Original meiyayibu meiya included in the topic #self-growth30
When was the last time you felt that you were stressed? Stress is an individual's reaction when faced with threats or challenges. It has a good side, it will make us more motivated and work more efficiently, but too much pressure will cause problems. Being in a state of high pressure for a long time is harmful to our physical and mental health. It will reduce our immunity. Many people suffer from migraines, high blood pressure, gastroenteritis, depression, etc. as a result.
Research shows that the pressure of today’s younger generation is much greater than that of our parents in the past. More intense academic and career competition, more overtime hours, higher housing prices and commodity prices are all factors. The source of our stress is that if we are middle-aged people with children, they also face the pressure and anxiety of childcare, as well as the increasingly high cost of education, which can be said to be a lot of pressure.
Stress can be said to be an inevitable thing in our modern life.
Is there any way to relieve stress? some.
Next, I will share a few stress-relieving techniques that have proven effective after using them by myself and my clients. I hope they can help you when you are stressed.
1. Establish a thinking habit of actively interpreting events
Three and a half years ago, I moved from Shanghai to Kunshan, Suzhou. At that time, the child was still very young, just over half a year old. I was exhausted every night from feeding her at night and coaxing her to sleep. During the day, the child would sleep for 45 minutes before waking up. I was anxious about her sleep problems. At that time, I also joined the bedtime routine. Zhaqun, very eager to improve the child's sleep condition.
After moving, renovating and changing cities, my husband David wanted to have more time to help me with my children, so he quit his job and stayed at home, preparing to find a new job.
At that time, the renovation cost a lot of money, and because I had to take care of the children and breastfeed, my working hours were reduced, and my income dropped sharply.
Renovation, moving, adapting to a new environment, neither of us having a job, needing to spend money constantly but having no income, and battling wits with a sleepy kid, all these things added up to make me feel stressed. Very large, often in a state of extreme depression.
I still remember the first day I moved into my new house. I went to bed at 11 o'clock, woke up before 4 o'clock, and woke up at 1, 2, and 3 o'clock in the middle. I held her in the living room of my new home and looked out the window at the rising sun and the river in the distance. There was no joy in seeing the scenery, only incomparable despair. At that moment, I felt like jumping into the river.
I realized that my pressure was really too much, so I started to make adjustments.
The first thing is to change your negative thoughts.
In psychology, people are divided into two types of personality based on their susceptibility and different manifestations when facing stress: disease-prone personality and self-treating personality. People with disease-prone personality are very sensitive to stress and are usually not able to relax easily. They are prone to some deviant behaviors and use negative emotions and methods to resist stress, and then the stress will react on them. For example, insomnia, dizziness, indigestion, etc.; while a self-medicating personality can control stress in a healthier way, maintain emotional stability, and the rhythm of life will not change much, so it is not easy to get sick.
People with a disease-prone personality will be accustomed to interpreting stressful events in a negative way, and will lose their normal rationality and exaggerate the facts.
For example, my explanation for a child’s poor sleep is: “It’s over. This child has been sleeping poorly for half a year since confinement. When will this kind of day end?”
The explanation for the situation where both of us have no jobs and no income is: "It's over. Both of us have no jobs and no income. Our savings will be exhausted soon. What will we do if we can't support our children in the future?" ?”
My thoughts are irrational cognitions called “catastrophizing” or “exaggeration” in cognitive behavioral therapy, that is, looking at things negatively, exaggerating the negative consequences of things. change.
In fact, both situations are temporary. Children's sleep conditions will get better and better as they grow older. After moving and settling down, my husband can find a job again in the new city. I can continue to do consulting work when my children are older.
When we interpret "temporary" problems as "permanent" problems, the pressure will be great.
Instead, by interpreting difficulties and problems as “temporary,” we feel less stressed.
Adler said that it is not important what happened in the past, but what is important is the present interpretation of the past.
The ABC Theory of Emotions is also called Ellis Rational Emotive Therapy. Its founder is the American psychologist Ellis. A (activating event) refers to the inducing event; B (belief) refers to the individual's corresponding belief after encountering the activating event, that is, his view, explanation and evaluation of the event; C (consequence) refers to the specific The individual’s emotions and behavioral results under the situation.
Ellis said that what really hurts us and causes us to have emotional and behavioral reactions C is not event A, but our view and interpretation of the event B.
Similarly, it is not the stressful event itself that causes us stress, but our perception and interpretation of the event.
This can also explain why when encountering the same thing, such as unemployment, mortgage debt, etc., some people feel very stressed, while others feel okay, because their inner interpretation styles may be completely opposite. , one negative and one positive.
In addition to seeing that the problems I face are temporary, I try to use a positive interpretation style to face the stress in my life.
Although the decoration cost a lot of money, we finally moved into our own new house. We no longer have to pay thousands of dollars in rent every month, and our children can still crawl on the spacious and clean floor. Climb away.
Although neither of us currently has a job or income, the savings can guarantee our basic life for at least half a year. It is a great thing for two people to raise a baby together and accompany the child to grow up. The day will definitely become a very beautiful memory for two people.
When I look at my life from a positive perspective and a positive explanation style, and see more of the good things I have, I feel that my pressure is much less.
This is a long-term training. Many times when we encounter some difficulties or challenges, we will suddenly fall into a pessimistic, negative, and negative thinking mode. It doesn’t matter, seeing ourselves in such a negative way , then hug yourself, encourage yourself, continue to work hard, change your thinking, and climb out of that dark trap again.
After training like this again and again, we can gradually form a positive way of thinking and an optimistic attitude.
Also, how we think about stress itself is important. In a study on stress, Kelly McGonigal of Stanford University found that “people who learned to think of their stress response as aiding performance were less worried and nervous. With less anxiety, they were more confident. On the contrary, those who experienced extreme stress but did not believe that stress was harmful to their health were less likely to die. In fact, such people had the lowest risk of death compared with study participants who were relatively less stressed." p>
In short, when we change the way we view stress and become more positive about it, our physiological stress responses also change.
So, she suggested that we learn to be friends with stress, which will make us less stressed, in better shape, and perform better.
2. Re-prioritize your goals and life, focus on the key points, and learn to give up
There is a visitor A who can’t get along with his boss at work and is impulsive. I resigned naked and my job search was not going well for several months. I wanted to use the time I was looking for a job to get a driver's license, but I enrolled in a driving school and failed the second test twice. She also wanted to change coaches because she had a verbal conflict with her coach during driving practice, but changing coaches and increasing practice time would cost extra. Because she did not plan her money properly, she continued to buy and buy during her resignation. As a result, she currently has less than 2,000 in savings and is using Huabei and credit cards to survive. At that time, she also had problems getting along with her boyfriend who she lived with. The two often quarreled over trivial matters and were on the verge of breaking up.
Unemployment, trouble finding a job, failure to take the driver's license test, relationship problems with her boyfriend, and financial stress. All these things combined made her very stressed, and she would break down and cry from time to time.
Of course I can start with her internal relationship model and the way she communicates and gets along with others to explore why she can’t get along well with her leaders, coaches and her boyfriend. What’s wrong with this? place.
However, this requires long-term and multiple consultations, which does not help much to solve her current stress dilemma. The most important thing is that she may not have money for consultations in the future. Therefore, we changed the goal of consultation to reduce her stress. One of the most important methods is to prioritize her life and see together what is most important to her at the moment.
The first is to find a job as soon as possible. Secondly, it is to reduce conflicts with your boyfriend and see how to improve the relationship between the two. Because of the breakup, she will face the multiple blows of losing her job, losing her love, and losing her place to live.
You may consider giving up taking the driving license test. Finding a coach, practicing driving, booking a test time, taking the test, and facing the results of the test will cost her a lot of time, energy and money, and will also affect her mood and waste her energy.
The focus of her life at this stage is to spend her time and energy on finding a job, and at the same time give up those things that will waste her time, energy and cause her negative emotions.
Later, she really chose to give up taking the driver's license test and focus all her time on finding a job. She quickly found a job, and her financial situation was eased. Her relationship with her boyfriend also improved because of her marriage. The job actually got better.
In my consultations, I often give advice to people who have to work overtime to improve performance, take exams, and buy a house in a school district for their children, or who have to go to work, prepare for a wedding, prepare for pregnancy, or want to change careers. Here’s a tip for anyone learning a new skill: Streamline your goals and life events, focus on the key points, and do them one at a time.
Taiwanese writer Wu Danru wrote in the book "Time Management and Happiness": In life, you must know how to make choices, and your dreams must be gradually realized. "Five children pass the college" slowly, so that they will not achieve their life goals at the same time. Drive yourself crazy.
There is a world-famous "life event stress meter". Not only "bad things" such as divorce, separation, and death of relatives will cause people stress, but "good things" such as getting married, moving to a new home, and having children will also cause stress. It puts pressure on people. If there are many things going on at the same time, and large and small things are superimposed, the pressure will be so great that people will explode.
I don’t know if you all have this experience. When there are too many things, people tend to get confused and scratch their eyebrows and beards. As a result, many things cannot be done well. Because things are not done well, people tend to feel frustrated. He becomes even more restless and falls into a vicious cycle.
If you want to reduce stress, you must learn to prioritize, learn to let go, and give up selectively.
You can do this exercise:
Take out a pen and paper, or a notepad on your phone, write down what you have to do in a day (a week, a month), and then sort out the most important things 3-5 things, don’t do other things for the time being, put them aside, and only do these 3-5 things, and then divide these important things into steps, divide them into small goals, and do them little by little. Go ahead and push, and in the end you will find that things you thought were difficult before can be accomplished smoothly.
Prioritize your life and goals, focus on the big and let go of the small, learn to give up selectively, and focus your energy on the most important things. This will not only simplify your life, but also make your life more enjoyable. Get a little more relaxed and you'll also find yourself feeling less stressed and doing things better.
Our lives are made up of countless choices. If you choose to really invest your time and focus on the important things, it will be easier for you to achieve the life and life you want.
3. If you sleep well, the pressure will be reduced
There is a visitor B. After being promoted and getting a salary increase, because there were more things to do, the number of team members he led increased. She is under a lot of pressure every day and often doesn’t get home from work until 10 o’clock. After she gets home, she stays up late in revenge because she wants to relax. She always eats snacks, scrolls through her mobile phone, binge-watches dramas, and entertainment gossip until 2 or 3 o’clock in the middle of the night. I just went to bed, and several times I was doing general cleaning at 1 o'clock in the night, and I didn't want to go to bed until 3 o'clock in the middle of the night when I was really sleepy.
The next day I got up early to go to work at the company and worked overtime. Day after day, my condition became worse and worse.
There are many young people like B who procrastinate to sleep. A recent set of big sleep data shows that almost half of people go to bed between 12 o'clock and 2 o'clock, commonly known as the "late-night party."
I used to be one of them. When the child was 2 to 2 and a half years old, because I had to work and take care of the child during the day, there was no time for entertainment, so I waited until after 11 o'clock to go to bed and then started to entertain myself, watching dramas and reading official articles until late at night. 1. Didn't go to bed until 2 o'clock.
I get up early the next day, and if my child wakes up and fusses over me again at night, or I don’t sleep well, I feel that my overall mental state during the day is not very good, my temper is easily irritable, and I feel very stressed when something happens. big.
What is even more frustrating is that every time I make up my mind to change, I end up failing.
Later, I tried to change slowly week by week, reducing the number of late nights I stayed up week by week. Later, I basically stopped staying up late, and my mental state and ability to withstand stress gradually improved.
Sleep is very important. I think everyone knows this. Good sleep can help us restore our strength and health.
But one thing you may not know is that sleep can also help us improve our self-control.
The book "Self-Control" talks about some examples of people who were exhausted and out of control due to lack of sleep. The book "Transient" also talks about how it is often difficult for us to change and control ourselves because our energy is consumed and we are too tired. "It seems that we are lazy to change, but in fact we are exhausted."
Willpower and self-control, like energy, are limited. They will continue to be consumed and filled up. Regular work and rest, diet, leisure and relaxation can help us replenish our willpower.
Fighting stress requires the help of our willpower and self-control. If you lack sleep or are exhausted, our self-control will easily decrease and your ability to withstand stress will also become worse.
I think everyone has this experience, that is, when you are very tired, a small thing, such as your husband forgetting to take out the trash, your child doing the wrong question, or a phone call from the work, will be the last thing that breaks the camel's back. A straw.
So, give it a try. If you are under great pressure and have the habit of staying up late, you might as well reduce your stress by staying up late. You don’t need to stop staying up late all at once. You can set a small goal and start from Going to bed late (1 or 2 o'clock) 7 days a week will allow you to go to bed before 12 o'clock 2 days a week, or try to go to bed half an hour earlier. This way you will get 3.5 hours more sleep in a week than before, and your energy and stress resistance will be improved. It will also be improved by getting more sleep.
Then continue to make small changes to slowly develop healthier sleep habits.
Sometimes after a good sleep and waking up, you may find that the so-called stress is nothing at all, but it seems that it is not easy to fall asleep when you are stressed. Alas, life is really difficult!
4. Find ways to relax yourself
When you are stressed, it actually means you need to relax. Generally speaking, deep breathing exercises, meditation, exercise, and body massage are all effective ways to relax for most people, but there are differences between individuals.
I have a friend who said that when she is very stressed, she can relax by playing music at home and dancing around like crazy.
Another friend said that she likes to cook. Cooking a good meal for herself and then eating it quietly by herself will relieve her stress.
For me, the best way to relieve stress is to go for a walk in nature. While walking, I look at the flowers, trees, mountains, and rivers, and I feel that my stress is released little by little. Lose.
Everyone has different ways of reducing stress. Some people dance, some cook, and some chat with friends... You need to find ways to relieve stress and relax physically and mentally. . When we release stress, we can appreciate the beauty of life and rekindle our passion and love for life and work.
Life has peaks and troughs, and life also has pressures and relaxations. When you are under great pressure, you must understand that having pressure means that you are alive and working hard for the good life you want, and at the same time, you must learn to care. Take care of yourself, learn to handle stress better, be friends with stress, be friends with time, maintain a positive and optimistic attitude, take practical actions, and believe that all problems will be solved!
Note: The picture comes from the Internet
Original title: "When you are stressed, use these 4 techniques to get through it"