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1. The professor asked: what's the same between a rotten radish and a pregnant woman? A student answered, "It's the worms that cause the trouble. The student got only 60 points. Another student scored full marks with the answer: it's all because of the late pulling.
4. The white rabbit raped the gray wolf and fled, the wolf was indignant and chased after the rabbit, who wiped his body with dirt and pretended to be a gray rabbit, wearing glasses to read the newspaper, and the wolf asked: "Can I see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is that the white rabbit that raped the wolf? Wolf shame: I KAO, so fast to the newspaper?
5. Q: Who is the world's most poor people? A: artillery company cooking class soldiers! Q: Why? A: wearing a cuckold and carrying a black pot to see other people snogging.
6. A reporter interviewed 100 penguins a day to do what, the first said: eating, sleeping, playing beans, the second said: eating, sleeping, playing beans. Has been asked 99 are so, asked to the 100th said: eat, sleep. The reporter asked: Why don't you play beanies? Penguin said: I fucking is bean beans, your grandmother.
7. A woman walking at night, suddenly saw a man walking towards her with open arms, do embrace, go forward is a foot, the man fell to the ground and cried, said: are the third piece, who am I inviting, bring a piece of glass home is so difficult?
8. Turtle high volume of alcohol, one day drunk, friends asked: how do you still get drunk? Turtle answer: alas, the octopus that grandson must be and master boxing, damn, so many hands, look at all see over, really lost a lot!
9. The two hard work, the female always crazy screaming, neighbors knocked on the door to protest! The male said quickly do not make a sound, the female answer can be, and then the female will be eyes closed, teeth clenched, shivering, the male panic asked what happened? Female answer: nothing to do, I changed the vibration!
10. A new recruit to get up always behind scolded, they buy dye painted on the body, cool camouflage clothing. In the middle of the night, the bugle sounded, he first rushed out of the barracks officer table: very good! Dressed very neatly, but next time pay attention, grenades should be hung in the back.
11. TV station a hostess after a few years of marriage, sterile, anxious and worried, to find the doctor complained: "said I can not, unmarried, pregnant three times; said that the husband can not, do not we have a few station leaders are not?
12. After watching the black 100 meters, an old lady wiped her tears and said: scared to death! A few coal mining kneeling in a row was shot, did not aim to open fire, the children were scared that run ah, the rope can not stop wow!
13. A young woman advised her son to sleep with his grandfather, the son refused. The young woman scared: you do not go that I will go! The child still does not go. Grandpa said: educate children to be honest, to be an example, to talk to be counted! Lying to children can not even old people together!
14. A few boys gathered more than ten fast money, want to buy toys, but worry: a dozen dollars can buy what? One of them proposed to: to buy tampons, the crowd did not understand, asked why? The boy said, I'm not quite sure, but the TV said that with it, you can climb mountains, water skiing, playing ball, skating, and happy no worries.
15. Two ladies were complaining about how crowded the buses are today, making them miserable. One said, "I'm so unlucky! I was so crowded on the bus that I had a miscarriage." One says, "I'm the unlucky one! I was so crowded in the car that I got pregnant."
16. One day, a monk encountered a nun will be out of a couplet: the first line: the daytime did not hang things, the second line: the night hanging nothing, crossword: nothing to do! Nuns on the first line: the daytime empty hole, the second line: the night hole empty empty, cross-remarks: there is a request (ball) will be answered.
1.
The men's and women's restrooms in the school are connected. A girl went to the toilet and forgot to bring toilet paper, is embarrassing, next door to the men's bathroom toilet paper, the girl lost her face, loudly asked "who?". The girl blanched and asked loudly, "Who? The boy next door answered in a low, strong voice: "Lei Feng."
2,
The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, "I felt sand in my shoes, so I held on to the pole and shook my shoes.A fucking asshole walked by there and thought I was electrocuted, so he copied a wooden stick and gave me two sticks!
3.
In biology class, the teacher asked: how can I correctly tell the hands and feet of an octopus? The student answered: put a fart to it smell, will cover the nose is the hand, the other is the foot. The whole class fell.
4.
One person always farted loudly at work, and his colleague couldn't help but say: can you keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there shaking nonstop. Colleagues asked him what he was doing, he replied: I have now adjusted to vibration!
5,
Someone riding a bicycle, heard a passer-by in the wild roar: go, go, go ...... thought, damn I will sing: O come O come Oh ...... words did not fall, head into the ditch. Passersby scolded: mom! Tell you ditch ditch ditch, you still ride? Fall dead deserved!
6,
Carp and turtle to get a marriage license. The clerk asked the tortoise age, the tortoise said: 100. the clerk said regretfully: sorry, according to your family regulations, you are still underage, are not allowed to marry.
7.
A couple came to a wishing well. The husband bent down, made a wish and then threw a coin into the well. The wife wants to make a wish too, but she bends down and accidentally tumbles into the well. The husband was stunned, then laughed and said to himself, "How fucking spiritual!"
8.
A couple was fishing by the river. The lady always quarrel, a moment fish hooked, the lady said: this fish is really poor. The husband said: Yes, just shut up not all right?
9.
The teacher of the nature class asked, "Why is the body cold when a person dies?" No one answered. The teacher asked again, "Does no one know?" At this point, someone from the back of the classroom said, "That's because the heart is cold."
10.
The spider was y in love with the ant, and when he expressed his love but was rejected, the spider yelled, "Why? Why is all this?" The ant timidly said, "My mom said, all day long in the web stay are not good people!"
11.
Small light is a diligent student, he used the winter vacation part-time job to earn tuition. During the day, he helps the butcher cut meat, while at night he goes to the hospital for internship. One night, an old woman has to undergo surgery due to an emergency, and Xiao Guang pushes her into the operating room. The old woman is in a state of panic and cries out, "Oh my God! You're the pig killer, where are you pushing me?
12,
One of the first on the plane want to vomit, the stewardess to take an empty bag, almost full of bags and then go to take the bag, and told "do not spit". To come back to see all over the place, ask why, replied: "I see almost full, and then took a sip, around the people are vomiting ......"
, a couple divorced and fighting for the child, the wife said righteously: "The child from the out of my stomach, of course belong to me!" Husband said: "Joke! It's nonsense. Can the money taken out of the ATM belong to the ATM? It still belongs to whoever inserted the card!"
3, someone saw the sea for the first time, exclaimed: "The sea ah! Mother!" The words just fell, a wave hit
come, just hit him in the face, this person said angrily: "I shit! Also he **** is a stepmother!
4, the monkey picked a card, so climbed to the branch of the tree to see what card. Unexpectedly, a lightning struck it, and the monkey
cried, "So it's an 'IP' card!"
5, the director and the section chief **** ride in the elevator, the director of a fart after the section chief said: you farted! Section chief said: not I put
. Soon the chief was removed from his post. The director said at the meeting: you can't afford the fart, why do you need you?
6, in a fashion store, I saw a waiting impatient young man said to a beautiful girl: "Do you mind
and I say a few words?" The girl asked curiously, "Why?" "My wife has been in this store for over a small
hour now, but if she sees me talking to you, she'll come right out ......." Before he could finish, his wife had
quickly walked out of the fashion store and left on his arm.
7: A man drove in a hurry and quickly urinated in an empty Sprite bottle
Taking advantage of the traffic jam, he got out of the car and tried to put the bottle in the trash, where he was stopped by a dedicated patrolman. What was in the bottle, leftover Sprite?
Take a sip and show me!
9, want you feel like: fried vegetables did not put salt; apples are not too sweet; drinking less cigarettes; shopping forgot to bring money.
When I have time
I will think of you, when I have no time I will take the time to think of you, I really can not take the time to think of me - nothing to do, just think of you!
10, son to sleep with mom every night.
Mom said: you grew up and married a daughter-in-law and mom sleep ah?
Son answered: Uh-huh!
Mom said: What about your daughter-in-law?
She said: Let her sleep with dad.
Dad was thrilled to hear this and said, "This child has always known what to do since he was a child!
12, a police dog to see the road over an ordinary dog, ran to the fierce question: I am a police dog,
you
what is it? The ordinary dog looked at it with disdain and said: stupid, look carefully, I am plainclothes!
13, the man has an affair of the symptoms: the company every day overtime, housework never stained, the phone home on the off, text messages back to the end
deleted, go to bed snoring shocking, underpants are often anti-wear. The comparison check meets three belongs to the suspected, four can be diagnosed.
14, giant panda birthday, blow out the birthday candles, friends asked it, what wish. Giant panda replied
: "I have 2 biggest wishes in my life, one is to hope that I can cure my dark circles, there is a
well! is that I wish I could take a color photo too."
15, a pair of lovers in the park, the female pampering said toothache, the male kissed said no pain, a moment and said neck pain, male and kissed, the female said no pain, next to an old lady saw this on the guy said: really God, you can cure hemorrhoids not?
16, the male butterfly sang to the female butterfly: "You are my lover, like a rose like a woman!" After singing, he flew off to pick roses.
With this came a scream, and the female butterfly sang, "Fly slowly, my dear, and beware of the roses with thorns in front of you!"
17. On the first day, the white rabbit went to the river to fish, caught nothing, and went home.
The second day, the white rabbit went to the river to fish again, still caught nothing, and went home.
On the third day, when the white rabbit arrived at the river, a big fish jumped out of the river and screamed at the white rabbit:
If you ever fucking use a carrot as bait again, I'm going to flatten you!
18, one day, a barber to sell a candy cane beat, to the police station police asked the barber: Why do you beat the candy cane seller? The barber said: ***, I ironed my hair in the house, he shouted outside, "hot paste Hello"
19, husband: What time is it? Wife: ten o'clock, husband: whole? Wife: too early, right, others are not sleeping it! I am asking ten o'clock whole? Wife: eleven o'clock in the whole it.
20, two fights, a pillow thrown downstairs, a beggar happened to pass by, very happy, and then flew down a bed quilt, beggar ecstasy, wiping tears rushed upstairs shouting: upstairs brother, do good, the woman also threw down it.
21, seven years after graduation, finally took a big project, build a thirty-meter chimney, two months, the cost of three hundred thousand, but to advance funds. Finally, at the end of last year, finished. Today, people went to acceptance, was scolded to death, there is no money to get. Shit! The drawings look at the opposite, people are to dig a well!
22. A drunk man accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, a police officer came: what happened? Drunkard: I'm not sure, I also just arrived.
23. The doctor asked the patient how the fracture. The patient said, I think there is sand in my shoes, so I hold on to the pole to shake shoes. fucking an asshole passed by there, thought I was electrocuted, then copied a wooden stick and gave me two sticks!
24. The patient said to the dentist, "You're so good at making money, you made 3 dollars in only 3 seconds."
The doctor replied, "I can pull it for you in slow motion if you want."
25. "Narcissism" is that in my next life I must be reincarnated as a woman, and then marry a man like me; "despair" is that the restaurant to eat two dishes, eat the first: "There is more difficult to eat in the world than this? Eat the second "Shit! There really is!"" Speechless" is the judge asked: why do you print counterfeit money? The criminal said: real money I will not print
26. The weaving woman down to the earth to take a bath to meet the cowherd, interpretation of a shocking world sob God's love story, this incident tells us: bathing at home is no chance, so bathing must go outside to wash .....
27. Xiaoming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher: "There are a lot of ants in the toilet" The teacher suddenly thought of the ants of the English ant the word, so test Xiaoming: "ants how to say?" Xiao Ming a blank face ...... said: "ants he ...... did not say anything ......"
28. son: "mother, today I failed the math test" mother: "why? What's the problem?" Son: "The teacher asked me 2*3=? I said 6." Mother: "That's right, and then what." Son: "Then the teacher asked me 3*2=?" Mother: "It's the same fucking thing!" Son: "That's what I said...
29. A prisoner executed by firing squad, the bullet is "so-and-so county" production, the quality is not good, the first shot did not release, and then fired the second shot ... The third shot ...... At this point, the prisoner cried out: "You strangle me, too scary!"
30. The father told his son a story: "Uncle called Xiaoyang to cut firewood, did not expect Xiaoyang to uncle's favorite peach tree to cut down, uncle saw very angry but did not scold him, do you know why?" The son replied: "Maybe because Xiaoyang still holding the axe. So do not dare to scold him
31. a man always can not find a girlfriend, no choice but to go to the fortune-telling. Fortune-teller said: you, the first half of life destined to have no woman; not The man's eyes lit up: then I should have the second half of life? Fortune-teller said: hey, to the second half of life you are used to a person's life
32. friends to go hiking, to the top of the mountain, a girl in the face of the beautiful mountains and rivers shouted: motherland ah! My mother! A crush on her boys quickly followed shouting: motherland ah! My mother-in-law!
33. a boy to the same class of a friend of the student nickname, called the fat pig, the girl cried to the teacher, the teacher promised to criticize the boy, the next day, the teacher told the class: "a boy is too impolite, randomly give others nicknames, can not be called what others like what right?"
34. kindergarten little girl asked the teacher: my grandmother eighty years old can get pregnant? Teacher: No. I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it. Teacher: can. What about when I was eight? Teacher:Can't. The little boy next to me:Hey, hey, I said it's all right!
35. African black girl traveling to Shanghai, stayed in a hotel. In the middle of the night fire. The African woman flew out to run. A fireman saw the surprised: my mother alas, are burnt and still run so fast!!!!
36. Wolf cubs from childhood vegetarian. The wolf parents racked their brains to train it to hunt. Finally, one day, the wolf parents watched with relief as their son wildly chased a rabbit. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit and said fiercely: "Kid, hand over the carrots".
37. Before the wedding, the groom asked the celebrant: how much does it cost to host a wedding? The bridegroom said: the more beautiful wife the more money. The groom was embarrassed to give a dollar. The bridegroom froze, looked back at the bride, and then found 50 cents ......
38. The prisoner was executed by firing squad. Due to the poor quality of bullets, the first shot did not ring ...... then fired the second shot ...... the third shot ...... This is, the prisoner cried, hugged the bailiff's thighs and said: big brother, you strangled me, too fucking scary.
39. Yesterday I dreamed that God said he could fulfill one of my wishes. I took out the globe and said let there be world peace. He said it was too difficult to change it! I took out your photo and said make this person beautiful. God thought for a moment and said let's talk about world peace!
40. A woman was strangely ugly and couldn't get married. She hoped that she would be abducted and sold. Finally one day the dream came true. But half a month did not sell. The kidnappers sent her back. She was determined not to go down. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his foot: go, the car does not want.
3. A beggar knocked on the car window and said: give me some money.
Mr. looked down and said: give you a cigarette.
The beggar said: I do not smoke, give me some money．
The gentleman said: I have beer in the car, give you a bottle of wine.
The beggar said: I do not drink, give me some money．
The gentleman said: I'll take you to a mahjong parlor, I'll pay for it, you can bet on it, and if you win, it's yours.
The beggar said: I do not gamble, give me some money.
Mr. said: I will take you to the sauna to enjoy the "one-stop service", the cost of my full package.
The beggar said: I do not prostitute, give me some money.
Mr. said: then you get on the car, I take you back, so that my wife to see: a non-smoking, non-drinking, non-gambling
money, not whoring good men can mix into what kind!
The seven fairies are bathing in the lake, and the Eight Preceptors are in a hurry to see them.
The Tang Monk seriously shouted toward the lake: Shi Master, be careful of the crocodile ah!
The seven fairies dashed ashore naked.
The eight ring exclaimed:The intelligence of the leader can not be surpassed ah
The Tang monk four people to take the plane to travel, on the way to the plane crash, but the parachute is only three .
So the Tang Monk said, everyone to answer the question, can not answer out of the jump down.
The monk: Wukong, how many suns in the sky ah?
Wukong: one.
The monk: give you a hand.
The Tang Monk: Wukong, how many moons are there in the sky?
The monk: one．
The Tang monk: also give you a hand．
The eight rings on the side of the happy, so simple question．
The Tang monk: eight rings, how many stars in the sky ah?
．．．．
The eight rings jumped down．
Not long after, the four of them took the plane to travel. The plane crashed again, and there were still only three parachutes.
They went back to answering questions.
The Tang Monk: Wukong, when was the People's Republic of China founded?
Wukong: 1949．
The Tang Monk: Give you a hand．
Tang Monk: Sha monk, liberation war, how many people died ah?
Sha Monk: 2.5 million people．
The Tang monk: also give you a hand．
The Tang monk: eight rings, that 2.5 million people's name is what ah?
...... The eight rings and only oneself jumped down.
The third time, the four of them traveled by plane, and on the way to the accident.
This time, the eight quitters said: master, you do not need to ask, I jumped myself.
And then jumped.
The Tang monk closed his hand: Amitabha Buddha, this time there are four parachutes
1. A night, a naked man called a cab, the female driver stared at him, the naked man was furious, roared: you fucking have not seen a naked man ah! The female driver was also angry: I see where you fucking money from!
2. Male and female friends sleep in a room, the woman drew a line: over the line is a beast. Woke up and found that the man really did not cross the line , the woman ruthlessly hit the man a slap: you are even worse than animals!
3. One day Liu Hong Tao encountered foreign guests, went up and said: I am Hong TaoLiu, foreign guests said: I fucking or square piece of seven it!
4. Chai Chai was repaired by his father, he ran to his mother to complain: "Mom, someone beat your son what will you do?" Mom: "I would beat his son for revenge!" Sonny: "......"
5. An old lady can't read or write, but she likes to listen to the radio, and she must listen to the weather forecast every day. One day at dinner she asked her family, "I have a question to ask, do you know where the localized area is? It rains almost every day there."
6. On the cliff, a mouse waved its short front paw and jumped again and again, trying to learn to fly, next to the mother bat watched it fall head over heels, worried, said: its father, or not to tell it, it is not our biological!
7. and friends to the top of Mount Tai to see the sunrise, a friend pointed to the sky and said: "I saw it!" "I also saw it!" At this time, someone in the distance with his pants out scolded: "see on see chant! What are you yelling about?"
8. Ghost: God, I want to be as white as an angel next time I'm reincarnated and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood.
God: Then you'll be reincarnated as a nursemaid.
9. A friend first work-study in the park to sell popsicles, embarrassed to yell; this time suddenly there is a person there shouting: "sell popsicles ~~~~ sell popsicles ~ ~". That friend heard, the heart can be happy, follow the shout: "I also ~~~~ I also ~~~~".
10. ants and elephants married soon, the elephant died. While burying the elephant, the ant cried bitterly, "My dear, why did you go so early, I'll do nothing else in my life but bury you!"
11. A boy with a crush on a girl mustered up the courage to ask the girl what kind of boy she liked
"Favored," the girl answered, and even asked several times the same answer
The boy deflated: "The head is flat, right?
The boy said in frustration, "It's okay to have a flat head.
12. One day, I could not catch my breath to catch the last train, while chasing while shouting: Master! Master wait for me ah ~
The window suddenly famous passenger poked his head out, slow and methodical to me, said: Wukong. You do not chase
13. One day to take biology, one of the questions is to look at the legs of the bird to guess the name of the bird. A student really do not understand, angry paper a tear ready to leave the exam room. Invigilator was very angry and asked him: "You are which class, what's your name?" A certain student lifted his pants leg and said, "You guess ah you guess ah."
14. beautiful Mongolian actress after the show, the leader of the stage to meet, then her hand, ask for warmth, half a day also refused to let go, kindly asked: what is your name? The actress replied excitedly "Mare Gebi. The actress replied excitedly "Mare Gebi.
15. A man bought a parrot that could only say two words: "Who is it?" One day the owner was not at home, and there was a gas replacement knocking on the door.
The parrot said, "Who is it?
Answer: The gas man
Parrot: Who is it?
Answer: gas replacement
......
The owner came home and there was a man lying in front of the door, and the owner wondered who it was
Inside the door: gas replacement