Two in-laws count as relatives? Some people say, in-laws, in-laws, the children of the two families married, of course, counted as relatives. Some people say, that's just a name, there is no blood relationship between each other, and even up to how many generations, are not hit together, how to say that the relatives? Both statements are right, mainly to see between the in-laws, get along with whether the harmony and harmony, the relationship is better, can be said to be close to the relatives, on the contrary, may even be worse than ordinary friends. That in-laws in the end should not treat each other as relatives? Let's take a look at the 62-year-old reader's auntie Gao's case, perhaps we can get some insight from it.
Auntie Gao was originally a cheerful and outgoing old man, but since the conflict with her in-laws' mother, her husband has been very cold to her, and even her own son doesn't bother to talk to her, and she has become quiet since that day. Why did she become like this? It all started when her in-laws passed away. Auntie Gao's in-laws and in-laws, husband and wife are very good, a lifetime of love, the old partner passed away due to illness, the in-laws of the mother Wang aunt can not accept, there have been two light thoughts, but in the family found to stop. Auntie Gao's warm-heartedness, coupled with the two children's work is not at ease, so the in-laws mother received their own home, accompanied by her chatting to relieve boredom, hoping that she will come out sooner.
More than half a year, Auntie Wang's pain of losing her husband eased, and the two of them enrolled in a group tour, the relationship is getting along very well, her daughter-in-law thumbs up to her, thanks to her mother-in-law's companionship and care of her mother-in-law's mother. It is said that regardless of relatives or friends, the relationship is no longer good, there should be a degree, speak and do things in proportion, after all, the trouble comes out of the mouth, are from the mouth of people close to.
Auntie Gao treats her in-laws as a family and as if they were bosom friends, and out of concern for her in-laws, she suggests that she should meet the right person and have a twilight romance to enjoy a pleasant old age. Auntie Wang felt bad, first of all, her husband died just over a year, looking for a companion to make people laugh, and secondly, she did not want to find, the body is strong when they live, can not move the day to say. Auntie Gao said: "In-laws, we women in this life is not easy, there is no need to live in the eyes of others, if you come across the preferred, the courage to pursue happiness.
In fact, I quite envy you and your in-laws feelings, love for life, think of myself, sometimes really long sigh." Auntie Gao and her old partner was introduced by the matchmaker to meet, the two did not have much affection, but both parents agreed, and then she had a sweetheart, but people moved out of town, it was not settled, in this case, she married her current husband. But these are also nothing, who has not had a favorite, but the middle of a hiccup, she even told Auntie Wang.
Auntie Gao said: "My son was 12 years old that year, the man came to me, then indeed a little bit unable to hold back, went out to eat a meal together, but the thought of my son can not lose the love of his mother, bear the pain completely no longer in contact with this has never been told to others, don't let my old partner know. So in-laws, fate comes to cherish, but also can give the child to ease the burden." Auntie Wang heard that last sentence, the heart is quite unhappy, although there is only one daughter, but they have a pension, never wanted to rely on the child, in-laws let me find my old partner's purpose, is to see themselves as a daughter and son-in-law's burden. As the saying goes, the person who says it has no heart, the person who hears it has a heart. From that day on, Auntie Wang and Auntie Gao kept their distance.
The two men tore their faces off when the two children had a falling out. Auntie Gao's son was busy with his work and often traveled, and Auntie Wang's daughter was very upset, and she had many quarrels about it, and one of the quarrels was more fierce, and she went straight back to her mother's house. Auntie Gao feels that her son is busy and can not be neglected daughter-in-law, so she and her partner took her son to the in-laws mother's home, so she did not expect, Auntie Wang has been lecturing her son, a sentence did not say that their daughter is not good.
Gao aunt is very angry, husband and wife quarrel is not a slap in the face, in-laws mother so is unreasonable to protect the calf, she directly said Wang aunt this is not right, and said his own views. Auntie Wang argued with her, pointing to Auntie Gao and said: "The upper beam is not straight, your son is the same as you, it is not possible to hide another woman in his heart." Told Auntie Gao's secret.
No matter how she explains it, her husband doesn't believe her, and her son feels that his mother has disgraced herself, so the family that was originally in harmony has become dead. Auntie Gao said: "Don't treat your in-laws as relatives, not to mention good friends, just as a familiar and common friend is best. Because no matter how good you are to your in-laws, once it comes to your own children's business, you will immediately turn your back on them. Taking the in-laws as relatives is one of the things I regret doing most in my life."
There should always be a distance between people, in-laws are even more so, too close to the heart and lungs, easy to leave behind the words, the young two once there is a contradiction occurs, will seize the other side of the small tail counterattack. Go far away, it is more suitable for in-laws to get along with each other, each other do not know too well, speak and do things will be considered, thus more mutual respect. Don't give the kids a hard time, and don't get involved in the young couple's business, just do the ceremonial appearances.
And people like Auntie Gao, who is actually not in the minority, think that in-laws are not outsiders, and in order to increase the level of intimacy with each other, they take the initiative to express to each other some of their own emotions, attitudes, perceptions, and feelings. In psychology, this process is called self-exposure, through this way of sharing information with others, to get the reaction of the other party, so that each other to deepen their understanding, believe, recognize, care.
Self-exposure, while enhancing relationships, also poses the risk of loss of control and the possibility that the other person may use the information we provide to control us. Auntie Wang is using Auntie Gao's secrets to control and counter her, and in the end, Auntie Gao is screwed by her in-laws. It is important to realize that people have a "selfish side", and when it comes to their own interests, they will unconsciously defend themselves, which is human nature, so no matter who they get along with, they need to know that too much talk will lead to loss.