Career choice is one of the important choices in life, and parents' expectations often conflict with their children's choices. Psychological counselors should help clients recognize themselves and strengthen psychological communication with their parents. Psychological counselors should pay attention not to be the arbiter of the conflict between parents and children, but to be the mediator.
Jiahui is a Chinese-American who is in the fourth grade at Harvard University. She is gentle and quiet, and speaks slowly. She came to me to talk about her career. As China people, our conversation is basically in Chinese. Jiahui likes literature since childhood and has good writing ability. After attending Harvard University, I worked as a reporter for the student-run newspaper Crimson, and was recently promoted to deputy editor. At the same time, she continues to contribute to some influential newspapers and magazines in the United States, which is very popular with the editor-in-chief of a female magazine and will win almost every vote. Her dream is to be a journalist or columnist. Unfortunately, her parents (especially her father) don't think so. They gave Jiahui two choices, one was to study medicine and the other was to study law.
In the real society, how to choose a career?
Jiahui's father is a doctor and her uncle is a lawyer. Two brothers came from Taiwan Province Province to study in the United States. One wanted to study literature and the other wanted to study art. As a result, they did not act according to their original interests, but chose their major according to the needs of real life. Therefore, Jiahui's father often educates Jiahui: "The United States is a very realistic society, and the most realistic thing is money. If you have money, you will be respected; If you have no money, you will be despised. And the two industries that make the most money are doctors and lawyers, you know. 」
Jiahui has a sister who decided to study medicine and study at Harvard Medical School under the choice given by her parents. In view of this, parents hope that she can be as obedient as her sister, choose to go to Harvard Law School or Medical School, and find a well-paid job after graduation. But Jiahui's dream is to become a famous writer, write several bestsellers and stand in the literary world. She has an indescribable excitement and expectation for writing, saying that the warmest moment in life is the moment when she sits in front of the computer and writes an article. Unfortunately, Jiahui's father can't share her dream of becoming a writer. What concerns him most is when she will apply to Harvard Law School.
Communicate and listen.
Jiahui doesn't know what to do. She sat in front of me with a sad face and kept asking me what to do. I have repeatedly explained that I can only help her make decisions for herself, not for her. No matter what decision I make for her, I can't really solve the problem.
"Why did your father force you to study law? 」
"Not just because being a lawyer is stable and makes more money. Moreover, my dad has a theory that Chinese people must enter the mainstream society if they want to gain a foothold in American society. He thinks that being a peddler and running newspapers and magazines is not enough to be a decent American and will not be looked up to. America is a very realistic society. If you have money, someone will curry favor with you and respect you. If you have no money, people will crowd you out and discriminate against you. If you want to live a "human life" in American society, you must go to law school or medical school, understand? 」
"What do you think? 」
"I admit that dad said is very reasonable. Many relatives in Taiwan Province Province envy my father for earning so much money as a doctor in the United States. But I think being a lawyer and a doctor are all things that boys should do, and girls don't have to live so hard. You don't know when my dad got off work these years? It's eight or nine at night! I don't want to go out early and come back late all my life like him. Also, I am most afraid of speaking in public, but as a lawyer, I have to talk and argue with others in front of everyone. My eloquence is not very good. 」
"What does your father think? 」
"He always said that his uncle was a timid person at first, but now he has become very talkative. He also said that his uncle wanted to study drama when he first came to America, and he forced him to study law. Now my uncle is particularly grateful to his father, saying that his father took him to the right path. Especially my aunt looks like a big star. If her uncle hadn't studied law, she wouldn't have married him. 」
"So your father also wants to lead you in the right direction?" I asked Jiahui with a smile.
"yes! But I just don't like being a lawyer. Learning law requires memorizing so many laws and regulations, and every time you go to court, you should delve into the loopholes in the original legal provisions and create new regulations. No wonder there are so many provisions in American law that everyone wants to create new laws and regulations in litigation. Wouldn't it be easier if everyone acted according to the existing laws and regulations? 」
"It seems that you are quite proficient in American law. 」
Jiahui smiled shyly and then said, "I just don't like the law, but my father always takes my uncle to crush me." I work as a reporter or editor in a newspaper, but I earn 30 thousand to 40 thousand dollars a year; If you become a lawyer, the starting salary is at least 70,000 to 80,000. 10 years later, the annual salary of journalists will rise to 80,000 to 90,000 at most, while decent lawyers will earn at least 400,000 to 500,000. Dad said that his uncle's annual salary has exceeded his, but he worked three years earlier than his uncle. 」
"What do you think? 」
"I still like writing!" Jiahui replied.
Then she asked, "What do you think of what my father said? Do you think what my dad said makes sense? 」
I don't know how to answer Jiahui's question at the moment.
As an international student, I can understand her father's words well. I have done more than 30 kinds of jobs in the United States over the years, and I know that it is not easy to make money, and I also know what going to Harvard Law School means to a person's future. If I were given another chance to choose my major, I would probably study law.
Jiahui is still young, has not experienced the hardships of life, and is full of longing and dreams for life. She can't fully understand her father's intentions, nor can she fully understand his hardships and grievances over the years. She regards her career as a "boy's business", which obviously downplays the practical significance of these two jobs. Jiahui's father is a successful person in American society, and what he said is sincere. Indeed, being a lawyer and doctor in the United States is the "golden road" to enter the rich society.
I think if I meet Jiahui's father, many people will speak the same language.
On the other hand, as a consultant, my primary task is to help the case owner judge and deal with the current problems. Although I can agree with what Jiahui's father said, I can't let this understanding affect my attitude towards Jiahui, so I will become her father's spokesperson at Harvard. To this end, I want to help her do two things well: first, help her better understand herself and determine the career development direction suitable for her abilities and interests; The second is to help her communicate better with her parents and let them see things from each other's perspective. Jiahui is a young girl after all, and should help her improve her decision-making ability and enhance her independence through this consulting experience, instead of relying on others.
Thinking of this, I asked Jiahui, "How do you want me to answer your question? 」
Jiahui hesitated for a moment and said, "Of course, I hope you can understand my mind, because it always feels bad to be forced to do something you don't want to do. When I was a child, my father forced me to learn the piano, but I didn't learn it well. Until now, I still have a headache when I hear others practicing the piano. 」
"You want me to support your idea and become a famous writer in the future, don't you?" I interrupted.
"Yes!" Jiahui has a happy smile on her face, and her expression shows her attitude.
"I can understand your mind, but can you understand your father's mind? 」
"What do you mean?" Jiahui looked at me puzzled, and her smile passed in an instant.
"I mean, your father earnestly advised you to go to law school, for the sake of what? Have you ever seriously thought about it? 」
"Hum, I just want to make more money, like an uncle, and let everyone envy me." Jia hui pursed his mouth and said.
"That's it? 」
Jia Hui raised his eyebrows and said, "What else can there be? To tell the truth, sometimes I wonder if my father has repeatedly asked me to go to law school and become a lawyer. He is afraid that I will not make enough money in the future and ask him for money. 」
"Did you sit down and talk to your father seriously? Why did he let you go to law school? 」
"It's too late to hide, so why bother asking for it?" Jiahui is a little angry.
"You always avoid your father's questioning like this. When can you hide? 」
"That you say what should I do? It's not that I haven't talked about it, but dad doesn't listen to me at all. What can I do? " She was really angry.
Looking at Jiahui's anger, I said half jokingly, "Really angry? I know you want to be a writer, but if you don't communicate with your father, how can he understand your thoughts? If you don't respect your father and learn from his wisdom in life, how can he respect you and understand your dreams in turn? 」
Jia Hui asked tentatively, "You mean I should take the initiative to make my father feel that I really want to understand him and listen to him, instead of accepting his request, so that my father will be more willing to listen to me, right?" 」
"Your understanding is really good." I learned to answer her with a smile from Taiwan Province.
Jiahui also smiled.
In this way, Jiahui and I agreed to take advantage of the two-week spring break to go back and have a good talk with my father, mainly to listen to his opinions and let him explain clearly why she should go to law school and try not to argue with him. In order to help her communicate with her father, I also did role-playing. She was her father and I was her, showing her how to be a good listener.
Page 65438 +0 Page 2 Page 3 Join and pay attention to your health every day! Line @ ID: @ Subscribe to Health Aloha Audio-visual Channel to read health knowledge more easily: /beauty/article/32758 Keywords: mutual respect, psychological counseling, psychology, Yue Xiaodong, psychological counseling room of Harvard University, published by Times.