Not everyone is suitable for married life. It is the first thing that must be established. Do you give refunds for emotional counseling? These square dances put on an untiring face with a provocative heart and chime in with nothing, "You can't just be alone for the rest of your life." The phrase seems like a piece of a knocked-out charm. She can't be alone for the rest of her life, so the end of her life today is taking her grandchildren to square dances. You don't have to be like them.
Married life is a small thing. It is the second thing that must be established.
How many of these old people who claim that getting married is "the big thing in life" have you met who have lived a good life? Therefore, it's just as useful to be as ho-hum as possible when it's time to be ho-hum as it is to reboot.
Coming to this age, the completion of the marriage will have long been knotted, want to divorce are also one step ahead. The remaining pots of friends and classmates did not get married, often in the group by others to discuss, these people love to discuss the topic of discussion as if discussing a national issue that, feeling that other people's marital life there is a kind of long from their own both close and close to the sense of wonder. The person who is being discussed is full of anxiety, and the person who is discussing is excited. However, no one has seen anyone really figure out how it is to consummate a marriage. Everyone remains in a state of impoverished anxiety, in a state of mind where everything is a matter of rivalry rather than a struggle, and naturally, this includes the search for a marriage partner.
Marital life, in fact, is a kind of human interaction.
It is not an instinctive requirement, and, unlike eating, drinking, or breathing, it is by no means necessary for everyone. It's just that too many people don't understand this great truth. Some people love chili peppers, some people like sweetness, Sichuan cuisine becomes popular, and everyone forces these sweet eaters to find a Sichuan restaurant and get a lifetime card. The people who enlisted you feel that they are carrying out the good deed of atonement, while you yourself only figure out, and then use concessions to avoid the clamor of compulsion, and then soon appreciate the omen of rushing to misfortune. But these performances of good understanding of everyone has long laughed and do not know the trail.
People should think about this kind of difficulty in the reverse direction, so that they can recognize some axioms in the right direction, for example, if divorce does not mean unsuccessful, then _, the completion of the marriage does not mean the success of the path of life. These people who urge others to hurry up and get married have a weird value system that sees matching people as a way to set things right.
Why are so many people urging their children and even people they don't know to get married with a small expression of righteous indignation?
In fact, what these people are forcing is not necessarily just married life, they are used to forcing everything "different" into "the same". For people who have been trained since childhood that they must become the majority in order to avoid trials and tribulations, habits and choices that are different from those of the majority are frightening to them, and these people are used to a standard that is the same as a group exercise, and if someone is labeled as different, they feel they have a social and moral responsibility to help them bring their daily lives down to earth. It is a difficulty in their blood. Therefore, those who are pushing for marriage are not forcing you, they just can't get over themselves. They want you to act as an intermediary, a step in their own training.
After figuring this out, you will understand that you can't move them, and don't let them change you, so avoiding them is the best way. You don't have to be mean. Being understanding does not mean being manipulated. Remember, all the people who force you to live a good life, a daily life you don't expect, are bad people, no matter how loving they seem. They don't easily pay for your future, and when the day comes that you need to deal with the wrongs they have done to you, those people don't easily come to your aid, they always hide away and make your pain the most delicate topic of conversation in your mundane daily life. Objectively speaking, they do not intend to be like this, but it is only their habit of growth that decides that kind of life habits.
Knowing this step, you will also solve some of the pain. Subsequently, do a self-assessment to see if you are suitable for married life. Whether you are in a marriage relationship or not, you are able to ask yourself.
Getting married is about 2 adults making decisions to live and share their lives together. There is nothing else. No need to clean it up or denigrate it. Let the lame descriptions of what home is a _soft_ harbor, or married life is a tomb for feelings, save them for the 1990s era issues of Knowing Magazine.
The things you must ask yourself include:
First, are you able to allow your own individuality to be downgraded to a degree? Married life is never an addition or subtraction, it's a union, and it's a decision to make concessions on a number of things that people who identify with this interpersonal interaction must make. All human interaction that leads to a successful relationship is the result of concessions, and married life is not an exception.
Secondly, what do you want from married life? Some people want a more decent material situation with the support of a married relationship, others want to belong and not be alone. Whether it's the first or the second, it's all a misunderstanding of married life. Whether it's money or warmth, married life can't give you that permanently. The only person who can handle your financial independence is you or your parents who are related to you. Married life is very intimate, but it can fall apart much more completely than you think. It's cruel, but true. And to get not alone, even your parents can not give on, only with the help of your own, then a kind of psychological conditioning reasonable system, must learn to train to cope with and accept the actual, in that case, how can married life let you this essential system software?
Third, you can give what? You think the completion of the marriage is a result of tying the knot after all the good things. It is actually a just beginning to tackle a brand new period of interpersonal interactions. Necessary professional skills include, accepting all the halo crushed most likely, understand to solve the fragmented things, be sure to change, to figure out is not due to the associated with close contact, in the mindset must be the same ____, you are happy in the case, the other party may happen to be sad, you are upset in the case, the other party happens to be thrilled to learn to accept and solve the regularity of the mind drive gear shifting.
Well, if you can accept this, married life this kind of association _ is quite suitable for you, if you can't accept it at all, let other people how to say, learn to be a kind of responsible behavior.
Then_, when is the right time to get married?
If you feel that then a small matter of circumstances.
This rhetorical approach to the "big event in life" in Chinese culture and traditional contexts is a real dud, with grandiose descriptions that essentially translate the transformations of married life into a near-flamboyant misadventure. It makes us all either expect or fear that our married life will not be what it should be.
Most people's age of marriage is similar to that of their own adjustment period, alone and semi-alone in the middle, did not completely fade away the tenderness, but also not completely more and more humane, for the world to recognize some of the corridors, but for the real appearance of it and ignorance. At this time, they have to carry out a selection which is turned into a "big event in their life", and they themselves are the irreplaceable protagonists. How many people want to be placed in this kind of atmosphere?
Married life is only a state of life regulation, rather than completely no longer associated with the past, emotional counseling to refund? It has been embedded again with brand new system software. It _has_ these kinds of disruptive innovative items. You can find that after finishing marriage, your own thoughts are less likely to cause everything to deteriorate and less likely to how often a brain. Therefore, you have to grow up in the whole process, slowly let itself figure out, married life is really a life road trivial, if you have not to a kind of towards the sublime, solemn and its own sadness of the mental state to deal with it in the case, only is considered to be real suitable to step into its _ moment.
And it's interesting to note that if you do feel that it's a trivial matter of life's path, then it represents, in a sense, that you're becoming an adult.
The consummation of a marriage must be a matter of 2 adults, not adults in the sense of the actual age of the laws and regulations, but only adults in terms of psychological state. Unlike laws and regulations, mental maturity varies from person to person, and some people are still children at thirty, which is not at all pompous.
The connotation of adult contains, wealth freedom, spiritual independence, understand the calmness in dealing with people, also understand the maintenance of the heart of the individuality, spiritual lining of the boundaries of the solid, smooth values, understand the enjoyment of discretion in addition to clear self-restraint, understand the tolerance of others, for their own boredom, will be used to appropriate and decent way to rebuff; for the favorite items, understand their own diligence to obtain rather than to stipulate, but not the most important thing is that they are not the same as the other people. For favorite items, they know that they should work hard to get them instead of requiring others to pay for them. Such a person is not likely to be very bad. But if you look closely at the neighborhood, how many of them can really fit this kind?
China's cultural and educational system software has produced a devastatingly bad effect, that is, from adolescence to puberty, from mothers and fathers, colleges and universities to the development of society are trying desperately to repress the sense of a person into an adult all the omens, regardless of the spirit of the substance of the discipline _ is the human body aspect of the abstinence of desire, all of which are like this. But to achieve a recognized age of marriage, they are immediately cooked, as if overnight, they must become a spiritually perfect, but also have a sense of mission of the boys and girls, how can this be?