very nice, very brittle and bright, but not piercing the ear, and that the pitch of the pitch of the degree of tolerance is also just right for our ears, I'm not the only one who has such a thought, as the I turned the corner and saw Master Li, the house manager, walking towards me with a smile on his face. After passing Master Li, I saw the owner of that laughter, a tall and thin girl, her hair casually tied with a headband, not too long a strand of hair trailing down her back, her hair slightly yellowish, wearing a tender willow-colored fitted down jacket on top, and underneath a - oh, well, I really doubt that I was looking at the wrong thing at that time, how can I describe it? a pair of fleece pants, definitely the kind that should have another pair of outer pants over them, a very light and dull red. It was the girl from the door diagonally across from mine, who was now standing on a small bench, pressing the curtain against the door frame with one hand, and nailing a nail with a small hammer in the other.
"So she was thanking Master Li for giving her the tools, but this Master Li seems to be not generous enough, can't go along to help give the nails finished and then go ah." So thinking I went over to help hold the door curtain, let her free two hands to nail.
"Thank you, huh. I heard you're preparing for grad school too." She said as she nailed.
"Yeah."
"Are you just going to take the Northern Normal University?"
"Uh-huh." I answered casually, but in my heart I was thinking, "This is not necessary to ask, not to go to the North Normal University, why do I live here!"
"Aren't you going to study here too?"
"I don't go here, I go to Shushu Normal University. I'm staying here because it's convenient."
"
"I'm not going to take the exam here.
"Oh."
"What are you nailing the curtain for?"
"This room isn't ventilated, it's suffocating, I'm going to leave the door open and hang a curtain for good measure."
"Oh. Not just a place to come back and sleep at night."
"I'll be there all day." The curtain was nailed, she clapped her hands and jumped down from the small bench, I saw her face, good-looking, I remembered that when I was a child my family's enameled teapot had a pattern of two small flower cats on it, and my father always loved to describe my sister with the cutest of them, and in this moment I suddenly suspected that the small flower cat had suddenly transformed and revitalized itself into this girl. Just face wax yellow, I have never seen the face so yellow people, at least not seen the face so yellow living people, face and some scattered in all corners of the small pimples, I think she designated because of the long years do not see the sun, moisture is too heavy to be like this.
"I'll just review here, I don't go to school, I can't get a seat there, it's too much trouble. I'll just go for a bit during dinner, I have a meal card there." Just as I was looking at her face and floating around, she said these words to answer my doubts.
This is even officially recognized, the next day, we are busy, as if we did not say a few times, as for how we gradually familiar with, I have not remember, I think it is probably a time I helped her play a play to reject a pursuit of her after the right.
In fact, the play is simple, in the corridor on the edge of a southern boy, a bit gloomy and eccentric feeling, somehow on this girl, try to come close to her. Once I heard that she had a meal card for the University, and had to follow her to the dining hall to eat dinner, she was pestered to the point of being unable to, just in time for me that day I did not feel well in the afternoon did not go to school, then asked me to go to dinner together, and so the three of us rather strange combination of the said long, said short, in the middle of the alleyway to the University of the said long, said short, but the feeling of the peaks and valleys to the University of the said long, said short, but in the middle of the peaks and valleys to the University of the said. I was happy to help, because at that time, the hot water in the university needed to use a meal card in order to call, so I also borrowed her meal card a few times, so that I do not have to return to the residence every time to receive water, it really saves me a lot of time, and I am very grateful to her for this favor. The little handsome man is even more silent than me, I was just pulled in the crowd, do not need to add their own lines, just to the two of them in the middle of a station, has been a practical action to show that I do not know and her attitude towards him.
I can't believe I remember that night's beef curry I ate a lot, for the free meal I was always polite, not to mention that I contributed. Finally finished that dinner in the awkward atmosphere of silence, she pulled me to say that she wanted to go a different way, to go around to the west of the Dia Daily supermarket to buy some things, let me accompany her a piece. The awkwardly silent man, as if he had finally decided not to put up with the cold shoulder any longer, took it upon himself to say that I had a few things to do and wouldn't be going along.
When he left, he also looked at me not without grudges, I also with innocent eyes back to him a glance, I think "brother, you will resent me, I do not mean, who let people do not like you it, this really can not be helped. But don't worry, I'm not going to steal it from you. If you really hate me, just curse me to suffer the same retribution from you in the future."
When I finished this paragraph, I felt that there were some other things that I had to account for, or else this behavior of hers would become incomprehensible and my behavior would become very inappropriate. The above things just in terms of actual behavior meant a big breakthrough in the relationship between the two of us, at least a mutual use relationship anyway. Before using each other in something like posing as a boyfriend, there should at least be a relatively very close psychological distance. I think, we really get the psychological sense of mutual recognition, should be inadvertently cooperate against a **** the same "enemy" - my next door, but also basically her next door, just a little more between her and the couple aisle The only thing that separates her from the couple is a little more of the aisle wall.
The couple, like me now, is a pair of hard working people, the place of work seems to be quite far away, every day is back especially late, at least after ten o'clock, they are not in a hurry to go to bed, come back to chat, watch TV. The sound of the TV to basically no effect, mainly the sound of their chat, said the net is some parents, the company's troubles, in the woman's depressed low but not lost penetrating voice, these forced to listen to things straight to the ears, so that I am still not worldly affairs is very irritable. These two gray, humble people ah, your life how so boring!
I just moved in when I know that the sound insulation effect is not good, think of living next door to a couple, afraid to hear the sound should not be heard, in my worry is redundant, they have been in the heavy work and life under the pressure of the loss of all vitality, there are only those trivial, monotonous nagging, and of course, interspersed with the sound of the woman stoned popcorn popping sound. After a long time, these vulgar things like crazy garbage coiled in my heart, affecting my mood, affecting my sleep, so one day I could not help but nagging Wang Shishi, "That couple next door is annoying, sleeping so late every day, so annoying."
"They also love to get high all the time, one by one, it's unbearable. If you're annoyed, just knock on the wall, knock on it. I've knocked on it a couple times now and it kinda works."
"Okay, if it's still like that tonight, I'll knock, and then we'll knock together."
"Good."
That night, as agreed beforehand, when the knocking on the wall sounded on both sides at the same time, the couple was sensible enough to be silent, and did not make any more noise the next night, and by the morning of the third day, their room had been emptied. They could not stand such bellyaching, nor could they bear these external hostilities at work and in life at the same time. Until many years later, when I can not stand all kinds of shared neighbors, finally hard to spend a lot of money to rent a suite to live, I understand the original should not be, those who squeeze our lives continue to alienate us inside the factors, the most important point is still the lack of money ah, if it is not because of the economic pressures, why do they have to be so humble it, they are bound to have had a dream, but also have a very bullish thought that the world's heroes when I came out of the generation. Perhaps they moved away in silence to express their protest against us, or also as a way to put down a harsh words: teenagers, we'll see, one day you will be like me.
Two
With the occurrence of such a few small things, our relationship is like the spring revival of weeds like crazy growth, but so far I still don't know how to define such a relationship, just meet friends, I'm afraid that I may not be able to explain it, because it is really out of the boundaries of that.
After helping him reject the boy's advances, I got more benefits from her, she has given me the meal card, the money in it will not be spent in the short term, I can not only take it to go to dinner alone, I can even take it to invite others to dinner, and she did not mind.
I was a self-important person, and experienced the feeling of being a parasite caused by my classmates, so I was actually very sensitive to spending her money, and told her many times, "I'm just borrowing your meal card to use it, and I will definitely pay you back for using it, and doubling it back to you."
"No need to pay back, just a few meals, I can afford. I didn't even take it seriously either."
"No, I must pay back."
"Do whatever you find convenient." She paused and then added, "I tutor myself, and two lessons a week is enough for me to spend on myself. That's really not much money for me."
"Oh."
With her words, more on the money I was really almost used up, not too good to ask home, but also borrowed two times with classmates is not too good to ask again, so I will be even more rude to her money, anyway, the heart has already made up its mind to pay her back is double.
Experiencing dozens of days of hard work, coupled with the pressure to occupy a seat, I went to the classroom to study more and more little desire, and finally one day also made up his mind to read in the hotel.
In the dim light, in the cramped environment, in the dreary air, I only see drowsy, not a moment to fall asleep. I feel I need to find someone to study with, so I frequented her room. She was still dressed like that and told me to sit as I pleased.
There was a time when I had forgotten the difference between men and women, because in my heart I thought it would never be possible to do anything with her, and my stubbornness at that time had already reached the degree of paranoia, and I decided that it was almost impossible to change the matter, so my heart was very open, and I sometimes forgot to remind her first, and I lifted the curtain and directly went in.
And she never seemed to take me seriously, just very casually provide me with a period of time, and once she said she had a high school classmate has been chasing her, she promised to re-examine this time, if you can't pass the exams will be with him, they also often call, I am also very interested in avoiding, because once she told me that it was a vinegar jar. There were times when I thought, not without malice, that nothing had happened to us and I had inadvertently risked being questioned about adultery.
The most important thing is that it seems she never cared about me, I want to come to come, to go to go, never ask, and never come to the initiative to look for me, only once because I slept too much painfully asked her to help to a certain time to wake me up, to the point that she did not come over, and has been knocking on the wall (oh yes, after the couple moved away, I moved to the room where they lived, which is much larger), and I therefore became the enemy of her. After the couple moved out, I moved into the room they used to live in, which was much bigger, so I became next door and next door to her), and after knocking for half a day and seeing no movement, she took a break and kept on knocking until I got impatient and said, "Okay, I hear you, get up". She is really loyal to her duty.
In addition, she has more than once expressed her contempt and disdain for me, although she helped me, but does not expect me to reciprocate, every time I want to ensure that I repay him to enhance my self-esteem, she hit me, "you save it, read your book."
So I decided that she couldn't possibly have me in her heart, and even if she did and I didn't have her in my heart, even if she did due to her verbal disdain for me, it should have fizzled out earlier. In a way, inadvertently, we are familiar with each other, long time together, but inside are calm as hell. Even once I sat on the edge of her bed to read a book, looking at the sleepy attack fell asleep, and when I woke up again, to see that she also fell to the side of the sleep, I hurriedly pushed her to wake up, told her to get up and read the book.
"You're really comfortable with me, you're not afraid that I'll make a move on you while you're asleep." Although blushing a little, but finally have a chance for me to flirt with sarcasm her revenge, I will never let it go easily.
"How dare you! If you dare to touch me, I'll let you live and not get out of Beijing, do you believe me?"
"Believe ......," I returned with a rather disdainful look, dragging out my voice.
She never asked me to do any favors, just one time expressed the pain of English can not handle, I also very pretentious to mention some suggestions (after all, I graduate school when the English is basically do not need to review), and that's all. However, two people of the opposite sex who have no feelings for each other stay together for a long time, not only eliminates the gender difference, but also due to the **** with the same share some things and become extraordinarily close up, but also just psychological closeness. I think I may have inadvertently been crowned by her honorary title of male best friend, at least to help her advice on how to restrain his boyfriend's jealous personality; together with the book rolled up to do the earpiece, placed on the wall to listen to the old whore next door with her old lover's voice (a husband and children in the old country, she alone in Beijing to do business in the small business of about fifty years old, but quite a woman, can not bear the solitude of the night, to go to the North Normal University to dance). Square Dance, met a university professor, the two really just ...... alas ...... not to say); and even a discussion of whether a woman's breasts will really get bigger after marriage.
She has always been too small for their own breasts nagging, there is a sudden ask me this question, but I was startled. It turned out to be with the examination time is approaching, she has felt hopeless, to be at ease to prepare to marry, but has been on their own figure is mainly the upper circumference is not satisfied, and then listened to her boyfriend to comfort her so that, finally not quite believe that it is like to ask me to prove. I am also inexperienced, how would know, only remember when the college dormitory seems to have discussed this issue, said there is a scientific basis, is a chemical or biological role. Well before I could answer, she did so herself.
"My boyfriend says it's like that because it gets bigger when you rub it more."
"Oh." I instantly became y skeptical of her IQ and his boyfriend's already accumulated knowledge, such a physical explanation is even believed. It is possible that this is just his boyfriend excuse to flirt on the phone means, this silly big sister even said to me. Well, BFF every year, this year I am the strongest, in the future I want to be an invincible male BFF!
We then often read and study together, eat together, walk or hang out together, and one time we went to the Great Bell Temple, I don't even remember why we went there. Anyway, she spent 20 dollars to buy 3 small mangosteen, we tasted a fresh together, we are the first time to eat mangosteen, look at the inside of the fruit like a garlic clove, eat also feel general, really can not think of why it is so expensive, from then on I have never eaten mangosteen. And I actually looked at a pair of Anta tennis shoes, more than three hundred, lingering for a long time finally could not buy, really no money. She was quite generous, "If you really like, I can lend you money." This is the first time she used the word "borrow", I have spent more than three hundred of her money before. The last vestiges of my pride made me hold back. When I think about it, I'm glad I didn't buy them, because when I see the same shoes somewhere else, I'm just wondering how I could have been so bad at looking at them.
Then we spent Christmas and New Year's Day together, and even bought a small bottle of wine on New Year's Day, and we drank it all up, and were so happy that I told her, "After the exams, I'm going to relax a little bit, and we'll buy a big bottle of wine, and drink it all up." "OK."
Then I went home after the exam, and she didn't get a ticket home, so she stayed in Beijing for the New Year. I always take the long-distance bus, at that time have not yet experienced the mood of the New Year can not buy train tickets.
The time at home is so bland and uninteresting, there is no place to remember, until I had a big fight with my father, then I graduated from the University of half a year of wandering not to look for a job, and spend money on Beijing to go back to the wild, and become a drag on the family feeling, and come back to the lazy, not the kind of gesture that should be under the influence of the people, but it is like a grandfather to go to the countryside. So, I guess my father has long been sick of me. So a big fight is inevitable, my temper at that time is really can, in a fit of anger to leave home, okay, you have a good life, you don't need to worry about the future, when I earn money later to pay you back. Anger to anger, but even if you run away from home is also need money, at least need some fare. So I went to a few of my close classmates and expressed my intention to leave home and borrow money. They gave me a great deal of reasoning, but the final result is not to borrow money, perhaps they are afraid to bear the responsibility of destroying the unity of my family, or perhaps it is thought that I left the strong backing of the family this time borrowed money may not be guaranteed to hit the drain may also be possible. So from now on I y despise my person, for others, especially classmates also no longer hold too much expectation.
This time, I thought of her, sent her a text message to explain the situation. Soon the text message was back, "you come to Beijing, I lend you, as long as you think well." I think this person is the one who really understands me and supports me. Perhaps, also she never cared about me, but does not feel that helping me have too much responsibility and pressure.
Later, due to my grandmother's passing, my plan to run away from home was completely out of the question. After she was buried, I took some money and set off for Beijing again with a semi-reconciliation with my family.
First, I met with her to return the money I had used in the past, and she still had the same attitude, she simply couldn't remember it if I didn't return it, and she didn't refuse to return it.
Waiting for the results of the examination is important, but the most important thing is to find a place to live and find a job that can support you. So, I live in Xinming Hutong again, a month of 360 total than 500 to save 140 dollars, not enough for me to eat a month. Later to the National Exhibition to participate in the job fair, less than two weeks after coming to Beijing to set the job, it came to a company to work.
Three
That time, I just came to that company, although holding this as a springboard for the mentality of the work, but after all, tasted the sweetness of self-reliance, there is always a kind of vigorous upward struggle and dedication, even if the wind is still cold, twilight in the moment of waiting for the bus alone, but also do not feel lonely, so I almost forgot about her, although we live not I'm not going to be able to get a good look at her. The first thing I'd like to say is that I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it, and I'm sure I'm going to be able to do it.
The magical experience of the business trip made me restless, basically unable to adapt to the long shift time, every night to the point off work to hurry home the first time to eat the habit, probably is that time to develop. Just as I was getting excited and restless from the thrill of the business trip, she called me one evening and asked me to meet her at North Normal University. She asked me to meet her in the faculty dining hall, used her meal card to play the meal, let me accompany her to eat, I also had to accompany a bowl of soup.
After the meal, I felt guilty and told her, "I should have invited you to dinner long ago, and I didn't have time to do so until now."
"Forget it, you don't need to invite me, your salary is not as much as I earn as a tutor. Meals are nothing. I have a meal card here, it's fine to eat here."
"I'm going back home." After a moment of silence she suddenly said this.
"You didn't go home for the New Year, you should go back to see it too."
"Hate, don't mention New Year's Eve to me."
"Then when are you coming back? I'll pick you up at the station when you come back."
"I'm not coming back. I'm going home to get married, and for him I've given up Beijing and the tutoring reputation I've saved up over the past few years in Beijing."
"Huh? ...... Then when are you leaving, I'll go to see you off."
"No need, leave early tomorrow morning. Called you here today just to tell you."
"We live so close, I have not come to see you during this period of time, and did not have time to thank you, even a meal did not have time to invite. Really sorry for you." I was blindsided by the suddenness of the news, completely lost in my own self-loathing, the words coming out of my mouth in a rush, just hoping that there would be something definitive in them so she could catch something, or maybe just wanting to make him realize that I wasn't that ungrateful.
"Come on, you're a mouthful."
This sentence hit me again, alas, to get this infamy I also deserve it, can only be snappy, "Then you go back to change the number to tell me."
"Beijing this number will not stop for the time being, use this contact it. QQ I will also be on, but not necessarily back, you know he is a vinegar jar."
"Well ......"
The rest of the evening was filled with silence, and we walked along the road, along the road that we used to walk along after dinner, round and round, and when we passed the door of the hotel where she stayed for the second time, she went down the stairs and walked back to the hotel. the door of that hotel, she gave her last command, "Go away, and good-bye!" .
I thought I would treat others as I did, quietly watching her walk down the steps leading to the basement and then stand for a while before leaving, but I did not, I turned around and walked away, I can not even remember what kind of mood I was walking, so quietly and calmly out of the alley that has long been familiar with, and there is no unnecessary expression on the face! ......
This is the end of the matter, I thought that we have a long way to go, so not only missed the best time to express their gratitude, but also simply never had the opportunity, the cell phone number finally became empty, QQ function of the increasingly powerful also let me know that she basically gave up the QQ number.
With the passage of time, nine years so past, that period of time I pay the most energy to prepare for the examination, work and other things, has long been blurred, gradually dissipated ...... this interpersonal communication episode, but settled in a corner of my heart, always lingering, the deepest impression, of course, is still that sentence! The most impressive thing is that, of course, it is still the sentence "Come on, you just a mouth on the work".
Until many years later, I thought I understood the meaning of her words, but there are two versions in my head constantly shaking around. The last exam of the day, I handed in my papers early and returned to my place with an incredibly relaxed but self-destructive mood. Maybe it was because such an examination had exhausted all our enthusiasm and energy, no one mentioned the promise of "getting drunk together after the examination", and no one wanted to show or take any action. In this way, I hastily settled the room fee, with my luggage that night to defect to my brother and go, the next morning rushed to the Lize Bridge coach station to go, but there is not the slightest bit of attachment and guilt, and she did not go out to look at me until I left. Perhaps this incident gave her the impression that "I am just a mouthful". Or, in the case of the imminent parting and no hope of goodbye, she said a word to make me grudge and thus hate, but really to avoid the parting of the reluctance and excess expectations for the future, so that we can be free of each other's burden to lighten the load. Which version is closer to the truth? Perhaps, both versions are my own whimsical, the reality is often not so much whimsy and warmth, but I myself prefer the second version, because that way she in my heart always keep the image of the Virgin, and guide me forward, so that I am enough to even in the most humble life can still have a firm belief in the loveliness of human nature... ...