The needs of adolescent children
identify
Erickson, a famous American psychologist, put forward the concept of adolescent self-identity and expounded the importance of forming self-identity. In Eriksson's theory of stages of psychological and social development, "self-identity and role confusion" is the stage of adolescent children's personality development, and the important task of this stage is to develop self-identity and establish new self-identity. Self-identity is a series of feelings about who you are, what position you should have in society, what kind of person you want to be in the future, and how to strive to be an ideal person.
Eriksson emphasized that every teenager will experience an "identity crisis", that is, the identity formed in the early stage can no longer cope with the choices and problems to be faced at this stage. This makes children doubt the identity that has been formed, which leads to the identity crisis. At the same time, the influence of environment and values will cause the identity crisis of teenagers. This identity crisis will recur in adolescence and early adulthood.
In order to promote the development of teenagers' identity, it is necessary to cultivate teenagers' critical thinking and attach importance to their social development and skills training? [ 14]。 At the same time, encourage and support young people to carry out some experiments in person, find their own way of life through personal experience, and realize a more solid, positive and creative identity or identity? [ 13]。
independence
Becoming an independent person is one of the tasks of adolescent development. Teenagers' autonomous development is usually divided into three types: emotional autonomy, behavioral autonomy and values autonomy? [ 15]。
Emotional autonomy means that individuals reduce their dependence on their parents during adolescence and begin to establish emotional ties outside the family. Emotional autonomy is a smooth "individualization" process with the development of social cognition, which can help adolescent children build better social adaptability? [ 16]。
Behavioral autonomy refers to the ability of teenagers to make decisions and choices independently. With the growth of teenagers, their way of thinking is also changing, and they will start to seek other people's opinions and compare different choices. But teenagers usually follow their decisions, because they depend on the people around them. This is not true autonomy? [ 17]。
The autonomy of values refers to the changes of teenagers' moral, political and ideological views. The way teenagers think about the above three problems will become more and more abstract. Teenagers' beliefs will be more based on the universal principles and their own values? [ 18]。
close
Teenagers' views on friendship will also change. They will pay more attention to the loyalty and trust of friendship, reveal their voices more, be more sensitive to the needs of their friends and make more positive responses. The increase of individual demand for intimate relationship in early adolescence is the main motivation for teenagers to seek close friends. If this close friendship is not formed in adolescence, teenagers will experience loneliness and low self-worth. At the same time, the relationship between women is closer than that between men, which may be because self-disclosure is considered to lack "masculinity" Teenagers with deep friendship have a higher sense of self-worth, and good intimacy in adolescence is also one of the health standards of good social relations for teenagers? [ 19]。
achievement
Generally speaking, the society thinks that adolescence is a period of preparing for the work role of adulthood, during which educational and professional achievements will continue to accumulate. Teenagers with plasticity are driven by internal rewards rather than external rewards, and attribute their success to hard work rather than luck. They get higher grades in school.
At the same time, on psychological issues.
Smoking addiction
Smoking is very common among teenagers. Boys smoke at a higher rate and start smoking at a younger age? .
In 20 16, Tencent randomly surveyed 65,438+10,000 online users and found that 70% smokers started smoking at the age of 14 ~ 22. Teenagers in this period are easily driven to start smoking by curiosity, rebellion, peer pressure and other reasons. Boys who start smoking below 14 are twice as many as girls.
A survey report on adult tobacco in China in 20 18 showed that 22.2% of daily smokers started smoking every day before 18 years old. The people who use e-cigarettes are mainly young people, and the usage rate of e-cigarettes in 15 ~ 24 age group is 1.5%. The main way to get e-cigarettes is the internet? [23]。
Internet addiction
Teenagers are at high risk of internet addiction. The Core Information and Interpretation of Youth Health Education in China (Version 20 18) issued by the National Health and Wellness Committee defines Internet addiction as an uncontrollable impulsive behavior of Internet use under the action of addictive substances, which is manifested as obvious damage to academic, professional and social functions after excessive use of the Internet. Duration is an important criterion for diagnosing internet addiction disorder. It will take at least 12 months before the diagnosis can be made. [25]。 At first, you will be mentally dependent and eager to surf the internet. If you can't do this, you will feel extremely uncomfortable, depressed, irritable, anxious and depressed. Then it will develop into physical dependence, manifested as dizziness, shaking hands, fatigue, loss of appetite and other symptoms, and eventually study and life will be seriously affected. There are some violent information, pornographic novels and pictures on the internet, which can easily have a negative impact on the physical and mental health of teenagers. Because teenagers have poor self-control, weak social skills and self-protection awareness, they are more likely to indulge in games. The design plot, content and pictures of video games are mixed, which may cause trouble and harm to their physical, psychological and social adaptation? [26]。
Anxiety and depression
Interpersonal relationship and academic pressure are two major sources of anxiety among adolescent middle school students? [27], as well as family environment, parenting style, parent-child relationship and other factors, as well as teacher-student relationship, peer relationship, academic performance and so on. All the things from school may constitute stressful events that threaten teenagers' lives, thus making teenagers depressed? [28]。
self-contemptuous
Inferiority refers to the complex emotions that individuals feel inferior, such as shame, shyness, shrinking and even losing confidence.
In adolescence, adolescents will have subjective inferiority complex due to personal physiological conditions, abilities, personality characteristics and other factors. The objective environment in which individuals live, such as the external environment such as family economic situation and regional environment, will produce an object inferiority complex. People with low self-esteem often show low evaluation of their own abilities or qualities and doubt the value of self-existence. Teenagers should overcome their inferiority complex through self-adjustment, know themselves correctly, give up demanding expectations, narrow the gap between ideal self and realistic self, gradually discover their own advantages and rebuild their self-confidence.
Communicate with adolescent boys
Really listen to the children,
Take the initiative to share his feelings and confusion in life, so that he has a good impression of participating.
Don't ask too empty questions, talk about topics that children are interested in, and then learn some thoughts about his adolescence.
Express unconditional love for children. ,
It can reduce a lot of preaching, instill truth and do more for children.
Changing the order to discussion is that children can discuss with them when communicating, which shows the seriousness of this matter and let him judge for himself.
Turn negation into affirmation. Enhance his self-confidence, and then let the children constantly affirm, praise and appreciate the good side of China and North Korea in their parents.
Reduce unconscious nagging. Body language and loving behavior are more important.
The above three kinds of education methods will also appear in ordinary normal families, and relatively speaking, single-parent families (including widowed families) are more prone to this situation.
The situation of single-parent families
(1) Strong single mother
Sampling survey shows that the proportion of single mothers raising children in divorced families is about 70%. When divorced women decide to raise their children independently, they are bound to be psychologically prepared to withstand the wind and rain alone, and in the experience of life, such psychological hints will give birth to a strong personality appearance.
Many inspirational articles in chicken soup will quote a sentence, women are weak and mothers are just. In fact, they are all advising single mothers to make such choices.
(2) Punishing and doting on single fathers
Single fathers tend to go to two extremes when educating their children. One is the severe punishment type, and some are very angry with their ex-wives, hoping that their children can make great achievements even if they leave their biological mothers.
The other is out of compensation mentality, because I feel guilty about the damage caused by divorce, so I try my best to compensate my children.
These two parenting styles are actually "controlled" to varying degrees. Whether it is coercion or indulgence, it will make children unable to develop self-control ability.
Children who grow up in such an environment are either overwhelmed, tired of learning, playing truant and addicted to the internet; Either they depend on their parents for everything and have such behavioral or psychological problems.
solution
First, face up to the child's inner pain, and the loved child can be very strong.
Parents of single-parent families should calmly, sincerely and patiently explain the reasons for their divorce to their children in the most acceptable way according to their children's personality, age and other factors, strive for their children's understanding, teach their children to deal with various external inquiries, and make them understand that single-parent families are also a normal social phenomenon.
Some practices of divorced couples in western countries are also worth learning. Divorced couples think that the reasons for divorce or remarriage are generally unrelated to their children.
The purpose of this is to pursue their own happiness, to clearly separate things between husband and wife from children, and to let children know that parents' emotional disharmony or clutch has nothing to do with the existence of children. This practice also affects children more subtly, making them less dependent on their own thoughts.
More importantly, parents in western countries often tell their children: "You must learn to take care of yourself and learn to protect yourself!" They think that protecting children is their own business.
Second, take the children out of the haze.
No matter which parent bears the responsibility of raising children, they should raise their children to minimize the impact on their lives.
Because of the incomplete family structure and monotonous life, children in single-parent families are prone to feel spiritual emptiness and loneliness. For this reason, no matter how busy parents are every day, they should take time out to spend more time with their children, chat and listen to their voices.
In addition, due to the lack of father or mother in daily life, compared with other children, children from single-parent families have less opportunities to contact society and are not rich in social knowledge. Therefore, parents should help their children to expand their social circle, know more friends and read more books, so that their children can grow up healthily physically and mentally.
Third, make up for the lack of role.
In the process of teenagers' psychological growth, the study of gender role is an important link, and father and mother play an irreplaceable role.
Therefore, parents of single-parent families should pay special attention to make up for the negative impact of their children's lack of fatherly love or maternal love.
In single-parent families, parents should pay attention to mobilizing gender resources among relatives and friends and give their children due and appropriate influence to ensure the masculinity of boys and the feminine beauty of girls, so as not to cause psychological and behavioral deviations in gender roles.
For example, for children who lack fatherly love, mothers should strengthen their personality education in independence, autonomy, courage and decisiveness, and consciously let their children contact some mature, confident and responsible adult men.
At the same time, divorced parents should also maintain normal contact, do not vilify each other in front of their children, destroy family ties, and let their children enjoy their parents' care as much as possible.
I hope my answer can give you some help.