1) Roll: First, the zero tolerance faction.
Zero tolerance is subdivided into three factions:
* Dignity faction
Ai little sheep in an article like this:
Everyone seems to have an untouchable line in their hearts -
If your boyfriend cheated on you and your husband betrayed you and you didn't tell him to get lost, you are condoning male power, lowering the cost of cheating for men, and contributing to the bad trend of inequality between men and women; you are an old woman in a traditional society, not a new woman who is independent and self-reliant.
* The only criterion for me to find a man is to be loyal, and I've been married to him for this reason, but you've lost your only advantage, so what's the point of having you?
* Fear of the faction
There is only a difference between zero and ten thousand times a man has cheated on his wife. The first time you do it, you'll be addicted to it, and you won't be able to live with it.
2) Tough:
* Self-abuse faction
Men cheat because I am not good enough, from now on I will not be a housewife.
I'm going to crush this man in his career and self-growth, so that this man can only ever treat me as a queen and goddess, so that I can wash away my past shame.
* Abusive faction
I can forgive you, but not easily let you go, turn in your bank card, sign a derailment on the net agreement, in front of my parents kneel down to admit fault, write a guarantee
In short, let you remember the painful lesson of derailment, so that you talk about derailment, such as the birds of a feather!
* Mutual abuse faction
You will cheat, I will not? I'm going to get back at you! Let's have an open marriage, how about playing each other? 3) tolerate: "you do not let me see on good" faction (big room faction): pretend nothing happened, you good I good everyone good, happy to do big room.
* False intimacy faction (love you have to trust you unconditionally faction):
Man confession, the woman immediately forgave, cheating this quickly turned over.
* Grievance School (Moral Blackmail School):
Grievance perpetual motion machine: endure for a period of time, and then attack, so that the man is condemned by the conscience; and then lurk for a period of time, and then a period of time and then start to explode again.
Which is your reaction?
As we can see, each of these three paths seems to have its own advantages and disadvantages.
But none of these three paths is likely to arrive at true happiness.
In fact, the regret of many people is that they never know whether the relationship is worth repairing, and many people let go when they should least let go; but stay when they should not stay.
What kind of marriage, need to decisively let go of some of the relationship can not be settled: such as domestic violence addiction, gambling addiction, sex addicts, chronic mental patients, perennial paralyzed patients
This kind of man inside the black hole is too big, often will be a partner completely sucked dry. They need a counselor more than your companionship, and if you must do it, I'll send you a bible or vajra.
There are relationships that shouldn't be settled for: for example, some people say, the reason why I redeem myself is mainly to take a breath of fresh air, and when I get him back in my hands, I'll mercilessly abandon him again;
Or the reason why I redeem myself is mainly for vengeance, and in order to make that mistress's life worse than death!
This kind of salvage is problematic from the very beginning, turning a good relationship into a "Zhen_Zhuan" in the palace drama, ancient women's life is no way out except for men, our life is not so narrow.
Some relationships are not worth saving: marriage has entered the "petrified" stage, each other has exhausted the heart, depending on the other in nothing, do not talk to ease, and even quarrel do not want to quarrel.
This time, even if there is still a trace of the old love to maintain you, it is not recommended that you spend more energy to restore, the repair of self-trauma is in the first place.
Some men are addicted to cheating: is there really only 0 and 10,000 times?
Psychology tells you: not necessarily.
People with "addictive body" are prone to habitual cheating.
What is an addictive body?
It's someone who can't digest their emotions with words, but can only express them with their body and actions.
When something major happens: such as the death of a parent, a child leaving home, a major illness, an unexpected success or failure in a career
this is when we tend to face a storm of emotions.
When a man does not have sufficient verbal ability to express emotional pain and digest inner conflicts, he often turns to physical metabolism - smoking and drinking - or action metabolism - playing games, violent conflicts, or cheating.
This kind of man is the highest rate of recurrence of cheating, which is also known as "cheating only 0 times and 10,000 times" professional.
This type of man even if the return of the future days, will also be faced with the fear that he will not cheat again worry, marriage repair costs are too high.
What kind of woman can save the marriage and get back to happiness
Marriage management needs the ability, and marriage repair is more test of your wisdom.
Knowing each other's core needs, and having the ability and means to fulfill them, as well as knowing how to teach each other how to fulfill themselves, such a woman is entitled to true happiness.
If you can learn nonviolent self-expression and provide positive emotional value to a man while holding the line, in this way, there is a high probability of success.
Step one, reshape the perception
Many women hate one step and end up scaring men away in minutes.
This time, we have to complete 2 cognitive remodeling:
* Redemption is not the result, but the process;
* Redemption is not the other side, but their own.
When you get a call from an insurance salesman, do you hang up immediately when you hear "Excuse me for a few minutes"? Our world, where you can not afford to disturb?
But there is an insurance salesman, mixed into a group of square dancers in the team, with them for half a month of square dancing, to deal with the entire neighborhood of the elderly insurance business.
What's the difference?
No process, no result; no lubrication, only friction. The problem is that when controlled by the "devil", we lose our sanity.
The second step is to restore sanity
A person's ability to deal with problems is determined by two parts of the brain. One part is called the amygdala: rapid response one part is called the cerebral cortex: fine response.
For example, when we encounter a tiger, we are mainly dealt with by this part of the amygdala, hurry up and run, and you observe whether it is a South China tiger or a Northeast tiger? Is it male or female? How old is it?
But if you are Wu Song, you can take care of both parts, you will analyze this tiger pouncing, where should I hide, should I grab its tail or its head?
How quickly can you become Wu Song in this hard battle? Training is the only way to move from "amygdala thinking" to "cerebral cortex thinking".
You can tell yourself: I can lose my mind, I can vent my emotions, but I have to find the point that makes me lose control of my emotions before I lose my temper.
This method can help you quickly train yourself to regain your sanity.
The third step, the words hooked
When their own emotions stabilized, you can begin to "teach" the man.
Why is he resisting you? Why does he refuse to take anything you say to heart?
Because he found that talking to you is a "black hole of inferiority":
He found that you do not care about the solution to the problem, the mood will be week after week, just like the aunt, no matter how hard, the next time or exactly the same.
He realized that his efforts were really worthless to you.
So, if you want to get him back, you must focus on these two points when you speak: when a man doesn't respect you, make sure you find your face. When men are not interested, be sure to regulate the atmosphere.
For example, he did not listen to your words, ignored them, or angry and impatient, at this time, you can use a joking tone of voice: "Are you a headache as soon as you hear me say so?"
This adjusts the atmosphere of "black clouds" to a relaxed atmosphere of "joking", while also **** love him. The man gets ****ed and feels relieved that he doesn't have to deal with a disgruntled woman, or be provoked on the battlefield and have to defend his superiority.
In short, if they don't have to deal with the worst of the "bitter passages", then they will be more willing to invest in communication. This is the embodiment of high emotional intelligence:
* 1) Awareness of the other party's emotions, communication aura;
* 2) for the current communication aura to regulate the temperature, humidity;
* 3) concerned about is the degree of lubrication of the communication, the change of the emotional state - not always joking, not always crying! , but rather soft when it's time to be soft, hard when it's time to be hard, relaxed when it's time to be relaxed, and resolute when it's time to be resolute.
And the communication of death is: obviously the other party has told you, non-invitation, or head on, which pot is not open to mention which pot, not hit the south wall will not turn back.
This means that your brain has completely shut down the "cerebral cortex channel", completely "amygdala". Often, the man was on the marriage there is still love, want to make some compensation and efforts, but in you began to accuse of suppressing the time, the man is completely torn out of the face.
Psychology has a "broken window effect", that is to say, a house if the window is broken, no one to repair, not long after the other windows will somehow be broken;
A wall, if there is some graffiti not cleaned off, the wall will soon be full of messy, unpleasant things; a very clean place, if the wall is not cleaned off, the wall will not be cleaned off, the wall will be full of messy, unpleasant things; a very clean place, the wall will be full of messy, unpleasant things. A very clean place, people will be embarrassed to throw garbage, but once there is garbage on the ground after the appearance of people will not hesitate to throw, not the slightest sense of shame.
We must always remember one thing in our relationships: there is no face without a face. Always leave room for maneuver. Always leave enough steps for both sides!