When her boyfriend reveals to her that he wants to open up the relationship so they can see and date other people, the first thing you think is, "You've got to be kidding me." His response is, "No babe, I just want to keep seeing you and maybe dating other girls. It would be good for us. You can see other people too which will help us figure out that what we have is real. "Unfortunately, he didn't pull his leg. Her next thought was if the whole thing was a farce.
She was sure her boyfriend really didn't mean it. She knew she was the best thing that ever happened to him. He'd struggled in some other relationships, women in those lives who were too uptight and demanding. She was independent and confident in herself and what she wanted out of life. When they first met, they struck out immediately. He always told her how she was "everything". So the idea of him wanting to date another girl was out of the question, she thought. That didn't sound like him.
But there he was, standing in front of her with that stupid, stupid look on his face. Suddenly, she started connecting all the dots. All those little comments he'd just recently made about boys and girls were supposed to be random. The ones that left the wall with the comment "Love isn't all bad if the right girl and guy connect." She remembered now when her boyfriend had said those words. Before, it was just a little innocent comment, they almost sounded out of place. But now she saw through it all. Her boyfriend was actually a relationship schemer, so it seemed. Or maybe he had cold feet. And she had nothing.
So after giving him a few minutes of her time, he offered a feeble explanation of why this was a "great" idea for them, how it would elevate their "level of trust", and ultimately prove how important they were to each other. She gave him a dose of girl power reality.
"Of course, you're free to see other women and date those you think you like. For that matter, you can have sex with them and travel far away. You can dance all night and walk on every beach in the world. But just know that not only have you lost your mind, but you've lost me forever." I could actually see angry women coming out of the woodwork to crucify their boyfriends if they proposed such an arrangement.
So you really want to meet some new women. Just know this. I'm going to rain on your parade once you get a new little girlfriend. She'll know your history and what an idiot you really are. By the way. Yeah, I think I'll see and date someone else as soon as we're done! If you were in that situation, I would imagine such thoughts would be on your tongue.
What if your boyfriend dating other girls could really help your relationship? Usually, you get a boyfriend trying to establish a new dating paradigm. I can't say it's like "favorable and helpful friends" because I don't know anyone who wants to put up with an open relationship and have their boyfriend connect with other girls. When you have a guy come up to you and say he wants to date other girls, but he still considers the two of you a couple, we have a big problem. We gave us a big disconnect in the sense of a healthy relationship.
Your boyfriend, or anyone you want to call, needs a reality check. No woman would want to stick with a boyfriend who is free to date other women. To say the least, if your guy thinks he can get away with trying to keep your love alive while pursuing other women, he really is a y troubled guy. I know you won't put up with such shenanigans and shouldn't let him off the leash. When a man states his intentions, "I want to date another girl," trust me, Pandora's box is wide open. Nothing good is going to come of it.
When a guy talks like this, it's usually code for either he wants to break up with you. Or, he's hoping to make you available, but hitting that field at the same time. But that's not the only thing. He could just be suffering from temporary idiocy! Again, your boyfriend may just be afraid of commitment. Whatever drives his behavior, it adds up to a case of your boyfriend proverbially "having his cake and eating it too". Your boyfriend may push it out in a very cold and seemingly naive way. He might say something like, "Honey, an old friend came into town and reached out to me. I thought I'd take out a drink and hang up."
Or he might try to use some manipulative reverse psychology. He might say something like, "Hey honey, I know you like to dance, and I know I just don't want to do that. I really don't mind if you want to bring a friend to dance. "In this case, he's probably hoping that you'll go out for a night on the town while he sneaks off to see another one of his little honeys. It's a win-win for him because he gets to run around and relieve his guilt at the same time. Yes, men can be just as devious as women.
Now maybe there are some ideologically progressive thinkers out there who think such an arrangement would work. Maybe you think that if you hold your boyfriend tightly, you might drive him away. Well, that may be true in most traditional relationships. But if your boyfriend wants to meet another girl, then my rebuttal is "hell yeah! There should be a dividing line between what is acceptable in a relationship. Certain behaviors in a relationship should be considered unrestricted or revocable. This is one of them.
Boyfriends are always sneaking glimpses of other girls. Their old flame might call him. Or he might see her somewhere and they start talking and one thing leads to another and then they start going out. Your boyfriend may try to rationalize it as pure innocence and may think he's just being nice and friendly. "After all," he may reason, "why can't I enjoy myself." "Not like I'm crawling into bed with my old girlfriend, he'll rationalize. People fool themselves all the time. Everybody does it.
A part of your boyfriend's brain may be attracted to the girl in front of him. He'll fill the urge to want to spend time with her. Sex is urged to talk to him. He may want to impress her. It's ego talking to him. Most people move away from these feelings. They don't succumb to these notions because they control most of their minds to know that you are best for them. But that's not the case for everyone. Another part of your boyfriend's mind feels a little guilty, so he will seek some sort of passive license. He may pretend you don't mind. It's part of his own lying. So he doesn't even mention anything to you. He thinks that he is doing you a favor.
Or he might just mention it in passing, like it's not a big deal. But it is a big deal. When it comes to mixed feelings of attraction between two different people, boyfriends and girlfriends can twist with abandon. It can leave them confused about how they feel. I really don't believe that the desire to go out on a date or date another girl is ever something that boyfriends do. It's usually something they think they are doing due to some underlying issue. They may be scared. They may be immature or impulsive. It could be that they are peculiarly selfish and self-centered. The boyfriend may be unhappy with the relationship and is subconsciously looking for a way to break it.
This arrangement, even with the consent of all parties involved, usually leads to difficult times. Imagine you have a boyfriend and you share everything. You rely on him for emotional support on those difficult days. You are friends and lovers. You share secrets and embrace every single thing you both love. Now turn this little love nest upside down by introducing the "other girl". Imagine throwing this other girl into the mix. Now we have your boyfriend admitting that he "loves" and is intimate with this "other" woman.
There are actually a lot of things that can drive your boyfriend to think this way. Let's explore this briefly, and then we'll talk about what you should do and say if your boyfriend should reveal his secret intentions to you.
1. Your boyfriend is an idiot. Some boyfriends are just idiots and will say and do the stupidest things. Fortunately, his idiocy in this case is usually temporary. He may think it makes sense in his head and just blurt it out. After all, when he remembers the concept, it sounds pretty good in his head. However, once your boyfriend starts talking to you out loud, hearing his own words, and seeing the look on your face, he'll quickly realize that he's being a fool. In this case, your boyfriend can't take those words back fast enough because he's trying to compare what he actually is to what he's thinking right now. He will have an epiphany. In that moment, your boyfriend will realize that even thinking that way is stupid. Sure, there are times when you know these guys deep down inside that what they're proposing is incredibly stupid, but ever since they got off their asses, they've had to at least make an effort to defend their thoughts. It's a losing battle and they know it. These guys are super idiots. They might even be an even bigger idiot for spending so much time defending this ridiculous idea. But remember, the boyfriend's idiocy is usually a temporary condition. He will soon return to reality. They may even be an even bigger fool for spending so much time defending this ridiculous idea. But keep in mind that the boyfriend's idiocy is usually a temporary situation. He'll come back to reality soon enough. They may even be an even bigger fool for spending so much time defending this ridiculous idea. But keep in mind that the boyfriend's idiocy is usually a temporary situation. He'll come back to reality soon enough.
2. Your boyfriend is unhappy with the relationship. This is not an unusual thing. It happens between couples and doesn't always lead to a breakup. Hopefully, you and your boyfriend can work things out. However, when your boyfriend suggests that the two of you should be "free" to date other people, it usually means that he's unhappy and afraid to tell you. It can take a while to get to this "truth". So don't be surprised if he continues to avoid talking about the real reason why he wants this new arrangement.
3. Your boyfriend is narcissistic and selfish. Unfortunately, there are a certain number of people who just want it all. They are never satisfied with their relationship. They don't understand how painful it would be to have another woman around. They may not care. They might turn their back on you and tell you what they really want. Because a guy like this is so "on his own", he can't even deal with the fact that dating another girl will cause his girlfriend to feel betrayed and worthless. This is usually the worst boyfriend a girl can have. When a guy shows over time that he just wants to run around and is so proud and arrogant that he does so in his girlfriend's full view, you can make things right.
4. Your boyfriend has been seduced. It often doesn't take a lot to make your boyfriend feel attracted to another girl. The other girl he may have seen or spoken to may not be as pretty, as sexy, or as much of a girl as you are, but your boyfriend (like most men) will feel a certain urge. It's just the way guys are wired. Now, that doesn't mean they'll jump in the sack with every woman first. But, if the situation is correct, your boyfriend may be tempted by another girl. That other girl could be quite tempting. So, when you combine a moment of stupidity, some guilt and sexual desire, your boyfriend may be tempted by the idea that he can see another girl. All he has to do is think in terms of his meaninglessness,
5. Your boyfriend is afraid of commitment. Some people are afraid of commitment. As soon as things go well and a strong bond and connection begins to form, your boyfriend will give in to his doubts and fears. He may fear losing his independence. His friends may comment on his loss of Bachelor status, which in turn creates doubt. He may begin to look beyond his situation and ignore what is best for him. Thoughts like these can work on his subconscious, driving a wedge between one part of his life that needs you and another part that is afraid and unsure of the future. In the midst of all these conflicting feelings and emotions roaming around in his mind, he may become confused about what is best. He may lose perspective. While he's in this head, he may convince himself that he needs to stay open-minded.
But how exactly should you handle this situation if it happens to you? You don't want to just take off his face and blow it up. Then again, it might not be a bad idea for some narcissistic boyfriends who are suffering a great deal from being "assholes".
Start with the stupid, kinda stupid boyfriend situation. I have some specific ideas on how to deal with this situation, if it should ever come up. For that matter, my advice also applies to boyfriends who have succumbed to temptation or may be dissatisfied.
But he may need a wake-up call. Sometimes the fear of losing something (like you) outweighs the fear that drives a guy to push his girlfriend away. He has to know right away that what he's saying and proposing is so ludicrous and ridiculous that such a thing is not valid. Your boyfriend needs to understand in clear language that you would never tolerate such a dating arrangement, and that you would never get involved in a relationship where a man thinks he can fulfill his romantic or sexual interests if he wanted to. He must know that you will never sell yourself short.
Tell him that you are shocked and upset that he would even think you would be open to such a possibility. If your boyfriend can't adequately explain what he has to say to suggest such a ridiculous idea, then I suggest you tell him that you'd better believe that the two of you would be better off in "overtime". Explain to him that you want this relationship to work, but you don't believe he is 100% committed. Tell him that you want him to take time to think about what he really wants. Meet with him again in a week to discuss the way forward. Some women will refuse to take time away from their boyfriends.
They may worry that their boyfriends may interpret this behavior as being pushed away. But the opposite is true. By insisting on taking the time to get in touch with his feelings, you'll be doing your boyfriend a favor. Your reaction will reinforce to your boyfriend that you are serious about the relationship and that your words are y hurt. If your boyfriend wants out of the relationship, then give him the chance. This may sound like a risky proposition, but considering the situation, it's best to get out of it sooner rather than later. If your guy has created any problems for the two of you, then you want him to put it on the table. The truth is, it's better to deal with whatever pain is going on rather than burden your guy with painful uncertainty.
Now, if you are in the unfortunate position of having to deal with the boyfriend of a guy who thinks he can have it all, then you are better off cutting ties. Usually narcissism can go deep. If your boyfriend's selfishness has been a recurring issue in the relationship, then you shouldn't expect him to suddenly be cured of his self-centeredness. So cut your losses and move on. Otherwise, you could be hurting over and over again.