Text | Gong Ziyi
Some old people love their children too much.
But even she doesn't know that she doesn't really "love" her children. She is just selfish.
This selfish parent has this kind of thinking: "I think it's for his own good, and I won't accept it if he feels bad." He is still a child and is not sensible. "
On the morning of New Year's Day, take a walk in the park near the community. I met an old man sitting on the steps, crying with collapse.
There are several old people around the old man trying to persuade her. She said, "Tell me, why is it so difficult to be an old man? I am 57 years old and still cook for them every day. I have to wake them up after dinner. I cooked the meal and told them to eat it, but people didn't get up to eat it and gave me a stare.
What did they manage? My grandson is two years old now, and neither of them has changed diapers. My daughter-in-law can't even soak a child's milk. I did all these things.
I'm tired all day, washing clothes and cooking for them, and taking care of the children. I can't ask them to give me a good face without asking them to do anything.
Now they want to let me go and find it inconvenient to live with the old people. I want to leave, but my daughter-in-law knows nothing. My son and grandson will suffer when I leave.
After all I've done, I can't buy back my daughter-in-law's heart or even my son's. My son couldn't see what I had done for him at all, so he went to his wife. His heart is with his wife. "
Several old people over there advised, "Daughters-in-law always do this. My son grew up and became a daughter-in-law, but he didn't belong to us. As long as the young couple are good, we will leave them alone. "
The old man is still unconvinced. She said: "I just feel unfair, I have paid so much. I can't even live with my son now. My whole heart is cold. "
She began to cry, as if to vent. And she no longer listens to the advice of the people around her, she is just immersed in her own grievances.
I suddenly remembered my mother-in-law's aunt. After the daughter-in-law gave birth to the child, she got used to the next month, and she planned to help her daughter-in-law with the child all the time. This was a good thing, but in the end her arrival led to her son's divorce.
Her idea is very similar to that of the old man.
First, she thinks her son is hers. If he turns to his daughter-in-law, he will betray her.
After she went to her son's house, she washed, cooked and took care of the children like this old man, but her relationship with her daughter-in-law was always tense. One of the main reasons is that she asks her son and daughter-in-law according to her own lifestyle. For example, the old man mentioned cooking this morning. She gets up at 7 o'clock in the morning to cook. When the meal is ready, ask the son and daughter-in-law to get up for dinner. Her daughter-in-law often works overtime until 1 o'clock, and finally meets a weekend. 7 am is the best time to sleep.
But my aunt always wakes people up for dinner. If people don't eat or lose their temper, she will feel sorry for herself. She will tell her son about these grievances. If her son stands in the wife's position and says, "Let her sleep, she works overtime at night. When did she wake up and want to eat again? "
Then my aunt felt that her son had betrayed her. She would say something like, "Can't we eat first and then go to bed?" Finally, on weekends, can't you help me with my children? She is tired. Aren't your mother and I tired? You only consider your daughter-in-law, never your mother. Your mother works like a nanny in this family, and you can't see anything. "
My aunt's son is also in a dilemma. He knows that his mother has paid a lot, but his wife is not easy. My aunt felt even more wronged when he offered to help his mother with the children.
She felt: "My son is not distressed by me, but is too distressed by his wife. I am so tired and his wife is so bad. He doesn't teach his daughter-in-law, but helps her work. "
My aunt is taking care of her son and daughter-in-law under the control of this psychology. You can imagine how bad the relationship between two women will be.
Finally, my aunt's daughter-in-law couldn't see my aunt. As soon as she saw my aunt, she felt wronged and began to feel uncomfortable.
Especially when menstruation was working with a full face of grievances, she felt even worse psychologically. Finally, she offered to let my aunt go. My aunt's son is fed up with this contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and wants me to go.
However, menstruation just refused to leave.
Second, menstruation thinks that her son can't live without her. If her son and grandson leave her, they will be in great pain.
The old man thought that his daughter-in-law would do nothing. If she leaves, Your son and grandson will suffer.
How consistent the old man's thinking is. My aunt thinks so too. At that time, we all advised my aunt that people don't want you to take care of the children, so you should hurry back to your hometown. Why do you have to make things difficult for others?
As a result, my aunt said, "Who will cook for my son in the morning when I leave?" She can't go to bed until nine in the morning. If I leave, my son will have to eat takeout in the morning. My son is too thin to eat well every day.
In addition, there is my grandson. When I leave, she will hire a nanny. Did I kiss the nanny again? What if the nanny treats my grandson badly? Besides, it costs money to hire a nanny. Is it that easy for my son to earn money? "
She has her own theory. She feels that her son and grandson can't live without her. In fact, her son also wants her to go back to her hometown. Although I asked the nanny to spend money, although I didn't have breakfast, at least I won't get home, just like the battlefield.
Her son wants her to go, and so does the old man's son. However, the old people feel that their children and grandchildren cannot do without themselves.
Third, it is normal for old people to feel old and live with their children and grandchildren. If her children and grandchildren want to leave her, she feels unfair and even chilling.
No matter what the family advised and what the son said, the aunt refused to leave her son's house.
Not only did she refuse to leave, but she also blamed all the contradictions on her daughter-in-law. She understood that she was driven away: "My daughter-in-law is ungrateful, and how much I have paid for them. She's kicking me out now. If someone else's mother-in-law treats her daughter-in-law like this, her daughter-in-law doesn't know how happy she is. This kind of person is heartless. My son was brainwashed by her and thought she was good. "
Aunt believes that it is this daughter-in-law who is not satisfied and not good enough that makes her son's family so unfortunate. When her son tried to convince her, she even hit her own son. She thinks her son is worthless. She felt that her son had been brainwashed by his daughter-in-law. She even made her son kneel down and beg her. Otherwise, she wouldn't be alive.
She felt wronged and paid for the good of her son and grandson. She felt that her daughter-in-law was bad, ungrateful and dissatisfied. Under the domination of this idea, she and her daughter-in-law are at odds. The more her son asks his daughter-in-law for help, the more she wants to compete with her daughter-in-law.
Finally, her daughter-in-law couldn't bear it anymore and chose a divorce. Her grandson was taken away by her daughter-in-law, and her son divorced her completely.
But my aunt, even at this time, doesn't feel wrong. She said: "The former daughter-in-law just has no conscience. I wash her clothes, cook for her and take care of her children. She is still not satisfied. My son is heartless, too. He married his daughter-in-law and forgot his mother. My heart was cold by them. "
Many old people don't understand that the son is not abandoning you and betraying you, but an inevitable experience of his growth.
Some old people are used to giving it to their children. If the child doesn't need her to pay, she will feel abandoned. What the old man doesn't know is that parents and children are drifting away. When a child is an adult, he should have his own small family and want to marry a daughter-in-law, not leave it to his mother.
Birds must leave home when they grow up. No big bird can trap a small bird under its wings all its life. If you can't accept this separation and complete it, then your son will never grow up.
Don't ruin a child's growth because he needs his son's company because of his selfishness. You can't make breakfast for your son all your life, and you can't stay away from your son all your life.
Parents' best love for their children has never been such endless protection. But to bring him up, let him face the world, love himself and be loved by himself. Let him have his own life.
As for his parents, after he got married, he left his married life to enjoy his own life. He needs your help, because you are mother and son. He doesn't need it, so be nice to each other. You need him to show up again, because you are still mother and son.
There is affection and fetters between you, but there can be no imposition or control.
Excessive maternal love is harmful to children. Many old people are kind to their children, never to their children, but to the selfishness of human nature.
Zhuyuchen's mother cooked pear soup for him for more than ten years, but zhuyuchen was in pain.
Because he doesn't need this kind of "over-pressured" maternal love. When he grows up, he has the right to choose his own lifestyle. At this time, his mother stood up and forced him to do a lot of things he didn't want to do as an adult in the name of loving him.
Her mother thought it was for the good of her children, but she didn't know that her selfishness had become the biggest pain for her children.
Like this old man, like my husband's aunt. Their son doesn't need this kind of effort. Their son wanted to have his own new way of life, but his mother stopped him or even killed him.
They kill people because of love.
If love is to destroy the son's family, if love is to make his son extremely miserable, if love is to force his son to kneel for mercy, how terrible it would be.
No child wants such maternal love.
Such a mother doesn't love her children. She has no idea what her children want and will not give them happiness. All she wants is control and gain.
After all I've done for you, you should listen to me. If you don't listen to me, you will feel sorry for my efforts.
I gave birth to you, and you have to repay me. Leaving me is unfilial, and not taking refuge in me is a traitor.
Such parents never regard their children as a living person, but as their own "private property". This is selfishness in human nature.
Mother-in-law has no right to ask her daughter-in-law to pay for your son completely, nor to stipulate her lifestyle.
Many mother-in-law have this idea: she asks her daughter-in-law to pay for her son like her. If the daughter-in-law can't do it, she feels that her son has been wronged and the daughter-in-law can't achieve her satisfaction. Even though her son is satisfied with his daughter-in-law, she is still not satisfied.
My aunt's son is very satisfied with his wife. He doesn't mind eating takeout every morning. The old man's son is also very satisfied with his wife and doesn't mind her sleeping late.
At this time, as a mother-in-law, I should have been able to handle it. As long as my son doesn't mind, then I have no problem. However, the two mothers-in-law did not choose this job, but chose to interfere with the lifestyle of their sons and daughters-in-law.
Once the mother-in-law began to interfere with her son's marriage, then the marriage began to appear crisis. When the mother-in-law intervenes more and more strongly, the son's marriage is closer to disintegration.
Because his marriage, because of your participation, is out of balance. Husband and wife are no longer the main body of the family, you become the main body of his family, and he and his wife become accessories.
Here, I would like to advise the elderly: the relationship between husband and wife is a relationship of mutual giving. Your daughter-in-law is your son's wife, not your son's mother. She and your son must take care of each other. Don't think it's a good thing that your son is taken care of. Your daughter-in-law's fatigue, complaint and pain will eventually become your son's biggest marriage crisis.
A wise old man will not interfere in his son's marriage, but only expect a better relationship between his son and his daughter-in-law. Only those elderly people who can't figure it out will think about "competing for favor" with their daughter-in-law. And once this "rivalry" heart rises, the old man's selfishness will be revealed. This heart, from beginning to end, is selfish and never maternal love.