Moderator: Recently, a female netizen named "Sunshine Citrus" published her own "Eight Standards for Good Motherhood" on the Internet. These eight criteria are:
1. Don't put on airs.
2. No quirks
3. Don't be wordy
4. Not conservative
Don't ask too many questions about housework.
6. Under no circumstances should you talk to your daughter-in-law in non-communicative language, including direct attacks, beating around the bush, and saying bad things behind your back.
7. Respect private space
8. No preference for boys.
"Since ancient times, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been an important part of family relations, and it is also the most difficult one to deal with. With the development of social civilization, modern women pay more and more attention to the embodiment of self-worth. Among these' eight standards', four are about democracy, freedom and equality. " Yang Shuiying first expressed his opinion.
"Indeed, this reflects the modern women's call for freedom and equality. For example, ask her mother-in-law to respect her private space, not to favor boys over girls, not to be verbose and not to be conservative. Zhuang Ju, who will be a wife at the end of this year, seems to be full of such expectations for her future mother-in-law. "In fact, some standards are easy to achieve. "Zhuang Ju believes that like is not eccentric, mainly reflected in material care. Mother-in-law buys things for her children, don't forget her wife's. Only by being treated equally can the daughter-in-law feel psychologically accepted by this family; Not conservative, I hope my mother-in-law will not use her own aesthetic and consumption habits to ask her daughter-in-law, but learn to accept new concepts with her daughter-in-law; Respect personal space. I hope my mother-in-law doesn't pry into her privacy. If she doesn't take the initiative, then don't ask. Mother-in-law should not casually enter the room with her husband.
"As the saying goes,' If you want to do a good job, do it big first and then small.' These eight standards of mother-in-law also fully reflect the requirement of' controlling the small with the big'. Take my mother and wife for example. My wife's mother died young, and my mother treated her as a daughter. She never puts on airs as a mother-in-law, works hard and never speaks ill of our young students. But the mother-in-law is her own elder, and her thinking habits have been developed, so it is difficult to adjust and modify them. Therefore, when getting along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is necessary for daughter-in-law and son to constantly adjust their handling methods and pay attention to communication methods in order to achieve harmony in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Zhu believes that the mother-in-law has the habit of making the little daughter-in-law uncomfortable, and as a younger generation, she should try her best to be tolerant and understand. After all, her mother-in-law's personality and habits are the brand of her life. He said: "In our family, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is handled very well, and the family lives in harmony. Because of this, although my mother has been dead for many years, my wife often mentions her when she speaks. "
"In fact, many contradictions and differences between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law come from daily chores. For example, there will be huge differences in consumption concepts. How many young people will pursue fashion, but in many old people's ideas, fashion is equivalent to burning money, which means that they can't be thrifty. Faced with such conceptual differences, a daughter-in-law should never try to change her mother-in-law's consumption view. In order to reduce contradictions, smart daughter-in-law only needs to give her mother-in-law a 25% discount. " Wu's voice fell, which attracted a burst of laughter from the guests at the scene, but everyone agreed with him. "White lies can save a lot of trouble at this time."
Good daughter-in-law model follows suit
Moderator: "The eight standards of a good mother-in-law" has aroused heated discussion among many female compatriots. Daughter-in-law has many standards for good mother-in-law. Similarly, my mother-in-law has it.
"Some modern women, especially after 80s and 90s, have their clothes spread out at home, and their mouths are open when they eat. They can't cook or do housework. However, to marry a husband's family, a good wife must be able to cook soup skillfully and be a nutritionist and gourmet of the whole family. A family-sized healthy nutrition is in your hand. At the same time, people should be polite and decent, neither humble nor supercilious, speak appropriately, behave politely, dress modestly and generously, and be neat and pleasant. " Zhu Song believes that getting into the kitchen and getting out of the hall has been a requirement for a daughter-in-law since ancient times, and it is also a proud thing for a man to marry such a daughter-in-law.
"In fact, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can't ask too much of each other." Yang Shuiying believes that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is, in the final analysis, a struggle between two women for the right to speak in family affairs. However, there is no standard answer to family matters. In this respect, a daughter-in-law must learn to show weakness and learn to adapt, instead of finding faults everywhere and comparing with others. This is a difficult but not high hurdle. When you figure it out, you will be suddenly enlightened. If it gets stuck, it may lead to an escalation of contradictions. "For example, your mother-in-law's cooking is very good, and it doesn't suit your taste, so you have to work hard to adapt. If you can't get used to it, do it yourself and have plenty of food and clothing. You have the right to decide whether the sanitation is thorough, whether the floor is cleaned and whether the table is polished, but you also have the right to act. Don't blindly count on the elderly. The old man is not a nanny, and she has no obligation to serve you wholeheartedly. "
Speaking of her mother-in-law helping with the children, Yang Shuiying also has her own views. She thinks, "You should be grateful to your mother-in-law for helping with the children. If you don't appreciate it, don't complain. Because the law does not stipulate that the mother-in-law must help you look after the children. You are lucky that she can help you with your children. You should be grateful. If she doesn't take good care of your children, or doesn't take care of your children according to your standards, then don't make irresponsible remarks. The so-called concept, the so-called generation gap, is very different in taking care of children, but when there are differences, we should know how to communicate well. Because the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law have only one purpose, that is, how to love this child better. "
"As I said before, there is sometimes a need for' white lies' between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but as a young man and daughter-in-law, you really can't be too presumptuous. Don't blindly pursue famous brands, pay attention to superficial vanity. Maybe you think' I spent my own money, not your business'. But in my opinion, 800 yuan's bag is no different from that of 8000 yuan. What Lu, what Hermes, to hell with those luxuries. In fact, L is not very V, and diligence is the last word. " Hearing this, Wu burst into laughter again.
"With his mother, don't say mother-in-law. Is it not good to quarrel with your daughter-in-law? Of course not. If there is any contradiction, we should communicate in time. As a daughter-in-law, you should give up three points and respect one point. Mother-in-law is the elder and the greatest contributor to the birth of the person you love most. Don't always accuse, abuse and humiliate her. Be polite to her even if you can't treat her as your own mother in your heart. On the surface, you still have to do enough. " Zhuang Ju said.
Daughter-in-law needs equality and mutual love
Moderator: Comparing the eight standards of a good mother-in-law and a good daughter-in-law, we can conclude that a good mother-in-law is a person who loves her daughter-in-law as much as her mother, but can't scold her daughter-in-law like her mother. A good daughter-in-law serves her mother-in-law like a daughter, not commands her mother-in-law like a daughter.
"To achieve such two sets of standards, can guarantee family harmony? This doesn't seem entirely correct. The standard is dead, but there are thousands of differences between people, and there will always be differences between people. Most of the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law focus on the conflict of ideas. When there is a contradiction, if you try to change the other side, it is often easy to intensify the contradiction. Only tolerance is the best medicine to resolve. " Zhu Song believes that standards vary from person to person and from standard to standard.
"You can't compare the mother-in-law relationship with the real mother-daughter relationship. The emotional connection between mother and daughter is constant, they can attack each other, and the relationship is highly accommodating. A mother's love for her daughter is selfless, pure and without any purpose. The relationship with mother-in-law is based on the relationship from unfamiliar to familiar, and the basis of maintaining this intimate relationship is' one person'. It is very difficult to ask two strange and unrelated women to love each other like mother and daughter. " Zhuang Ju believes that as a post-80s young man, pursuing a state of "peace * * *" may not need the emotional relationship between mother and daughter, but it is more commendable to respect customers. "We can be spoiled and grumpy with our mother-in-law, but when we get along with our mother-in-law, we should think more about each other, especially when one side of the problem is' that person', and we need to use rationality to calm down contradictions and entanglements. We can look at the problem emotionally, but we need to solve it rationally. "
"The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is also a traditional family problem. In the long feudal society, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an unequal interpersonal relationship. Daughter-in-law should obey her mother-in-law and have no independent and equal personal dignity. Last night, we didn't light a red candle in the bridal chamber until my uncle and aunt came to visit Xiaotang', which is a vivid portrayal of the difficulty of being a daughter-in-law in the old society. At the same time, over the years,' daughter-in-law has become a woman', thus forming a vicious circle in which women oppress women. Nowadays, this bad tradition of women oppressing women has been abandoned by a new generation of women. In modern families, daughter-in-law has an independent social, political and economic status, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has basically become an equal interpersonal relationship. But we should also see that even today, the harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not very common. "Wu analyzed the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law at all times and in all countries. He believes that to properly handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we must first have a correct understanding of this interpersonal relationship. The relationship between the two sides is an equal interpersonal relationship, not a relationship in which one party must obey the domination and domination of the other. It is very important to realize this. If both sides or one side lacks a correct understanding of this relationship and thinks that the other side must or should obey and obey itself, and thus regards this equal interpersonal relationship as a dominant and obedient relationship, it will inevitably be manifested in actions and attitudes, which will lead to the imbalance of the relationship between the two sides.
"Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have lived together for many years, and it is inevitable that some uncoordinated things will happen. At this time, it is even more necessary for both sides to understand each other. The so-called understanding is to consider the problem from the other side's standpoint. The principles advocated by our ancestors when dealing with interpersonal relationships, such as putting yourself in others' shoes, doing what you don't want others to do to you, all contain the idea of understanding and are good words for dealing with interpersonal relationships, which is completely suitable for dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. " Wu continued, "The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is originally a new family interpersonal relationship formed by the extension of parent-child relationship and husband-wife relationship. Sons play an intermediary role in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As the intermediary point of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the son knows the personality characteristics of both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law best. Therefore, sons play a very important intermediary role in dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. On the one hand, a son can help his mother-in-law communicate psychologically. Through the communication between sons, it is easier for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to eliminate psychological barriers and enhance their feelings. On the other hand, when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are in conflict, the son can play a guiding role. Because the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lack the kindness between mother and son. There is no intimate relationship between husband and wife, and it is often not easy to bridge the gap. Throu
"Well, a man, as a son, should correctly handle the emotional separation from his mother; At the same time, as a husband, we should correctly handle the emotional entanglement with our daughter-in-law. Healthy mother-child relationship is the basis of healthy mother-in-law relationship; Harmonious relationship between husband and wife is the premise of harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. At the same time, men should learn to dredge the feelings between two women. Correctly conveying the feelings and ideas between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can make correct communication, which is one of the important conditions for building a harmonious family and a better life. " Yang Shuiying said, in addition, you can also play the role of emotional bond between grandchildren and grandparents, and often go home to have a look. Every time I visit my grandparents, I'd better bring some small gifts. Grandparents naturally don't care about this, but this respect and filial piety will promote a more harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Moderator's testimony: In the family, it seems that the most difficult thing to deal with is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. "Daughter-in-law" came up with the "Eight Standards for a Good Mother-in-law", and immediately there were various versions of the "Eight Standards for a Good Daughter-in-law", which was really lively. Looking closely at the standard of "good mother-in-law", it seems that it is not too high. If strictly observed, you can give your daughter-in-law a "good mother-in-law", and her daughter-in-law should be a "standard daughter-in-law". Only in this way can the family become a "standard family". However, can we really have a harmonious and happy family? What if the mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can't do a few things?
If the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is harmonious, the family will be happy, there will be many "wars", and the happiness of life will be improved a lot. However, the harmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law obviously cannot rely on standards. If you really want to compare the standard every day, you will live too tired. There must be a generation gap and competition between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In fact, if the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, the two "sons" who suffer the most will be affected. Both sides should please, but both sides are not good-looking, especially in the face of the difficult choice of "daughter-in-law and mother fall into the river at the same time, who will save first" No matter what the answer is, "people have no inside and outside."
Judging from the comments on the Internet, it seems that everyone has met a "good mother-in-law" because she really found her mother-in-law to be a "standard mother-in-law". This is naturally a happy event. But every family has a hard time, and no one is a lucky wife. In my opinion, there is no need to pursue a "standard mother-in-law" or "standard daughter-in-law". The most important thing for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not "standards", and no amount of standards can replace love and tolerance. When two women live together, it is inevitable that there will be friction because of their different living habits, different perspectives and different expectations of "men" at home. But in any case, since we have become a family, we must have a loving and tolerant heart. If you can do these two things, you are a "good wife" and a "good mother-in-law", and you can enjoy family happiness and smile every day.
A family needs neither a standard mother-in-law nor a standard daughter-in-law. As long as it is full of love and tolerance, home is a harbor.
Opinions of all parties
"I can objectively say that my mother-in-law did eight things, and I didn't do much. I haven't thought about these things carefully before, and I feel quite good, but my mother-in-law always has her various shortcomings. After this comparison, I found that if I become a mother-in-law, she may not do well. " 3354 writer Xia Xiaoyan
Men should always remember that first-class men reconcile, second-class men escape, third-class men suffer indignities, and fourth-class men join the team. Only by becoming a first-class man in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can the family have a peaceful, happy and warm environment. Home and everything! 3354 Wu
As a mother-in-law, you should have a more tolerant attitude towards your daughter-in-law. Mother-in-law is always worried that her daughter-in-law will take away her son's love for herself. In fact, if you look at it from another angle,
Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you. There are no perfect people in this world, and the eight standards are too high. In fact, as long as the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law face each other sincerely, respect each other, be considerate and care more, they can get along well. 3354 users check
I think both daughter-in-law and mother-in-law can share their experiences, but they can't judge others stiffly. It is better to be yourself first than to force others. 3354 netizens have a dream.
It is the adhesive between son and mother-in-law. A dutiful son with brains can make his mother happy on the one hand and his wife satisfied on the other. In my son's house, my mouth is sweeter and my feet are more diligent. "A bowl of water is flat" is most helpful to the harmony between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.