The wrong way to educate a child is to destroy him or her, and many parents are unaware that they are doing this for their own good, which is why they are so concerned about their children's health and well-being.
Even in our generation, there are still a lot of people who are subjected to "stick education". Doing something wrong, scolding, did not do a good job, still scolding, in the view of many parents, scolding is to teach children rules, know the rules in order to be a good person. Now is a lot of netizens flirting with the play called "mixed doubles" "belt stew meat" seems interesting, actually hidden behind the unknowable tears of bitterness.
01
Under the stick really out of filial son?
In such an enlightened era, parents should abandon the old concepts and think carefully about "Can scolding really educate a good child?
Shu Qi in a program talked about, he was in the parents scolding grew up, she had to learn from childhood to look at the words, if the parents face bad, she has to hide immediately, otherwise it will be scolded. Growing up in such an environment for a long time, she became very sensitive. Shu Qi confessed that as long as she heard the sound of her father's motorcycle, she would feel scared and run as far away as she could.
Thinking back, have you ever been subjected to violence from your parents? I believe that most people answer in the affirmative. Not only is scolding, confinement, starvation, etc. is also disguised punishment. So are children who grow up in such an environment really well-behaved? Psychological observations show that children who are often severely punished are "very obedient" in the presence of a disciplinarian, but when the disciplinarian leaves, their destructive behavior becomes more severe than normal. In addition, these children develop a sense of independence and run away, making truancy and running away from home a common social phenomenon.
Every wound inflicted on a child not only brings tears and pain, but also deprives them of the ability to pursue happiness. Childhood is the beginning of exposure to the world, and once a child is not well guided in this process, they are unable to learn how to love people correctly, and they will always find it difficult to be happy, or even keep repeating the wrong behavior of their parents, casting the shadow of childhood over their own children. Any harm suffered during this period will be firmly imprinted, and the harm suffered by children will unconsciously affect their personality, cognition, outlook, and other aspects: those who lack parental love since childhood may be more gloomy; those who suffered sexual violence as children may be afraid of approaching the opposite sex; those who have been sarcastically scolded since childhood may suffer from low self-esteem and self-negation; or even worse, those who suffered harm in childhood will take this harm into account when they grow up. who grows up to inflict that harm on others. The child educator, Haim Ginott, said, "Punishment does not stop bad behavior; it only makes the offender more careful in committing his crimes, more skillful in concealing them, and more skillful in going undetected."
02
Hitting children is actually a sign of parental incompetence, intelligence is not enough to make up for fists and feet
The poor knowledge of education and their own lack of emotion, so that these parents chose a simple and rough way of education. They don't want to communicate, they're tired of dealing with it, so they find this shortcut and call it "strict education", but in reality it's not even education at all.
It's not that you can't punish your kids at all, it's just that the premise of education is that there are boundaries. If you cross the line, punishment is no longer a beneficial method of education, but a shadow that can ruin a child's life.
As the concept of "no hitting, no talent" has been passed down for a long time, many abusers feel that they are really in the "education". "The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. Is it really for the good of the child? Parents are led by the emotions of the moment, their own hearts open the knot, but left the child hard to let go of the panic and resentment. And in the view of many parents, scolded and beaten, no big deal, but for the children who are not enough life experience, the family is all they have to face, parents do not love them, then they have nothing.
03
Why we live like we used to hate
In our memories, we only have how our parents treated us, so we take those experiences directly from our memories and execute them when we treat our own children. In doing violence to our own children, all the horror that comes from childhood under the oppression of violence is turned into anger, and because we have already suffered this violence, we unconsciously rationalize it within ourselves: this is how I came to be, and scolding children is indeed a part of education.
On top of that, many parents don't watch what they say in front of their children. They will argue or fight in front of their children, they will swear, and they will drop things. These behaviors, along with domestic violence, can cause serious psychological trauma to the child, because the words from the parents will make him have a wrong understanding: violence can solve all problems.
04
Please look at your child with appreciation
Many parents are anxious about their children's growth, and the more annoyed they are, the more they can only see his shortcomings, and the children who grow up in the criticism and suppression will not become confident.
Give them a little more encouragement, do not always say that "you how this will not ah" "other children can be, how you can not" and so on, the language of attack is very powerful, think about it, you may not be able to withstand this! The first thing that you need to do is to get a good deal of money from the company.
This is a term used in the psychoanalytic field of psychology to refer to a mother's ability to fulfill her child's physical and mental needs. Childhood holding is: I have a lot of thoughts coming up, I'm going to start trying to do things on my own, I can do and say the wrong things. If I make an adult very uncomfortable because of something I did, please tell me. The best parenting environment is one of holding, i.e., recognizing the child when he is doing well, and believing and counseling him when he is doing wrong. Parents are an authority to their children, and when they feel that this authority trusts them from the bottom of their hearts, it is a source of great strength, not stress. Psychologists have mentioned that if a baby signals its mother and the mother can give an accurate response within seven seconds, the baby will not feel frustrated. If it takes more than seven seconds, the infant becomes visibly frustrated. And when this frustration occurs repeatedly and consistently, the infant is as good as desperate.
Some children have never been encouraged and praised, because their parents unilaterally set the standard that they can't reach no matter what, 90 points or more praise, and I praise you, next time you have to be better; 90 points or less no praise, always 90 points or less, never have a chance to be praised. So some children are afraid of being praised, some children are afraid of not being praised, how is the pressure, how to work hard will not have an end.
To change this situation, parents need to recognize their children's efforts, not just see unsatisfactory results. If parents don't trust their children, the children will not trust their parents.
Put down your dancing fists, gentleness is always more powerful than violence.