As a new mom, have you ever reflected on how to guide your child during the most important first three years of his life? Can he maintain a strong desire to explore, and will his concentration be damaged? Is he a strong learner? Does he retreat when he encounters difficulties or does he find his own solutions to problems? Can he maintain a confident, healthy mind at all times? Maybe we don't care about these questions. Some people may ask: Can you make your child memorize 100 Tang poems and children's songs when he is three years old? Can you get a three-year-old to count from 1 to 1,000? Can you make a three-year-old child recognize thousands of Chinese characters? I can't tell you honestly, no, I can't.
The author of this early childhood education was also blindly keen to understand the early childhood literacy method, memorize the pi after a thousand theories and methods of the child's education. Later, with the gradual understanding of the various different systems of education theory, their own children's education practice gradually unfolded, only to realize that the world's child prodigy is rare, common is the ordinary ordinary people. Most of the so-called child prodigies focus only on the inculcation of knowledge, which often violates the internal growth rules of human beings, and the child will lose the opportunity to develop in other areas. Tsinghua students with sulfuric acid splashed the bear's incident to us to sound the alarm is: modern children IQ are not low, the synchronization of the cultivation of emotional intelligence in order to let the child really enjoy a healthy, happy life.
So now there should be only one goal: to raise a qualified citizen with a sound personality, full development of IQ and EQ, and mental health. If most families can achieve the goal, it would be a very great thing for the whole society. To develop a child into a strong-willed, independent problem-solving ability, good interpersonal relationships, good study habits, self-confidence, generosity, kindness and courage, inner happiness, loving people, to lay the foundation of such a personality, to enter elementary school, middle school, for the school of those knowledge-based learning is not a problem at all.
Here are some of the problems and misconceptions that have arisen in the early years of modern parenting:
First, I don't know that there are all kinds of sensitivities that exist in a child's 0-6 year old life, so I take the child's performance in the sensitivities as a misbehavioral reprimanding the child, which is contrary to the child's nature, and causes him to suffer, leaving behind a hidden psychological problem.
There are a variety of sensitive periods when the child is 0-6 years old. The so-called sensitive period refers to the 0-6 years old growth process, the child is driven by the inner life force, in a certain period of time, repeated operation of a certain action or repeated learning of a certain ability, and the learning ability of the period of time is particularly strong. There is the sensitive period of attachment formation, oral sensitivity, the sensitive period of hand, leg and foot movements, language sensitivity, the sensitive period of subtle things, the sensitive period of skin touch, the sensitive period of obstinacy and perfection, the sensitive period of order, the sensitive period of mathematics, the sensitive period of painting and so on.
The oral sensitivity period lasts from shortly after birth to a little over a year old. No matter how much the adult stops, the child always puts his hand in his mouth and eats it with gusto. Adults should not stop the child from thinking that it is not clean, otherwise it will leave a psychological risk. All the adult has to do is to make sure that what goes into the mouth is relatively clean, and it is a good idea to provide different things for the child to explore with his or her mouth! Children at this stage rely on their mouths to explore the world, and if they make it through, they will never use their mouths for anything other than food again. Some children who enter kindergarten or elementary school still can't break the habit of sucking their fingers or other objects, and even extend it into other undesirable behaviors, such as snacking, spitting, and swearing! The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new pair of shoes or boots.
And the late oral sensitivity period overlap with the hand sensitive period, in the hand sensitive period love to throw things with their hands, use their fingers to pick holes, and even hit people (in fact, from the child's point of view is just practicing arm muscle movement). The later overlap with the hand sensitivity period is the leg sensitivity period, and sometimes two or three sensitivities are often crossed at the same time.
The two-year-old child entered the sensitive period of the sense of belonging, often said "this is my" "that is my", everything is not willing to share with others, and even the mother can not ask for his hand things. Dear moms and dads, please don't think that your child is selfish and you have to find a way to get rid of this problem. In fact, this is an exercise in belonging, through the confirmation of the right to belong to the object, to recognize his relationship with the object. Overseas education experts often say that the philosophy of two-year-olds is "mine, mine, everything is mine". We should also understand the behavior of children at this stage, rather than indiscriminately labeling them.
The best way to get through this period of sensitivity is to not get involved with your child when he or she is acting out, and to go along with him or her. This takes about three to four months (depending on the child). After that, look for appropriate opportunities, i.e., when other children share their toys with your own child, and remind him, "Are you happy that the children shared their toys with you?" When he nods his head, tell him, "They were happy when you shared your toy with them. Stop there and don't force the child right away. After repeating this a few times, let him try to share the toy with other children. Through practicing, he will know that the toy belongs to him, and he will still get it back after sharing it with others, so he will gradually be willing to share. Most children enter the sharing stage around the age of three.
Note 1: In the strong sense of recognition of the property rights of the child, adults should not tease the child, forcibly snatch the child's hands, make him cry, and then ashamed of him, "You are so cheap! This is absolutely unacceptable behavior!
Note 2: When the child can share the time to share things to us to eat, we must accept, do not say "I am teasing you, I do not eat, you eat it", so that is a refusal of the child to share, will give the child will bring the feeling of disappointment, the child will share and disappointment associated with the sharing of joy, slowly not willing to share! The first thing that you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
Three or four-year-old children into the order, perfect, stubborn sensitive period, adults will break off a piece of cake a little to the child, the child will cry more than refused to accept, adults must not think that the child is selfish, that is the perfect sensitive period, we destroy the child's sense of round.
Other sensitive periods have their own performance, such as the age of five or six years old, there is a worship and worship sensitive period, marriage sensitive period, etc., only to let the child smoothly and naturally through, in order to maintain a healthy state of mind. These contents of the parents can refer to Mr. Sun Ruixue's "capture the child's sensitive period", the book has a detailed discussion, the book family must parents must read.
Second, the wrong knowledge of the instillation of early education, always use the "teach" method to cause the child resistance.
It is often said that before the age of three is the most important period, this period is not for children to learn how much knowledge, but the most important period of psychological growth. Psychological growth is the important content of early education, a healthy mind is the source of happiness for a lifetime. This period of time to spoil the child, to the child as the center, let him eat alone, for him to do all the things, do not respect him, easily in advance to meet his material needs, and ignore his inner feelings and so on, this kind of material to meet the light of the spiritual nourishment of the way, can only develop a not healthy and independent children.
Don't teach your children, just demonstrate. For not teaching children, many people may think that I am talking nonsense, this statement in the beginning of my contact also do not understand, I experienced a whole two years, through a lot of observation and practice to understand that children really is not "taught" out. For example: when guests and small children greeted, the child did not respond, adults usually out of politeness and face, will be urged to say "call ah, why do not you call auntie, why do not answer, you should call auntie ah, you child is like this" and so on, this is to do is to teach, to teach the child will be given pressure. If you teach while accusing, it is even more torturous to the child. We just need to imitate the child's tone of voice to respond: "Auntie, hello!" or "Auntie, goodbye! Or "Bye, Auntie!" "Thank you, Grandma, I've eaten." And so on. This is modeling, not teaching.
Children with nimble fingers can start practicing putting on shoes at about 18 months, and if they do it the wrong way around, most parents say, "Wrong, wrong, wrong side, wrong side." Left and right wrong? To a small child's ability, there is no right or wrong. Telling her she's wrong puts pressure on her, and the tone of our voice makes her nervous: what's the matter, why does mommy sound so bad? Just tell your child calmly: "Swap your shoes." This is telling him the right thing to do. This is to tell him the correct way to do it, and that's all. Don't try to "teach: this is the left side, that's the right side (the child's brain is very simple, and accepts the correct instructions, but he can't accept them if they're too complicated)". In my experience, after a month or two of prompting, the child will be able to wear shoes, and left and right will not be wrong.
Operation of toys, but also as long as the demonstration, "baby, look at the mother to do", the mother slowed down to do the demonstration, and after that, to give the child the time and opportunity to let him repeatedly adjust the repeated operation, do not disturb him, do not in his little error when the time to harp on the tip of "wrong, wrong, not this way," the child's brain is simple. Wrong, not this way". In this way, the child loses the opportunity to internalize external information. If everything is taught by you, then once it is not taught, it is lost. Often the child's ability to learn on his own is lost in the midst of our teaching. This is how children's ability to focus is destroyed by us! What we should do is to wait patiently for him to adjust himself, and we must not criticize. With enough love and respect, children even have the ability to educate themselves.
Third, never use a walker! Always let your child crawl!
A walker can do more harm than good to a baby's health. Learning to walk needs to overcome huge psychological barriers, to master the skills to maintain body balance, the walker does not need to be so "troublesome", a little touch can easily slip out of the far, which makes it difficult for the child to overcome psychological barriers to adapt to self learning to walk this hard process. This makes it difficult for the child to overcome the psychological barrier to adapt to the hard process of learning to walk on their own.
Another scenario is that the foot muscles of a child with a walker are stereotypically tiptoe, and parents often have to spend a long time letting the baby learn to land on the whole foot. The child's chances of crawling are greatly reduced with a walker. Many old people are often very proud of themselves, "My grandchildren don't have to crawl, they just walk, so it's great!" They don't realize that humans must crawl to be healthy. Children who do not crawl have poor body coordination, which affects their life and movement. Poor vestibular nerve development affects future reading and writing, and also hinders language development.
Fourth, the correct handling of the child's crying emotions is the beginning of the establishment of a good character.
Joy, anger, sadness, happiness, fear, etc. are all normal emotional manifestations of the old gift to mankind. We adults always like to be happy and often feel annoyed by crying.
The child's crying needs our patience to feel, rather than just saying to the child "do not cry, do not cry", which is a very big mistake. Crying is the release of his inner contradictions and conflicts, not a bad thing, adults as long as he gently embraced him, stroking his back the first sentence to say "Oh, baby, mom knows ...... (what just happened), you are very sad, mom understands you" "Oh, baby, mom knows that you fell pain, and a little bit scared is it", this is the **** feelings, said we understand him, accept his sadness is the beginning of the adjustment of his emotions.
The second sentence must be to say "Mommy knows you are not happy (this is very important)", so that he will soon be happy, the third sentence is "Mommy loves you, Mommy understands you". The third sentence is "Mommy loves you, Mommy understands you". Finally, it is better to take three deep breaths to let your child breathe out the unpleasant feeling. If you learn this, your child may still have tears on his face and run away to find his buddies. (This method I tried repeatedly, very effective, others often laugh at me, after all, is to do early childhood education, children let you coax a good. In fact, this method is not coaxing, is the effect of **** love.)
We are raising little boys most often say "boys, crying what!" "Shame on you, boys still cry!" Boys are often prevented by adults from releasing his sadness as a child, and slowly grow up, he does not know how to release his sadness, and he does not know how to express his favorites, so how hard it is to get your husband to say that he loves you is something that I believe many wives share. In other words, when such a boy enters marriage as an adult, he will not be able to communicate well with his wife and will affect the quality of marriage. Please think about it, moms and dads, if your son's future married life may be unhappy because of this, will you still stop your little boy from crying? Please accept his sadness unconditionally! It is not a loss of face for a boy to cry!
Once a baby of a few months cries, we often say "come on, come on" and rush over to him, which is not good, as the child will develop a mentality of controlling adults. You should say in a relaxed and calm tone, "Are you hungry? Mom is coming"; once the child struggles and cries and refuses something with a compromising voice "oh oh oh, don't don't don't", in fact, should be used in a calm tone of voice to say: "Well, don't do it now, we'll wait a while and then ...... (do something)". Don't let your child think that he can control adults by crying and doing whatever he wants.
Many times the implementation of educational methods should be well observed and summarized, rather than generalized.
Fifth, why is it that the more a two- to three-year-old child is stopped, the more he loves to hit, because aggressive behavior is a necessary part of most children's development.
Most children between the ages of two and three years old often hit people, adults should not say "do not hit people", "how do you hit people again?" It doesn't work. This makes the child think that this action will get the attention of the adult, and more and more repeated hitting behavior.
Most of the time it is because the child is in the sensitive period of the mouth, hands and feet, he is keen to use his mouth, hands and feet to explore the world, to recognize things, of course, the scope of the exploration will include the body of others, and so there is a "biting", "hitting", "The first thing you need to do is to get a good look at the body of the person you're talking to.
Another reason is that he has not yet mastered interpersonal interaction. When his words don't express his thoughts correctly, he often replaces them with impactful physical actions in the heat of the moment. He may simply say, "Get out of my way," or "Don't mess with my stuff," but before the words are out of his mouth, he's already reaching out to shove or snatch it.
Some children are so insecure that they vent their feelings by attacking others or trying to get the attention of their parents. Adults should do is not to label him "you are a bad boy will hit", as long as it does not reinforce, when he hit, to the other parents and children to apologize, in time to hold their own children do not allow him to continue to appear aggressive behavior, calmly leave. At the same time, promptly adjust the time with the child to give him adequate comfort. It's not a good idea to reason with a child at this stage of his life.
At the same time, the parents of the child who was shocked must be calm, do not think that their child is being bullied, many children are through the physical punch to socialize, to understand that the other child is not intentional and not a character problem. Thinking that your child is being bullied will cause your child to develop an aggravated personality and will be bullied for the rest of his or her life. Don't go home and tell your family that your child was beaten up by so-and-so. This will make your child think that he or she is easy to beat up, and he or she will think that he or she has something wrong with him or her that makes him or her disliked by other people, and this will lead to the formation of a timid and cowardly character. The right thing to do is to accept the other parent's apology and say to this child "You are a good boy, I know you just want to play with our baby (you can change the words according to the situation), you two shake hands."
After three weeks of age, when the child is getting better, if he still hits, we need to look deeper into the reason why he hits (is it domestic violence, etc.), eliminate the root cause, and tell him "no" every time he attacks someone. Note that I use the word no, not no hitting, and don't add negative messages to the mix. Whenever your child exhibits negative behavior, the first rule is to downplay it and downplay it again! Never reinforce!
Children naturally love to try and repeat behaviors that produce fun, exciting consequences, and get adult attention. The right thing to do is to make the consequences of the behavior meaningless and he naturally gives up.
Six: Why do we treat children like circus performers? What adults do not want, do not do to children.
Many families greet their children when they have guests at home: come, come, come, sing a song, dance. This is extremely disrespectful behavior. Don't let the child perform in front of the guests. This will make the child grow up with all his attention on pleasing others, and in adulthood, once others don't recognize him, he will suffer a huge blow and not be able to give good play to his own proper inner abilities.
"What's your name?" If children had the chance to choose the most annoying question they've ever been asked, this would be at the top of the list. Adults are invited to think about it, if an "alien" who is two or three times your height and several times your weight looks down at you and asks you in a nonchalant tone, would you be happy to answer? Wouldn't you be happy to answer? You'd already have given that rude alien a blank stare, wouldn't you? So how can we blame a child for not being polite when they don't like to answer the question?
We should squat down, keep our eyes parallel to the child's, and ask for the child's name after introducing ourselves: "I'm Mrs. Lin (Auntie), it's very nice to meet you. And remember to never touch your child freely at the first meeting, this is a proper cultivation for an adult! If someone does this to your child, don't let them save face or even help them taunt your own child, "Yes, he's just not a talker!" "Why are you so rude, answer uncle." "He is such a coward," and so on. If a child is constantly put in such unhappy situations by his parents, it is very difficult for you to make him outgoing and lively. So often parents respond that my child is a bully at home and a bunny when he goes outside. A child is respected enough that he behaves as one inside and out.
Mom and Dad do you want people to laugh at you? No, right? That's why it's important not to laugh when our children say things that make people laugh. For example, a child said, "My father does not wear clothes to take a bath!" The family laughs and then deliberately asks the child, "Do you shower with your clothes on?" Isn't this a clear way to mess up the child's thinking? Many families often play this kind of joke on their children. Don't make fun of your child. When I am confronted with a joke about my child, I often reject it without question: I'm sorry, my child doesn't like jokes like that. Between the child and the face, we deserve to choose the child.
Seven, we often send a lot of negative messages to our children without realizing it!
Don't tell others about your child's "bad behavior" in front of your child. For example, many mothers often say in front of guests, "He is so timid! "He just doesn't like to eat." In this way you are implying to your child that you expect him to be like this. He will reach the result in the direction you expect: he must become more and more timid and less and less fond of eating. The power of words to suggest is immense. If you pretend to say it secretly to someone else but let your child hear it: "You know, our baby was especially brave today when he played on the swings!" "You know, my baby ate a bowl full of rice by himself today." This will send a message in the child's mind, "Huh? Mommy said I was brave? Did she? Well, I'll be even braver tomorrow!" "Ah, Mommy's so happy, well, I'll eat another big bowl tomorrow." This is positive cueing that goes right to your child's subconscious and has a huge impact.
Don't threaten your child with "If you make any more noise, mommy won't want you anymore." This is the biggest threat, the deepest fear. Because the young child left the family, he can not survive. Mom's verbal violence against the child is the beginning of the child's bad character. The right thing to say is: "Please be quiet, mommy loves you!" Other words that make the child feel that everything external will hurt him should not be said.
Special note: It is very important to avoid saying the following: "Don't make a noise, the police will come if you don't make a noise". "The doctor is coming to give you an injection." "Quickly sleep, the big bad wolf is coming." If you do not threaten your child in this way, he will be generous, lively and cheerful, healthy and confident when he goes out.
Note: Never joke with your child maliciously "Your mother does not want you, she will not come to pick you up". The child said such words to the person, you must let the child away from him, this kind of joke is very bad, the child's sense of security is extremely unfavorable to the construction.
Eight, a milky child must be the result of improper parental language education.
Not to say milk words, such as "feet feet", "shoes shoes", "dinner rice", and even make up some other people do not understand the whine language. From birth, every word spoken to the child should be grammatically correct and pronounced in the mother tongue. The primary caregiver should use exaggerated mouth shapes, a clear voice, and a slow pace when conversing with the baby, e.g., "Bao-Bao-Sleep-Wake-Up." Never speak in milky language, or you will still be slurring your words by the time you are four or five years old. Why make a child learn milk talk more than once when he can learn standard pronunciation all at once? Waste of time, energy, neural information storage area.
Many children to more than two years old still can not distinguish between you and me, which is also the result of adult inattention. In order for the child to master the first, second and third personal pronouns as soon as possible, after the age of one week the mother and the baby should be used when communicating with the personal pronouns so that the child can imitate. You should say more often, "I pour water for you to drink," and less often, "Mommy pours water for the baby to drink." When a child says, "Baby's," the adult should follow with, "Yes, it's yours." When the child said wrong, do not laugh, then the child will be laughing at the moment, lost the opportunity to learn.
Nine, do not say "obey" to the child, let the child happily comply with the rules, the rules will be internalized into the heart of his life to comply with the beliefs.
China's family education, social order everywhere in a variety of behavioral norms, but those who comply with a few, this is why? Is it because Chinese people are naturally unruly? Is it because we don't talk about rules in the education process? Definitely not. With these years out of the country to the world, open your eyes, we and the world civilization has such a big distance. As long as no one is watching, we break the rules, and we think "no one should see it, right?" Why is that?
Most people in developed countries in the West believe in God, and what is y rooted in their hearts is that I can't do anything I'm not sorry for, and God will see it. So there is no ticket inspector at the subway station entrance in Germany, and many supermarkets abroad are self-priced, and international unconditional returns are common practice. And we grew up being supervised by others. When we were young, we listened to our mothers and fathers at home and were reminded that we were not allowed to do this or that, and when we went to school, we listened to the teachers and obeyed this or that, and the child never had the opportunity to judge for himself or herself, and in the process of growing up, he or she should comply with the rules on his or her own initiative. Impact on the rules is the child is testing our bottom line, in fact, is to comply with the rules of the beginning, we have to be tolerant, remind him "you forgot what? rather than criticizing him and pressuring him.
At the same time, we should fully respect the child's spontaneous exploration behavior. When the child's spontaneous explorations are respected, he will begin to follow the rules we set for him, which means that he will learn to obey others wisely, and that's when the dawn of discipline will appear and the rules will be internalized. The internalized rules will stay with the child for the rest of his life and it is very pleasant and easy to follow this internalized rules.
X. How to deal with the problem of children grabbing toys during interactions.
From the very beginning of the interaction of the little babies, a principle should be established that whoever has the toy has the right to decide, and adults can not force their children's toys to be shared with other babies, nor can they persuade him to give up his toys to others. In the case of public **** toys or play equipment, whoever gets it first or starts to play with it first has the right to decide whether to continue playing or to leave it, and the other baby must wait. Often when a child cries when he can't get the toy he wants, the adult can say in a calm tone, "We have to learn to wait!" It is also possible to divert the child's attention and entice him to leave for a while with another toy. When a child is unwilling to share, an adult should never say, "You're just being mean," "You're a cheapskate," and so on. Children will never learn to share if they are constantly labeled as such. A child can't talk about sharing until he knows that he has ownership of his belongings. If an adult forces his child's toys on another child to save face, it means that you are telling your child that he can grab other people's toys as well, so the rules must be uniform in all cases. Normally after the age of three, a child learns that when a toy is shared with someone else, he can still get it back himself, so he is happy to share. Before the age of three should never rush to develop the child's chauvinistic qualities.