"I never ask my children to be filial, it's good to love each other." --International director Ang Lee
I tell my children many times a day, "Baby I love you." But to my mom and dad, I can't say it, and even, sometimes, when I pick up the phone, I don't know what to say to them.
After becoming a mom, I probably experienced seventy-two changes, from a girl who can't do anything at home all day long to a housewife who is good at all household chores, from a capricious and playful girl to a mature and stable aunt. I don't think of all these experiences as pain, but growth, which I willingly give for my children and my family, even if it is hard, I am willing to suffer. My husband and I both love our children so much that we can't control our uncontrollable feelings, and sometimes when I think about it, this love isn't innate, it's because we were once loved and protected so y by the people who love us the most. Even though I have grown up now, they are still behind me, always trying to love me and protect me, as if I have never grown up.
The love of parents is the best gift this world has to offer everyone. And what can we give our parents? What can we give to our parents? The money? To say a word without conscience, many times I really feel that I can not give my parents what, and even many times they give me a little more. The word "filial piety" is meant to be the dedication and obedience to parents, but in reality, we often do not even have the means to get along with our parents.
A real reconciliation with parents
I cried many, many times while reading Wu Zhihong's Why Home Hurts, because many, many of the scenarios mentioned in the book really happened in my childhood and teenage years. My dad worked out of town and my mom was a particularly cranky person, and if I did something wrong, even if it was just accidentally dropping an eraser, I was sure to be severely humiliated by her. Those humiliating words were y imprinted in my heart, and there was no way to face them or forget them. Injured outside, back home if crying mom will also think why others want to bully you, there must be something wrong with you. So I have to suffer in silence.
When I came home for New Year's Eve, my mom suddenly said she used to be very strict with me and felt sorry for me. My tears ran wild in my heart, this sorry I waited so many years, but really useful? I grew up with low self-esteem, even after reading 10,000 books and giving myself countless psychological hints can not be changed. My character is the legendary "pleasing personality", even if he suffered a great loss, it is difficult to resist.
But I've become a mom myself, and I'm starting to understand the situation my mom was in. She didn't study, she didn't have any culture, and the atmosphere in the countryside at that time was one of many, with a preference for male children, so how could she get rid of this cultural poison by her own strength? So she gave birth to four children. I myself with a child is often tired to collapse, my mother with four children still have to work, but also every day to cook and clean, but also to take care of my grandmother, but also to cope with the village of those annoying people to deal with. You can imagine how much pressure she was under. She has no ability to control her stress and emotions, and no opportunity to learn and change, so we became the outlet. But she actually gave really a lot, a lot of things, and those contributions should not be ignored by us. Although it is a girl in the countryside, but I really do not like other girls as a child to take on household chores, my mother by herself every morning at five o'clock to cook breakfast, busy housework, go to work, every day is busy until the middle of the night ...... Such a day may be we can not live a day, my mother insisted on more than 20 years, the four of us are sent to the The first thing I want to do is to get the best out of the world, and I want to do that.
A lot of people like me read a lot of books, have culture and thought, in the education and training of children as have emotional outbursts, of course, we have the ability to control themselves and reflect on their own. Parents have the limitations of time and ability, they have no way to cross the limitations, perhaps we should be a little more tolerant, a little more courageous, to try to understand those in the past.
I like the saying that the true maturity of a person is the understanding and acceptance of their parents. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. Reconciling with the hurt in your memories is the greatest forgiveness to your parents and yourself.
Love your parents as much as you love your children
Our parents are getting old.
I'm starting to think that my mom is becoming afraid of me, and my mother-in-law is actually afraid of my husband. My mom is also very bad-tempered now, but every time she loses her temper she softens with me first, and sometimes she even cries like a little kid. I've heard that my mother-in-law was quite fierce when she was younger, but now she'll only occasionally be mean to my father-in-law and be infinitely gentle with my husband and me. I don't think it's because we are so strong, they are just afraid of losing our love. It seems that at a certain age, the old man begins to turn into a child, they are careful, afraid that they can no longer pay for us, afraid that they will make us angry, afraid that they will bring us trouble.
Many people say that the elderly should have their own lives, but as far as the old men and women around me are concerned, many of them really want to stay by their children's side, and even if some of their daughters-in-law will give them a hard time, they still want to be able to look at their sons and see their grandchildren every day. They have lived for their children for so long. It seems cruel to let them go to their own lives when we don't need them anymore.
But two generations living together always have a lot of problems to face. In fact, do not be on the line moving to talk about filial piety, these are very empty words, if our hearts are really willing to respect the love and protection of their parents, we should be able to do better, but carrying the shackles of morality, to think about what they should do what should not be done.
Accepting your parents may be the best form of respect. Their habits and ideas may really be a bit strange, so as long as they don't harm their bodies and don't affect others, they may as well let them live according to their own habits. Whether you like square dancing or Tai Chi, it's all good. Parents to help you bring up children may always be too much favor, if you bring more of your own properly taught will not affect too much. Don't mind their efforts, if you do really overdo it, and speak calmly or better than a big fight.
When parents do something wrong, try to downplay it rather than criticize it. Parents have high self-esteem, and a little "how's that?" may keep him up all night. Encourage them when they do well, positive words can make them feel loved and warm.
Times are changing so fast that parents often can't keep up. We should try to give them a hand instead of laughing at them. It's great to teach them to play WeChat, Weibo or even mobile games if you have the time. The world is so big, you should let your parents go to see it, and if you don't have time to accompany them, you can also go to the travel agency to book an interesting senior tour. The more you see, the more your temperament will slowly open up, and you will slowly have your own life and not put all the attention on the small family.
After all, we are their favorite most attached to the person, the world's most beautiful feelings, but is equal to love each other.
PS: Not all parents know how to love, not all parents deserve to be forgiven. This article does not apply to those who have been hurt by their parents all over the world.