For psychological counselors, exploring the depths of the soul can be a painful process. When I analyze myself, it seems that I have experienced a difficult mental journey similar to that of sigmund freud [1], but it is only short-lived. I am not only eager to analyze my consciousness, rationality and understanding, but also eager to clearly understand my value system, coping style and professional situation. But I am also fully aware that it is more important for me to pay attention to the reality of my existence first, that is, what it is like to exist or survive as a real person. I think in the self-analysis of psychological counselors, the latter has priority. In order to study the existence of self, we must use phenomenological methods. Here, the function of phenomenology is to face my life itself and show my hidden true self. For me, phenomenological analysis of "self" is to show the finiteness, timeliness and historicity of my survival mechanism and my living state.
I was born in an ordinary worker's family and spent my childhood playing games in the suburbs of the city. The carefree life in my early years made me realize the importance of leisure for myself. In a carefree and stress-free state, I can reflect on myself, do what I like, read my favorite books, and gain an inner peace in my silent growth. Therefore, I firmly believe that people can't choose to avoid losing themselves in their busy lives. Heidegger once called human existence survival [2]. I have always believed that human existence should have the following two characteristics: the first is human survival activities, that is, how I survive; The second is that people live for themselves, which means that my life should be what I want. The second feature shows that I really care about my own survival. I am experiencing a real lifestyle, and the inner peace I get from it is precious for my future consulting work. This sense of self-esteem does not come from a specific psychological function, but from sincere recognition. A choice in life is enough to illustrate this point. In my fourth year as a teacher, a government official deliberately transferred me to his department according to my performance at work, and promised me enviable treatment and future. At the same time, he also pointed out that I would lose my leisure life and the time I used to arrange my own reading. At the end of his two-day consideration, I refused his invitation. It is natural for me to make such a decision, because my basic outlook on life tells me that human existence should be his real whole reality in essence, not survival.
In my life, there are two personal influence's that have influenced my life development. The first one is my mother. She is a kind, tolerant, hardworking and strong woman. I still remember clearly that I learned the first Tang poem "Guan Shanyue" in her arms. My loving mother also injected some maternal love into my character. Jung believes that everyone's personality contains masculinity and femininity [3], and both male and female psychological counselors should maintain a certain degree of motherhood on the premise of sound self-gender identity. The maternity of male counselors means accepting visitors unconditionally, and being actively concerned and sincere in the consultation process. The second person who influenced me the most was my university teacher, Professor Tan Ping. He is an elegant and strong man. He is rigorous in research and can apply what he has learned. Everything he says and does in his daily life is a true portrayal of his sense of justice and social conscience in his lectures. I learned a kind of rigidity from Mr. Tan Ping, which is also the rigidity that a psychological counselor must have in his personality. He can withstand pulling and squeezing, as well as the destructive power brought by negative factors such as anger, jealousy, hostility and aggression in human nature. It is precisely because visitors have a moody attitude that I should have a clear self-identity image that is not easily distorted.
/kloc-when I was 0/7 years old, I experienced an accident and passed by death. Although I was close to death in this accident, I suffered a nightmare in the following months. In my dream, I repeated the scene of a big truck hitting a bus stop only a few meters away from me, and immediately there were seven bloody bodies lying in front of me. That incident gave me the fear of death. Further reflection on this complex has also established a standard of self-maturity, that is, I realize my real existence from the fear of death and consciously change my life. Death makes me responsible for my own life and aware of the limitation of individual life. In fact, it also provides me with a kind of freedom, that is, facing the possibility of real life, prompting me to turn my life into something completely different from my daily life. It was then that I realized that I had grown up.
Why did I become a counselor? I used to ask myself. I couldn't help laughing when I found that the ultimate prototype of all the reasons why I wanted to be a consultant was this "horror of death". In that nightmare, in fear, I seemed to hear the voice from death, which asked me to face my own existence, try a meaningful life and explore possible ways to return to the essence of daily life. I think it is precisely because I first showed my determination in the face of death that I have a real understanding of survival, not only worrying about my own survival, but also being inspired to explore the inner nature of human beings. This interest has been divorced from utilitarian needs in essence.
But to be a real psychological counselor, besides theoretical knowledge, skill experience, calm and objective attitude, intelligence, positive interpersonal adaptation, good mood and mentality, you need a series of other necessary preparations. Psychological counselors should consciously keep more memories of the past in their memories, which will help them learn from various experiences in their early years. Counselors should have the ability to express accurately by nonverbal means, which is exactly what I want to seek advice and improve through my own exploration. Psychological counselors should have a sense of humor and deep love. But the counselor can't be a perfect person, which requires me to be moderately tolerant of myself, not demanding of myself, but constantly summing up from my failures.
For people who have just engaged in consulting work, they are often at a loss when they encounter empathy. In fact, as long as they think rationally and calmly, they will find that empathy is not a scourge, and the empathy of visitors is sometimes therapeutic, marking the emergence of a turning point. As a consultant, I should pay attention to keeping a clear head and an appropriate emotional distance, and use certain methods to eliminate the empathy of visitors at the appropriate time, or make a decisive referral.
My occasional anti-empathy is often accompanied by "fatigue" in consultation. Different from empathy, anti-empathy refers to the psychological counselor's own emotional projection to the visitors. During a consultation, I encountered unprecedented resistance. 14-year-old children stubbornly entangled in the current real conflict and refused to further explore their own trauma. I racked my brains and made no progress. I suddenly felt disgusted with her and felt hopeless for the next consultation. Afterwards, I realized in time that this disgust was not because of my disagreement with her, but because of the helplessness and pessimism caused by "fatigue" in my career. "Tired" refers to the state of physical and mental exhaustion under heavy work pressure. Because I often have high expectations for my consulting work, I tend to pay too much attention to the needs of visitors. When my own ability is insufficient or the other person's internal growth process is slow, I will have similar frustration and anxiety because of the role of * * *. This kind of negative experience is projected on visitors in the form of a negative emotion, which leads to boredom. Because of the helpful nature of their work, psychological counselors are often the industries that are most likely to experience fatigue. I should have a clear understanding of this point in consultation, and it is particularly important to constantly learn, accumulate and accept the supervision of superiors.
How will I cope with the psychological pressure in my future career? I think my temperament is an important resource that can be used. The characteristics of mucus temperament obtained from my parents enable me to maintain the stability of my psychological activities in the complex changes of the external world, while my introverted personality enables me to explore inward and often reflect on myself. When psychological pressure strikes, I often think about the method of explanation while being calm, and use this internal stability to deal with the changes of external things, and finally find a way to adapt without collapse. But I have to admit that it is my temperament type and personality characteristics that determine my personality factors to be more or less hesitant. The hesitant analysis made me realize that I can rely on the group to get the chance of career success and undertake non-decision-making transactional work in the group, thus becoming an indispensable member of the group; At the same time, it also made me realize its negative impact on psychological counseling: sometimes indecisive, hesitant, lacking the courage to distinguish and express my position. I clearly realize the two sides of this personality and try to understand and change it. I said to myself, in life and work, don't pretend to be decisive just because someone criticizes yourself for indecision, which may lead to irrational decision-making; Don't be ashamed of this weakness, don't exaggerate its discomfort subjectively, admit your own shortcomings, and don't make hasty decisions in everything, but think carefully; You can also consult a wise man with an open mind and make a decision after reference. In this way, the shortcomings of personality may help to form a thoughtful and prudent style.
As a psychological counselor, learning is his life's work. Through continuous study and practice to improve their theoretical literacy and professional level, through continuous exploration and self-analysis to establish a clear self-identity, so as to gain great motivation for their own growth. Only in this way, my career as a psychological counselor will not be exhausted, because not only in my work, in my life, but even in the whole process of my struggle and pursuit of life, I will be constantly injected with high-spirited and clear "flowing water from the source".