1. There is an overly strict father in this family.
People in China often say that strict father is a loving mother, which really restricts the role of father, because father can also be gentle. An idealized father is a state in which he has a very clear boundary with others, but he also has the ability to be gentle. What does a man who already has a child do so seriously in front of the child? Actually, I'm trying to cover up the part where I didn't grow up.
There is a nagging mother at home.
Mother's excessive control over family affairs may lead to accusations and nagging. She always talks a lot to her children, thus actually satisfying her happiness through her mouth. In short, the mother is still in the "mouth desire period". In a family, the father pretends to be serious, the mother nags and the children are abused there.
3. Family topics are restricted
In China's family, children's study is the easiest thing to talk about and the easiest thing to hide the truth. Mom, dad and children have nothing to say. They can only talk about study, which is the most talked about thing in China's family. When parents talk about learning, they cover up their inner fears and anxieties, and they can't handle it themselves, so they take the fig leaf of learning to block it.
4. Over-symbolization
Now many countries have an impression of China, that is, China children all over the world are learning the piano: the piano is a very symbolic representative, and China people have given it a lot of meaning. Parents hope to rely on the piano to meet some of their own needs. I think these are all issues of face.
5. Excessive background
In today's society, a very common word is "fighting dad", whether it is primary school or university. Before entering school, teachers should first investigate what parents do. Among children, the first topic of discussion is what his parents do. What is the psychological motivation of this kind of speech? A person's background masks the person himself. For parents, over-proving their social background in front of their children shows that his heart is empty. Hear the voice that parents think they are bad. Kindhearted children will also echo their parents' voices, plant the seeds of inferiority in their hearts and be ashamed to talk about their parents at school. Therefore, family background has also become the soil for other families to feel inferior. It will make children enter the society in the future, involving many problems from psychology to action, which will seriously affect children's work and social interaction.
Step 6 overwork
In many families, parents are working hard and neglecting their children. Many children are ruined by their parents' hard work, and children are greatly neglected. Such parents have indeed made great contributions to the country and the nation, but they really owe too much to their partners and children.
7. Limit children's interests.
Some children have good interpersonal relationships, but their studies are a mess. Children want to contact their parents in a morbid way with poor grades. To put it simply, if the child has certain ability defects, it means that the parents are too close to him, and it is the aggressive behavior of the parents that makes the child lose his ability.
8. Family roles
This is also common in China families. Mom has too much power in this family. On the one hand, this is a sense of gender identity; On the one hand, it is also through this way to prevent my father from losing control in this family. Dad is more aggressive and aggressive, while mom is maternal no matter how fierce, so the harm to the family will be much less.
9. Intergenerational participation
After many old people retire, all their thoughts are on their grandchildren. The generation gap is mainly reflected in the care and protection of the elderly for their grandchildren. This is a typical feature of China family, and it runs in the family is like a pot of porridge. Sometimes it makes some children feel psychologically safe with their grandparents. But they will also get used to many children who don't know how to be grateful when they grow up and think that everything their grandparents gave them is right! Therefore, it will also create many family conflicts and breed fatal problems. It makes family education fundamentally meaningless.
10. utilitarian relationship
Utilitarian love means that I love you only because you can play the piano, or that I love you only because you have achieved a lot in society. This conditional love is reflected in family ties, especially parents. I really care little about my children and become very sad. I don't know what's the point of life if I add the kinship in my family to these utilitarian things. And children will gradually form the concept of "no benefit, no early". When one day this utility can no longer satisfy children, the balance of family education will be unbalanced. It's another person's nightmare.