01
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict is a major problem in today's society, many families are plagued by it. And how to deal with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts, but also many people have been entangled in the problem.
Some people say that distance produces beauty, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law must be far away from each other, only in this way, can reduce the possibility of conflict. But sometimes this is not the case, in many critical moments, between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law deliberately distance, but will produce many problems.
For example, nowadays, many mothers-in-law are not willing to help their sons and daughters-in-law with their children, because their thinking is no longer old-fashioned, no longer think that their whole life is to live for the sake of the children, but also afraid of problems in the process of bringing up children, so simply hide far away.
If the daughter-in-law is really not willing to let her mother-in-law take the child, and do not need the help of her mother-in-law, then this situation is happy, but very often, in fact, the late generation is really need someone to help their own, such a situation, the mother-in-law is still stubbornly refused, then it is possible to let the daughter-in-law's heart to produce a grudge, and even have some radical ideas: "I need your help, you do not help me when you need your help, you can not help me, you can not help me. help when you do not help me, then you do not expect me to take care of you when you are old."
Seriously, the daughter-in-law has this idea, can understand, working mothers understand, just after giving birth to a child to go to work in that period of time, is the darkest moment in the life, this time if there is an old man to help a hand, do not need too much, is to give a hand, are able to make themselves much easier.
But I can also understand the idea of these mothers-in-law, nowadays women are not the same as in the past, no longer want their whole life around the child, especially now a lot of old people, even if the painstaking efforts to help the children with the children, and in the end is not necessarily able to have a good result of the situation, they want to hide away a little bit, there is nothing wrong with it.
So, all that is said and done is that this issue needs to be grasped to a degree. The mother-in-law in the children need to help when appropriate help, whether it is to contribute money or effort, the children in need of help when also more understanding, do not think that parents to help their own children is the natural right.
If all of them can be like this, I believe that there will be many less conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law in this world, and they will not be like the main character of our story, Ms. Luo, who is incompatible with her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
02
Mrs. Luo is almost 40 years old, her children are in high school, and she is in the middle age when she has a family and an incredibly busy job. In recent times, she has been particularly irritable, as she and her husband have been at odds over her mother-in-law, adding to the pain of her already exhausted heart.
The conflict between Ms. Luo and her mother-in-law first arose when she was giving birth. Her mother-in-law is a very reasonable old man, from the beginning of the marriage has not been much trouble for the young couple, himself and his partner to play especially happy. In the past, Ms. Luo thought this was quite good, but when it came to having a baby, she realized it wasn't quite right.
Mrs. Luo is a long-distance married woman whose parents are not around, and it is impossible for her parents to come over and take care of her for a long time after the birth of her child, so Ms. Luo hoped that her mother-in-law could help her. However, her mother-in-law refused: "I think we should not get involved in this matter, after all, many mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law have problems because of the child, the child ah, it is better for you to bring your own."
Listening to this, Ms. Luo felt that she was choked speechless, mother-in-law is not wrong, they also understand these reasons, but, how to bring their own, this is the most realistic problem.
Husband in order to make Ms. Luo happy, proposed to hire a sister-in-law, Ms. Luo faced with the cost of more than 10,000 a month, heartbroken, after all, the two families are working class, the future spend more.
Mrs. Luo asked her husband if she could get her mother-in-law to support her a little bit, but her husband stammered, "It's not easy for my parents to raise me, so don't give them a hard time." Once she heard this, Ms. Luo knew that her husband had been brainwashed by his parents, simply stop.
After giving birth, my father-in-law and mother-in-law came to visit a few times, bringing a few small clothes and carrying a few pounds of eggs, which was not as generous as their own colleagues and friends.
And at the same time as the sister-in-law's time came, the father-in-law and mother-in-law even signed up for tours to go out to play, clearly is afraid of Ms. Luo let them come over to help.
Mrs. Luo and her husband had their hands full with the baby, the new parents had little experience, plus the baby was often colicky, which made them sleep poorly and nearly collapse.
Mrs. Luo's resentment is growing in the midst of all this, and she doesn't understand why other people's mothers-in-law are so devoted to their children, but her own mother-in-law is so cruel and doesn't contribute anything, and she's watching herself and her husband being worn out. Ms. Luo felt really pitiful, and her hatred for her mother-in-law grew with each passing day.
03
When Ms. Luo's maternity leave arrived, she felt that the nanny was not reassuring, and she once again licked her face and begged her mother-in-law, asking her if she could help her with the baby. However, her mother-in-law said that she was not well and that her blood pressure would be too high if she was too tired to take care of the baby, so she should forget about it.
These are the kinds of things that make Ms. Luo's life difficult, and she spends a lot of money on nannies to make her life more stressful than it should be. But even so, still come across nanny leave, the child is sick and so on the situation, she and her husband take turns to take leave to accompany, the leadership of the unit have a problem with them.
In contrast to their frazzled lives, her mother-in-law's days are really quite enjoyable, and she spends her days dancing, singing, and traveling with her friends. Ms. Luo watched her mother-in-law posting photos so dashingly every day, and the resentment in her heart grew unchecked like a weed.
Finally, during a dinner with her mother-in-law, Ms. Luo didn't hold back and said, "There are a lot of old people around us who need their children to take care of them when they are sick, but they don't think about what they have done for their children."
Hearing this, her husband's face became ugly, but her mother-in-law did not change her face, said with a smile, "I also think that these old people have a problem, unlike us, I have long thought about it, we will go to the nursing home in the future when we are old, and will not give you any trouble, you live your own life on the line."
Choked by her mother-in-law's words, Ms. Luo secretly hard in her heart: "Okay, since you guys are not willing to help me when I need help the most, then in the future, do not expect me to be able to give you old age."
What Ms. Luo didn't expect was that when she got home, before she said anything, her husband said to her unhappily, "What kind of words are you talking about today? Who says that the elderly have to bring up our children? Compared to those rural parents around me, who still need us to pour money, I think my parents are really good enough."
Mrs. Luo was so angry at her husband's words that she exploded, and she didn't understand what was wrong with her wishing to give a hand to her in-laws, who were capable of helping, and it was hard to avoid being too chilled by her husband's pulling the wool over people's eyes.
04
Things in life, really can not say too absolute, Ms. Luo's mother-in-law probably how did not expect, she will be a year after the death of his father-in-law suddenly suffered a stroke, thinking of their own old age can continue to dashing her, this moment to know what is called the power is not enough.
Husband in order to let the mother-in-law someone to take care of, give her a nanny, but wait for the elderly nanny is not easy to find, the price is high, the mother-in-law three days and two days to come to the husband cried, said the nanny this is not good, that can not be.
Husband listened to these, especially sad, so weakly came to discuss with Ms. Luo: "No one around, I'm afraid that mom was abused by the nanny, you see, can ...... not."
Without waiting for her husband to finish, Ms. Luo immediately refused: "When she was not afraid of children being abused by nannies, now you should not be afraid of her being abused by nannies, the hearts of the people are meat long, how she treated us back then, I hope you do not forget."
Husband curtly said: "This is after all my mom, I still hope you can forget those unpleasantness in the past, you see can?" Ms. Luo sneered and said, "No way."
From that day on, Ms. Luo would also occasionally go to see her mother-in-law, but it was just mean, empty-handed, sit for a few minutes and then leave, she was telling her mother-in-law with her actions, "You said back then, you don't help me, and you don't need me to take care of you when you get old in the future, so I hope you keep your promise."
Mother-in-law looked at Ms. Luo's appearance, wanting to say something, but still in one evening could not help but say to her: "Do you think I can go to your place?" Ms. Luo smiled coldly: "Mom, you said back then that you didn't need me to take care of you, and therefore, you wouldn't give me any help, so what's the matter, you don't want to keep your promise?"
Mother-in-law was instantly furious when she heard this, she cursed, "You wicked woman, I want my son to divorce you." Ms. Luo picked up her bag and stood up, "You selfishly refused to help me back then, and now you want to ruin your son's marriage, don't you? Fine, whatever."
After she left the house, Ms. Luo suddenly burst into tears. Although she took revenge on her mother-in-law, she was actually not happy at all, and in her education, honoring the elderly is something she should do, but what her mother-in-law had done to her really made her unable to let go of the knot in her heart.
After thinking about it for a long time, Ms. Luo felt that she might not be able to reconcile with her mother-in-law again in her life. So she wiped away her tears and returned home, told her husband about today's events, and also showed her attitude by saying, "You can go to honor your mother, contribute money and effort are fine, I'm not in the way, after all, she gave birth to you and raised you, but you don't want to ask me to be with you, I can't do it."
Husband looked at the resolute Ms. Luo, did not say anything else, from that day on, Ms. Luo did not go to her mother-in-law's home, her husband went to live every now and then, she never asked.
Mrs. Luo feels that she has done her best.
05
Listening to Ms. Luo's story, I felt sorry for her. After all, I have come from that stage, and I understand how desperate a woman can be when she has no one to help her with her child. I don't think what she did was wrong, no one can really have no regrets after what her mother-in-law did to her. Instead of living together and creating a bigger conflict, it would have been better to talk about it like this.
And she didn't block her husband from going like some women who don't want to be with their mothers-in-law, she made her attitude clear and didn't interfere with her husband's decision, and I think she's a good woman, kind, and has her own persistence. After all, the mother-in-law gave birth to the husband, he has this obligation to raise, but as a daughter-in-law, Ms. Luo, but did not have to go to the position of this matter.
For this matter, I think, the old man does not have the obligation to bring grandchildren, but the old man should not do too much, have the strength to contribute, have the money to pay, appropriate to give a little help, but also not to hurt the child's heart. A lot of times, money really can not solve all the problems, people ah, or should be more for others to think, but also for their own stay a road.
Seriously, if Ms. Luo's mother-in-law was willing to give her a little help, even if it was not for a long time, but for a short time, in some key points, perhaps Ms. Luo today will not do so determined.
Home is not a place for reasoning, but a place for love, and we need to accumulate love a little bit in our ordinary lives to reap the rewards of love at critical moments. Like Ms. Luo's mother-in-law, she really deserves to taste the bitter fruits she has sown.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, sincere is the key, you are a little better to me, I am a little better to you, we do not need to be how close, but at least be able to maintain a lifetime of intimacy and dependence. Never double standard, each other need to help when you refuse to give, you need to help when you ask each other selfless. In this way, can not get true happiness.
Lastly, I still hope that all the families in the world can be a little more mutual help, a little less demand, a little more warmth, a little less indifference.