And this distrust, in getting along with others, will be manifested as "alienation from others."
However, due to the different pressure environment for everyone to grow up, different people will show different behavior patterns.
Some people will deliberately cut off from others, cut off communication with everyone, and let themselves live on an island;
Some people may control others by constantly exaggerating others' mistakes and making crazy accusations against others, or get rid of each other first before they have a premonition of leaving him;
There are still some people who, although maintaining a certain relationship with others, criticize each other in various ways and tell each other by stealth that "he climbed up by himself";
Others, in relationships, just try their best to take care of others' feelings, but never dare to show their true selves.
1
Zheng Youen in Welcome obviously belongs to the second situation.
Zheng Youen, because of her parents' quarrels and divorce during her growing up, her parents neglected her spiritual care, which led her to completely lose her trust in her parents.
When I grow up, this scope extends to everyone around me, colleagues or boyfriends.
The reason why the word friend is not mentioned is because Zheng Youen has no friends. Strictly speaking, boyfriends don't count.
According to her mother, Zheng Youen used to be a model, but because she was at odds with her colleagues, she offended many insiders and couldn't stay in the modeling industry any longer, so she had to switch to a flight attendant.
But after becoming a flight attendant, the situation has not improved significantly.
Zheng Youen just appeared, and was criticized by the leader because of customer complaints, and deducted the bonus of the month.
After work, the only person who can keep in touch with her is Tong Nana, the doormat.
Tong Nana is a typical flattering person.
She is obviously the main source of income for their family, but she is often bossed around by her husband; When her husband lost his job, he still spent a lot of money on entertainment. Not only did she dare not express her dissatisfaction, but she was also worried about flattery and adding a little pressure to him.
Zheng Youen doesn't like Tong Nana and often doesn't give her a good look, but Tong Nana always likes to tell her everything, because Zheng Youen is not only willing to listen to her, but also often gives her some advice and help that "she feels worthy of respect".
Then, Zheng Youen met the male host Zhang.
Zhang Guang is the doorman of a five-star hotel. He looks average and has no future in his job. But she fell in love with Zheng Youen at first sight.
And under the traction of this emotion, he actively pursued the goddess of dreams.
After being teased twice by Zheng Youen, he had the intention of retreating, but with the encouragement of Zheng Mu and a bunch of square dance aunts, he regrouped and continued his journey of pursuing the goddess.
Zheng Youen doesn't like Zhang. He is so ordinary that he has no bright spots all over. However, the strength of his pursuit and repeated defeats made her trust him a little more.
Zheng Youen's own conditions are extremely superior, and there have always been suitors around her, but the reason why life events have been undecided is largely related to her own acting style.
Every time the other person approaches, she always starts to criticize the other person involuntarily. Not to mention criticism, she must tell the other party how to face the noise of gongs and drums.
Commonly known as bad temper.
Need to be reminded that this is not only for her suitors, but also for everyone around her.
The point is, the girl's eyes are still poisonous, and every mistake picked out is true.
For a long time, even if those suitors thought they were King Kong at first, they would always suspect that they were a balloon that burst when they were stabbed.
Finally, in order to keep a little poor self-esteem, they all stayed away from that girl, including Zheng Youen's boyfriend who talked for four years.
But Zhang Guang is an exception.
She teased him, hit him and rejected him, but Zhang always insisted on appearing around her life.
Take care of her mother, greet her regularly every day, be on call, ...
According to the development of the plot, Zhang will definitely win the beauty return in the end.
2
But why does Zheng Youen always habitually find fault with others? What the hell happened to her? Is there any saving?
Zheng Youen is caught in a vicious circle of "no one can be trusted" and cannot extricate himself.
Because she subconsciously thinks that "no one can be trusted", people close to her will eventually leave her, and she will be lonely all her life, so when she gets along with others, she is constantly looking for their shortcomings and deficiencies, and then she thinks she is honest when criticizing others.
Under the long-term accumulation, the other party will naturally leave.
As a result, Zheng Youen's predictions have been constantly verified, thus consolidating his belief that "no one can be trusted".
Of course, some people are really untrustworthy, such as her ex-boyfriend. But in addition to this group of people, there are still a large number of people who belong to the type of "advantages and disadvantages".
Zheng Youen's treatment not only drove away the flies around her, but also excluded most people from her life.
This is all related to her hidden belief and behavior pattern of "no one can be trusted".
No matter what the original intention is, expression is sometimes more important than facts when pointing out other people's shortcomings or mistakes.
But what is more serious than the way of expression is the influence of her hidden belief-"everyone around her will constantly look for each other's shortcomings and deficiencies in order to testify."
Zheng Youen needs to recognize the hidden ideas that drive his behavior, know where they come from, regain the trust from his mother, and try to correct his ideas through actions in his work and life.
The method is to keep self-awareness and practice the thinking mode of "five positive and one negative".
That is, when she instinctively sees someone's shortcomings, she reminds herself, "Is it possible that her hidden thoughts are at work?" If so, she must remind herself to list five advantages of this person at the same time.
In the long run, both her insight into herself and the feedback from people around her will help her rebuild her view of others to some extent.