Around June 10th, I already felt that my body and spirit had entered an unspeakable depression. More than a year of various discomforts aside, but always adhere to not eat Western medicine I have been eating for three or four months, especially during that time three Western medicines, eat four times a day, from morning to night to pinch, appetite is greatly reduced, all the body is weak, running seems to be impotent, the key is to not find the headache has improved. Things like being blown by the store's air conditioner, or cutting vegetables next to the kitchen window create extreme discomfort. Can I really stay away from hats? I see that the day to go to the hospital is here again, but it does faze me a bit. Originally, the epidemic had eased, thinking that it was time to go back to their homes, but then learned that the neighborhood was closed due to the epidemic, when can I go home ah?
The Western medicine, really do not want to eat, my brother suggested to stop a time, the old students also said that you can practice stakes. At this point in time to get the news, our neighborhood soon unblocked. So, to the old partner to call, to seek his advice: do not go to the hospital, want to go straight home, but, the receiver came a series of solid "lessons": how long is not sports? How long has it been since you've exercised? Will you be able to stay at home after you come back? The voice is more and more harsh!
At that time, the mood is not generally poor, so, hard to go running, but the brain is still a variety of chaotic thoughts stirring, feel the brain to pop out of the scalp. A heavy sweat and a hot shower not long afterward made it even harder, especially on the heart, which felt like it was crushing a breath, and lying in bed I even feared I would die. The next morning there seemed to be some relief, and even though the situation was no longer suitable for running, it was better to go for a run in order to get rid of the depression of the heart. I just closed the door and found the hallway tossed around by the neighbor's old lady again, so I was so angry that I took a random video. Running does not feel relaxed, full of all kinds of thoughts filled with all kinds of bad. When I came back, the more I saw the scene in the hallway, the more angry I got, somehow I sent the video to my neighbor, and I didn't think to retract it, so I made the mistake of discussing the problem of her mother-in-law's house littering the hallway. The brain is not enough, let alone in this situation. Afterwards, I immediately felt that I was out of line, although I also said something like "excuse me", but normally I would never have done this kind of operation, and it would not cause conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, right? I already clearly feel that I am the kind of tricky and mean grandma's wife, all kinds of regret lingering in my heart! So, I always took the wrong bus and rode through the stops on the way to see Pops. After realizing that I was not fit to run for another 3 days, and sent the video to my old partner, how do you know that it is not a gamble stood the upper hand!
The new day, still find myself doing what is wrong, always out of their depth, lose three, do the wrong thing, to make up for double the time, what is wrong with me? At this moment, I suddenly realized again that some bulging varicose veins on my legs, which had undergone surgery, had not yet recovered, and the doctor said that they would recover by wearing varicose vein stockings. I weighed more than 20 pounds lighter, obviously the socks were too loose, and I wore them to go running. I really couldn't stand it, and I ordered the right socks according to my current weight. In those days, I was so busy, so wrong, that I didn't even have time to drink water, my nerves were tense, my throat was surprisingly sore, and my mouth ulcers got worse. At this time, my best friend came home from the quarantine point, extremely excited, she endlessly chatting with me through WeChat, especially on the nucleic acid test results of the "0 day" problem, endlessly and I do "arithmetic problems", and constantly "raise the bar". "I was always taking care of other people's emotions, even though I had a splitting headache! When I sat down, I found my legs and feet cold, and my heart pounded like it was going to jump out of my throat. All kinds of inferiority all of a sudden came to the surface, all kinds of harsh sounds rushed through the ear drums, I can not help but ask myself: how did I make so many mistakes? I wanted to use the head massager my brother gave me to relieve myself, but my fingers were stiff and I couldn't operate it. I had an emotional meltdown, feeling like I couldn't do anything and was doing everything backwards! Then close the door and vent to myself. Hysterically crying a little, laughing a little, talking to myself a little, the whole person really broke down! How long had it been since I had cried or laughed, just living all the time for the sake of other people's crying and laughing, in short, there was nothing but aggravation at that time! However, the remnants of reason warned me: you are out of control again, out of control again! You have always been "open-minded", "generous", "Q" show people, this time how to get into a dead end? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new pair of shoes or boots.
I put the head massage instrument into the box, since there is nothing I can do at this time, it will be put away for the time being; I can not go home in this situation, so everything at home, including the person who is angry with me, also disappear for the time being; at this moment to explain to the neighbors of their own situation, can explain it? I can't even do it now, let's talk about it in a few days; I don't need to do the nucleic acid at the moment, and I can't lift this 0-day "bar", so let's put it aside for now. I started to clear the mess in my mind one by one, to remove from my mind the thoughts that are troubling me but cannot be solved for the time being, and that I am not capable of solving. The first step, as soon as those troubling thoughts appear on the edge of the immediate stop: I do not have the ability to do, I can not do, in time to clear out of the brain. The second step, I keep on "open" themselves, to give themselves a strong psychological impulse: this thing they deal with this is actually not wrong, not also have some results? For example, the things in the hallway is indeed much less; that thing is not good is also justifiable, not inadvertently solve the problem that has been bothering you for many years? For example, that once drink a mouthful of cold water can grow the weight of ...... Thus, the rational one of me and the other drilled into the dead end of the I earnestly talk to, persuade.
At the same time to solve the problem of thought, I began to start adjusting their own bodies, and indeed feel that there is someone who is guiding me how to give their own body "reloading body":
While I still have some residual strength, can not lie down, if you can not get up on the end of the day, who knows when my son came back! First of all, I set up a drinking water, food and warm clothing within easy reach of the environment, because a mouthful of water can save your life at the critical moment, and at present, this kind of cold body, I must solve the problem of warmth. Spring clothes that were washed and ready to be put away were drying on the balcony, and I stumbled there. Before I realized it, I had already put on three layers of clothes underneath my body, but I still felt cold, and the thermometer on the wall showed 28°C. Luckily, there was a chair there, so I sat down, and when a gust of wind blew by, the door of the room rattled slightly, but I was extremely shocked. Slowly dawdling back into the living room, I even put on the cotton slippers that wrapped around my heels, and placed my son's two folded heavy coats on the couch. Next, I closed all the doors to the rooms and kept the three rooms at different temperatures. These are resolved, suddenly remembered that I should write down to their "reinstallation of the system" used to drag a long time, so I took a pen and paper, but I do not know how to write down, oh, I had a brainwave, turn on the computer is also the same, after completing the look at the start-up time will be able to. Came to another room, not yet walked to the table, trance feel chair sitting on a person, unconsciously shivered again. But still open the computer, the moment the door closed to remind myself to leave the phone here, because any little sound will make will my heart jump.
All the preparations are basically ready, I am exhausted to put himself down on the living room couch, found that the mouth of the heart is still cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold. And then look closely, oh, it is the electric kettle out of the hot air in the window filled with. Suddenly realized that there is a huge strange shadow on the south window sill, in fact, it is only the shadow of the flower in the sun, it seems, has produced hallucinations. In the face of my body was "shaken apart" skeleton, I reminded myself: as long as still alive, can be reassembled, can alleviate all kinds of discomfort! At this point, I really couldn't move at all. In addition to the physical discomfort, the mental distress hadn't been completely relieved, so I kept trying. "Dad." The sweet voice of the girl next door came from my ears, it seemed that it was already six or seven o'clock in the evening, and people were off work. After another while, the heart-stopping sound of a square dance came from outside the window.
In this way, the eyes have been open, the brain has been turning, a long night passed. When the first ray of sunrise shines in, the mind is still a mess, yesterday's chainsaw sound during the day, the sound of the square dance at night has been in the ear resounding in the ear, which should be "hallucination" right? Until the sound of the square dance in the morning came back to me, I reminded myself, "This sound is real!" And then there's that chainsaw sound that only happens during the day, and so on.
I don't know how long it took, but I could move my fingers but couldn't lift them at all, so I had to start by moving my fingers and toes. Touching my lips, which were dry, cracked and sore, I reminded myself that it was time to drink some water, but I couldn't reach the glass of water on the coffee table, even though there was only half a glass of water left there, but since I couldn't do anything about it, it was just a matter of time. Another day ended when the little girl next door called out for her daddy and the square dance started up again outside. And I, too, was able to move my body slowly toward the coffee table and reach the banana on top with my limp hands. My heart was less cold when I ran my hand over it, and my forehead was sweating slightly. The breath that had been nestled in his heart finally smoothed out, and his emotions stabilized, and he had even adjusted his facial expression. So much so that when my son came back, he only wondered why I slept on the sofa and didn't realize that I couldn't move at all under the layers of wrapping and covering. I explained, just a little uncomfortable, sleep on the good, urge him to go to sleep, he gave me another quilt, then closed the door to go to sleep.
At this point, the mental distress has been all clear, I really entered the body "reloading" project critical stage. Because it must be carried out in a calm, undisturbed situation. Which movements to use, which discomfort, how to harmonize my hands and feet, which position relieves which pain. I used all the knowledge I had recently read about wellness. Slowly, I was able to put one leg on the back of the sofa, and from time to time I moved a few sofa cushions, using them to harmonize the bones that had been "shaken apart". I was afraid of breaking a bone if I pushed too hard, and I just hoped that my leg would not be lame, my hand would not be "pulled", and my mouth would not be crooked and my eyes would not be slanted. I lay there, stretching my hands, lifting my legs, twisting my head and moving my shoulders, little by little, "adjusting" the gap between my head, limbs and torso, so that he could gradually harmonize his body. Another long night passed, and when the new day came, everything went smoothly. I was able to sit up slowly, tried to stand up again, and even walked slowly while holding onto something. I couldn't contain my inner excitement: I was, indeed, born again! I moved to the computer: "computer has been used for 1 day, 23 hours and 27 minutes", the time has changed from June 15 to 17, which is the time I lie down on the couch for their "reinstallation of the system". Two days and two nights, with both eyes open, with a banana and half a glass of water.
When my son reappeared in the living room, I was able to tell him calmly that I had reinstalled my system. The next two days, probably re-installed the body system still need a period of adaptation, I was weak. On the third day, I told my son to go ahead and do whatever he needed to do to take care of himself. When I stepped out of the house again, it had been a week.
Since then, I have repeatedly opened the computer query: people really can give themselves to reinstall the system? But nothing came up. But I do feel that I was instructed by others to do it beforehand, so what is going on with my experience? Where did the information that guided me come from? But it doesn't seem to matter anymore, because I did benefit from it. Perhaps it was the glimmer of hope that remains when one is on the verge of both emotional and physical collapse that guided me through that dangerous period. Think of all that I endured for over a year: headaches, varicose vein surgery, followed by headaches, palpitations, and panic attacks. Add to that the various stories that Pops renders from time to time, oh, and all the negativity that stirs up. Can't all this be solved by relying on medication alone?
"There is no strict age limit for menopausal syndrome, which occurs at the lowest point in your physical health." From the explanation given to me by my doctor, menopausal syndrome has also given me a godsend. The good thing is, at the moment, I am able to face everything with grace. When I felt that I needed a therapist more than anything else, I tried to "help myself". In fact, some things are not as you think, such as the old partner, when I bury my head in the sulking, but people innocently do not know what is going on. Because in his eyes I will always be an "iron man", is an optimist. Since always to "self-reliance and self-improvement" self-esteem, then do not assume that others should be how, not to mention the use of this kind of take for granted to punish themselves. In fact, those "can not think" in today's view is nothing? No wonder there are so many people suffering from anxiety and depression.
Now, I want to do what I do, do not care how others look at, no longer because of other people's own. No longer tastelessly lifting the bar, no longer looking for anger to be born. I will let my mind selectively receive information, no longer nonsense, more stable emotions, sleep is also much more stable.
Finally, I've organized this particular experience, and I'll probably use it again in the future. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this, but I'm sure I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this, and I'm sure I'm going to be able to get a good deal on this. In addition to taking good care of your body, you need to adjust your emotions in time. My experience shows that people can really reinstall their own systems, both physical and emotional. Only by not being disturbed by the outside world and not being swayed by others can you create a healthy physical and mental world for your old age.