Quote: Before going to bed, my daughter wants to eat an apple, I coaxed her to say: "There are worms inside the apple, tomorrow mom will wash off the worms before you eat." Daughter: "Mom, you quickly let me eat it, tomorrow the apple are eaten by the worms."
1, on the biology class, the teacher said to the students: the biggest difference between humans and animals is that humans can walk upright, which frees the hand, I ask the students to answer why humans want to free the hand? Xiaogang answered: To free their hands for labor. Xiaohong said: The reason for freeing our hands is to use tools. At this time, Xiaoming came to a sentence: what you say is nonsense, human beings if you don't free your hands to go to the toilet after how to wipe your ass ah?
2, there is a thief found a large house on the outskirts of the city, so they are ready to go to steal. Before leaving, the thief's master told the thief again and again that: after going in, you must walk on tiptoe so as not to make a sound, and will not be found by others! As a result, the thief searched the big house for half a day without finding anything of value. When he came back, the thief's master asked: Did you get nothing at all? The thief helplessly replied: there is still a little gain, is to learn to dance ballet!
3, today, sister-in-law and I showdown: "brother-in-law, I like you for a long time, I know you also like me, you dare to divorce my sister, with me wandering the world?" Did not wait for her to finish, I pulled her into the bedroom, pointed to the wedding photo on the bed: "Look at me and your sister so love", and then pulled her into the study, pointing to the wall plastered with "city sparring champion" "city taekwondo champion" awards: "city sparring champion" "city taekwondo champion" awards: "I'm not sure if you're going to divorce me, but I know you like me too. Very beautiful. One day, took the girlfriend photo show to his friends. He said: my girlfriend is beautiful? Buddy looked at his smug look, said: If I let me use a bird to describe her, she is like a swan. If I were to describe her as a vegetable, she would be a good cabbage. If I were to describe her as a flower, I would have to say she is a flower. Nima.
5, niece see me, immediately take a washing basin, very enthusiastic, said: "uncle give me some money!" I laughed and said: "Give you money on the line, but what are you doing with a basin?" Niece replied: "I remember the last time we went to the market, there is a man with a bowl, you give him 10 dollars, I take a basin this time, is not to give a little more!"
6, the kitten said to the dog with a proud face: "I should be noble, you should be humble!" "Oh? Why?" "Because the same is human in our body to learn the skills, in my this is so elegant, in your that learn it, huh! Pussy!" "Oh? Like what?" "Catwalking and doggy paddling.
7, the teacher: Xiaobao, why did not come to class the day before yesterday? Xiaobao: I was injured! Teacher: Really? Where did you get hurt? Xiaobao: heart! Teacher.
8, and students went to play hot water, back to the dormitory on the way to the thermos squeak. I said: "bad to blow up." The buddy whooshed the thermos threw out, bang, really blew up. This buddy said: "Fortunately, I threw the fast, did not blow up to me."
9, I met my goddess, cheeky past to invite her to dinner, I asked: accompany me to eat a meal good? I invite you to eat pork oh! Goddess glanced at me: shameless! I am happy: we really have a heart to heart ah! I also do not like to eat pork face meat!
10, today's day is very hot, a funny guy and I said "a piece of out running it." I said "you stupid ah, so hot days still running." He actually said "run up the wind."
11, a seat in front of me on the bus sat a man, the man's lap sat a woman, the two people as if no one else to make out, and is embracing and kissing, I really do not like to see, too unethical and too selfish! I couldn't help but speak up and rebuke: I said that girl, this hot day why you have to sit on people's legs, too much ah! Hurry down ...... sit on my lap up ......
12, last night's reunion crush has long been the class flower drunk, I sent him home on the way, on the road, she tightly embraced my waist from behind, drunkenly said to me: "I'm cold, can you roll up the window." I really feel too complicated, I rode a borrowed bike ah....
13, Dad: is it you put the neighbor Grandpa Zhang's home cage of birds all to let go? Son: Yes! The teacher said to love small animals, I also think they are poor enough! Dad: You also have pity on me! I have to compensate people this month's salary is not enough ah!
14, the teacher: Xiaoming, your review? Xiaoming: We are a few late, I'm not handing over a copy of it? Teacher: this time do not want you to be late for the review, you hand in the review you are not copying others? You write another review of copying other people's review. Xiaoming: ah!
15, and a buddy drinking, drinking and talking about a leader. Said this leader is good, buddy small silence, said four words "that's my father". At that time, the ghost of the gods as God asked: "pro-dad ah?" Buddy drink a little big, hesitated for a moment and said, "It should be, are called twenty years."
16, the teacher: "Students, who knows the story of Cinderella?" Xiaoming: "A black man and a white man had a daughter, Cinderella!" Teacher: "What are you talking about!" Xiaoming: "According to science, mixing black and white is gray!" Teacher: "Get out!"
17, the son graduated from college, carrying a laptop home. Dad smiled and asked: "Graduation?" Son: "Uh-huh." Dad: "seems wrong ah!" Son: "How wrong, want to show you my diploma?" Dad: "Did not get a girlfriend back, you graduated?"
18, the husband begged his wife: "wife, give a little more pocket money!" Wife glared at him and said: "Give me a reason to increase pocket money!" Hubby lowered his head and said, "Civil servants have gotten a pay raise!" Wife scolded, "What does a civil servant's wage increase have to do with you?" Hubby said loudly: "How no relationship, I am also a civil servant, I am your husband, housework I package, I am a member of society, this is called civil servants!"
19, female: darling, are you willing to marry me? Male: not willing to ... female: why? Male: you are too ugly ... I have no money to give you to plastic surgery. Woman: I'll get a facelift before you marry me, okay? M: No...W: Why again? Male: in your case, even if you can make a human type will certainly get a fortune, high debt, after marrying you, I still have no money to pay you back ah ...
20, "Husband, other people have brand-name bags, I do not have, you can not buy a brand-name bag for the woman you love?" "Buy bags no problem, the problem is that I have not found the beloved woman."
21, "Just now there is actually a person questioned why I am young and do not study well, really funny." "Then how did you answer?" "I did not answer, directly tear the ticket."
22, A: Hello, where are you?B: Shandong, you?A: I am Yunnan! B: Then you fucking will six veins of divine sword.
23, the morning I asked my buddy remember your first love, he silently lit a cigarette, forty-five degree angle looking up at the sky, told me a love-hate story. I quietly listened to him finish, and then said to him that your fucking first love are remembered so clearly, last month borrowed the old man's money how do not remember!
24, a buddy fell out of love, I comforted him: I: "Do not be sad, when you have money will meet a better, I'm a passer-by." Buddy: "You cheat!" Me: "Why would I lie to you? I'm your good buddy!" Buddy: "I mean you never have any money, what kind of person is that?" I...
25, passing through the square, see a man and a woman sitting on the side of the road with a backpack, in front of a pile of snacks. And the little boy does not eat, are fed to the little girl to eat. Suddenly the little boy said to the little girl: "class president, I when the group leader of the matter on you." The little girl's mouth was full of food and she couldn't speak, she just nodded.
26, the property posted a notice: all residents, good news, good news, in order to thank you for the residents, the community specially organized a free fitness diet activities, the length of two days. (So these two days you have to climb the stairs oh) the first time to see the elevator is broken can not use, let everyone climb the stairs of the announcement said so shameless.
27, A: really master teacher out of the high school! B: Yes, in fact, we are all disciples! C: that I am what disciple? B: you, nothing to do - a good thing! C: What about him? B: The painting student, of course, is a womanizer! A: What about you? C: I know I know, he this guy does not go out of the ordinary, is an outlaw! ......
28, the wife is working, all day either work, or overtime. Yesterday, a friend asked her, "Do you have a lot of paid vacation?" She said indignantly, "I now have no other vacation at all, except for my monthly vacation!
29, the teacher in the classroom: "Do people na, we have to learn from our mistakes, do not fall twice in the same place; if you repeatedly fall in a place, then you can do what later?" "Bumping porcelain ah~" replied Xiao Ming.
30, Xiao Wang: "I just want to cover the female colleague's eyes from behind, let her guess who I am!" pol.ice: "Let her guess who you are! You don't cover her eyes, cover her breasts?" Xiao Wang: "I'm short, I can't!"
Editor's note: Female: "What do you want me to do?" Male: "Do my girlfriend! Do my girlfriend I send you a Porsche." Woman: "If you think I agreed to do your girlfriend for money, you do not think this is very sad! How about this, let's get married!"
1. We smile and say we stay in the original place of time in fact, has long been the torrent silently swept away.
2. Some people will always be engraved in the memory, even if you forget his voice, forget his smile, forget his face, but whenever you think of him that feeling, it will never change.
3. A year old year, a day without a day, an autumn and an autumn, a generation urging a generation a gathering a parting, a joy and a sadness, a couch in a bed, a lifetime of a dream to find a partner to know, he will be a moment we will be a moment of that general acquaintance, blowing a moment to sing a moment.
4. Those who used to say that they would never leave each other, have already been scattered at the end of the world.
5. I can not touch your tenderness, but in return you are pain in the eyes.
6. It was raining, I stood in the woods, I could not tell whether my face was tears or rain, so I quietly listened to our memories.
7. I would rather we had never been together, I wish we had never forgotten each other.
8. The dream of the jianghu, a hundred flowers, people come and go, flourishing.
9. I do not want you to cry, to cry, I accompany you to cry the last tear.
10. Once happy are dissipated, we can go back to the old days?
11. I don't know what the pressure has brought me, I only know that the pressure to add love to me again I don't know if I can still live.
12. How many smiles on my face, how many stories behind.
13. No matter how far away we are, we will not let you feel alone.
14. Tears exist to prove that everything is not an illusion, so much so that I want to think are reality.
15. Some things are false, we can not see. Some things are real, we can not get.
16. If silence can replace their own vulnerability, then I would rather be so weak.
17. There is a forgotten corner of the world, and my heart is always obsessed.
18. Love is so complicated, harm is also a kind of happiness, experience more will understand.
19. The sky will never be clear, the sea has waves, so, sometimes, happiness, no matter how tightly held or will slip away.
20. Love is so simple, you have me, I have you. Heartlessly want to give up everything, but found more difficult than anything else.
21. A person always have to walk unfamiliar road, see unfamiliar scenery well, listening to familiar songs, and then in a certain moment of inadvertence to remember our days. Familiar faces, familiar appearance.
22. Time, so that the deep, things are getting deeper and deeper to make shallow things more and more shallow. Look a little lighter, hurt a little less, time passed, love faded, also scattered. Don't wait for the person who shouldn't wait, don't hurt the heart that shouldn't be hurt. We really need a long time, to be able to understand, they really miss, in the end, what kind of people, what kind of things.
23. I once thought that such a glimpse, will be the most beautiful encounter in my life; I once thought that such a promise, will be the most eternal scenery in my colorful years; I once thought that such a heart to heart, will be the chase I have no regrets. But I don't know, sometimes prosperous, sometimes lonesome, but how can not read my heart a trace of lingering, can not solve a touch of love between my heart.
24. Always in the unconscious years of life. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that. Even though I found that the light is long.
25. I always wonder, my memory is not live at the end of the long street, and my years dead at this end of the long street.
26. Have you always been like this, quietly, gazing at those sunsets and sunsets, homeless sadness.
27. I always hide in the depths of the dreams and seasons, listening to the flowers and the night sing all the nightmares, sing all the prosperity, sing all the memories of the way to break.
28. I just want to be a listener, because I don't want to be infected with too much worldly noise.
29. I miss, you no longer miss.
30. I am on the other side of the river, watching over the once returned, returned hopeless.
31. Spend a lifetime of spring and fall peacefully. I am not sure if I know what I am talking about, but I know what I am talking about.
32. The moonlight's moroseness, the essence of music, everything is just a phantom, fleeting.
33. No matter how silent and pale those figures will always be unforgettable.
The text of the vacation to stay up late to catch up with the drama can not stop
The text of the vacation to stay up late to catch up with the drama can not stop (a)
1. Last night, catch up with the drama to the middle of the night today to continue to on the first day, and tonight can be two brushes, I'm so happy, this drama is too good to look at, for a long time no so chicken blood chasing the drama.
2. No wonder I want to be reincarnated in modern times, because I love watching TV too much, if I live in ancient times, then I will be bored to death.
3. The last time I stayed up so late to catch up with the show, it was a few years ago. ...... The main character is great, and there is revenge on the spot! Relief, is the protagonist halo is too obvious ......?
4. Stay up all night because of the drama; get up early because of the need for a better life.
5. You are at home are how to chase the drama, the current house at home I have finished several seventies drama, parents generation of love is really good, lying in the parents nest chasing drama.
6. Continuously lying in bed for the first I do not know how many days, every day, day after day repeat stay up late to catch up with the drama chat.
7. The windmill, blowing leisurely turn, the scenery here is really good, the sky is good, the ground is good, and a group of happy little friends! Children's Channel!
8. A phrase to express the mood of chasing the drama: look at the eyes.
9. In the past few days, I have been chasing the drama, "Good Times" is a drama of values, love and marriage, which is very positive, and I like all the characters in it, and I like Hu Ge's character even more, he's a kind man with a good character and integrity, and he has a sense of responsibility for his career.
10. I miss the days when I was lying in the dormitory chasing dramas in college, and it is not true that people have to grow up, and the days will become bitter.
11. The night of the next night shift is really the most comfortable now is the time to catch up with the drama ~
12. catch up with the drama to catch up to now, really is more and more hate Qu Xiao Xiao! All day long, she is so high and mighty that what she does is always right and she doesn't think about other people's feelings. Plus she hooked up with Dr. Zhao, giving three words: heart bitch.
13. Really miss the carefree life of the university! Miss not class buy a cup of milk tea to buy a bunch of fruit point takeout a sit is a day of chasing drama playing games!
14. I was chasing Hunan TV at the time, and now I haven't watched live TV for a year or two.
15. This point for me is to stay up late ...... chasing the drama chase simply can not stop also strange good-looking.
16. Last night to chase the drama to the midnight, said really do not look too good, I have been Long Yuexuan fan bewitched, too crispy, too will tease.
17. Chase the drama a moment of cool, catch the text two tears.
18. Well, I'll be waiting! The ending out I'll see if I want to go back to the pit to continue to catch up with the drama.
19. Too boring, can only wrap the drama at home.
20. Stay up late to catch up with the drama is, get up in the morning to now muddy, walking are floating, brain is faint.
21. The most correct decision today is to get on the highway at 8:30 a.m. so that you can take a nap in the afternoon and lie in bed at night to catch up with the show!
22. Staying up late to catch up with the drama makes me happy. A night mouth did not close, too sweet, too good, the more you watch the more on the head.
23. "Hear your voice" "Pinocchio", Lee Jong Suk's two dramas are super favorite ah! Watched them more than once. Two very good movies. Can't cut it even when chasing the Queen Tae. It can be painful to chase the drama.
24. It's been raining for the past few days, so it's perfect for staying home, cooking, and sleeping.
25. This TV series is too good, the plot is too into the recognized heart of my city chasing drama people.
26. I swear that I will not follow the show at night anymore. I have already expected that I will not be able to get up in the morning and my head will be blown up.
27. It's the time of the day that I look forward to the most: lying under the covers and chasing dramas.
28. The incredible thing is that a few days ago, I was still complaining about my father watching a drama with a narrator, but because of a few days of hot search began to catch up with the drama.
29. Every day my schedule is to catch up with the drama and catch up with the drama again, only the TV can make me feel that there is still meaning in life.
30. I love the healing hours of returning home at the end of the day, cooking alone or ordering a takeaway to catch up on the drama and watch a movie.
31. In recent times, I have been staying at home for a long time, and every day I lie in the quilt to catch up with the drama, chat with my mom and dad, play with DouDou MeiMei for a while, and go back to the back of the simple.
32. The day before yesterday to catch up with the drama to yesterday morning 6:00 bed to sleep to 11:00 get up to work yesterday afternoon do not want to do and things are not urgent on the quit ... before I think that this way of working dream ... However, now I think ... huh da ... vision! Keep looking in other directions, is it another meh when I catch up again?
33. The biggest hobby of chasing dramas is to watch them with pop-ups on, but now some pop-ups by the Ode to Joy are so disgusting that I can't stand them.
34. Today, nothing is suitable for dry, too cold, only suitable for lying in the nest to sleep, sleep, continue to lie in the nest to catch up with the drama, too cold.
35. Just lying in the nest chasing the drama feels so good.
36. The most terrible thing in life is to live while regretting, such as staying up late to catch up with the drama.
37. Stay up late to catch up with the drama is really happy, looks like doing a salted fish is also very happy.
38. The so-called eleven long vacation, is the mouth said to travel to see old friends to go to the Grand Canyon of Yarlung Zangbo to see the sunrise! But the body is very honest long dead in bed to catch up with the drama brush microblogging
39. The last time to send this, chasing the drama of the month, each episode of the focus on the Feng Jing, however, the original I love the most is Yunxiu, and once dissatisfied with the Feng Jing, the TV series only to feel the Feng Jing on the love and dreams of the obsession, only to feel that this person is vivid. The producer's corrupt character, the director's bias, the difference in the actor's interpretation, and the writer's confusing emotional line turned what could have been a good drama into garbage.
40. stay up late to catch up with the drama, sleep lazy to eat and drink, not allowed to go out of the day and family together is also quite precious, but I hope that the epidemic dare to quickly dispersed but I hope that everyone is healthy and safe!
41. Last night, I stayed up late to catch up with the drama, and this day, the whole day is in a trance, red-hot.
42. Recently, I have been chasing the drama to see the four and a half is no one, and I cried in the middle of the night, my eyes are swollen.
43. Every night I chased the drama, baby daddy counseling homework, this division of labor I am particularly satisfied.
44. TV shows and then good, do not chase the drama, I watch TV is a serious night shift to see the three o'clock in the morning, I can sleepy.
45. Chasing the drama to catch up with the crying seems to sleep, I hope tomorrow is also a happy day, good night.
46. I'm so tired of chasing dramas! The previews have made me cry a lot.
47. Chasing the drama, attracted by the plot, can not stop, regardless of time, occasions to catch up, affecting the work and study.
48. I also want to like my sister after graduation in this city to do their favorite occupation have a house with their own bed, piano, closet, and dresser every morning to wake up and take a bath and then do a handful of delicious hometown meal every night home from work to practice piano singing to play games to catch up with the drama in this less than seventy square meters of the room with the traces of her struggle to go to sleep tomorrow, I want to go back to school sister to go to work. I'm going to go to school tomorrow, and I'm going to go to work.
49. The real warriors, fat still gluttony, sleepy still chasing drama, poor still chasing stars.
50. Thursday night in the dormitory, there are drinking and eating crayfish, there are chasing the drama, there are watching the show, there are doing yoga, Thursday is really good.
Those who are doctors and patients of the awkwardness of the laughs can not stop
1, the emergency doctor has just finished the rescue, a little more than one hour before returning to the office to eat on the boxed lunch has long been cooled through.
A mouthful of rice did not swallow, a parent to get in front of the doctor, open the hands of the diaper: doctor, you look at our children's stool is not a problem?
2, ophthalmologists do vision correction surgery for patients, when done with the first eye of the Hou, the patient due to fear, the body constantly shaking, the operation can not continue, the doctor comforted the patient said: do not be afraid, now only one eye left.
As a result, the patient was shaking even more.
3. The doctor said to the patient: If you want to live a long time, you should really quit smoking.
Patient: It's too late to quit.
Doctor: It's never too late to quit! It's never too late to quit!
Patient: Well, there's no rush.
4, the doctor said at 3:30 p.m. to hold a good urine to ultrasound, I am very obedient, hold can not hold again to come. Your grandfather, but to tell me in front of more than 20 people are doing? I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do with this!
5, sick to see the doctor, the doctor gave me a few pairs of drugs, I am too bitter do not want to eat.
The doctor said: you do not serve how to get well?
Then I still do not serve me stubbornly said, did not expect him to my head is a brick: you TM why hit me!
The doctor sneered and said: Oh, brick cure all kinds of disobedience.
The doctor sneered and said: Oh, brick cure all kinds of disobedience.