There are always a lot of unknowns in life, and the unexpected is always hidden in the unknown, so life is often unexpected.
For example, I didn't expect to talk about life with "dude" S after more than twenty years;
For example, I didn't expect that S's image in my eyes would change upside down after more than twenty years;
For example, when I envisioned to write a series of classmates, I didn't think to write about S. However, S became the main character of the opening chapter.
(1)
When I started to write about S, a few of my classmates were having morning tea at the lakefront terrace of Evening Fragrance Pavilion.
The Pavilion is located in Galaxy Park. In April, dozens of old acacia trees are in full bloom, full of flowers, fragrant, sycamore swaying outside the glass window, new green eye.
S sat diagonally across from me, the sun was sifted by the trees into a strand of bright golden threads, large and small spots of light on his face and body swaying.
More than twenty years later, S is still a hipster. This sounds capricious and crazy, about only unreliable people can do it.
A few years ago, my classmates built a WeChat group, and S and I were in the group, and his WeChat nickname and avatar were Wolverine. Wolverine is a superhero in Marvel Comics, and Hollywood has adapted it into a fantasy sci-fi action blockbuster of the same name, which has made it possible for countless heroes to fall in love with it. Once read his circle of friends, the content focused on handball, soccer, fitness, movies, music several aspects. The first time I saw him, he was still in the middle of it, and he was still in the middle of it.
More than twenty years ago, in the early 1990s, we were classmates, but we didn't have a relationship. It is said that S's father is the factory director of a large enterprise, he is the kind of rich second-generation son who does not think about learning, pop music, soccer, celebrities, comics, and what is fresh to play. In that bicycle era, he could already recognize the logos of various brands of cars. Back then he was a thin, stylish teenager who often wore a silver and gray jacket and wore his hair neatly parted in the middle to look hip. Rumor had it that he used a comb dipped in water three times a day to grease up his parted hair, and slept with a comb stuck to one side in order to maintain his hairstyle. Many of his classmates were not used to his alternative style, not to mention that he was also a rich second-generation son, and a male classmate once accused a girl who was close to him of, "Look at what kind of people you're dating, your reputation is all screwed up!" Although I do not participate in the comments, but agree with the boy's point of view, a boy in the head of the sea of energy is not reliable strong evidence!
Years later, the college entrance exam is approaching, the WeChat group of parents like a big enemy worried. Although I felt that the students' reaction was over the top, I didn't want to express any views on this because my views were a bit conflicting with everyone else's, and saying so would have attracted resentment. At this time, S, who seldom speaks in the group, suddenly interjected a few words, roughly meaning that being a human being is better than being a scholar, as long as the child has an independent personality, it doesn't matter if he or she has bad grades; parents don't preach, leading by example is enough; when the adults keep running, the children will also run with them. After a few bubbles, S suddenly dove in, probably realizing that it's best to shut up when you disagree. This guy is actually more than I do not look at the eye, and really the atmosphere of the group immediately cold, maybe we all in the heart of contempt: only unreliable people, can say such unreliable words!
Maybe it's because S and I share the same viewpoints, and from that day on, I noticed that S, who had been included in the "unreliable" list by himself, had his 'information' transmitted to him through his classmates one after another. It turned out that he had quit his job many years ago and went to Beijing to engage in game development. I secretly praised: "Courage is commendable." I may not have the courage to go out of my comfort zone to open up a life path; at the same time, I also feel that the career of game development and S is very compatible.
I've only seen S twice since graduation. The last time was a few years ago at a small class reunion, S almost did not talk, neither drink white wine, nor beer, even drinks do not want, just a glass of white water, with a little smile quietly sitting in a chair watching the classmates gabbing and mingling.
There is "courageous", "occupation is very match" judgment in the front, coupled with the hand game industry is also full of curiosity, so I asked S that year how to remember to engage in animation games, and how to go to Beijing and other issues. That was the first time I talked to S. S talked like squeezing toothpaste, when others squeezed it, he said one sentence, when others stopped squeezing it, he didn't say anything. Originally I thought that S is the kind of exquisite tongue, can be the atmosphere of the table to regulate the lively people, and should not be a tube of toothpaste, which makes me feel a little strange, but on second thought, although it is a classmate, but not familiar, not to mention many years have not seen, speak cautiously and normal, so I did not think too much about it.
Perhaps because people have the feeling of nostalgia, perhaps because the late spring sunshine is too friendly, perhaps because of the evening Pavilion dining atmosphere is relaxed and casual, perhaps because the topic selection is appropriate, perhaps because there is the same car exchanges to warm up the emotions, the meeting S opened the box, from the production of the game to the children's education, from the concept of change to the experience of life, from the interests of hobbies to the learning life, actually also many times! The two have something to say at the same time, and both courtesy of the other first said the situation, a few people at the table just like the two of us into the conversation place.
S's oral expression ability is not strong, the expression is not too rigorous, often appear sentence components missing, words omitted, the structure of the inverted, is the style of the new generation of network. However, his tone and attitude is particularly sincere, without those greasy old men on the table sought after hot meat and fish spices, suggestive symbols, show off show off, ambiguous unknown, like mint tea as clean and refreshing. What's more, S and my views and insights can always echo each other, quite able to stimulate my **** Ming, can not help but call for people to be born three days apart when the sigh of impressed.
In the midst of the conversation, S suddenly stopped, hesitated for a moment and asked, "I can't stop talking about it, you're sick of hearing about it, aren't you?" After I expressed my interest, he continued, "I was worried about scaring you, after all, you are engaged in a traditional profession, I do these more or less a little out of the way."
If I had done this more than two decades ago, I might have felt that I was deviating from the norm, but nowadays society has become more tolerant of new things, and more tolerant of non-mainstream behavior and life. For example, billiards game was a lot of people side-eye, now called snooker, the hallowed hall of elegance, and the birth of the "prodigy" Ding Junhui such a household name; once under the public dancing will make people side-eye, now the streets are full of square dancers, people have long seen strange; was once regarded as the flood beast of online games also Once regarded as a flood of fierce beasts of the network game is also gradually accepted, into many people's lives, and even colleges and universities have set up a professional e-sports. My daughter also loves to play games, and has made a group of "friends" because of this. In her opinion, playing games is not only entertainment, but also a way of interpersonal communication. So I don't think he's out of line," he said.
The next thing I heard was a particularly incredulous comment from S: "I'm a bit socially awkward, and I don't have anything to say to most people. When people don't ask, I automatically get stuck, but I don't want to look rude ...... It's really painful to have nothing to say." Thinking about the way he squeezed toothpaste at a class reunion a few years ago, I knew he was telling the truth.
He explained that he is a technical geek, the circle is very simple, friends are basically love sports and fitness or do the game, and the circle of people to interact with is still relatively comfortable, out of the circle is often instantly bewildered and do not know what to do. He said he does not smoke, do not drink, do not play cards, the traditional social path is almost abolished, the basic socializing can be, the culture of wine know nothing about it. So he admires people who are comfortable at the table, but he can't do it.
There are people in this world who are good enough to talk on some occasions, but mute and introverted on others, and I myself am an example of this: I can't talk, toast, or laugh at the table, and I can only listen to others talk and watch them perform in a bored manner. The only thing I can do is to listen to the others and watch them perform.
The S in memory and the S in front of me are superimposed on each other, and there is a kind of dizzying uncertainty that makes people a little trance. Searching hard for memories of S, there is nothing more than the fact that he was keen on something edgy, and there really wasn't any bad behavior. One always believes more than one knows, and it turns out that I, like many people, harbor inexplicable prejudice and ill will towards those who are different from me.
Obviously S is more confident and open, but he often interrupts the conversation with a sudden "You're sick of hearing about it, aren't you?" I can't help but feel apologetic when I think about it.
Perhaps because of the guilt, I told S that I was going to write about him. S was surprised, saying that he had nothing worth writing about, that he was monotonous and boring, that the things he liked weren't popular, and that what he did wasn't very well recognized by the public....... But I think that even if S's words are true, I should still write about him with all my heart.
(2)
There is a capable father, life even if not all the way hanging, at least is a piece of the road.
When other students in the work, survival, housing, object worry, S without suspense into the hometown of a drought and flood insurance income unit, sitting in the office, and then without suspense to get married and have children. The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers, and the company's goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers, and the company's goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers.
The first time I saw the movie, I was able to see the movie, and I was able to see the movie, and I was able to see the movie, and I was able to see the movie. However, in the blessed not know the blessing of S always feel less than ideal, this less than ideal and no specific clear reasons, even he can not say how to be considered as ideal. So the confused S sent himself a word that does not have a very clear meaning, "pretentious".
At that time, he did not know what kind of person he could do, want to go to the movies but no opportunity, want to go to the football but no star talent, like graffiti but never had the opportunity to learn, love to sing but lack of a good sense of musicality ...... full of mind skyrocketing fantasies, but there is no realization of the conditions. At that time, S is still young, although always shouting to do their own, but do not know how to become their own.
People need to be recognized, if they can not be integrated into the group, will be excluded, marginalized, and even kicked out of the group. s also try to adapt themselves to the environment, to do their own do not like but other people like things, when they do not like but other people like that kind of people. However, when a person does something he is not interested in or hates, he is really stupid, his senses are always jumping automatically, and when he receives a little bit of information, his brain refuses to process it, so S still can't understand the essence of office culture and wine culture.
The result of yielding far beyond his expectations is that he is bored, and others are not only ungrateful, but also more and more critical of the nose. At first, S also used the "small place is like this" to fool himself, but the hoop in the heart of the tiger is always in the low roar, repeatedly rubbing hanging impact on the fence around it. Finally, one day S broke out and said to the people around him, "Bye-bye! I do not serve! Then, completely refused to learn the so-called various "culture", but also by the way, the original has learned a little fur also thrown aside.
Sartre said that other people are hell, but sometimes the hell of other people is a layer of windowpaper, as long as you have the courage, a finger will be pierced, if you do not have the courage to stretch out your finger, you will only be trapped by the hell of the paper, a lifetime of resentment in the life of the suffocation.
But S's resistance doesn't seem to have changed his situation; instead, it's left him open to more criticism and accusations. People like S are more eye-catching in their own right, and although they would like to be recognized by the public, their differences in personality, hobbies, and perceptions stand in the way, so their quest for recognition is bound to be a long and difficult one. Once others have labeled the S's, then in the eyes of others S's every move is to confirm those labels, even if the S's hold up a horn at the ears of others shouting their own is not, the more the S's to others to prove that other people's views will be the more determined, the more black, so the S's have to continue to be out of step with the surroundings. At that time, S only knew that he was out of touch with his surroundings, but did not know that it was because he had not been able to become his favorite kind of person.
In this way, ten years have passed, and it seems that S is going to be so seemingly calm but actually irritable, seemingly peaceful but actually wrinkled and suffocated through youth, middle age, and old age. However, when he was 29 years old, a new thing parachuted into his face. When he first started to primp that new thing, he did not even realize that his life would make a sharp turn.
S primed is a software called Photoshop, which is a set of image scanning, editing, image production, advertising, image input and output in one of the graphic image processing software. S from a young age like to draw, nothing when the paper blind doodle, but he is the kind of temperament of the people, it is difficult to sit down to consolidate the foundation of the painting, and suddenly appeared in the image processing software. The image processing software that came out of nowhere made up for his shortcomings, and it was more fun than traditional painting. The desire to create something that had been suppressed for many years was finally given an outlet, and S was immediately and rightfully hooked.
Watching a picture slowly become a 3D model under his own hands, and then animating it to give it a dynamic life, is such a rich sense of fulfillment that it makes S proud and excited at the same time. It's such a joy to have a vibrant character every day that makes every day feel like a challenge, and every day feels empowering. I feel the same way when I write, which is why I continue to do what I do when others think it doesn't make sense. s finally realized that doing what you love with all your heart is the only way to be yourself. Some truths are not hard to understand, but it takes us a lot of experience to realize them.
In contrast to the static life of the system, the ever-changing, never-repeating creativity of the world is simply too much to bear. After thirty years of walking the earth, I finally met something I wanted to do, and I became obsessed with it night and day. The people around him concluded that he had upgraded on the path of "wasted", and S could not bear the unchanging life in the system.
A few years ago, at a class reunion, I asked S why he went to Beijing. He told me that when he learned Photoshop software, he met a group of friends who engaged in animation games through the network, so he wanted to go to Beijing to engage in animation games, his family disagreed, and after a long ideological struggle, he left a letter to sneak away. On one side is the unknown, novelty, full of exploration of life, on the other side is dull, known, no variables of life. Boomers like S, who love new things, find it hard to resist the former.
A few years later, we met again, S added the second reason: the original unit of a retired old man back to the unit to do business, very emotional, said a lot of people do not recognize, he thought, if you stay in the same place like that for life, will be the same as that person, the old man even a little bit of memories to be proud of have no, so that the life of the failure!
Not long ago, S revealed a third reason: he wanted to go to Beijing because he felt that the big city was open, and that he would have fewer scruples about being himself, and that he would be able to live a more free life.
This is the third reason why I want to go to Beijing.