A foreign driver asked the traffic police for directions in Maoming. Maoming traffic police replied: "If you drive to the left, it means 5,000 Wuchuan, and if you drive to the right, it means 6,000 Luchuan. If you drive a little further, there will be no road. If Mei Lu keeps walking, she will cut her neck in Zhanjiang! The driver was so scared that I didn't want to leave. Traffic Police: You killed Maoming in your department, and the driver almost peed his pants, begging: Boss, can I turn around and go back? Traffic police: If you turn it over, you will die. You will die.
Finally, I can't help but announce it. Actually, I won100000 in the lottery yesterday. Maybe other people will use this money to buy a car and a house, but I don't have that material. I just want to use this money to cure my paranoia.
One day on the bus, a beautiful woman in front got on the bus and said to the driver, "Master, I don't have any money with me today. Can I kiss you as a coin? " The driver said yes, and the beauty kissed the driver and sat in the back. Another woman can see clearly in the back. After getting on the bus, she held down the driver's crazy kiss and looked up and said, "I have no money either." If I kiss you so much, I'll coin it! " The driver shouted with fear. "The one in front of you is my wife!"
Xiaoli walked alone in a dark alley after a party with her friends. Suddenly a figure ran up to him and said, "Take out the money!" " "Xiaoli said timidly," money ... money is just ... eating ... invalid; Used waste ... exhausted. " The shadow smiled and said, "I know you have no money. If you have money, you can take a taxi. " "Then why are you scaring me!" "I don't want to scare you, you are still burping." Say that finish carrying a knife disappeared in the fifteenth moonlight.
Once I went to dinner with my husband, he checked out in advance. I don't know. After eating, he said to the boss, "I forgot to bring money." Let my wife wash the dishes for you! " "Say that finish and turn round and then walk, leaving me horrified at his back.
In history class, the teacher asked me, "Which emperor in China lived the longest?" I knew nothing about it when I was a student! Suddenly, I don't know where it came from: "Jade Emperor." The teacher was speechless!
Today, I went to a fast food restaurant to eat, and the couple at the next table were showing love. I saw the man just fed the woman a mouthful of rice. The woman asked, "Honey, who else have you fed besides me?" Be honest! The man thought for a moment, then said trembling, "Dog!" " "Instant rice spray!
I didn't see the driver wearing a Bluetooth headset when I took a taxi, so I picked him up all the way!
Female colleague, 140 kg. Dance slowly with the square dance aunts every night. Yesterday, I was dragged to see. Then someone asked me how I looked. I said: I think you dance like a little swan ... brand drum washing machine.
When I was a child, I went to the grocery store with my dad and saw a big pink Dongdong bag, which was so bright and attractive! "Dad, I want this!" "Stop it!" "I want this!" "no!" "I will! I want it! I want it! " Then many people saw a Xiong Haizi musician walking home with a big bag of sanitary napkins that day ... Can you imagine my depressed mood when I got home and opened the package excitedly, only to find that it was inedible? ...
My friend's breasts are very small! She told me that although my chest is small, every time my husband touches it seriously, I said, yes, he doesn't touch it seriously, and he can't touch it!
Take a taxi today! So that the driver didn't say a word, I wanted to ask him something, so I patted him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, buddy." I didn't expect the driver's reaction to be "ahhh", and I was shocked at that time. After that, he suddenly slowed down and said, "I'm sorry, buddy." This is my first day driving a taxi. I have driven a hearse before. "
Every time I quarrel with my wife, she is scared by my loud voice. Today, it's like this again. After the quarrel, she came to hold my hand and said to me, "Honey, please don't do this in the future." You cried so loudly that the whole corridor heard you. "
Woman: Honey, let me ask you again. If your mother and I fall into the water, who will save us first? M: Why do you ask this question again? Do you love me? Woman: Love! Man: If you love me, you shouldn't ask such questions! Woman: Then I don't love you. Please answer. Man: You don't love me at all. Why don't I save my mother first?
I remember we didn't live in high school. They are all cheap houses rented in a small village nearby. Because it was too hot at night, a classmate slept on the ground at the door covered with a mat. When I woke up the next day, I was shocked. A dozen old hens raised by the landlord squatted beside him, and several others were on him. Another classmate lamented. Really the happiest person in the world. I slept a dozen chickens in one night!
A new girl from my colleague usually looks soft and weak, and even a bottle of water can be twisted by others. Today, I met a drunken molester and started to hide back and forth. This man is becoming more and more presumptuous. Just as I was about to save him, I saw her kick the man down with a roundhouse kick and said something that has made me a mess so far.
"Hey, I can't seem to install it in the future."
Not long after my daughter-in-law finished her driver's license test, she said to me, "I want to drive to my grandfather's house." I said, "We can only go by ourselves, but we can't take care of the children." As soon as the voice fell, my son shouted, "Dad, I'm not afraid of death. Let my mother take me. " This Xiong Haizi, what nonsense? ...
Don't give a dog a "haha" name. My neighbor has an old woman who keeps a husky. She thinks it starts with haha, so call it haha. Today, her dog got lost, and grandma was very worried. She looked everywhere in the community and called the dog's name everywhere, just hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. .....
When I was a child, I went to the zoo to see tigers and vowed to raise one when I grew up. After 20 years, my dream has finally come true. Anyway, it's time to cook for my wife.
Last year, I lost 20 pounds. Everyone asked me how I lost weight. I smiled and said, "This is all due to my girlfriend. She has been with me, and I can't eat anything.
"
A thief stole a watermelon and sang "Running with the wind is the direction" as he ran.
The old woman who planted watermelon cried and chased: "Look at my tears, and you don't look back."
When the police saw it, they chased the thief and said, "I must be not good enough, so you have to run away."
Later, the thief caught him and the judge asked, "Do you have anything to say? How many tears do you want to shed? "
The thief replied, "Please give me a chance."
The jailer said to the thief, "it is not a crime to cry."
The thief said happily, "If I remember you in the next life, we will die together."
The executioner said, "I will send you thousands of miles away ..."
Letter from Tang Priest:
Dear Wukong, I write this letter slowly, because I know you can't read it quickly.
We have moved, but the address hasn't changed, because we brought the house number when we moved.
It rained twice this week, the first time for 3 days and the second time for 4 days.
Yesterday we went to buy pizza, and the clerk asked me whether to cut it into 8 pieces or 12 pieces. I said 8 yuan is enough, 12 yuan can't be eaten.
I sent you a coat, so I cut the button and put it in my pocket for fear of being overweight.
Chang 'e was born, because I don't know if it's a man or a woman, so I don't know if you should be an uncle or an aunt.
Finally, I tell you that I want to send you money. But the envelope has been sealed
May Day is coming, don't forget to tell the children a long time ago: at that time, the sky was still blue, the water was still green, crops were growing in the field, pork was safe to eat, mice were still afraid of cats, the court was reasonable, marriage was the first love, the barber shop only cared about haircuts, medicine could cure diseases, doctors could save lives, filming did not need to sleep with the director, and photography was necessary.
Monday, February 30th is fine.
It's too bad the sun didn't shine all day today. Dad bought two goldfish and drowned one in the water tank. I am sad.
Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. I've lived so long that I've never met anyone on February 30! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will drown.