What if you like someone but can’t get him?
Rockefeller told his son in the letter: If you like a butterfly, don’t chase it, because you can’t catch it. You should plant flowers and grass. When spring comes, the butterfly will bloom. It will naturally fly back. If the butterfly you like does not fly back, you have flowers, grass, sunshine, rain and dew, and you have a unique charm. That butterfly does not fly back, but other butterflies fly back and are better, more outstanding, and more beautiful than him. Beautiful, this is called flowers blooming and butterflies coming.
Love is like this, life is like this, and career is like this.
"When flowers bloom and butterflies come," this is a very famous saying. This is also a very famous concept. It is very chicken soup and very positive.
Right! Why chase butterflies instead of chasing them? Flowers bloom and butterflies come!
Does it make sense? It really makes sense!
I don’t think it is a wrong chicken soup. It feels very chicken soup, but in fact it is the truth. Because when the butterfly flutters, the butterfly just walks; when the butterfly flutters, the butterfly flies by itself.
But are flowers really blooming and butterflies coming? I think it's true.
Did you know? When you meet someone you like in this life, it's because you blossomed, so at this point in time, that person comes; and who do you like? And because TA’s flowers have bloomed, your dish has passed away.
So, in fact, two flowers blooming, attracting two saucers flying towards each other, right?
We always meet the most beautiful and best person at the most beautiful and best time.
This is absolute, isn’t it?
Because, really, flowers bloom and butterflies come.
The flowers haven’t bloomed, so what are you doing there as a butterfly? You should go there smelling the fragrance of the flowers. If it doesn't bloom and doesn't smell fragrant, you can't go. Isn't it?
There is no illusion in the blooming of flowers. It's not that the flowers blooming is an illusion, and it's not that the flowers are coated with essential oil, so they are fragrant. Actually it stinks? No, no.
The real point is that the flower blooms, and then the butterfly comes;
Then, when the butterfly comes, your flower withers; the important thing is that your flower blooms It won’t be long! The other person's flower hasn't withered yet, but your flower has already withered.
Your flowers have withered, but you said you can’t leave as a butterfly. Does that make sense?
People come here because of the fragrance, but your flowers wither. Thank you after one month, thank you after a year, thank you after two years, thank you after three years. Do you want to tie that butterfly to your withered flower?
When a butterfly is tied to a withered flower and there is no fragrance to smell, what can the butterfly do?
Everyone: What will happen to this butterfly?
So, this flower killed the butterfly, didn’t it?
You tied him up and didn't let him go. You said, "You can't go. Now that you're here, you can't go. You promised me, you said you like me, love me, and * **Spend a lifetime, us"
In the end, your flowers wither, and when your flowers wither, can you still ask the other party to fulfill their promise?
The opposite butterfly is also a flower, right?
So, the point is not that flowers bloom and butterflies come.
It is true that flowers bloom and butterflies come. The question is what happens after the butterflies come? Is it the flower that kills the butterfly, or the butterfly that kills the flower?
Everyone: Right?
When the flower is about to kill the butterfly, and the butterfly is about to kill the flower, there are only two ways at this time. Right?
One road is called breakup, and the other is called divorce.
Look at our barrage now where someone wrote, "Jingting Mountain is the only place where we can never get tired of seeing each other."
Don't dream about "never getting tired of seeing each other." We should never get tired of seeing each other. Well, it must be Jingting Mountain.
Are you that Jingtingshan?
Really, you are not a mountain, you are not that Jingting Mountain, how can you make people hate you?
And people who say "Jingting Mountain is the only place we never get tired of looking at each other" are idiots. You never get tired of looking at mountains, and then you feel that the mountains don't get tired of looking at you either.
No one gets tired of looking at mountains, okay?
So "I never get tired of seeing each other, only Jingting Mountain" here is one-sided thinking, and it is from a position where the other party cannot think.
So "I never get tired of seeing each other, only Jingting Mountain" is basically chicken soup.
The phrase "never tire of looking at each other" comes from here, from this allusion, and it is wrong in itself.
Because there is no equality, you are a human and he is a mountain.
Completely unequal, how can we never get tired of looking at each other? That's what you think.
Two
And in the emotions between people, is there such a situation?
Of course!
Everyone: Have you read the concept of love in my book "Family Psychology"? Serving theory.
When you are in love and see someone you like, how much capital do you accumulate?
On the subject of serving food - every time we go on a date, it is as if I cooked myself into a dish and treat you to it. For every date, you cook a dish and cook a dish for yourself; I also cook myself a dish and invite the other person to taste it; after eating it, as long as it feels good, we will make an appointment next time and continue the tasting meeting. Some people think it's bad, and one person thinks it's good.
Then someone will not come next time, right?
So, the theory of serving dishes tells you: "If you are in love and get married, you will have one thing that is very interesting after this time. Every time you go on a date, cook yourself and cook it into a dish. Excuse me, you How many dishes can you cook for others?
Do you know very well? When you first start dating, you must wear different clothes and talk about different topics every time you go out. places, and then eat different things, right?
They are all the most novel, and they all make themselves the most beautiful, right?
Both of them dressed up beautifully and went to nice places to do nice things.
But after 10 or 20 dates, some people started to stir-fry twice-cooked pork. Isn’t it?
When someone goes on a date, he or she shows up wearing old clothes, she has already dressed up before, what she said has been said before, and the place she wants to go to has been I couldn't find a new place to go, and I couldn't find anything new to cook.
And when I was there, the 10th dish was over, and there were no new dishes. , when you can only return the favor, but the other party still has 10 dishes?
Excuse me: Can we still talk about love now?
So, 10 dishes. How to play with people who have 20 dishes?
Yes!
When the 5th dish is served, it is settled that we will live together and get married. It's settled, because we are already living together, because we are already married, so you will regret it
The flowers bloom and the butterflies come. After the butterflies come, I will show you the flowers withered. Tie them up, you can’t leave, didn’t we agree?
So, what is love and being loved?
If you can make people love you all the time, then you This flower must bloom all the time!
You must be a flower that blooms in all seasons, right?
Then if you want to love, you must be a butterfly. Yeah! You can't see the flowers flying up and down, and then stop moving after a few dances. If the butterfly doesn't fly, why should I admire you and give you fragrance? < /p>
So, dear friends:
After settling down, is your flower still trying to bloom without fading? After settling down, is your butterfly able to circle around it every day? Flying without stopping?
If not, then this love and love will fall into a difficult situation.
This love, this flower and this butterfly will create a difficult situation. /p>
In a miserable situation, the flowers don’t bloom and the butterflies don’t dance.
In the miserable state where the flowers don’t bloom and the butterflies don’t dance, two people are fighting for a promise and an agreement, and then the flowers kill the butterfly. Die and die; life and death are not divorced, right?
Is this kind of love common?
Is it common? /p>
You know, when it comes to falling in love, flowers bloom and butterflies come and dance, right? Flowers are blooming, butterflies are dancing, and the colors are colorful.
There is almost no problem in falling in love. What is the problem in falling in love?
The problem is that after the decision is made, after getting married, the flowers do not bloom and the butterflies do not dance.
The most difficult thing about every marriage and every settled emotion is not to find someone to settle down with, but how to fall in love? But after the negotiation is concluded, how will you spend the rest of your life?
That’s why we say, “It’s easy to fall in love but hard to get along.”
The difficulty of getting along is that the flowers don’t bloom and the butterflies don’t dance.
Really? Is that true?
Have you ever heard Jack Ma sing?
What kind of plight is it like when flowers don’t bloom and butterflies don’t dance?
Let me tell you, who knows what this difficult situation is?
Let me tell you, only Yun knows.
Jack Ma knows. Haha
Come and listen!
Jack Ma "Actually, Yun knows that there is no way to escape Taobao's prison. Every time my heart hurts for a second, every time I wake up crying for a second, and only my heart is begging, I will know it."
Faye Wong "Once love freezes, everything is so peaceful. Once the tears have flowed away, only determination remains. Exile myself on the border of the night and let the dawn approach me step by step. The heart that misses you turns into ashes"< /p>
Jack Ma "I'm really a little tired, I don't have much energy, I have too many memories, I'm choking on my breath, I love your heart, I have nowhere to send it. If I can find you by climbing over the walls, I don't have to clarify the grievances of love, As long as you hold me tight. "
Faye Wong "If Yun knew, I would miss you slowly every night. Every time I miss you for a second, every time I call out for a second, I just feel that life keeps burning. ”
Ma Yun and Faye Wong sang “In fact, Yun knows that I can’t escape Taobao’s prison. Every time my heart hurts for a second, every time I cry and wake up for a second, I will know it.”< /p>
Everyone: It sounds good, it sounds great!
Have you seen Jack Ma? The more I look at it, the more beautiful it becomes!
Jack Ma is not as ugly as he looked at first glance!
Don’t you think so?
Right!
Why is it that the more you listen to him, the more you understand him, and the more you know about his condition, then his charm does not lie in his beauty or ugliness, right?
It’s not about the beauty or ugliness of this face.
So, are boys’ beauty and ugliness the same as girls’ beauty and ugliness?
Everyone.
It’s different.
Just now you saw Jack Ma and Faye Wong, who is the lively one?
From songs to images, who makes you feel alive?
Are the flowers blooming and the butterflies dancing lively? Everyone.
Why do butterflies come when you are not alive?
When the color is dead, it has no color. When the color is dead, it not only has no fragrance but also smells bad.
What happens if the flowers don’t bloom and the butterflies don’t dance?
If the flowers don’t bloom and the butterflies don’t dance, the flowers will kill the butterflies, and the butterflies will kill the flowers!
Then what will the flower and the butterfly say?
Everyone: After beating each other to death, did you see this flower and this butterfly just now? Faye Wong is a flower and Jack Ma is a butterfly. Do you understand the songs they sing?
"Every thought lasts for a second," I almost sang it again.
You know very well, does it make sense to talk about who bears whose heart at this time?
When the flowers don’t bloom, do you want to say that the butterfly has betrayed your heart?
When the butterfly does not dance, will the flower say that the butterfly betrays my heart?
This is a funny thing, right?
So, did you hear that?
"Every time I miss you for a second, every time my heart hurts for a second, every time I cry and wake up for a second, only my heart is left begging." Is it true?
I would like to ask, under such a situation, is the heart really begging?
Is it begging?
You’re not begging, okay?
I was blaming everyone at that time, wasn’t I?
At that time, we were using emotions and feelings for blackmail, right?
What are you doing to make yourself look like your heart is broken?
Make yourself broken, broken, and then show it to the other person, and then tell the other person that my heart is broken.
After my flowers stop blooming, your butterflies will stop coming.
My heart is broken!
Let me ask you, when he said this sentence, was the flower begging from the butterfly?
Don’t say it so nice. I am pitiful. I am begging there. I am humble. I am humble. Please love me. Love me again. I will try my best to bloom again. .
How is this begging? Don't let the lyrics fool you.
And what are the lyrics? The lyrics are based on this thought, and the lyrics are based on *** thoughts. That is simply emotional blackmail, emotional blackmail.
I have a very famous speech called "Emotional Blackmail"
Everyone: In our daily life, the easiest way to blackmail others is to use emotions to blackmail others, right?
Dear friends: The most common blackmail you do at home is blackmail. How can I blackmail others? sorry!
Children often blackmail adults, and adults blackmail each other.
Adults are blackmailing children too, aren't they?
Blackmail is a very common thing in interpersonal relationships. From children to old people, there are many blackmailers, so don't sing so pitifully.
"Every time I wake up from crying for a second, only my heart is left begging. Once love freezes, everything is so peaceful"
Nonsense! Once love freezes, flowers will not bloom and butterflies will not dance.
At this time, are the flowers and butterflies very peaceful?
How can my heart be calm? Just pretending to be calm! Yes or no?
Where is peace?
"Once the tears are gone, only determination remains."
Wrong! If all the tears are shed, can you really make up your mind?
So it’s either a breakup or a divorce, isn’t it?
Right?
Still can’t make up your mind? The flowers haven't bloomed yet, but they are still broken. The butterfly does not dance, but it is still a butterfly. If you miss this butterfly, there will be no butterfly behind. Once this butterfly is gone, the next butterfly may not be better than this butterfly.
Have you heard of it? The next man may not be better than the current man.
No one is sure that the next man will be better!
No one is sure that the next woman will be better!
Right?
So "Once the tears are gone, will only determination remain?" No!
Even though your tears have dried up, you still can’t make up your mind.
Those who can make up their minds will not wait for their tears to dry up.
People who can shed tears can never make up their minds, right?
So, I want your heart to turn into ashes, is it true?
Didn’t you hear Faye Wong say “My heart turns to ashes when I miss you.”, and Jack Ma sing “I’m really a little tired and don’t have much strength.”
Let me tell you, even if the flowers don’t bloom and the butterflies don’t dance, you’re still thinking about her, aren’t you?
What are you thinking about?
Everyone: What are you thinking about him?
I miss you, everyone: What are you thinking about? Why don't you love me? I wonder what's going on in your heart, I need your love. I need to love you, I need to be loved by you. Yes or no?
Love turns into desire, and dislike turns into disgust.
Love becomes a need, and being loved becomes a need.
Because my needs cannot be met, I keep thinking about you that my needs cannot be met.
Missing you does not mean that I will try my best to love you, try my best to make flowers bloom and butterflies come. Isn't it?
After the flowers fade and the butterflies stop dancing, desires will of course become needs.
Desire is not a need, a need is a desire.
When a desire is very strong and must be realized, then this desire is called a need.
When the dislike is very strong and must be avoided, then the dislike will turn into a need.
Do you understand? What is the relationship between desire, aversion and need?
That’s why we say that need is not love. Maslow is talking nonsense. Maslow’s five-stage theory and eight-stage theory are completely wrong from beginning to end. Okay?
But under the wrong extremes of thinking, the need for love and belonging then turns into the need for love and being loved, and everyone just messes with it...
You can demand it. People, you can have a need for love and a need to be loved.
But the need to love and be loved is not to love you and be loved by you. Right?
In Sunday's "The Sweet Plight of Love and Love", I will explain this more clearly. As we said a few days ago, you have fallen from the realm of loving and being loved to the realm of needing and being needed.
The need to love and be loved is not to love and be loved!
These are two completely different things.
But most people get it wrong, as if it is so important whether they understand me or not. Whether you like me or not is more important, okay?
Everyone: Do you understand me or not? Or is it more important whether you like me or not? Or does it matter whether you believe me or not? Or does it matter whether you love me or not?
So some misunderstandings are simply nonsense, and a lot of people fall into that misunderstanding. You will not understand me, you will not understand me...
Then the flowers will stop blooming. , the butterfly stopped dancing.
If you cannot meet my needs, the flowers will not bloom and the butterflies will not dance. So, if your heart turns to ashes, who did it? Let me tell you, you did it yourself, okay? It's all to blame.
You will find a need on your own, and then that need cannot be met, so Die, you can't meet my needs like this, so I have to wither.
At this time, another person, Die, will say, "There is nowhere to send my love for you," right? Then another person will say, "There is no need to clarify the grievances of love, as long as you hold me tight." They have already been wronged, so why bother to clarify? Clarify what? If there is no need for grievance, there is no need to clarify, and if there is no need to clarify, there is no need to hold on tightly.
I tell you, when the grievances of love have appeared and there is no need to clarify, when you have come this far, when you feel aggrieved, you are no longer playing with love, you are playing with needs, okay ?
While people are playing with their needs, the butterfly has already flown away.
As long as you hold me tight, in this situation, do people still want to hug you? Then if someone opens their hands, are you still willing to let them hug you?
Singing goes back to singing, talking goes back to talking, thinking goes back to thinking, but it can’t be done. OK?
This is not the case in reality!
So, everyone, you already know, He Nian! Yes or no?
This is the truth.
Right? This is the truth!