Quote: One day to buy two play small turtles home to raise, but the wife does not like this thing, a variety of antipathy to this and that, I do not know how to drop, a few days she suddenly on the small turtles especially good, all kinds of food all kinds of feed. Until one day, she played with the computer to the toilet, I went to check something, found that the Baidu search box Huran stands a few big words turtle how to do delicious.
1, from the home of the vegetable field caught bugs, thrown to the neighbor's vegetable leaves. Throwing while yelling: "Catch my heart good, quickly escape to go! I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person, and I'm not a good person."
2, today, take the bus to go to his girlfriend's home to play, after the car wanted to look at the hair, just next to the roadside corn next to parked a car, so I went over to all kinds of photos, with the rear-view mirror, with the window glass, which floated past a cloud, the sky darkened a little bit, and I fucking see clearly found that the car inside the two people in a hurry to wear clothes! Brother you listen to my explanation! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this, but I'm going to be able to do it," he said!
3, today sitting in the company elevator, halfway suddenly want to fart, but there are a lot of people in the elevator, afraid of shame. But can not help it. So ready to lose face, put the fart. Suddenly a brother in the elevator hiccups, and then the fart smell filled the entire elevator, the elevator people all looked at the brother, he himself also flabbergasted at the look there, brother, I'm sorry, ah, I did not mean it.
4, one day, the kindergarten Xiaoming ran to his father in front: "Dad, Dad, what rises from the east and falls from the west?" "En, is the sun?" "No, no, five words!" Dad thought for a moment and said, "The old man of the sun?" "No, no, no, five words! Just those five words!" Dad couldn't think of anything. At that moment, Xiao Ming said, "Idiot, it's sun!"
5, man: honey, accompany me to the gym, okay? Woman: Are you saying I'm fat? M: If you don't want to, forget it. Female: Are you saying I'm lazy? M: Honey, calm down, will you? WOMAN: Are you saying I look like a crazy bitch? M: That's not what I'm saying. WOMAN: Are you saying I'm a liar? M: Okay, you don't have to go, okay? Woman: Wait, why do you go to the gym alone?
6, LZ I go home early every day from work, never go out to play with colleagues, but also rarely participate in the unit's potluck activities, colleagues are very puzzled, and asked me: "You go home early every day to do ah?" I said: "To do business!" Colleagues are very strange, home can have what business can be done ah? I said: "My daughter-in-law called the main thing ......"
7, a male colleague of the company's long quite black, once he and his girlfriend argued, the woman said: "Look at your long this ugly, burn the boiler life. " Male said: "how to grow black, others are called my African white boy," the female laugh spray.
8, today and colleagues to go to the bathhouse to take a bath, under the pool water is a little hot, it is not easy to go down, the water to the neck, and colleagues chat, said: "Today's water is really hot ah," I used my mouth to do a blowing tea movement, and then habitually drank a mouthful of ... ...
9, there is a long-distance relationship of buddies, because they like their girlfriends very much, and afraid of long-term out of the feelings will fade, so often buy some things online to his girlfriend, the beginning of the girlfriend is very happy, so every other day to receive the express delivery. Later ...... and then ...... buddy's girlfriend with the courier well.
10, a friend has a female friend to do Miss. One day friends asked the woman said you look so beautiful, can go to do a small three ah. The woman said: "If I do three, then I even heart are dirty," a sentence to friends in awe.
11, every time you look at the good sound, see the four mentors listening to the students sing, feel their expression, as if in the squatting pit, and then constipated, and then a beat fluent! The same feeling of praise me...
12, see a novel said the heroine young car accident, lost the memory of three years old before. How to say it, I TM did not get into a car accident before the age of five things all do not remember, it is hard not to be congenitally retarded
13, last night, roadside stalls, six 10 years old or so of small potatoes, 10 bottles of beer, drink all the light, alliance, weeping, the original is the graduation of the elementary school, love, leaning back, and now the baby how swollen?
14, there is a rumor on the microblogging: sleep suddenly kicked the legs because the brain thinks the body is dying, so it will send an impulse to make the body wake up. The real reason is: the brain thinks that you live into this dead on the dead, quite good. Kick your leg in celebration.
15, and roommates said I asked a girl to spend the night, the roommate reminded me on the way out the door: "to take safety measures ah, to protect themselves, you do not have me to lend you." "No, no, I have my own." After saying that I immediately opened the drawer, turned out a knife with out the door.
16, the female colleague's husband to her to send food, and did not say put down on the go. Others asked her, who is the man? She said the takeaway. Asked again, how did not give money, she said no need to give, sleep with him at night.
17, as a quality of people, I want to smoke, I first asked around the people can not, if others say yes, then I will smoke; if others say no, then I will first smoke him, and then smoke.
18, that April Fool's Day, usually never named the teacher suddenly named. There are students secretly pull out the cell phone ready to air, the teacher saw a very happy, said: "You despite the fight, see who believe you." So this student hit the teacher a meal, the teacher died in battle ...... this drama, can not stand it.
19, he took his girlfriend home, the road gently with her biting her ear: "Later, I want you to taste my home skills ......" "hate, people do not come la! " The girlfriend said shyly. To the door of the house, he immediately opened his arms in front of the door, said loudly: "Just do not let you in! "
20, our company's most crazy is the gatekeeper of the grandfather, the old man stubbornly who are not afraid, played the office director, beat the department manager, but also with the workshop workers have been dry, we are afraid of him, and even the chairman of the board of directors, to see him also called his father.
21, junior high school teacher hit people very hard, once let a student named Guo Linqiang answer questions, the guy is more stupid, puffing half a day did not answer, the teacher could not stand to see, holding a teaching pole towards him, while walking and asked: "Guo Linqiang, you strong where?" The boy said with trepidation, "I'm strong in the back of the forest." Everyone was silent for three seconds, then laughed like crazy, hahahahaha... The teacher couldn't hold it in, and didn't hit anyone in that class, and never hit him again.
22, I feel that now some women are really pretentious to the point of no return, I just asked her about the road, she scolded me, and even called the police. Hmph! Unbelievable, and so I put on the underwear, I must have a good theory with her.
23, this morning in the car to work, sitting next to an uncle, I suddenly yawned. Then the car suddenly braked sharply, I opened my mouth to kiss the uncle on the face, the uncle looked at me with a face of disdain, gone, uncle you do not go ah, you listen to me ah!
24, our company a party, KTV drink what all have, whiskey green tea, gin and tonic water, red wine Sprite, ask me a colleague to drink what. He said: "Wang Lao Ji to Gadobao." ......
25, one day and friends to buy maps in the library, friends: "boss, how to sell maps?" Boss: "Three dollars a piece." Friends thought: "cheaper, ten dollars for three sell or not." At this point I thought, my friend is so stupid. This account calculation, the boss looked down and thought, instantly said: "young man, no ah, lose money business I do not do." Instantly I broke down, math teachers are dead early.
26, today the goddess asked me what specialties, I thought a little, then said to her: "below." Only to see her red face scolded me rogue. I do not understand, four years of college I learned more than a hundred kinds of instant noodles to eat, this is not a specialty? What's wrong with girls nowadays?
27, ready to lose weight at night without eating, mom advised me: "Daughter, you are now quite good-looking, do not need to lose weight ah." I listened to the moved to tears, or mom's heartache me. Mom continued to persuade: "Before the leftovers are your package, you lose weight after who eat?" This tears really came out ......
28, last night, light wind drink more than, through the strength of the wine call to the goddess of confession for 20 minutes. Up in the morning to see, call time 18 seconds ...
29, the subway, a man and a woman a little friction quarrel. After arriving at the station, the woman got off. The woman just off the car hesitated, rushed up to give the man a slap, turned to run, the results of a group of people, and the woman to squeeze back, did not go down. Then the man rushed up to kick the woman a foot, the woman returned the favor. After that, they began to hit each other and cursed each other. Then after the N station, has not stopped. At this time, suddenly a strong man yelled: "TMD!
30, courier: ask "small black dog" is this? I: you are ...? Express: I am the Jingdong. I: Xiaomo, have you express.
Editor's note: Recalling an art class many years ago, the teacher asked us to draw the same table. I was very unhappy in that class, because I drew the same table beautifully. But she drew me strangely ugly, and I thought she was so inadequate. What made me even more unhappy was that she got the highest grade in the class for her drawing because it was "very realistic".
Quotation: This morning I summoned up the courage to write a love letter to the god of the man, passed him by when I hurriedly stuffed him and ran away, and so back to the seat only to slow down, the results of a look, how the letter is still in my drawer! Could it be? I do not dare to think more, the results found that my aunt's napkin really disappeared ...
1, yesterday on the bus, heard two elementary school model of the little girl in the chat! "I think our class XXX is very beautiful!" Another said "I think it, fat is only a moment! Black is for life!" This is such a deep realization, do your parents know?
2, a dead friend of the story. The second summer vacation I went to the Internet cafe all night with him. The next day each back home, he walked into the house his father sat on the couch and told him to go to the bath first. He didn't think much about it and went, stripped naked, his dad came in with a cane...
3, I am a traffic police. When resting in the police booth is often made unreliable requirements. For example, I went to buy something, the bike is placed in your place you help look good. Also often come to ask if there is a pump can give the bike pump. This is nothing, once I was sitting in the police booth, suddenly came in a middle-aged woman. Asked me: master, you can repair the tire?
4, the teacher said: to learn a lesson should be like chasing girls, to insist! Xiaoming: then you chase nine at the same time to try! Teacher: You out!
5, a successful person proudly show off their achievements: I bought a house, the first step of life has been completed, you know what I plan to do next? God replied: slowly pay back the mortgage.
6, has been a long time no contact with high school classmates (male) today to chat with him: married? I: have no object it, married what ah! He: you a two persecution, I have two marriage, you still have no object ... and then I did not hold back, the livestock hit!
7, one day and his girlfriend lying together to watch TV, his girlfriend suddenly asked me: "Do you like Japanese girls?" I replied: "Of course not like". In fact, I want to say I only like you, the words have not said, a slap over: "do not like tonight sleep sofa to go". I instantly messed up ......
8, nephew on the second grade, the final exam penultimate sixth. There is a math problem of choosing units: Xiao Qiang weighs 25 () kilograms or grams? He chose grams. I said how can such a simple question still do wrong? The kid said, "I thought I was talking about cockroaches. Nephew! This knowledge is letting you learn all the miscellaneous!
9, a friend who likes to show off called me: "You know, I'm in Bali." I said, "Oh, I'm just five miles away from you." "What? You're out of the country too?" "I'm in Sanlitun."
10, the owner of the female ... just on the bus there is a seat, the next stop came up with a child holding, there are a few old people, so stood up to let the seat, the old lady an arrow rushed up, I decisively come to the sentence: I'm sorry that I let to hold the child, the square dance is so good, and stand a little bit more can not hurt ...
10, the owner of the female .... p>
11, Confucius Institute has a foreigner, addicted to learning Chinese. One day, he said to his Chinese classmates, "China is so sexy, I must go and see". The students were shocked and asked for details. It turned out that the public misunderstood a word: "Chinese characteristics", and in the notebook turned into: China, Too sexy!
12, since the absence of modesty, pro sister and pro sister are two different things, dry sister and dry sister are two different things. In love with her and love her is two things, looks scary and looks scary is two things ......
13, just met a pair of mothers and daughters on the way home, the little one seems to have three or four years old. I don't know why the mother said: we both cut the baggage hammer decision. I saw two people are out of the scissors results of the mother said: "I won, I scissors than you big." Then the little guy happy to pull the mother's hand away, leaving me petrified back.
14, yesterday late at night after eating late-night snacks to go home, see a small car inside a pair of men and women, I do not know who locked them in the car. Looks very hot, clothes are stripped, the woman's expression is particularly difficult, as if the lack of oxygen to die. So I found a stone to break the car glass away, Lei Feng, should do things without leaving a name. Everyone said I am not virtuous, saved two!
15, found on the roadside to sell apples, went over and asked: "Is this apple sweet?" Vendor: "Sweet, can be sweet," I: "Oh, that there is sour, I like to eat sour," the vendor pointed to the pile of apples just now: "In fact, this is sour," you fucking tease me?
16, two goods old sister recently in the ancient costume drama of the poison, the night mom and dad are not in, I steamed buns fried a small dish and then called the old sister to eat dinner. She can to good! Take a fine needle and then inserted into the bun and then pulled out and said: "The needle turned black! It's poisonous! I knew you were trying to harm me! Someone drag her out and chop her up!" I directly spit in her face, this is a bean paste bag you stupid!
17, a female colleague of the company, every morning at work with Coke, looking at the heart is very questionable, they went up and asked how you drink Coke every day ah? She replied: this is cheaper. I said that how do you not drink the company's water ah, but also do not pay! She said leisurely, that, that did not work.
18, the recent four college students one after another when the father, born are boys. One of the buddies in the group of classmates shouted: "have not had a baby students, you can have a daughter ah, or our son can not find a daughter-in-law." A female classmate calmly replied, "It's okay, they can get gay." The group immediately rang a warm applause.
19, a number of years ago, lz graduated from college, dormitory of the six brothers to eat a farewell dinner, a variety of sadness during a variety of parting thoughts, a goods do not win the wine, in the second before the martyrdom, pulling lz's hand to say a sentence lz so far unforgettable words: Boss, braised meat up when you shouted to wake me up!
20, go home to visit relatives, take the bus due to lack of change cast a five dollar, behind with a buddy to see me cast five dollars, also cast five dollars, said: "The price of public transport rose very fast ah!" I turned around and said I don't have change ......
21, warm reminder: the weather has been frequent thundershowers, please couples try to swear less, wait for the wind to say ......
22, military training. The instructor will let the step, I practice annoyed couldn't help but curse: "Fuck!" The instructor heard, angrily came over and pointed at my nose and asked, "What did you say! Say it again!" Me: "Reporting to the instructor, I said step slowly!" I was so damn witty!
23, last winter once went to his wife's home, their village has the site of milking, a bottle of a catty seven dollars, the old man can not drink so much, so said the boss I want to two dollars, the boss glanced at me: two dollars? Then you squat down to suck yourself two mouths ...
24, a crush on a girlfriend, call, text all fruitless, last night again on the phone goddess sent me a pigeon kissing photos, joy, research one night do not understand, the next day, told me that the pigeon kissing ... ge + wen = roll.
25, junior high school with a boy home, two people sitting on the couch watching TV when their parents came back I was in a hurry to hide him in the bathroom, my mother wanted to go to the bathroom, opened the bathroom door the goods are squatting inside the silent laundry, he was very natural to greet my mother and said: "Auntie, you're here ah, I'm putting ink today! I dropped ink on your daughter today, and the teacher punished me to help her clean her clothes!" But he was holding my dad's underwear in his hand.
26, after eating Lanzhou ramen must first eat the beef, or wait to eat up the noodles and then look for beef can not be found, never drink ramen soup I drink the soup today, in order to find the slice of beef ...
27, today in the Internet cafe to play the game, next to an elementary school student looked at me for a long time and then asked: Big brother why you play games so great? I silently said: probably because I have no girlfriend.
28, freshman year, there are a few roommates deliberately said that their homes are remote and poor, there is a comedy said: "I should have been a sophomore, climbed a year of the mountain to this school, so only one with you." Decided to kneel ...
29, the girlfriend's uncle's memorial service opened, the meeting read the old man's last words: "The heritage is not divided, as a fund, take out the interest every year in front of the tomb every year family reunion once, after the worship of the lottery."
30, one day I stole 100 dollars from the house, at first I was a little afraid, then, Dad shouted excitedly: wife, our family's fake money was used by who, who used, I must praise him! I happily shouted: I used it, awesome! Dad a burst of treacherous laughter ... alas, do not say rubbing medicine to go!
Editor's note: I just ate a breakfast in the breakfast store along with a pack of cigarettes a **** 38 dollars, gave the boss 100, the boss said to find me 72 dollars. I secretly happy, hurry to put the money into the pocket to go. Back to the company counted, found a scattered pile of money added up to 52 dollars. The heart is so tired, the most basic trust between people are gone.
1, life is the birth of the unsatisfactory, living amazing.
2, see pretenders brother always silently lowered his head, not brother quality is good, but brother is looking for bricks.
3, bullshit life, pugilistic bullshit
4, don't take my true heart as a bargaining chip
5, I will still save the feelings, only in the years no longer, to their own youth a remorseless account.
6, you see me as light as a feather, do not expect yourself or my heart Tarzan.
7, belongs to my things, who do not want to take away!
8, have to cherish, give up, do not look back.
9, I have my model, you can not imitate the model.
10, feelings are not natural disasters, happiness their own master.
11, on my stage, you are no longer the protagonist.
12, I am not glass or crystal, will not let people easily see through.
13, look at me when I am not good, you can choose to kill yourself, you can also choose to blind!
14, I want to be so strong that nothing can destroy my inner peace!
15, friends, I only care about the quality, do not care about the number, hand over is the heart!
16, rather than praying for life to be plain, it is better to pray for yourself to be strong.
17, I'm not weird. I am a limited edition.
18, please make it clear, I am not no one wants, more is not non-you do not want!
19. If I can hold hands with freedom, then I would rather lose everything.
20, you are always my only, the other I do not want anyone.
21, a confident woman is not arrogant, confident is to believe, and only believe will be happy.
22, there is no courage to start people, in fact, has ended.
23, the past since we can not go back, do not go back, re-programming our idol theater.
24, like to have it, do not be afraid of the results.
25, even if Curcuma love again cheap, you do not deserve to have.
26. I would rather create my own sadness than copy someone else's happiness.
27. I would rather be lonely than in love.
28, the equivalent value of life, there is no difference between high and low.
29, as long as we have a self-confidence, God are all meters have duck pear,
30, your past I was too late to participate in, your future I accompanied to the end.
31, women without men, as well as can live a wonderful life.
32, there is no forgetting to forget, only can not.
33, if he loves you, do not have to please. If he does not love, more need not.
34, rather than humble love, as opposed to proudly alone.
35, is my run away, not my I do not want!
36, please put away your posture, do not think you know me very well.
37, you can not look at me, but can not belittle me.
38, man I hold hands with you, this life you can only love me.
39, do not have to who give alms sunshine, we ourselves are the sun.
40, I can not tolerate a grain of sand in my eyes, the same can not tolerate you.
41, friends or lovers, if you are not sincere to me, why do I have to be sincere to you °
42, their own understanding of their own is not better, why let others understand their own.
43, you have more disdain, I have more perfunctory.
44, the downfall of junior, in addition to betrayal is extramarital love.
45, I am too late to participate in your previous, but your future will have me.
46, when I come back, please move out of my heart.
47, you only need to take a step, the rest of the step I will go
48, I do not care about your first love, I only care about your final love.
49, you have the power to pretend with me, I have the strength to kill you.
50, you laugh at my friends very few only one, I pity your friends many no one sincere.
Very strong said
Very strong said
One, the company forced me to go to the new scene as a model to practice shooting. Also with a female model, very strong, only this point off work is not reimbursement I just huh.
Second, Genting Bingole birthday cake is very strong! Happy Birthday!
Third, this wave of end-of-month homework is very strong, write a whole day of words, 15 pen words, 20 pen words wash wash finished I want to sleep.
Fourth, completely unexpected though can also be? But I would have brainstormed Genichiro voice is also very strong kind, he is not only face to deceive people.
V. So far crickets have released six originals and two covers this year, very strong
VI. can! I have no words!!! It's great!!! Very strong!!! Obviously I planned something that disrupted my plans without saying a word! Very good!
seven, ta_2 really is a very strong and serious people, I think they also did not very overseas field divided into a special separation, there is no differentiation, it is the OCD want to express the things conveyed to everyone, really in the feeling of fighting to the death.
Eight, ah oh, the water stick was taken. However the person concerned as if nothing happened, can, word sister, very strong. So, hate people, and then how to convince themselves, in the end or hate.
Nine, the disease is like a mountain to fall sick to go like a silk look at the mirror a pale face of their own is really a bit scary ah color all rely on lipstick to support ha very strong.
Tenth, the city will play Audi TT paste a Wuling Hongguang S this aphrodisiac behavior is very strong.
XI, 19 road female driver is very strong ah. Specializing in opening the door to scold the opposite side of the minivan. Bullying.
twelve, I can only say: days of sin can live, self-made sin can not live. Get along well with your boyfriend, not willing to be lonely and empty cold run to about the netizens, I just lol. It can be! Very strong
thirteen, Quan is very strong, the standard brother is very tough, the class teacher is very handsome.
Fourteen, the power outage at night, um, but also on the evening study, um, each person a candle, um, very strong.
fifteen, tea party, my platoon leader, very strong, experience is very rich, last year went home hard hit me, but still very grateful to him, he let me have the motivation to move forward. When I left, the most reluctant is still him.
Sixteen, thanks to Oni, Oba, uncle three people with me on my birthday. Accompany me to eat barbecue, but also sing me a birthday song, buy me a gift, although the uncle directly to me to play money. Haha, very strong! Oba sang really well, and Oni and Uncle sang well too. Today, I compared my legs with Oba's, and they actually went all the way up to the top of my bellybutton. Long legs are great? Ha ha ha, I'm convinced. It's hard to be alone in a foreign country, but I'm glad I have you guys with me. I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys, I love you guys.
nineteen, the dollar is very strong, this round of uptrend, the index for the first time in the 99 position, the yuan is still below 6.1, is now close to 6.8, the price will be reflected in the U.S. inflation, industrial manufacturing is almost finished, O'Hagan out of office, the figures on the truth. But with the cost of services skyrocketing in the U.S., there is no such thing as much of a miracle for consumption. All the talk of a rate hike in December is actually difficult. Exporting countries make it harder to earn dollars, and since the yuan has depreciated, it has to hold steady.
XX, your second year of the day of sacrifice just slipped away, and now realize that I forgot this special day. Will you be disappointed? Your parents must not forget, they must have gone to see you that day when it was raining heavily, I went to the first parent-teacher conference after work. The teacher said Gege's self-care and language skills are good, except that she sometimes speaks loudly and atmospherically, like a womanizer. Well, Manchu genes are strong! The first time I saw this, I was able to get the ball rolling.
The first time I saw this, I was able to get the ball rolling, and I was able to get the ball rolling! I do not know why this trip is free! I'm not sure why it's free, but I'm sure it's a good idea to get it right.
Twenty-two, all the unhappy love is playing hooligan Youth Digest is very strong.
Twenty-three, this mouth is really not small. Can, very strong, strong invincible
Twenty-four, coal is still very strong. Why is so strong may have something to do with some news, but such a marginal plate personal feeling now or do not need to put too much attention!
Twenty-five, reasoning, Changchun University Conservatory of Music of this orchestra is still very strong.
Twenty-seven, I have a wild temperament has a heart and means very dirty very cute and strong Well this is very cool but you say I am not what you want sorry ah I did not grow into your favorite look.
Twenty-eight, the lawyer really can not listen to what the client said is what, today's session, our client is a 60-year-old man, at first felt that he was beaten, is weak, very poor. But until today's hearing to feel, its aggressive, threatening words, appear very strong (the family came to six people), on the contrary, the other party, a young man in his twenties, speak gentle, not anxious, for the abuse is also just a slight smile.
Twenty-nine, constantly interrupting other people's speech although it looks very strong and very opinionated look but still feel very annoying ah.
Thirty, at this moment, I feel that the wisdom teeth and have to inflame the omen but I want to drink a bottle of cold milk must be bright other not very strong.
Thirty-one, sent such a circle of friends straight man and sister's answer is not the same can be very strong
Thirty-two, very strong, sister-in-law to my brother sent more. Sisters two deep my grandma's true heritage, do not eat also have to eat, eat continue to eat.