The doctor said: "You have thyroid cancer and need to have it removed as soon as possible".
I was shocked by these words, and my world suddenly became dim and dark. I was 45 years old that year, running an agency alone in Guangzhou.
The busyness of life made me very full, so full that I didn't have much time to think about my personal feelings, and the busyness of the workplace made me forget that there is another way to live life, until my body turned on the red light, I didn't realize that there is more to life than just making money.
The heart is beating and the lungs are breathing, which means it's not dead. The meaning of living is to be physically healthy, emotionally peaceful, internally open and spiritually expansive.
Listening to the doctor's arrangement, I did the cancer cell removal surgery, the operation was successful, the recovery effect is also good, after six months of recuperation, I sold the company that I have run up, after that, I have a lot of free time.
I traveled to Yunnan, Tibet, and Xinjiang, and the hustle, bustle, and busyness of the city and the tranquility, simplicity, and leisure of the countryside made me start to rethink my life.
My time slowed down, I smelled the fragrance of soil and grass, heard the whispers of nature, tasted the sweetness of fruits and vegetables, and I fell in love with such an uncontested life.
Returning to Guangzhou, I sold my apartment in the city and settled down in a small town, with a small courtyard and a table, planting vegetables, reading books, and enjoying myself.
Those days, except for the street to buy some necessities of life I almost do not go out, I feel that time is their own, there is no need to share with others.
My selfishness for time did make me taste the bitter fruit, one day at noon, I was in the courtyard as usual, leaning against a pillar to read a book, the phone suddenly rang, is a girlfriend called.
I answered the phone with a smile on my face but I couldn't speak, even though I had a thousand words in my heart, I couldn't make a sound, I lost my voice.
I panicked, fear swept over me like a flood, I was afraid that I would lose my voice in the world and become a mute. I had to change my way of life, go into the crowd and talk to people.
2
Square dancing was in full swing, and I joined them as a square mama, but I backed off after a week of living like this, the sound of the square like a torrent of water made it hard for me.
I decided to walk into the workplace.
I submitted countless resumes and interviewed with more than 10 companies, all of which ended in failure.
I spent the first half of my life in the workplace scolding the boss, but the second half of my life want to do grass-roots employees, looking for an office file organizing and other work.
Life is not as good as it seems, my interviewer told me I was more suited to be a manager, and the clerk type of work would turn me away.
Yeah! Clerks are the prerogative of young lasses, and who wants to use an almost 50-year-old?
Money wasn't that important to me, I wasn't looking for a job to make money, I just wanted to blend in with a group, so I set my sights on an operator on an assembly line.
A week later, I got what I wanted and became an operator. On the assembly line, I met Mei, someone who treated me like a sister.
The days of a general laborer were really especially hard, waking up at 7:40 a.m. to go to work, leaving work at 8:30 p.m., and having only 40 minutes to eat at noon.
In the days when I worked as a factory girl, I y experienced the feeling of pouring rice, busy every day, 10 hours of work makes my back ache.
After 20 days of work, I was finally exhausted, my body gave me a warning again, my left hand as if it was drilling pain, originally thought it was tired.
Mei asked me to go to a massage parlor and spend a few hundred dollars, but in the end there was no relief, and I had to quit my job and leave the assembly line.
Mei came to see me from time to time, one day, she made me a lot of good food again, the table full of food is very tempting, but at that time I, body and soul as if separated.
I obviously felt myself floating in mid-air, my feet stepping on the auspicious clouds, my soul circling back over my body, and I didn't eat anything.
I had to go into the place where people are afraid of again, the hospital, and through more than 1 month of treatment, my body recovered.
3
On the day I was discharged from the hospital, Mei took me to her home, where she made me chicken soup and other nutritious food.
It was also on that day that I met Luo Xin.
He was in his fifties, with a good sense of humor and a warm, attentive heart. We talked and shared a common interest and a love of the countryside.
At 8 p.m. when Mei got up to take me home, Luo Xin was the first to step forward and offered me his ride, which I gladly accepted.
Besides Mei, Luo Xin was kind of my second friend after I lived in the town, and he often took me to his farm, which was a very beautiful place full of flowers and grasses that made my mood all over the place.
Another windy and sunny day, flowers and grasses rejoiced, insects and birds competed in song, the wind blew gently, the trees shook slowly, and the sun revealed a gentle smile, everything was so peaceful.
I sat in the flowers to enjoy this rare wonderful, Luo Xin on the coffee table cooking fragrant green tea.
The sound of cooing ...... cooing ...... bubbling in the teapot, the tea was ready, Luo Xin poured me a cup, and we savored this wonderful time in the world together.
It was also at that time that he talked about our first meeting.
He said: "You are a woman who makes me light up, seeing you, I feel the world is full of sunshine ......"
It was also on that day that we fell in love, and along the way, I was all in.
Later, I lived in his farmhouse, the initial days, we lived a happy life indeed, but with the passage of time, our contradictions increased day by day.
I do like peace and quiet, while he likes lively, his farmhouse three days a small gathering, five days a large gathering.
The weather in Guangdong is particularly hot, and the packing and organizing after the party really put me on the verge of collapse, and our world collapsed in the constant packing and organizing.
4
I left the first half of my life to the workplace, and the second half of my life I just wanted to live quietly, but Luo Xin seems to prefer to get together with three or five friends at heart.
The argument made me start to re-examine the man in front of me, and I realized that everything I knew about him before was wrong, and I didn't know what to do.
One day, I got together with Luo Xin's siblings, and I told them about my doubts and distress.
Locke Cheng (Locke Xin's younger brother) said: "My brother is a person who cares about his friends, and in his heart, his friends are better than his family, so it's better to be his friend than his family."
Locke Huimin (Locke Xin's sister) said: "If my brother didn't care so much about his friends, he wouldn't be living in the state he is in today. Instead of caring about his friends, he cares about saving face, in fact, he's selfish, and he only loves himself".
The words of Luo Xin's family made me understand the attitude of the man in front of me towards life, and that I was the one who couldn't afford to spend it.
The next day, I packed up my belongings and decided to say goodbye to my current life.
When I was leaving, I said to Luo Xin: "Let's call it a day! We are not suitable to be lovers, our lifestyles and pursuits are not the same, hard bound together will only hurt each other".
I went back to my own small yard, although very lost, but no regrets, because, for this relationship I was serious, I have worked hard.
The most important relationship in life is not a partnership or a parent-child relationship, but a relationship with self.
Marriage or love, if it doesn't make my life better, then I prefer to live alone.
In my 50s, I choose to start fresh and live a brand new life.
The complexity of society has made people impatient and restless. After 30, people are not calm, their careers are not successful, their marriages are not working, and their lives are like entering a black hole, confused.
May Coconut? Marx said in "Life by Me":
Always be passionate about life and never be afraid of the courage to start from scratch! Life by me is the root of everything, the happiness and joy you want for yourself you get it yourself!
May we all live a wonderful life of our own!