Happy families are all alike; Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Is there a happy formula in this world?
Harvard University spent 80 years tracking 742 people.
Finally solved the mystery.
How do those people who live long and happy do it?
We feel unhappy.
Is it because you are too lonely?
CCTV did a street interview before and asked passers-by on the street: "Are you happy?"
This kind of torture from the soul not only stumped the farmer below, but also stumped everyone in front of the TV.
However, this ultimate problem has not baffled the members of Harvard University's "Human Development" research group.
From 1938, they began to record the life track of 724 white men, and recorded the details of their bodies, feelings, work, family and friendship every two years.
At the beginning, no one knew where the life outcome of these 724 people would go.
But 80 years later, by observing their lives, researchers finally discovered the "secret" of how to live a good life.
Robert wall Dinger is the fourth generation leader of "Adult Development" research in Harvard University.
In 20 15, he shared this research on TED, and the video was watched nearly140,000 times.
Robert said that this may be the longest study on adult life at present.
Source: * * Development Studies.
Starting from 1983, researchers began to follow two different groups of subjects.
The first group is 268 Harvard students, aged 19.
They were sophomores when they took part in research and finished their studies during World War II. Most of them later took part in the war.
The second group is far away from them, with 456 white boys from some communities in Boston, aged between 1 1 to 16.
These boys were chosen because they came from the poorest and most difficult families in Boston in the 1930s.
Most people live in cheap apartments without hot water.
Source: TED
Source: * * Development Studies.
When they first joined the study, 724 members not only accepted the interview and physical examination, but also personally visited their parents.
Then, every two years, the researchers will call 724 people one by one and ask them if they would like to make a questionnaire about their recent life.
Not only that, participants have to measure blood pressure, draw blood, do brain scans, check cases, film their conversations with their wives and interview their children.
It is said that every subject has tens of thousands of pages of data as thick as an Oxford dictionary.
Source: Atlantic Ocean
Year after year, those young talents who graduated from Harvard have already entered middle age, and those teenagers who crawl at the bottom have also become adults.
Have their own life trajectory, some people cross classes and soar all the way; Some people do the opposite, plummet and finish the journey of life.
Some people get married and have children and spend the rest of their lives together; Some people drink too much, are schizophrenic, and finally part.
Source: * * Handbook of Development Studies.
Among them are workers, bricklayers, lawyers, writers or doctors.
Among them, four members are running for the United States Senate. One served in the president's cabinet, and the other became the president of the United States.
He's Kennedy.
Although the information about Kennedy has long been removed from the research room, it will be sealed until 2040. However, a special seal mark in the file still confirms that Kennedy did participate in this research.
Source: Sina History
What did the researchers find from 724 people and 724 life segments?
Robert said:
Through years of research, we have come to the clearest conclusion:
Good interpersonal relationships can make people happier and healthier.
Those who live in isolation and are unsociable tend to deteriorate their brain function and physical condition faster in middle age.
On the other hand, those who are closer to family members and communicate more with neighbors and friends are mostly healthy and live longer.
Source: TED
Seeing this, you will find it not difficult.
If you want to live happily, it is ok to be popular! Look at our WeChat address book, who doesn't have hundreds of thousands of WeChat friends.
Source: me
However, how many of thousands of friends can establish close relationships with us?
The data shows that one in five Americans thinks he is lonely.
In China, according to China Youth Daily, 57.9% of "empty nesters" think they have no emotional sustenance.
Remember a short film called "How many contacts are there in your mobile phone?" ? 》。
It is mentioned in the film that we will know about 27,000 people in our lifetime. There are nearly 1000 people in the mobile phone, but few people really establish close contact with us.
We can only understand when we have a mobile phone and don't know who to call.
The reason why we can't be happy may be because we are too lonely.
Source: "How many common contacts do you have in your mobile phone? 》
Even Robert said: No matter how many friends you have, whether you have a partner or not, what really affects you is the quality of these relationships, not the quantity.
In this study, one participant's number is 10 14 1, and his life experience can be called ups and downs.
Let's call him 14 1 for short.
14 1 is a member of the Harvard team. He grew up in a fairytale environment. Their home has 1 1 rooms and 3 bathrooms. My father is a doctor and my mother is a housewife.
His father is considerate, funny and patient. Mother is kind, gentle and artistic.
After visiting the family of 14 1 and interviewing his neighbors, the researchers all think that the atmosphere of this family is extremely happy and harmonious.
And harmonious family relations really make 14 1 more brilliant.
Source: hacker noon
According to an American survey, 80% of millennials believe that the ultimate goal of people is to have money.
Every year when the Chinese New Year approaches, we will make a wish to make a lot of money.
There are so many New Year's speeches every year, telling people how to seize the opportunity to make money.
Because now we firmly believe that money, wealth and reputation can make people live a good life.
So we charge our bodies and feed ourselves chicken soup. I believe that only by working hard and paying more can we gain more.
But why in the end, I am still a loser and have no happiness?
Source: Sohu
Because, over the past 80 years, research has proved time and time again,
The people who live the best life are those who really communicate with their relatives, friends and even neighbors, and those who really take the initiative to communicate and establish close relationships.
I once saw such a passage on the Internet:
How twisted is the family relationship in China?
Refuse to communicate face to face, and pay silently behind your back. There is a little smoothness in extremely unsmooth communication, which is called touching.
Family disharmony is really too common.
I used to think that family problems were just individual phenomena of individual families, but in fact they were the normal state of most families.
The harm it brings, for those who are not good at communication and like to sulk, is like being caught by an invisible hand behind the neck. Trying to break free but unable to move.
Robert shared a passage from Mark Twain at the end of the TED talk.
"Time flies and life is short.
We don't have time to quarrel, apologize, be sad and blame, we only have time to love.
Even for a moment, don't let me down. "
Mark Twain also said, "It is never too late to have a happy childhood."
Whether you are 20, 30 or 50 now, we can rejoin a close relationship and make ourselves happy.