2.Finally know that the River University dormitory teacher is a believer in Christianity, his first words into our dormitory is: "Oh, My God!!!" (Yanzhao)
3. I went to the cafeteria to get a serving of roast beef with potatoes, but I accidentally dropped a piece of beef, so I only got potatoes! (Sun and Moon)
4. You think I really don't know how to talk crap! Nine words only - I came with a life preserver!!!! (I love Nankai)
5. In the future, when we have money, we will make a movie called "Housing", it will be a hit! (NKU)
8. Matriarchal humans live in caves, patrilineal humans live in tall buildings - this is genital worship! (Blue Star)
9. Happiness is in your own hands, not in other people's mouths! (A see cryptic, Shui Mu community)
10.gg to mm wryly smiled: "cunning rabbit three holes, good women, the same ~" (Goodbye cryptic, Shui Mu community)
11.Department of the flower successfully reelected as the first lady of the student body president, but campaign for the president of the Student Council was once again thwarted! ...... (Peking University unnamed)
12. My hands are too stupid, but he is too handsome ~ so I weave while revealing a hideous grin calculating: I do not believe it, surrounded by the scarf I weave you can still be so handsome ~ (Peking University unnamed) (reproduced please specify the Tianya Community Happy Paradise)
13. I have always wanted to hold my wedding in Zhongnanhai, I do not know how much longer I have to wait to line up ...... (sun and moonlight)
14. Yesterday, I took my boyfriend's bath card to the women's bathroom with the result that just inserted into the machine on the automatic beeping: there is a pervert! At the same time, the screen kept flashing the word "alarm"
15. A good teacher can take you to heaven no matter what bed you're in, and a bad one will take you directly to the suite! (Peking University Unknown)
16. Honey, no matter how deep a well I fall into, I'm sure you'll save me -- with your belt! (Xizi Hutong)
17. I once tearfully hissed that I would never shed tears for a woman again, and the result was a severe beating from my mother, when I was 8 years old ~ (Tianya Happy Paradise)
18. My friends around me ah, you hurry up to become famous, so that my memoirs can be a bestseller ~ ~~~ (Riyueguang Guanghua)
19. I'm not sure if I've ever seen a BMW, but I have to look at it in the sunset and see that it's not my engine that's bad, but it's because my car chain fell off~(Tianya Happy Paradise)
20. Due to the suspension of Chen Yongjie (female) students, declared the end of the 04 grade accounting department "auspicious three treasures" era, the brand-new "The perfect double" era is about to unfold, I hope you will tell each other! (I love Nankai)
21. Cynicism and patriotism is only one step away, and SB one step are not! (Peking University)
22. North and South Korea must not merge! Because they are like the bra on China's chicken breast, protecting China from Japan's desecration! (Mizuki Community)
23. Society has progressed, women are the strongest in life; technology has developed, men are the weakest in bed! (Tianya Happy Paradise)
24. Huo Zaiyi at my age not only successful, and are dead for several years ...... (Shui Mu Community)
25. China Chronicles: prehistory --> 1949 Liberation --> Future. (Peking University)
26. Think of the beginning, when in love, remove the nest, are together; sigh now, after marriage, away from the pillow, each running ~ (Peking University)
27. Autumn I buried my wife in the ground, the result is that in winter the police uncle also buried me in the ground ...... (Tianya Happy Paradise) )
28. A few days ago, my third aunt said to me, "Your family just finished buying a house, so you should be able to find a date, right?" (Lilac)
29.Mr. Shen Congwen once taught at Wuhan University, according to the current professional division should be attached to the School of Computer Science, and his masterpiece "Border City" as China's first programming language textbook will be forever in history! (珞珈山水)
30.浦江论剑，烽烟再起! The next mayor is he who challenges the father of corruption Heshen, or he who uses MBA to manage his harem of 3,000 beauties? Mobile users send "Three Represents" to 3838, Unicom, SmarTone users send "Eight Honors and Eight Shames" to 7474, select your favorite mayor of Shanghai! (Sun & Moon)
31. Wife, when you just walked past the TV, I watched at least three less commercials! (Xizi Hutong)
32. My mother-in-law lectured her girl in front of me: "You're spreading a lazy one, you have to be more diligent yourself!" (Shui Mu Community)
33. With you in love - I have long bolted my head on the waistband of my pants! (Yanzhao)
34. Every girl should have a good pair of shoes, because wearing them will take us to happiness ~ (Yixian Times)
35. The first line: hairy hands I stick, ask the good people still think about Zhoukou? Bottom line: Pricked tongue connects, with the scholar living peacefully in Yuanmou. Horizontal Phi: Walking upright! (Shui Mu community)
36. one person alone is not spring, two people together called spring full of garden ~ (Shui Mu community)
37.
38. embrace is really a strange thing, obviously leaning so close to each other, but can not see each other's faces ...... (Reprinted with permission from the Tianya Community Happy Paradise)
39. Shantou girl: "Don't expect Chinese men to give you pleasure!" (Tulip)
40. Shantou University Boys; "Chinese men's JJ is like a Shenzhou spacecraft, don't look at the thing small, all of a sudden, it will send you to the sky!" (Tulip)
41. Over the years I've seen it all - the altar of the people who talk about girls and love, each can be a long speech, analyzing the head of the road, as if they had been in the sea of love in the sea of vicissitudes of life as well. When you meet such a boy you have to have a number in mind, such a person most likely even the girl's little hand has not been pulled! (Yixian Times)
42. Romeo and Juliet met at the ball, fell in love at first sight, and then XX the next day; think about two people meeting at a disco now, and then going to the hotel to get a room, are these all considered love? (Peking University)
43. In the university mixed half a year to realize that the original love can be picked up everywhere, the library, basketball court, cafeteria can become the birthplace of love. Because of this, love in the university is so cheap ~ (Peking University)
44. TV to see bone-thin African refugees, even very heartbreaking, but the grandmother said: "Wa ah, you can not be deceived by the current TV, they will not have the money to eat that their mothers still take them to perm!" (Shui Mu Community)
45. My mother said, do people to be generous, see more than my beautiful to praise her smart, see more than my smart to praise her temperament, see more than I am not the woman of the dog shit I simply say she is the universe invincible thunder and lightning super flying beauty girl! (Yanzhao)
46. I remember my mentor once said that when Marx was writing Capital, when he was tired of writing, he would do a few calculus problems to rest his brain. At that time, think of Marx can really a strong man ah ~ but who can think of now I am doing calculus while writing write "Capital" it ...... (blue starry sky)
47. If a dog brushes past you, if it has an emergency, it will not look at you a glance; if it is fine, it will look at you, if your eyes and then friendly If your eyes are more friendly, it will circle around your feet. This kind of courtesy is more lacking between human beings~(Drinking water to think of the source)
48. Who is the only one for whom these days? Silly egg classmates said stupid * B is his only, we laughed; we said life is our only, God laughed; God said the multitude of beings is his only, my family's old sow laughed, to be exact, facial muscle necrosis due to compression of the nerve ...... (sea and sky white clouds)
49. modern network of fashion classics: a from the A young man who can't find a job, can't afford a house, and can't even get out the back door from a pheasant university, goes online to read a YA novel about a surprise attack on Tokyo, gets tired of going to Tianya's State Guanyuan to scold the dogs of the "rightists", and then goes to a military forum to discuss how to deal with the U.S. carrier fleet during the battle of the Taiwan Straits. The ideal state of these people is described in two lines of a crooked poem at Tianya: "The Han flag is flying at the top of Mount Fuji, and Hu Ji is enjoying herself under the cherry blossom tree." They have never thought, even if this ridiculous ideal really become reality, "cherry blossom tree under the ornamental Hu Ji" is still now "heaven and earth ornamental Han Ji" of the characters, and he himself is still that cafe to eat noodles, the end of the month, such as wages of the small people ~ (Tianya miscellaneous)
All the best to you.
50.B
routinely slip
because of her wet (Tianya Poetry Club)
┌
\○~
(╲
) )
/ / /
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51.eat rice actually did not eat the paste of the rice, I lamented: today, the cafeteria and take yesterday's stale rice to replace.
I can't believe I didn't get any worms when I ate cabbage, I lamented: today the cafeteria is buying flooded cabbage again;
I can't believe I didn't get any pork rinds when I ate the stewed meat dish, I lamented: today the cafeteria is using yesterday's leftovers to soak the doughnuts again;
I can't believe I didn't get any shells when I ate the scrambled eggs, I lamented: today the cafeteria is letting the new girls
Eating bruschetta actually did not eat the rag, I lamented: today's cafeteria and do not wipe the pots and pans;
Eating scrambled eggs actually did not eat the cigarette butts, I lamented: today's cafeteria and did not use a master chef to cook;
Eating fried noodles with meat actually did not eat grasshoppers, I lamented: today's cafeteria and yesterday leftover minced pork fried noodles;
Eating roasted eggplants actually did not eat grasshoppers, I lamented: today's cafeteria and yesterday leftover minced meat fried noodles;
I can't believe I didn't eat the eggplant when I ate the roasted eggplant, I lamented: today the cafeteria is using soy sauce to burn the vinegar again;
I can't believe I didn't eat the rotten buds when I ate the potato cubes, I lamented: today the cafeteria is selling the black hearted little potato again;
I can't believe I didn't eat the soap when I ate the roasted tofu, I lamented: today the cafeteria has to take tofu to brush the pot again... ...
52. The fastest is the electricity meter, the slowest is the Internet speed! (Peking University Unknown) (Reprinted with permission from Tianya Community Happy Paradise)
53. This is Yu Jian, one of the four most handsome guys in my class; me, Lu Ce, and Hu Hao are the top three. (NKU)
54. Ma Yinchu once told the President categorically, "China's population is too large because there is no electricity in the countryside at night!!!" (Peking University)
55. You Americans programming with our village programmed birdcage is not essentially different, how to get not all still have loopholes! (NPC)
56. There are things that can be done and things that can't be done - such as going to bed early and getting up early ~ (Shui Mu Community)
57. My friend's name in his girlfriend's cell phone was "he", and then they broke up and it became "it". It became "it" ...... (three see hidden, drinking water, think of the source)
58. roommate is Hunan, to the school store to buy handkerchiefs, and even said several times the waitress little sister did not understand, and so borrowed body language expression ~ finally the waitress from behind the counter out of a huge spoon ...... (water wood community)
59. A huge spoon ...... (Tianya Entertainment Gossip)
59.Q: Comrade Chen Liangyu September case, why the central government no longer transfer a municipal party secretary from the outside to, but to correct the Han vice mayor? A: Because it is too difficult to buy tickets during the National Day! (Heaven and Earth NPC)
60. My name is Mao Mao, the mayor's own sister. I am the guardian of the Crystal Castle, and this is my ride - a motorcycle. One day I gained a miraculous secret when I drew out my stick and shouted, "Give me power - I am the city manager ~~~" (Drinking water to think of the source)
61. It will soon be "6.17 "The first anniversary of the death of the Lord of the Rings is being commemorated. I would have liked to ask my friends to come out and play cards with me, but then I thought better of it~ (饮水思源)
62! My money ah, I'm sorry for you, 555...... (Peking University unnamed)
63. last night the Internet thirsty, a moment can not find a cup of water, vaguely remembered that just put in the hands of the laptop behind the display, and so all the windows are minimized ......-_ -b (Sun and Moon)
64. My dad is rich and not single, I'm single and have no money; or my mom is the happiest - there is a rich husband and a single son ~ (Peking University Unknown)
65. Zhejiang Electric Power school motto: the school door is tighter than the girls! (Tianya Happy Paradise)
66. Laozi began to learn well, drawing portraits for people! A person 30, two 50, to mole, add dimples not another charge ~ (drinking water SiYuan)
67. Waiting for the old man has the money, every day to go to the cafeteria to eat pots of meat, eat pigs are afraid to grow the tenderloin! (Sun and Moon)
68. In fact, there is no so-called hometown, the so-called hometown is only the last stop of the wandering journey of our ancestors. (Quan rhyme heart)
69. I really want to personally call your grandfather: father! (Tianya Happy Paradise)
70. I've always wanted the seven canned figurines of Lucius, they're so cool! Although the machine cat is also very invincible, but there is a weakness is very obvious - the target is too large, easy to be kidnapped! ~ (QQ nickname: six A six B)
One, change change
Brother wedding told me to go to change 50 20 rmb send a small red envelope with.
Took 1k to the bank to change, sb attitude extremely bad said "no, can not change to you"
attitude is really bad ah. I am very fierce counter-question "you say again" guy is very cattle said "is not"
I said "you = with" sb said "you
I took my ID and said "open an account and deposit 1k".
The end of the day, I said "and then mention 20" and even mention the second 20.
Sb said "What do you mean ah?"
"I'm not sure what I mean, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it again."
Sb said, "I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it again, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it again, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it again.
Second, why is it called CCB
Just went to the hospital next to the bitch line to withdraw money, the door of the ATM people a lot of people, everyone is lining up in the sun.
But the strange thing is that there is only one customer in the business hall inside.
So I went to one of the windows and told the human-looking clerk to withdraw $800.
The guy actually said to go outside to the ATM and I asked him why couldn't the card be withdrawn over the counter?
He said anything under 5000 go to the ATM and said it was to save time, improve efficiency and triage, I was dumbfounded, triage?
I asked him, now outside the ATM queue is long, there is no one inside, which saves the efficiency of what?
What document says that you can't withdraw money over the counter for less than 5,000? All other banks can!
The dog said it was a document from a cheap bank, and I said bring it to me! He couldn't get it out and just wouldn't withdraw it anyway.
I looked at the people outside in the queue sunbathing, and then look at the bitch inside reading a newspaper and blowing air conditioning, angry, so I decided to fix him.
I said okay, then withdraw 5000! When he was done, he gave me the 5000, and I took a hundred and said deposit 100!
No money can be deposited at the ATM, so he did it. When he finished the 100, I took another 100 and said deposit 100!
The dog said can't you deposit it all at once?
I said that the document I sent to myself stipulates that only 100 can be deposited at a time, how, can't it?
Slowly, a lot of supporters gathered around, and everyone said good job!
Some people immediately did the same as me.
Finally, their leader came out and said arrogantly: You disturb the financial order, I call the police.
I said I was saving money ah, the bank is not the place to save money it? You have a document that stipulates that you can't deposit a hundred at a time? Show me!
Many people next to me supported me and accused them loudly.
Finally, the leader said he was sorry and that we would definitely improve our working methods in the future. Give everyone convenience, etc etc .......
As I turned to leave, I said to him, I now know why you are CCB, because you are cheap!
Three, China Merchants Bank fake money
The previous 2 days I went to China Merchants Bank to get money (for the company to take), the results of the point of copying found that there is a fake 100 yuan, because they are learning accounting professional plus the company previously occurred cases (from the bank to take good money sent wages, someone found a fake copy), so they pay special attention. After that, I said to the counter lady: Miss, you have a problem with this money.
Miss: What problem?
I said: fake
Miss: No way, you left the counter.
I was furious: you have eye problems ah? Which one of your eyes saw me leave the counter?
So she and I got into an argument, the attitude can be bad, as if I intentionally change the money as if, to me sharp words ~
I said: your checking machine is not a problem ah? I don't even know if I'm going to call the police for a fake copy of the past. This is good, we call the police to deal with ~ not to say that the discovery of counterfeit money to hit 110 it ~!
Then the bank has been noisy ~ bank president came out ~ things have not been asked clearly ~ the first time dumped to me a
sentence: you left the counter? If you leave the counter, you can't prove that the fake bills were issued by us!
I'm dizzy!
I said: "I have not left the counter, I do not count ~ so we call the surveillance video out to see ~ or I will call the police to deal with, you see how to do it ~
This time the president of the bank began to be a little bit of a "soft" down, the attitude has improved a lot, but also With a smile on my face, I said:
Then you see how a solution? You mention a program.
I was also angry a little dizzy drop, think also did not think: 1 penalty 10! I thought about it, forget it ~
The results of the last money to the bank president and the counter lady said: you better remember this face, do not play any "tricks" (many banks have irregularities, often fake currency issued, most of which are not easy to find on the accounts for the number of large.
Finally, the president of the bank smiled and welcomed me out of the door ~
Four, the Agricultural Bank of VIP
From a few months ago, Hohhot Agricultural Bank to engage in a VIP window, only to handle the business of more than 5W yuan. Once I want to take 1W yuan, small window queue super long, VIP window empty, I went to the VIP window to do, the staff asked me to take how much, I said to take 1W, she said directly, 5W business to go to the small window queue. I said, then I take 6W, she said, 6W can, give me 6W cash, I took 1W, the rest of the 5W and stuffed back, said: give me to save 5W. staff directly fainted.
Five, all withdrawals
There is also a time in an industrial bank, Party A a 140W drawdown after the account, I went to the industrial bank to do money. Because there is no ICBC card, I intend to do a card to transfer the money on the deposit, the results of the staff actually said that the card to copy ID cards, their copy machine is broken, I have to go to the copy. I was furious and said, "Forget it, I'm not depositing any more, I'm withdrawing all 140W! You can report the plan tonight, I'll come and get it tomorrow! The director of the bank's business department changed his face at that time, and then, a little girl with a smile on her face said: you bring your ID card, I'll go to give you a copy, you wait for a while. The first time I saw this, I was able to get the information from the bank, and I was able to get the information from the bank.
"Kung Fu" version
Supervisory teacher: take the textbook cheating that student, you come out for a while!
The cheating candidate: I'll do anything but cheat!
Supervising Teacher: What? I'm not going to be able to do that. You think if you know a few tricks, it's not cheating?
Cheating candidates: cheating is not a crime. Do I have to tell you that I have learned the Rudraksha Palm?
The teacher: Damn! I'm not going to arrest you for being so handsome!
The cheating candidate: I'm not afraid, even if you catch a me, there are millions of me.
Supervising teacher: faint ......
The world without thieves version
Supervising teacher: that student, how do you cheat?
The cheating candidate: Who is cheating here? I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do this, but I'm sure you'll be able to do it! The teacher saw that no one stood out, no one cheated here.
Supervising teacher: pretending to be quite like ah. The most difficult to see your kind of textbook cheating, a little technical content are not! Ai, how did you just copy the book to come? This way? ...... like this? ...... (imitating the actions of the cheating candidates just now)
Cheating candidates: (with a smile) Well, the hand is a little lower ...... and a little lower.
Invigilator: What are you laughing at? I'm criticizing you! Seriously! Know what is most valuable in the examination room? Exam style! Organized, undisciplined! I can tell you very responsibly, the teacher is very angry, the consequences are very serious!
Cheating candidates: teacher, let me off the hook. I can not be caught ah, I have a terminal illness!
Supervising teacher: no (read mo) way ah.
The cheating candidate: Alas! I would have been to the moon, but the moon shines in the ditch. I know that my heart is worried, I do not know what I say I seek.
Supervising teacher: faint......
"Ten-sided ambush" version
Supervising teacher: you forced me to catch you!
The cheating candidate: You can collect my rolls, but you can't take my name!
Supervising teacher: faint......
"2046" version
Cheating candidates: today even if I help you set up a negative example.
Invigilator: That's good, and please help if you need it in the future.
Cheating candidates: faint ......
The cell phone version
Supervising teacher: I have repeatedly taught you, cheating trouble. You are on top of the trouble.
Cheating candidates: teacher, give me another chance.
Supervising teacher: You said you want to change your ways, I think you are going to relapse!
Cheating candidate: Be generous~~
Invigilator: faint......
The Heroes version
Cheating candidate: I know you're looking at me, and I'm purposely trying to get you to catch me.
Invigilator: But I didn't intend to catch you. Because the highest level of catching is - not catching!
Cheating Candidate: faint
The Infernal Affairs Edition
Cheating Candidate: Why? I just want to pass the exam, is this not okay?
Supervising teacher: I'm sorry, I'm supervising.
Cheating candidate: I reported so many cheating candidates to you, give me a chance.
Invigilator: I am sorry, I am the invigilator.
Cheating Candidate: faint......