1. Expect incentives
Before you become a leader, success is only related to your own growth; When you become a leader, success is related to the growth of others.
Learn to think
The world is changed by human thinking, and it is human rational thinking that promotes human progress.
Upper-level personal growth practice
As long as you start, you will be enthusiastic; If you persist in doing it, you will succeed.
I. Class C life
Cars in the garage don't need gasoline in the tank; People who have no goals do not need more vitality in their lives. Because use goes into waste and retreats, there is no pursuit and no progress, and vitality will degenerate. Vitality is nurtured by goals and strong by pursuit.
Second, life begins with setting clear and definite goals.
Diligence doesn't necessarily lead to success, only by working towards your goals can you succeed.
Third, only by beginning can there be a future.
Take action, correct, try, if you try something useful, keep it, correct it if it doesn't, or try something else. Enterprises are gradually evolving species, and so are people.
Life is like climbing a mountain. Without a beginning, you will never reach the top.
Fourth, learn by doing.
People should learn from action, and learning from action can make continuous progress and growth.
Action learning method
copy
Imitating successful people is the shortcut to success.
Imitation is not simply copying, but imitating the principles and methods of successful people.
2. Reflection and exploration
People progress in doubt and grow in reflection.
Moving towards a good mental model is the key for a person to keep pace with the times and succeed forever.
Step 3 talk deeply
Communicating, arguing and discussing with people is a sharp weapon to sharpen ideas and a source of inspiration.
Verb (abbreviation for verb) positive attitude towards life
1. Everyone is the architect of his own destiny.
Most people are controlled by life, not by life.
Step 2 think positively
Our life is not controlled by the environment we encounter, but by the attitude we hold. We can't completely control what will happen in life, but we can decide how to think, believe, feel and face it. When we decide how to face it, it is doomed to what kind of life we will have.
go a long way
There is no such thing as pie falling from the sky. Even if pie falls from the sky, it doesn't necessarily fall on your head. Among many people, those who are taller than you have an advantage. You can only grab the pie by jumping up. Therefore, initiative is always the unchangeable rule of successful people.
Sixth, keep an open mind.
1. Open to the outside world
A. Grasp the change of trend
B. dialectics of peaks and valleys
C. Thinking about the future
D. Only by standing high can you see far.
2. Openness to the inner world
Wisdom is not directly proportional to the amount of experience, but only to the degree of understanding of experience.
Low-skill articles
Stay away from this world and let everyone who knows where they are going pass!
Philosophy of interpersonal communication: the law of unity of opposites.
First, establish a good communication situation.
Nature is charm.
We like to be calm, generous and chic. Don't these wonderful words contain nature? In fact, as long as you act natural, you are very attractive.
2. If you think others like you, others will really like you.
This is not metaphysics, but a wonderful psychological law.
Second, eliminate vigilance.
1. Pursuing the best
A. People's deep psychological activities
People's psychological activities can be divided into two levels. First, surface psychology, that is, psychological activities that can be publicly exposed at any time for everyone to know; The second is deep psychology, which is unwilling to be known by outsiders and often hides and disguises.
B. "Focus on the heart" should be aimed at the deep psychology of the other party, and must not be deceived by the superficial words and attitudes of the other party.
2. know-how
A. See through people's original intentions
"Thinking about it day and night", language mistakes are just things that suddenly appear in the heart at the moment of vigilance and relaxation, so they are often the truest portrayal of the heart.
B. Let people reveal their true thoughts
Use the method of "surprise, surprise" to ask a vague question at random and naturally, so that the other party can show his true colors without psychological preparation.
C. Little things will expose you
People tend to pay more attention to major events, which will cover up and disguise; And some small "signs" or "clues" are often the exposure of the true self because they are not paid attention to psychologically.
D. measuring psychological distance with actual distance
People often use actual distance to express their psychological resistance to each other. The closer you sit, the more harmonious your mind is, and the farther you sit, the more resistant your mind is.
Third, ways to eliminate vigilance
1. Sincerity can eliminate vigilance.
If you can convince yourself, you can convince others.
2. Pretend as if nothing happened and create an accidental situation.
If you want to be wary of the future, try to show a nonchalant attitude and create an accidental situation, so that the other party will think that your expectations are not urgent, accidental and will not be carefully prepared, so that you will not doubt you.
A. Stay relaxed and calm
Don't be too eager to let others know that you are actually drooling over what you want.
B. Leveraging the influence of third parties
To let your thoughts slip into the subconscious as unnoticed as possible, let others inadvertently come into contact with your thoughts. Passing your thoughts through a third party is the easiest way to make the other party feel that things happened by accident, so they are not wary.
Step back and get rid of your guard
Caution often comes from the psychological pressure of the other party: I don't know your purpose and I am afraid of being cheated. To get rid of the guard, it is necessary to reduce the psychological pressure of the other side, and retreat is the best strategy.
A. Keep a low profile
Keeping a low profile properly will not only help to eliminate the vigilance of others, but also help to communicate with others.
B. Encourage the other party to speak enthusiastically
To promote emotional communication, we should encourage each other to speak enthusiastically and let them be alert in their natural speech.
C. Stand on the same side with the other side for the time being
When the other person doesn't trust you and resolutely opposes you, the way of beating the other person with words is not feasible in essence. There is a kind of inertia in people's psychology, and it is impossible to overthrow their original views immediately. If you push too hard, both sides are likely to collapse completely, thus ending all your opportunities. Therefore, at this time, we should give up the method of logical persuasion, temporarily agree with the other party's point of view, express understanding, and then meet again and attack sideways.
D. Put forward the acceptable purpose of the other party first
Look for the weakest link of the other side, strive for a little breakthrough, and then the whole other side will collapse.
Skills of making high demands
Skills of making small demands
E. Don't insist on winning 100%.
Smart people always make concessions in some minor places, so that the other side has a sense of victory psychologically, so it is easier to make the other side make substantial concessions.
F. Give others a choice.
Give others a range of psychologically induced choices.
Fourth, the way to trigger a conversation.
1. Eliminate psychological barriers and let the tongue move autonomously.
Don't fantasize that every sentence is shining.
Step 3 start talking to others
4. Find the same hobbies.
If you want a stranger to help you, you might as well start by talking to him.
Five, the magic formula of emotional investment
1. The result of helping others will benefit you.
Helping others is an investment. If you help others, it will be easier for them to help you next time.
2. Sincerely care about others
There is no doubt that people are most concerned about themselves. Therefore, if you want to win the friendship of others, you must care about others sincerely.
3. Patients are most likely to remember other people's concerns.
It doesn't matter whether you visit others at ordinary times, but you must visit others when they are ill. One visit during illness is worth ten visits at ordinary times.
Enthusiasm is contagious.
Enthusiasm is more contagious than measles. When you treat others warmly, others will become enthusiastic.
5. Remember the important anniversaries of important people
Sixth, the skills of connecting feelings.
1. Eliminate emotional "severance"
Severance is not because of lack of emotional communication, but because the desire for such communication is not satisfied.
Step 2 look for similarities between * * *
Psychological research shows that people tend to have a good impression on people with the same social background and attitude.
3. Make good use of slang, jargon and buzzwords.
Almost everyone has his favorite words or intonation. As long as they hear these characteristic words, they will immediately produce a * * * sound and immediately disintegrate their psychological armed forces.
Show a strong human touch
Psychological research shows that: first, people who are liked by the public should be different in material aspects, that is, outstanding in intelligence and appearance; The second is to seek common ground in artistic conception, that is, it has something in common with the public in artistic conception and has a deep human touch.
5. Give others some special treatment
Emotionally, people want others to value themselves and treat them differently. Therefore, when you give someone something different from ordinary people, with a little more benefits, and make him feel special in words and behaviors, it will arouse the goodwill of the other party.
Reveal a little privacy to others
Everyone likes secret things, knows something that others don't know, and feels that they have understood something, which is the happiest thing.
Seven, the power of praise
1. Praise and appreciation is to satisfy others' human hunger and thirst, and it is a charitable act.
People's need for respect is the hunger and thirst in the depths of human nature.
2. Sincere praise and appreciation are the best motivation to motivate people.
Praise is like sunshine to human soul. Without it, people can't "blossom and bear fruit".
Sincere praise and appreciation is a wonderful interpersonal skill.
Psychological theory tells us that everyone has a tendency to know only the facts that are beneficial to him. That is cognitive defense psychology.
Since everyone subconsciously tends to look on the bright side of himself, if you want to win the friendship of others, you should be good at expressing sincere praise and appreciation.
4. The key to effective praise: people feel that praise is from the heart.
A. be a beautiful discoverer
B. Dig out the unobvious advantages and praise them
C. when you least expect it, thank others.
D. praise behavior and character, not people.
Eight, the way of praise
1. Smile
Smile is everyone's magic switch. When asking for help, smile, it is difficult for others to refuse your request; When thanking others, smile, and others will receive your thanks twice; When you are depressed, a smile will relieve your troubles; When you are happy, smiling will make you happier.
2. Remember other people's names
A person's name, for him, is a very sweet and important voice in the language. Everyone attaches great importance to names.
3. Be a good listener
Listening to a person is also an implicit compliment to him, and few people can bear the implicit compliment given by others who listen attentively.
4. Praise the smallest progress, and every progress.
People need to be induced and encouraged bit by bit. Please praise others for their smallest progress! And praise every progress.
5. Sincerely ask each other for help
Everyone wants others to think that they are important. Cleverly asking for help can give him a sense of importance, which is actually a compliment.
Nine, the skills of criticism
1. Don't make unnecessary criticisms, accusations and complaints.
There is only one purpose of criticism: to help others make progress.
But often most of our criticism is not to help others. Sometimes it is used to vent anger and dissatisfaction, sometimes it is just complaining, and sometimes it is even to raise yourself by scolding others. This kind of criticism is one of the common failures in interpersonal relationships.
2. Be good at understanding and understanding others, and be tolerant.
Don't criticize others easily, but try to understand them and why they do it, which is more beneficial and meaningful than criticism and reprimand. When we really get to know others, we often find that they are worthy of forgiveness and sympathy, so that we will have more self-control.
3. An effective way to criticize without causing disgust: let the other person know that your criticism is for his own good.
If you have to pull out a tooth and it hurts, then the doctor will give you an anesthetic, and the tooth will still be pulled out, but the anesthetic can eliminate the pain. Similarly, criticism is also a painful thing, and praise is an anesthetic. Praise helps to establish communication in a friendly atmosphere, make the other person realize that we are not attacking his ego and make him feel more at ease.
X. critical methods
1. If you have to find fault, start with praise and sincere gratitude.
If you have to pull out a tooth and it hurts, then the doctor will give you an anesthetic, and the tooth will still be pulled out, but the anesthetic can eliminate the pain. Similarly, criticism is also a painful thing, and praise is an anesthetic. Praise helps to establish communication in a friendly atmosphere, make the other person realize that we are not attacking his ego and make him feel more at ease.
2. Remind others of their mistakes indirectly.
Accusing others face to face sometimes only leads to stubborn resistance from the other side; And subtly suggesting that the other person pays attention to his own mistakes will often make us be loved.
3. Humorous criticism can dissolve hostility
Humor criticism is an important method in indirect criticism, which seems to be a joke, but in fact it hides mystery.
Before criticizing others, talk about your own mistakes.
If a person modestly admits that he is not impeccable from the beginning, it may not be so difficult to listen to him judge your fault again.
5. Replace "order" with "suggestion"
Requests always bring more cooperation than requests. When we ask, we let others play the role of slaves, and we ourselves become slaves. When we made a request, we asked him to play the role of a collaborative member, and he was our collaborator.
6. Let others save face
Saving face for others is not only an art of criticism, but also shows that we can be human.
A. criticism must be conducted completely in private.
B. Let criticism have nothing to do with people, and criticize actions instead of people.
C. A mistake and a criticism
D. end it in a friendly way
XI。 A way to win an argument
1. The only secret to winning from an argument is to avoid it.
No one can win the debate. Lost, of course, lost; Even if you win, you still lose. Because you offended someone.
A. Inferiority means friction and trouble
To avoid arguments, we must first establish a high degree of self-esteem, set our own life orientation in a high style, and strive for a big victory rather than a small victory.
B.low stress is the secret of avoiding arguments.
Psychological research shows that the best way to make opinions accepted is to give up threatening and coercive attempts and adopt the method of calmly stating facts.
2. Skills to avoid arguments
A. respect other people's opinions and don't point out other people's mistakes at will.
If you want to exert influence on people, you should make good use of human nature, not do the opposite. If you tell a person that his idea is stupid, he will protect it more and more; You mock his position, and he has to fight you to save face; If you criticize others' self-esteem, you will make yourself an unwelcome person.
If you are wrong, admit it bravely.
Admitting mistakes is not only a sign of courage, but also a skill. In this world, fools know how to defend their mistakes, but only wise people know how to admit them. You made a mistake and knew that others were going to criticize you. Why didn't you say what he was going to blame you for first? He must have nothing to do with you. Nine times out of ten, he will treat you with leniency and understanding and ignore your mistakes. Because when you blame yourself, the only way to enhance his self-esteem is to be lenient with you.
The best way to get a "yes" answer is to put others in a "yes" atmosphere.
If you want others to answer "yes" to your question, you might as well design a series of questions that others must answer "yes" in advance.
D. a gentle tone and a friendly gesture are good medicines for resolving disputes.
Always treat people with a friendly attitude and keep a gentle tone, which is not only a sign of your good upbringing, but also makes quarrels never happen.
Twelve, the secret of your success
1. Three ways to get people to do things
A. coercion
Fear has a great deterrent effect on people, so coercion is also a way for people to do things.
B. incentives
Profit is the best carrot to tempt people.
C. Stimulate people's inner desires
Starting from arousing people's inner desires, this luminous power is profound, lasting and enormous.
2. The secret of success: be good at arousing others' urgent desires.
3. Impressive persuasion skills:
Take each other as the center and talk around each other; Talk about some small shortcomings and win the trust of the other party; Then pay attention to the benefits of doing so for each other.
4. Ways to motivate employees:
A. make others willing to do what you suggest.
Making people feel important is an effective way to arouse people's enthusiasm.
People feel that doing what they expect is an honor and a great help.
B. Give others a good name and let them work hard for it.
The best way for a person to acquire virtue is to pass it on to him.
Hope is an inspiring magic ingredient.
C. resorting to noble motives
There are usually two reasons for a person to do something: one is the real reason, and the other is the reason that sounds beautiful.
Awaken the conscience of others and inspire their noble motives.
The magical use of tears
Find a noble reason for what you have done.
D. let others feel that this idea is his own.
Everyone is more proud and enthusiastic about the ideas he has discovered than those others hold silver plates in their hands. Then, isn't it a bad practice to shove your own opinions into other people's throats? Smart people make suggestions or use hints and reminders, and then let others draw their own conclusions. This is a clever way to arouse people's enthusiasm.
E. Challenges
Generally, successful people love competition and cherish the opportunity of self-expression to prove their value. So beyond! Won! Provocative! Challenge! This is an absolutely reliable and inspiring method.
1. Take advantage of people's inner desires
& gt-& lt； & lt-& gt；
A. Be good at grasping other people's "psychological expectations"
To convince others and adjust their psychology, we must first grasp the expected goal of the other party accurately and quickly, and then attack this goal.
B. Ways to adjust others' psychology:
Use group strength
People are socialized animals and are easily influenced by groups.
Take advantage of celebrities and authority.
People, for their lack of self-confidence, often believe the words of authoritative people or experts, which is called "Weiguang Hint" in psychology.
Take advantage of the psychology of "worshipping foreign things and obsessing foreign things"
Long-term closed door, endless civil war and disputes have led to a huge gap between China's living standards and those of advanced countries. What people hear, see and use is foreign, which leads to the psychology that "the moon is also an excircle".
Use scientific and data-based language
Modernity is the age of science. In the long-term ignorance, people have made continuous progress by science, and we have been educated by science since childhood, so the public advocates science, but to some extent, it has produced "scientific superstition."
Thirteenth, increase your attractiveness.
1. Show yourself the importance.
"All people have ingratitude, hypocritical posturing, picky, cowardice and jealousy. They like to climb dragons and attach phoenix. Once they climb it, they will unconditionally give themselves, their lives, their blood and their property, because they know that at this time, the other party needs nothing and will not want it, so they should be generous. In case one day, people fall down and need funding, but it is far away. "
-Machiavelli, the originator of Machiavelli school.
It is an unavoidable reality that human nature succumbs to the trend. In that case, if you want to succeed, why don't you show that you have succeeded? In this way, people will come to curry favor with you and associate with you, and you will be more likely to succeed.
Prosperity leads to prosperity; Poverty and decline will make you poorer and worse.
A. Establish your own image of deterrence
This is true of people with low cultural literacy. If you respect him and treat him equally, he will think you are incompetent and weak. You don't care about him at all, and you are mean to him. On the contrary, he thinks that you have a wide network of contacts, great skills and respect for you.
B. gain psychological advantage
To be a man, we should build up our self-confidence and sense of superiority, and sometimes we should be good at hitting each other's self-confidence moderately so as not to make him cocky. Otherwise, he will look down on you.
Take the initiative to attack with your eyes
Psychologists tell us that people are often the more active they are, the more they can take their eyes off each other first.
A way to lose confidence.
Psychologically speaking, there is an area around everyone that is not allowed to be invaded by others. If he is suddenly violated, he will feel unhappy, and at the same time this feeling will turn into fear and anxiety, which will make people lose confidence.
Create mystery
A. Using mystery can arouse people's enthusiasm.
People are curious animals, and everyone likes mysterious things. The stranger you are, the more you want to experience it; The more I don't want to do it, the more I want to try; The more you don't want to know, the more you have to do everything you can to find out. Therefore, the clever use of mystery can arouse people's inquiry, thus mobilizing people's enthusiasm.
B. keeping a sense of mystery helps to add charm.
If people have no mystery, they have no charm.
3. The advantages of being polite
Politeness is a sign of your good upbringing.
People's education level can't be disguised, and their behavior will naturally be polite; If you don't have enough inner cultivation, you can't perform well.
B.being polite can increase your charm.
Your external temperament is a reflection of your inner thoughts, qualities and accomplishments. Being polite can make you look good.
C. shaking hands is a respect for others.
Sometimes shaking hands tells others more than you think. A weak handshake reflects your lack of self-confidence, a loose handshake shows your indifference to people, and that arrogant and oppressive handshake shows that you are putting on airs. Only a firm handshake with a little force-not a deliberate squeeze-can show: "I am full of energy, I have mastered those things." This handshake represents self-confidence, enthusiasm and discretion.
D. Being too polite will make people stay away.
The strangeness and restraint in communication with people are like icebergs, while the way to quickly eliminate etiquette and behave casually and naturally in communication is like the sunshine shining on the iceberg.
4. Use your humorous power
Humor is a kind of cultivation and art, which can be used to improve one's sincere evaluation of oneself and enhance the relationship with others.
A. Humor makes you more optimistic about life.
Laugh at the pain with humor, and the pain will be alleviated; Laugh at failure with humor, and failure will become insignificant; Laugh at your shortcomings with humor, and you will accept yourself more bravely.
B.humor can increase your attraction.
Humor will make you look optimistic and open-minded and enhance your attraction. When you are happy, your humor can make people share your happiness; When others are in pain, your humor can help them alleviate their pain. Everyone has the nature of pursuing happiness and wants to live a relaxed and happy life, so humor will make you popular. At the same time, humor will make you look smart and witty. Where can a stupid person be humorous? He can't even understand other people's humor, which often makes people laugh and cry.
C. Ways to cultivate a sense of humor
Usually, you should always read some short stories like humor and jokes, recite some wonderful stories, and tell them in front of your friends when you have time. If you talk too much, you can improvise and play freely, and you can master humorous skills and use them creatively. The more you use humor, the stronger you become.
Dressing appropriately can increase your charm.
The world knows you by the image you appear.