The first item about mental health: the truth of anger
There is an emotion that everyone has experienced, and that is anger.
When we feel that our inner expectations are not met, our opinions are not accepted, we see unsatisfactory things, or we hear unsatisfactory things, we often feel angry. Anger may last for a long time, or it may only disappear for a moment. However, the moment of anger will make our body and mind change rapidly. My heart rate is increasing, my breathing is short, my face changes dramatically, my brows are locked, my eyes are like knives, my words are like bullets, and my shells are fired. At the same time, it is accompanied by physical movements such as waving arms and pedaling. Such great physical and mental restlessness consumes a lot of energy and does great harm to the body. After anger, it often takes a long time to restore calm, and even years later, in retrospect, it still makes people indignant.
There are many different words ringing in our ears every day, and our reactions are different; Similarly, some people say the same thing to many people, but everyone's inner reaction is different. Some people are happy, some are indifferent, and some are angry. It's all a word, spoken from other people's mouths, and then the surrounding air vibrates, and then it reaches our ears through the air and then dissipates in the air. The same reason, but why do other people's languages have such a great influence on us?
Language, for the vast majority of people, is not because it will disappear, just as it never existed and left no trace in my heart. Like sunshine, everything shines during the day, but disappears at night, leaving the energy for growth; Although the wind blows again and again, it leaves a cool feeling. Similarly, although language and sound will disappear, they will stimulate our inner emotions. Like a stone thrown into a lake, if the lake is full of flowers, petals will ripple out; On the contrary, if the lake is full of dirty things, clouds of garbage will float. After hearing the language, if you are good at dharma, you will feel happy, if you are troubled, you will feel pain and even anger. The root of anger is not what others say, but our troubles. It is triggered by accepting external information and evolved from our troubles.
For example, we are planting flowers with great interest. At this moment, a man came up and said, so-and-so, you are too wrong. You should dig a hole and water it like this. Some people will get angry and say it's none of your business. How I plant it is my own business. Some people will say, oh, you have experience in growing flowers. That's great. Ask me. Two things may happen. In the former case, evil laws, troubles and paranoia are awakened. For the latter, it evokes good law, humility and knowledge. We often say that learning makes people progress. The Analects of Confucius said, "I save three times a day." A heart of introspection and learning is the golden key to growth, while complacency and self-persistence will close the door to all good laws, making us lonely and isolated and difficult to make progress.
Listen carefully, there are all kinds of voices around us. Praise, teaching, advice, inquiry or irony, slander, abuse, many, many. We should quietly observe our inner reaction when we hear these sounds, and whether we can not be influenced by the sounds and not let words drive our emotions. Plant humble, self-reflective lotus seeds in the heart lake. Over time, the lake will be full of lotus seeds.
Article 2 on mental health: psychological and child education
There is a story among Jews: "Selma accompanied her husband in an army base in the desert." Her husband was ordered to go to the desert to exercise, and she stayed alone in the small tin house of the army. The weather is unbearable. She has no one to talk to, only Mexicans and Indians around her, and they can't speak English. She was very sad, so she wrote to her parents in Israel, saying that she would drop everything and go home. On the day of Yom Kippur, she received a reply from her father with only two lines, but these two lines remained in her heart forever, completely changing her life. The contents of the letter are as follows: "Two men looked out of the prison bars, one saw the dirt and the other saw the stars." Selma felt very ashamed when she read her father's letter. She decided to stay and look for the stars in the desert. So, she began to make friends with local people, study charming cacti and various desert plants and things, and learn about groundhogs. Soon, she was surprised to find that the local people were particularly friendly to her and gave her their favorite textiles and pottery as gifts. She found that the unbearable desert environment had become an exciting and unforgettable sight. So, instead of complaining and worrying, she took what she thought was a bad situation as the most meaningful adventure in her life, and wrote a book, Happy Castle. "
She looked out of her tin room and finally saw the "stars". The desert hasn't changed, the Indians haven't changed, and nothing has changed. What made this lady's world change so much?
It's a matter of mentality. It was Selma's heart that changed. Her mentality has changed, and so has the feeling of the whole world.
This not only reminds me of my parents' children. Do we see "desert and desolation" in children, or do we see the brilliance of "stars" in children? Similarly, it also depends on our mentality.
Some parents always look at their children with the subtle and sharp eyes of the police. I am afraid that they will leave a little bad deeds and make their children worse, even if it is a small mistake and shortcoming, they will never let go. Parents have a very important reason, that is: love children. Because of love, I am afraid that something will happen to them, and I am afraid that their small mistakes will lead to more serious mistakes. As a result, every little mistake of the child will be brought out in a big way, giving the child facts, reasoning, earnestly persuading, and even beating and threatening, forcing the child to restore the perfect image in the hearts of parents. As everyone knows, in the teaching and lessons of parents, children have strengthened their own shortcomings and mistakes, making themselves cautious, inferior and lost, and even lost themselves in resentment.
In fact, this is because parents magnified the "desert and desolation" in their children, thus losing the opportunity to see the "stars". If parents can change their mentality, look at our children with joy, look at our children with appreciation, and treat their shortcomings and mistakes with objectivity, we will see a positive and outstanding boy whose shortcomings and mistakes are just dots on a blank sheet of paper, even negligible. We will find that when we respect and care for children as individuals, children will become more to our liking. At this time, your anxiety and anxiety about your child's future will disappear, because you see different colors in your child and the "star" style in your child.
In addition, some parents always sigh anxiously: "Why does my child always have problems?" Why is my child a problem child? "In this kind of exclamation, you feel that the child's problem is getting more and more serious, serious enough to make you fidgety and angry, and serious enough to make you panic. So, you face and entangle your child's problems by persuading, warning, beating and scolding. You want to reduce children's problems in this way, so that they no longer have problems. However, contrary to expectations, you will find that children's problems have not decreased, but have increased and become more serious. Your relationship with your child has also fallen into a vicious circle. Children close their own world, so that you can't see the shining colors on children. Pain and injury are spreading more and more seriously in your heart and body.
In fact, if we change our mentality, regard the problems in each stage of children's growth as the necessity of children's growth, as the opportunity for children's growth, and as a platform for communication with children, our hearts will become calm. When we can face the problem calmly, we can face the child peacefully, parents and children can form benign communication, and the problem is no longer a problem, but gives us an opportunity. From the parents' point of view, it is a good opportunity for us to reflect on our own education methods, our own concepts and mentality when children encounter problems in their growth. We can reflect and correct and grow ourselves at the same time. From the child's point of view, every problem of a child is also the source of motivation for his growth. In the process of dealing with problems, he will learn a lot, understand a lot, and certainly grow a lot. From this perspective, it is a good thing that parents and children have any problems in their study and life. If you face your child with such a mentality, your parents will be safe and your child will be happy.
Change your mind and you will see a different world; Change your mind and you will see a good boy.
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