The most most most funny jokes
The most most most funny jokes:
1, the fish seller pulling his throat and shouting: "fish la, fish la." Next to a date seller is also not willing to show weakness, followed by yelling: "bad (date), bad (date)."" Fish." Fish." Fish." Fish." Fish sellers listen more and more wrong, think sell jujube as if intentionally against him, so the two quarreled.
2, a township enterprise's factory director will go to Kobe, Japan, to visit, he can not even speak Mandarin, usually only speak dialect. So he let his subordinates to find an interpreter, the subordinates came back to report: "Japanese interpreters do not understand the director of the local language. The factory manager said: "This is good, we will bring another teacher from the town, then ask him to translate our native language into Mandarin." The subordinate said: "Not yet ah, to Japan still have to ask a person to the Japanese? Mandarin" "translate into Kobe's vernacular."
3, a dialect of the earth tone is very heavy outsiders, in the city lost their way, see a gentleman lady came over, they greeted up and asked: "rabbit (comrade), kiss (please) ......." The words are not finished, the lady will be angry and red.
4, a southerner came to a snack bar in Beijing, said to the waitress: "sleep a night (dumplings a bowl) how much?" The waitress heard, changed color, shrill: "rascal!" The southerner heard, said: "Only 60 cents, cheap, to one night (bowl)."
5, there is a pair of farmers brother and sister with a crate pulling wheat to the market to sell, a southerner came to their brother and sister, asked: "Big brother, your little sister (wheat) how to sell ah?" The elder brother was so angry that his veins popped out on his forehead.
6, the cow old man in the loud hawking: "sell moon cakes, four dollars ten." Many people gathered to buy this "cheap" moon cakes, to pay, only to realize that the old man's moon cakes are ten dollars four.
7, the old people in the home for the elderly in the Mid-Autumn Festival night party, host Mrs. Wang said: "Everyone, the show damn (start), everyone please be quiet."
8, a northerner in a park in Guangzhou to ask where the "cable car", according to the answer to find, find the "men's room".
9, a couple of the first morning after the wedding, the family got up and washed their faces, the bride respectfully said to her mother-in-law: "Granny, please you first dead (wash)." After saying this, the bride said to the groom, "If your mother-in-law dies, will you die?" After a pause she added, "When both the mother-in-law and you die, I will die last." When the mother-in-law heard this, her face turned blue and she could not say a word. The bride added, "Why don't you die, mother-in-law?"
10, a Putian old lady selling sugar cane on the side of the road, a bus stopped, the car a foreigner came to buy sugar cane in front of the old lady's stall, just weighed sugar cane, not yet paid, the car started. The old woman urged, "Hurry up, you money to me, I marry (cane) to you." The foreigner was so scared that he didn't even take the sugar cane, and got into the car quickly.
11, a country girl came to the supermarket, the waiter warmly greeted: "Miss, what do you want?" The girl said, "I want your life (noodles), pig Sun (bamboo shoots)."
12, Chunhua met a friend with his son shopping, busy going up to greet, and praised: "This little wolf boy (boy) looks really cute."
13, a rural elementary school classes, the teacher walked into the classroom: "stand (on) class." The students said in unison: "old dead (teacher) good!" The teacher said: "Spit blood (students), early death (on) good!"
14, two country girls back to the city, it is late, see a truck driving, they waved to the truck, the driver poked his head out, a girl said: "Comrade, we can do (sit) your wife (car) child?" The driver said in a bad mood, "Who wants you to be my wives." The other girl hurriedly said, "It doesn't matter, we are very close (轻)." The driver was so angry that he drove the car away, thinking, "Who is going to kiss with you."
15, the village headman said at the villagers' meeting, "Rabbits, shrimps, pickles are too expensive, don't want soy sauce melon, want pig's feet." Translate his dialect into Mandarin as: comrades, villagers, now meeting, do not speak, pay attention.
Other classic jokes
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16. When my friend and I first moved, we didn't have a TV at home, and the two of us were bored. We pretended that there was a TV on the table, and then the two pretended that there was a remote control in our hands and that we could change the channel. This son of a bitch kept changing the channel, I said he, he still does not listen, and then we fought.
17. The teacher asked Ming a question in class, and he stood up without saying a word.
Teacher: Xiao Ming?
Teacher: Xiao Ming?
Teacher: Xiao Ming!
The teacher: Xiaoming! The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that. I'm not sure if I know the answer, but I'm sure I know the answer to the question.
Xiaoming: Squeak
18. Three rabbits pooped
The first was a long one.
The second is a ball.
The third is actually a triangle.
Asked, it replied, I pinched it with my hand.
19. The cow called the sheep,
and the sheep asked: ? Who are you?
The cow said: ? I cow?
sheep asked: Damn, who are you?
Cow: Shit, I cow
20. pig Bajie is on the moon and Chang'e make out, suddenly a black shadow swept past, pig Bajie hurriedly carrying a nail rake
chase out, after a while back, said: Damn, Yang Liwei ......
21. A man raised a parrot, very powerful, and it was locked up with other birds were killed.
Later the owner got back a hawk and it rested on a piece, and so the owner in to see, outside the cage hanging parrot hair.
The master said, "This time not **** it."
But in a closer look, it is the eagle died, the parrot naked and said, "This grandson is really powerful, do not take off the bare bladder but also really can not beat the yatting."
22. The prisoner was executed by firing squad, due to the poor quality of bullets, the first shot did not ring, and then fired a second shot. The third shot. At this time the prisoner cried, holding the bailiff's thighs and said: big brother you strangled me to! Too fucking scary .....
23. Ever heard of a big pig saying yes and a little pig saying no? Jokes The average person will answer no
The most most most funny jokes two:
1, flowers often do not belong to the people who appreciate the flowers, but belong to the cow dung.
2, it has been proved that feelings can withstand the wind and rain, but can not withstand the bland; friendship can withstand the bland, but can not withstand the wind and rain.
3, people have is the background, and I have just back~~.
4, is the gold always have to shine, but when the ground is full of gold, I myself do not know which one is.
5. If I win 10 million dollars, I'll go buy 30 houses and rent them out to others, and collect the rent once a day. Wow click click ~~ fulfillment!
6, I am not the square fortune-telling `, nagging not so much you love to hear high.
7, not the end of the story is not good enough, but we are too much for the story!
8, love is like two people pulling a rubber band, the injury is always unwilling to let go of the one.
9, when I have money, give my wife to buy SK-Ⅲ, SK-Ⅱ count a bird!
10, the difference between a lie and an oath is: one is to listen to the person who took it seriously, one is to say the person who took it seriously.
11, single is not difficult, it is difficult to cope with those who want you to end up single by all means.
12, sometimes, not the other side do not care about you, but you see each other too much.
13, even if it is believe, the middle also hides a lie.
14, pay sincere, will get sincere, but also may hurt thoroughly. The first thing you need to do is to keep the distance, so you can protect yourself, but you are also destined to be lonely forever.
15, the real good friends, not together on the topic of endless chat, but together, even if not talking, will not feel awkward.
16, there is no 100 points of the other half, only 50 points of the two!
17, indifference, sometimes not ruthless, just a tool to avoid being hurt!
18, if there is a distance of 1,000 steps between us, you just need to step out of the first step, I will walk the rest of the 999 steps in your direction.
19, usually willing to stay and fight with you is the person who really loves you!
20, there is no dress rehearsal in life, every day is live; not only the ratings are low, and the wages are not high.
21, can use money to solve the problem are not a problem, but the problem is that I am poor.
22, spring is here, the small trees sprouted, the stock market followed the green.
23, only women and heroes are difficult, only wife and work hard to find.
24, do not complain about life all day, life will not know who you are, let alone it will listen to your complaints.
25, only know just people, will inevitably be broken; only soft people, in the end, is a coward.
26, asked a colleague:? Did you buy PetroChina? Colleagues said:? Bah! You only bought the PetroChina it. Your whole family bought PetroChina, but also bought Sinopec!
27, the belief that this thing is not said, is done. Glory lies in the plain, the enormity lies in the long.
28, the important thing in life is not the position, but the direction.
29, step through the green house people have not been old, please use Huiren Kidney Bao.
30, the marriage announcement: the requirements are as follows, A live, B female.
31, give some sunshine I will rot.
32, to eat a little bit properly to have the strength to lose weight.
33, shake, shake, shake to the Naiho Bridge.
34, you come back quickly, I one person lull not come!
35, do not and the earth people general understanding ~ ~ ~ ~
36, do not want to be a cook tailor, not a good driver.
37, love me I don't love him I love people but don't love me So I'm curious why so many people get married
38, love is like fast food, don't care what flavor, can fill the physiological needs can
49, love is like playing basketball, desperately trying to grab, desperately trying to catch up, and when you get it, you will throw it out without hesitation
40, in order to better divorce, let's get married.
41, the word "fate" is a contradiction in terms, fate, points?
42, the tiger does not give you hello kitty's face
43, the day I saw an older woman in the burning of paper, burned while muttering: received don't buy the fund ah ~
44, if a pair of twins (male), and a pair of twins (female), they married each other, gave birth to the child will not be the same ah!
45, where in the cafeteria, study room, in front of the building in public crazy kissing? All can not afford to open the room!!!!
46, just finished from the Japanese internship female students back to lament:? Regardless of how high-grade meeting, how high-grade people to participate in, the gang of people on the stage in the meeting with you, while the stage is always someone in the touch your thighs!
47, girlfriend and I separated, in fact, our sex life is still quite harmonious? I am sexually impotent, she frigid?
48, now the more pieces of clothing on the girl, but the more exposed; the less pieces of clothing, but the less exposed!
49, the other girls in the College of Arts and Sciences on the body of the inexplicable elements of a large number of, but also exposed thighs; our girls in the College of Engineering on the coat pants, two pieces of the whole body wrapped up a tight!
50, coaxing women like hanging Q, at least two hours a day, to reach a certain number of days after the sun?
51, if you give the girl a safe environment, she can Y D to let you nosebleed to death!
52, a friend's wife called? I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do that. He is so happy ~ and the favorite of my heart is still?
53, PPMM is a fleeting cloud, eternal only the warmth of the right hand?
54, to the woman you have to more heart to feel, do not take your turtle * head to think!
56, because of you, Qingdao waters have appeared big sea monster!
57, I am embarrassed to catch you, how can you still have the nerve to steal it?
58, you look infertile!
59, you are Chen Pesi's partner Zhu Shimao's sister piggyback ah?
60, very happy, and enough 1.5 dollars, and finally can be online again!
61, prices and Europe in line, prices and the moon in line, wages and Africa in line?
62, don't talk to me about ideals, quit!
63, Mom said: people are best not to miss two things, the last bus home, and a person who loves you y, I want to take the last bus to the side of the people who love me,
64, would rather be arrogant mold, not to be humble in love!
65, go to love, as if not hurt; sing, as if no one to listen; dance, as if no one to appreciate the same; work, as if there is no salary; life, as if today is the same as the day of reckoning.
66, this life, you are to put the debt or to pay the debt?
67, men are used to rely on, so be reliable; women are used to love, so be lovely.
68, men like to listen to the woman, but if a man likes a woman, he will unconsciously listen to her words.
69, you let me roll, I rolled. You let me come back, sorry, rolled away
70, you have what is not happy? Speak out so that everyone can be happy,
71, with iphone people have a **** the same point: is embarrassed to say that it is not good.
72, the birth of a son as Sun Zhongmou, looking for the father to find Kim Il Sung.
73, Meng Jiangnu cried down the Great Wall dry red, the White Lady water filled San Francisco wordmaster.
74, you really *** much forgetfulness ah
75, when there is a wind blowing skirt, a monk said the wind moved, a monk said the skirt moved, I went in and said: it is not the wind, it is not the skirt, the color of the heart!
76, as a smoker, must have three conditions: smoke, lighter, and smoking revealed the kind of shameless charm!]
77, very dark late at night, I suddenly want to study, but when I found the candle, it was already light?
78, now the master's degree, like a grain of rice on the soles of the feet, do not take uncomfortable, take and can not eat
79, I put 10,000 oaths loaded in a machine gun to you swept away, you fell in a pool of blood, covered with Cupid's bullets!
80, I climbed up to the top of the ladder with a lot of effort, only to find that the ladder was on the wrong wall?
81, the child is dead, you come to milk!
82, now the mentor are not called mentor, not called boss, called scientific research contractor!
83, carry a banner of the top wind ~ ~ written on two big words: good people!
84, if people are bored ah snot bubble can be used to play will
85, the direction of the wind, more suitable for flying. I'm not afraid of ten thousand people blocking, only afraid of their own surrender,
86, good love is that you see the world through a man, bad love is that you give up the world for a person
87, work bored? Toss a coin to play it, heads on the Internet, tails on the sleep, erected on the work, tilted on the hard work, fall crushed on the application for overtime, if you fall out of two, then every day fall!
88, comrades: do not speculate in stocks, the risk is too great, or do the most secure tofu! Do hard is dried tofu, do thin is tofu brain, do thin is tofu skin, do not have is soy milk, put stink is stinky tofu! The steady income is not lost ah,
89, I finally did not soar over the BMW, can only watch it in the sunset dust and go, not my engine is not good, but my car chain off, hanging a chain, feel the classic ~~~~~~
A woman to take the fake money to buy breakfast, the vendor was annoyed:? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a fake bill, which is at least a printed one, and this one is actually a painted one. If you draw a ten-dollar bill or a five-dollar bill, you can draw a seven-dollar bill! Seven dollars is seven dollars, at least draw in color, but with a pencil, forget it, black and white is black and white, but not with handkerchiefs! Who else has seen it? I'm not going to be able to do that. 90, the original, lonely is their own hand index toes; original, miss is even breathing will be heartache; original, a person is a lifetime,,,
91, spherical is also a kind of figure!
92, the wife is the TV, the lover is the phone, watch TV at home, go out with a cell phone; bankruptcy sell TV, get rich and change the phone; occasionally guard the TV, play with the phone all day long; fixed TV, cell phone; channel free, cell phone charges. Men want to hold a cell phone to watch TV.
93, other people's money is outside my body.
94, nonsense is the first sentence of human relations.
95, the first line: Jinsha River, Jialing River, Heilongjiang River, the river can be cast! The next line: laboratory building, teaching building, dormitory building, building building can jump!
The crossword: unprecedented
The first line: patriotism, love family, love sister! The next couplet: Fire and burglary prevention brother! Popularity is so changeable, clothing expenses are increasingly expensive; men do not have a good thing? But it is, after all, the largest buyer's market for women.
97, older unmarried men and women are like sitting on a bus ride over the station. Sometimes because the bus seat is too comfortable, simply do not want to get off; sometimes because they do not recognize their own platform. What about men and women who never marry? They are bus drivers.
98, show love is an animal, the loved is a plant. If love is rejected, the one who leaves is of course the animal, because plants don't produce feet to run away. 99, with their own house, the unmarried woman is like out of nowhere a few years younger, and have the patience to slowly choose a lover. A man asked a woman for advice: let's rent a house and live in it first, and then buy a house after we get married and save up money, right? The woman replied: then I might as well rent a husband first.
100, I'm ugly, but I'm gentle? Today's men and women together adapted Zhao Chuan's version: I'm not perfect, but I'm very real; I'm not beautiful, but I'm cool; I'm not rich, but I'm happy; I'm not successful, but I'm confident; I'm not sentimental, but I know how to cherish. 101, birthday is a stage, a test, an opportunity. When in love, men are more likely to utilize this; after marriage, women are more likely to utilize this.
102, when I was young, I took a lot of photos, a book in the living room for others to see; wait until the old, only to understand that the photos are taken to see themselves. Thick lifetime of shots in front of the eyes, even writing memoirs are saved.
103, when I was a child, I was happy to eat 20 buns at a time as a life ideal; when the monthly income of more than 5000, I still do not feel happy. When the cause, love, family, money, nothing is missing, people often still lack of the same thing? A sense of hunger. The desire to keep a bottom line is happiness.
104, an unmarried woman sighed: why mature men, good men all become people's husbands, not married men did not have a decent? Someone reminded her: wives cultivate good husbands are self-produced, no man can be self-taught.
105, men think it is flirting women think it is feelings
106, more People say that the bridge than you walk more roads, eat more salt than you eat rice, farts today, so "I put the farts you pull the **** have a weight," the phrase came into being
107, to the school report to the dormitory, can not wait to open the computer, the result is that the school has not yet opened the Internet connection. The school has not yet opened the network line, so the idea of the last semester left the history of the problem to solve the first --- dirty pants, smelly socks
108, if they are driving towards that place slowly, and she and I are in the south of the rut away from it more and more far.
109, there is a dollar coin in the flower bed, but the sign on the side of the flower bed says ? Step into the flowerbed, the fine of three dollars!
110, if looking in the mirror is taxed, I'm afraid some women will go bankrupt.
111, in order to select the listener's favorite radio program of the year, the State Administration of Radio and Television to take a random telephone interviews, over a period of three months, surveyed 10,000 families, which for? Please tell me what program you are listening to now? There was a surprising degree of consistency in the responses, with about 80% of the answers being? Listening to my wife nagging me?
112, men want to divorce their wives after making money, men can not make money wife wants to divorce him. 113, ? Do you still love me? This sentence women will be in the first kiss with a man, the first time a man touched, the first time a man went to bed with a man, a man earns the first money when each asked a number of times. ? Do you still love me? This sentence men will generally be in the first kiss attempt, the first caress each other attempt, the first and each other in bed attempt, career into the trough when each asked a number of times.
114, women save private money is for the future spent on the husband, men save private money is for the future spent on other women. 115, the man is the most stupid time is the first time to wear a suit to work, the woman is the most stupid time is the first time to wear a halter dress on the street.
116, the woman unit sent a thousand dollars, she will tell the man sent a thousand dollars, tell their friends sent five hundred; man unit sent a thousand dollars, he will tell the woman sent five hundred, tell their friends sent fifteen.
117, Chengdu, there is a labeled? Northwest flavor? The ramen restaurant, did not drink the northwest wind students can go to taste
118, Wu Tenglan and Master Kong two accompany me on New Year's Day?
119, legend has it that there is a food, eaten can make people invigorated, full of sweat! That's right! This is spicy hot!
120, the so-called mortgage, that is, ZF, developers, banks, together with the home buyers pressed down on the ground, layer by layer to reveal your skin!
121, Carrefour Pirates!
122, the public security bureau received a mass report phone call, said under the overpass there are two big bombs, the police and bomb experts ran to the scene, found a red bag under the bridge, experts and police carefully opened the bag, there are several layers of newspaper wrapped, the police layer by layer to open, and finally found that it is really a big two bombs: 4 2; a pair of King!!!
123, Carrefour Pirates!
123, the spring I rushed a tree pistol once to the fall on the knot many, many? Ginseng dolls!
124, often in the kitchen, that can not cut hands?
125, eat the ladybird white, is to grow white, hey! The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty. Growing handsome ~
126, I elementary school ten years, twelve years in secondary school, I was named the most familiar face of the school, the new teacher came to ask me about the school insider?
128, I am Jesus his son, coconut ~!
129, do not want to deform the gold is not good steel.
130, osmanthus fragrance of the summer night, the moon, like a silver plate; trees, if the dancer; wind, such as light clothes. I, standing in the water room. White teeth clear wave, paste white than snow, brush teeth.
131, I am a mediocrity, I look forward to the sky can fall pie, fell on my mouth, but fell down is the discus, and smashed in my face, God! I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to do this.
132, not tall, not short, not fat, not thin, not three, no front, no back, no face, no skin, no heart, no lung.
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