When I'm older and my children have families with small children, I'll be willing to pay for a nanny to help with the kids if I'm financially capable. I'll just live my retirement life and stop worrying so much.
Nowadays, some parents would rather pay for a nanny than take care of their grandchildren, and I think there are several reasons for this.
To help children with small children is not the responsibility of parents, but our country is now the popularity of such a band, the elderly if you do not want to bring then the surrounding people will feel that this is not normal. So if the economic conditions are good, and do not want to help with small children, do not contribute to the money is also a very good way.
So now some parents would rather pay for a nanny than keep bringing up their grandchildren. The elderly are not obliged to bring up the younger generation, and we should be more grateful if they can pay for a nanny to help bring up the little ones.
Hello, I'm Parenting Word Chuan, China's mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts from ancient times to the present day, the entanglement of intergenerational doting, the embarrassment of three generations of *** in a room, the huge difference in the concept of education between two generations, I think the best explanation for the problem you raised above.
As a young person, no one wants to live with the elderly. First of all, living habits, young people like to live as they wish, like to invite three or five friends home on weekends, like to live with their husbands in the sweet world of two, however, parents in, not so comfortable. I live with my in-laws, they are very good people, for the sake of the children, it can be said that they can devote themselves to everything. But to be honest, I don't want to inside, it's really inconvenient.
For one thing, dressing is not casual. In-laws retired all day at home, I want to wear at home a little more casual, such as do not want to wear a bra, but can not be realized, all year round, off work, back home, want to take off the bra to relax and relax, but in the way of embarrassment, can only be more than ten hours a day to wear, to the summer, it is even more super difficult;
Second, buy things are not casual. Young people love shopping, buy some of their favorite clothes ah, bags ah, shoes ah, not only for the sake of beauty, but also work needs, but live with the elderly, every time I buy something back, my mother-in-law will always nagging "your shoes have been so much, and then buy shoes," "there are clothes to wear on the can, and then buy! so much" and so on and so forth, the psychological very unhappy, it feels as if you spend my son's money, but the reality is that I have a monthly income of more than ten thousand, what to buy, I don't have to be like a thief, in order to reduce the contradiction, I buy things again, are secretly to my own room, after a while and then wear it, the heart is really twisted very much.
Thirdly, living a married life is super depressing. In-laws do not like the habit of closing the door to sleep, I am really speechless, every time and husband together, feel the inner can not be released, do not dare to make a sound, there is absolutely nothing interesting to say, although the husband also do not like this feeling, but that is, after all, his parents, what can he do, can only endure, I am really afraid that one day, I caused a psychological barrier, I do not know when is the head.
Fourth, live together, and then the good relationship will deteriorate. Before I got married, I had been living with my in-laws, who took good care of me as if I were their daughter, but since having children and living together, our habits of doing things are completely different. My mother-in-law has a very deep obsessive-compulsive disorder, no matter how tired she is, she wants to finish all the work she wants to do, but her time allocation is very problematic, from morning to night, think of what to do, it seems to be very busy, but in fact, it's a waste of time, I have my own planning to do things, not only to get a good rest, and all the chores that I want to do have not been delayed, but my mother-in-law is not accustomed to seeing me do things, and she feels that I should be as busy as she is to be considered work; and, she thinks I should be as busy as she is to be considered work. The first thing I'd like to say is that I don't think I'm going to be able to do this, but I think I'm going to be able to do it, and I think I'm going to be able to do it.
Besides, we have a lot of differences in taking care of our children. They are very spoiled child, the child is taken care of by them, but some overdo it, for example, before the age of 5, the child will not go to the toilet on their own, the child has a urine, they are taking the bottle to pick up; the child to eat, they are always on behalf of the work, either on the hands of the feed, or chasing the feed, due to the wrong way of feeding, resulting in my son's spleen and stomach particularly bad, the total feed always feed, resulting in the child's habitual vomiting, for this problem I've negotiated with them many times, and finally, under my protest, stopped their feeding behavior, now, the child can eat well on their own, and no more vomiting, resistance is also strengthened a lot.
In addition, in the education of children, the old generation's stubbornness, temper, is also reflected in my son. Compulsive education, resulting in abnormal rebellion, temper, after realizing this problem, I firmly asked them not to participate in the child education, by me and the child's father to carry out the education, practice has proved that my decision is right, at least now, my son sunshine, self-confidence, peace, but also know how to understand others, and in the direction of my hope in the development.
However, I found that the relationship between my in-laws and me, after so many things have happened, has become very delicate and not as good as before, which is all the consequences of living with parents, and having parents bring up children.
Many parents may have gone through this as well, or are afraid that the relationship between the two generations will become worse, so they would rather pay for their own nannies to look after their children than bring up their grandchildren themselves. As young people, we have to understand them, in fact, between the two generations have their own living space, miss, visit each other, which is the happiest and most harmonious distance.
The child is cute and too exhausting. Colleagues 6-year-old son of kindergarten vacation 60 days (estimated to be on the first grade), just children's grandparents have something to do, take the office to the office, not yet 3 days, the office to be whole crazy. Noon break a few people will play games, was found by this kid, the afternoon, regardless of whether there is no leadership present, pestered to play games. Ignore him and said loudly that I look down on you, make people angry enough. Woke up at noon to see his father, his father went downstairs for a meeting, and can not take him to go, he cried non-stop, the office who can not stand to go to coax a little, make everyone's head hurt.
As the child's grandparents can pay for a nanny, let the nanny to take care of the grandson, showing that the child's grandparents want to help their son and daughter-in-law to make a contribution, the heart is very loving son and daughter-in-law, to the young people to ease the pressure.
You are a happy person to have met sensible in-laws.
Why are grandparents reluctant to bring up their grandchildren?
First of all, the money to hire a nanny is paid by the grandparents. And it also shows that the grandchildren's status in the hearts of grandparents is very high. The grandparents love their grandchildren very much.
Secondly, in order to avoid conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Many families get along well with their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law before they have children. But after the birth of the child, the mother-in-law with children more or less will appear some bad habits, and now the concept of parenting does not match, the next generation of relatives with children will spoil the child, the next generation of relatives with children will take care of the child, the next generation of relatives with children will let the child meals to the mouth clothes to the hand, the next generation of relatives with children, the child must be very close to the grandmother. The reason for this is that the parents will only be good to the child and will not know how to educate the child. This inadvertently undermines the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, for the sake of the child, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not agree with each other, because the two generations live in different environments, different ideas. In fact, no one is right, just live in different generations.
This means that your mother-in-law wants the family to be happy. Do not want to destroy the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Finally, the nanny with children, she will not appear to spoil the child's behavior.
The nanny will only be responsible for the child's food and safety issues, as for the education is not within the scope of the nanny, the education of the child is your husband and wife, the parents are the child's guardian. Your mother-in-law did this for the purpose of allowing you to enter the role of parents as soon as possible, to take responsibility for the education of children. There will be no generation gap in education, and the child's three views will be correct later. The different ideas of the two generations will mislead the child. The child will only know who is good to me, I will be close to the reasoning.
From an analytical point of view: your mother-in-law's idea is remarkable. Is a good mother-in-law, do not want to destroy the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law but also to help the son and daughter-in-law to reduce the pressure. The child can get the right education concept from childhood.
Can pay to help hire a nanny to take care of grandchildren in-laws, basically either the family's economic conditions are good, or is still in the workplace or from the workplace retired down the aunt uncle, basically more open-minded thinking, few will be the village in-laws, they worked hard for a large class life, really want to take the time to retire still a little stamina travel around to see, enjoy the later years of life, and the time to see a lot of people. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.
First, to avoid mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, daughter-in-law conflicts
It is said that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships are difficult to get along with, the daughter-in-law is afraid and in-laws live together, for fear of causing family conflicts, in fact, some of the thinking of the enlightened in-laws, also do not like to live with the young people, eunuchs in the front of the daughter-in-law will also be unnatural, they really would rather pay a babysitter, but also do not want to live with their son and daughter-in-law! They would really rather pay for a nanny than live with their son and daughter-in-law under one roof.
For example, one of my relatives, both husband and wife are employees need to work, the mother-in-law has retired at the age of 50, the father-in-law will have to wait until the age of 60 to retire, when the son was born, the two in-laws will pay for a sister-in-law, after a full month of babysitting, in-laws occasionally come to the small family to stay for a few days, according to the words of the father-in-law, "I'm home in the summer bare bladders accustomed to, in front of the daughter-in-law can not be so free! The first thing I'd like to do is to get the chance to see the newest and most popular of the newest and most popular of the newest and most popular of the newest and most popular of the newest.
I often listen to some of the baby moms reaction, and in-laws live together, really thin pajamas do not dare to wear a bath out of the still have to wear underwear, feel particularly twisted.
Therefore, in-laws are willing to pay for a nanny to take care of their grandchildren, but also not willing to come by themselves, which is understandable.
Second, the energy and physical strength do not allow
Some of the elderly is older, energy and physical strength can not keep up.
I often see some older aunts with grandchildren, children run far away, the elderly in the back of the shouting and running, really afraid of the elderly accidentally fell. My neighbor is also a mother-in-law with children, mother-in-law is almost seventy years old, usually never take the child downstairs to play, she said to take down the child are running out of.
Therefore, the older old people are not willing to take grandchildren, really can not help, the young people should be sympathetic to the elderly, so that they can enjoy their old age.
Third, let the elderly enjoy their old age
The mother-in-law is also hard work for most of their lives to pull up children, has done the responsibility of being a parent, to the late years, especially the economic conditions, have a retirement salary and pension of the elderly, will be more than the old people know how to enjoy the life of the farmers, they are more hopeful of a full old age, and would prefer to pay for a nanny to take care of grandchildren, and their own also have a better chance to enjoy life, they would prefer to pay for a nanny to take care of grandchildren. So they would rather pay for a nanny to take care of their grandchildren and have more time to do what they want to do.
My neighbor's aunt is a typical example. After retiring from teaching in her fifties, she receives a monthly pension of more than 4,000 yuan, which is a very good income in our town, and after her grandson was born, she paid for her sister-in-law to take care of her daughter-in-law, and then after the first month, she paid half of her retired salary to her daughter-in-law to hire a nanny. The first time I saw this, I was able to see my son's face, and I was able to see his face, and I was able to see his face, and I was able to see his face.
Both live on their own want to live in their old age, and avoid the mother-in-law conflict, her daughter-in-law is also very happy to hire a nanny to take care of the children.
The heaviest and most demanding job in the world is taking care of children. Why is it that in Western countries, professional women return to their families after having children and become full-time housewives to take care of them? Because you have to worry about the child's food and drink, worry about the child's health problems, safety issues, etc., not full-time can not let the child grow up healthily ......
Parents would rather pay for a nanny is also reluctant to take the child, mainly because of the younger generation of old people to bring up the child's way to have a different concept, the old man to do more than not necessarily with you! The old man does not necessarily fit your mind, a little inadvertent you are still full of complaints, may be hanging on the face. The old man is not willing to do laborious things, simply pay you to invite people to take it, so you do not have to look at your face, lest it hurt the old man's self-esteem, hurt each other's affection.
There is also a possibility that the elderly are not well, can not take the child. Many elderly people have high blood pressure, heart disease, they know that they can not bring their beloved grandchildren, so they have to spend money to hire people to do their own modest efforts.
In my opinion, it is better to bring up your own children, as the relationship between parents and children starts at an early age, and young couples can experience the difficulties of elders by bringing up their children, and at the same time, grow up with their children, which is the most perfect thing. ......
There are many examples of people who would rather pay for their children's education, than to pay for their children's education.
There are many examples of people around me who would rather pay for a babysitter than keep bringing up their grandchildren as described in your question. The main reason for this is the following:
Usually, the old people with grandchildren usually go to their children's homes, but due to the influence of factors such as the level of education, so that the old people and the children's concept of parenting there is a big difference. The first thing I did was to ask my daughter-in-law to take care of my grandchildren for a couple of months. I asked her why, and she said that her daughter-in-law thought she was spoiling her children too much, and that she disliked many of her stereotypes, which led to my daughter-in-law's determination to return home. Of course, prior to communicate with the son, she out of line to them to hire a nanny, but do not want her to go back to the grandchildren.
The above example is very common, many elderly people have a very traditional mindset, such as children can not do this and that can not do, or is overly spoiled, to meet the grandchildren of all reasonable or unreasonable requirements, this phenomenon in the "421" family is very common. Nowadays, young people may have read a lot of books related to parenting during pregnancy, and their parenting concepts have become more rationalized and scientific. This makes it very easy for conflicts to arise between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law when parenting ideas clash. Many parents in order to avoid the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, they can only pay for a nanny to take care of their grandchildren.
The old man has worked hard all his life, and it is time for him to enjoy his old age after retirement. The old man's health is weaker than the young man's, so it's even harder for him to take care of his children, and he's not willing to take care of his grandchildren in order to preserve his health. My aunt belongs to this type, he raised two children in the early years of the effort, think the baby is too hard, my cousin asked her to go to the grandchildren, and cousin with a whole lot of reasoning, and finally paid for him to hire a nanny, cousin also agree with this approach, all happy.
Now living conditions are better, the elderly quality of life requirements are higher, do not want to take the grandchildren to affect the quality of life, willing to pay for a long time is not willing to take the grandchildren, as the children of parents of this idea should be supportive of the attitude of the parents, parents work for a lifetime, but also to the time to enjoy the old age. If you can financially support the money to hire a nanny, this can be said to be the best of both worlds.
It is only when you are a parent that you realize how difficult it is to be a parent, and how tiring it is to be responsible for bringing up a child.
Nowadays, most of the society has only one or two children, all of them are the treasure in the palm of the hand, and they are very delicate, and they will be hurt if they bump into each other.
For parents to bring up children this matter, in fact, really can not say. The parents are not obliged to help their children with their children, but nowadays society has forced young people to need the help of their parents.
I think the parents are already doing a good job in bringing up their children, whether they are contributing money or effort.
1. The old man himself needs to think, whether excessive control of children's affairs, after all, children and grandchildren are blessed by their children and grandchildren, and if the appropriate let go, exit, may live a better life, family relations are more harmonious
2. Raising a child is a big deal, the children must be their own personal experience to be a parent every day, as the saying goes, "do not raise children, do not know the parents' grace.
3. have been working for their children all their lives, old age, want to spend a few days clean days
4. between the elderly and their children have a generation gap, especially the state of young people's lives the elderly are not accustomed to, simply out of sight out of mind
Those are rich people, if you can afford to hire a nanny, why would you want to do it yourself? The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for it.