My mindset has changed a lot lately. I don't know if it's the traveling, the reading, and the meaningful things that have played a role.
I never considered myself a caring girl, really. I grew up catching frogs and tadpoles, and they would end up dead, but even though I knew the outcome, I would still catch them the next time for my own pleasure. It may be scary to say that, but it's true. When they die, I will again make a coffin for them out of clay. I either don't touch or destroy the things I fear, such as the hundreds of caterpillars that have died under my knife (of course I don't dare to step on them). Maybe I used to be too cruel, but now I've gradually become more and more compassionate.
I'm not a cute girl, and I didn't care about most of the cute things in the world before. Just as I don't like kittens and puppies, I certainly don't like big cats and dogs. I can't understand girls who can't help but kiss and cuddle and feed kittens and puppies when they see them. I love my sister very much, but before that I was not a fan of children. Other people say children are cute angels, but once upon a time I didn't think so, I thought growing up quickly was the best thing.
But lately, I feel differently about children.
I don't know what kind of mindset I held, I signed up for the love teaching, and initially I just thought of completing the task and going to the teaching point. But this is the experience, so that I may never forget the innocent goodness.
The school is very small, and when we arrived there to look for a classroom for the handicraft group, a little girl came toward me and greeted me with a smile that was not stingy. At that moment, I froze, and I tried to recall in my mind: elementary school student, little girl, Lanzhou Yuchong, tie not long hair, cute ...... Do I know this cute little girl? Why was it as if she knew me? My memory told me that I didn't know her. But she greeted me so happily and naturally. My traveling companion asked me if I knew her, and I shook my head. When I looked back at her blankly, she was still looking at me. When she saw me looking at her, she smiled happily at me again. You have no idea how amazing that moment felt. It's like being on a mountainside with an endless expanse of greenery in front of you, and you close your eyes and there's a spring breeze on your face. During the event, she was by my side the whole time, just like a sister depending on her sister.
? When we were leaving, she followed us out to see us off, waving her hand to say goodbye. Such a cute little person, smiling and telling me that she remembered my name.
At that moment, all the bad things in the world disappeared. It was as if I had been reborn.
Sometimes when I think about it, I really think the world is very wonderful. A new life gradually develops from cells into a human form, and eats, drinks and plays quietly in the mother's body.
? Waiting for one day, he got tired of playing, want to see the outside world, began to plot the escape plan. What a marvelous feeling it must be to hold such a tiny person in your arms.
The child slowly becomes a cute little person, wiggling and running, and it all softens one's heart into sweet cotton candy. I used to dislike children, but now I can't help but want to be close to that cute little angel.
After a relationship, the idea of going out on every vacation was born. These two months, I did do so. Both times I went to Ningxia.
Looking at the yellow sand, face to face with the desert wind, feel so small. Thinking, if a person walking in the desert, the wind blowing indiscriminately, they will be how lonely, lonely. If I lie in the desert, how long will the yellow sand take to bury me? Will I come to my senses at the last second of the sand burying me and set sail again?
In the desert, there are mostly parents accompanying their children to play in the sand. The only thing on everyone's face is the endless smiles. The world is full of beauty and warmth.
There is a pair of mother and child in the tour group, the child may be one or two years old, seems to be a little afraid of life. The first time I saw this, I was so scared of people. Standing on the side of the road, I sat down on the ground and knocked over a cup of water, making a handful of water. I quickly walked over to pick him up, held his hand, and took out a tissue from my pocket to wipe his hand. After wiping, I looked up and realized that he had been looking at me, frozen, with unfamiliar eyes. After letting go of his hand, he hid behind his mom. Obviously he was afraid of strangers, but strangely, he did not resist when I wiped his hands. When I thought about it, my heart went all soft again. His mom said to him, "Thanks ...... eh, what should this be called? Call it sister! Have you ever thanked sister ah?"
It's strange, I used to always have a reckoning with children calling me auntie or sister, but now I seem to care less and less. But thanks to the boy's mom, it's always better to be called "sister" than "auntie".
The boy is small and really cute.
Reading is really beneficial and can change your mindset. Especially since I've recently become fond of children, and I have to say that the section on "The Devil's Holy Child" made an indelible impression on me.
? ? "And the bodies of those little dead wretches, the babies, are not usually placed in such conspicuous places. They lie quietly on metal shelves in the corner of the cold room, like a little garden of sadness. The bigger babies are wrapped in thick blue plastic bags, and if you open the bags, you'll see that they're almost like regular babies, with tiny woolen hats on their heads, heart-shaped pendants around their necks, and little gloves on their hands. If they weren't cold on their bodies, you'd really think they were 'just sleeping'."
It's really hard to imagine someone so tiny looking "just asleep" and never waking up. It's hard to imagine a tiny person looking "just asleep" and never waking up again. The first time they came to this world, but left early. They can no longer hear the sounds of nature or see their parents who are expecting them. Why is it that they are "just sleeping" but ......
I can't describe my feelings at this moment, I think everyone will be as sad as I am, right? After all, they really look at the "just asleep" ah!
"Often, the label just says 'Baby Johnson' or 'Baby Sanchez'. There's nothing more heartbreaking than a baby who already has his or her full name (even if it's not very catchy, such as changing 'Caitlin' to 'Cait Lynn') because it means the parents are ready for the new arrival. "
I'm just a 20-year-old girl who doesn't have a lot of experience with the separation of flesh and blood, but I'm so sad about all these "just sleeping" children, and how heartbreaking it must be for the parents who've been expecting for so long!
? "They're so young, they're gone before they can enjoy the love of the world."
? "If I were to cremate babies who were wrapped in blue plastic bags, I would first unzip the bags and expose the babies. I don't do this to observe the dead babies and satisfy my morbid curiosity, but I feel I have to, because I don't want to dispose of them as if they were medical waste, as if they never existed and are not worth remembering."
"To make it easier, I held her tiny body in my arms. It was the perfect position for a baby haircut, and it was easy to cut her soft blonde curls. I put the cut hair in an envelope and carried her into the cremation room. I was standing by the crematorium, about to send her in, when I burst into tears - it's rare in our line of work for anyone to cry, otherwise there's no way to ensure productivity.
Why did this baby make me so sad?
? Maybe because I had just cut her hair and wrapped her in a little blanket, ready to send her on her journey to the afterlife. It was as if I was in a vision where wonderful women were going to perform sacred funerals for dead babies: they shaved off their hair and then burned their little bodies again for the public ****ing good of the whole community.
It could also be because she was a beautiful baby, with a pink mouth and chubby cheeks, like the little baby in the 1950s Garbo Foods commercials. Although she's dead, she's still as cute as the Garbo baby.
Maybe she symbolizes the babies I didn't shed a tear for. If I want to keep my job and meet my goal of cremating five by 5 p.m., I rarely have time to shed a tear for them.
Or maybe her blue eyes make me think of myself, now that I'm cremating someone else instead of being cremated by someone else; my heart is still thumping, and hers has gone silent."
Children are such lovely angels. But when angels look "just asleep" and we hear our own hearts beating, will our hearts stop for a moment because of the heartache, to feel what the children are feeling right now. I know the answer is no. But I wish I could.
The birth of a child is a new hope, and yet the child is so close to death. Death is not scary, but it is heartbreaking.
I know that everything in this world - birth and death - is uncertain, and you can't predict what will happen to you next. But I also know that everything in this world - birth, old age, sickness and death - is definite, and we will all experience so eventually.
It hasn't been an ordinary time lately. So much has happened in this time. My mood has changed so much, I went to many places I hadn't been before, I met many people with different personalities, I saw a different spring from the south, and I lost many people.
An aunt died two days ago, although I knew that his time on earth is not much, but when I heard the news, I still could not believe. I remembered that when I visited him on New Year's Eve, he was so refreshed by our arrival and smiled a lot. When we left, he was visibly upset. I heard from my grandmother that my aunt passed away at home. I think it was the best gift the family gave him in his last days on earth. After being sick for so long, having a family with him at the end of his life, lying in the warmth of his home instead of the coldness of the hospital, would have given him no regrets, right?
"Facing death head on is not easy. To escape its presence, we choose to be blindfolded to the reality of death and dying. 'Not knowing is bliss' simply doesn't make sense here and can only imply a deeper fear. We try to keep death as far away from us as possible, such as keeping bodies behind stainless steel doors and tucking dying patients into wards. We've done a pretty good job of hiding death, and you'd even think we'd be the first generation to have immortality. But we're not."
I'm glad that my aunt's family didn't stuff him in a hospital room.
Just how painful it would have been for my aunt, who had accompanied my uncle throughout his life, to see her partner, who had supported each other all his life, leave just like that, this heartbreak is not something that the onlookers can understand ah!
A lot of things are about life and death these days. Although I did not see through life, a great realization, but more than a trace of life before not have the fear of it. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm afraid that before I die I haven't done anything for the world, leaving nothing but a cold corpse. I hope that if the death in the next second, I can in this second even to the roadside grass sprinkled with a drop of water.
Once you laughed at me for saying "I'm afraid to die". I'm not sure I understand what I mean. I'm just afraid to die without meaning, in vain, so that my family will be sad. I'm not sure how long you've been away from me.
This topic is a bit heavy, but my heart is still up!
I'm still trying to love life!
I'm still trying to love life.