Ms. Zhang's daughter Xinxin is in the fourth grade of primary school. There are even girls who make Ms. Zhang a headache. Because children have a bad temper and feel unhappy, they will make a hullabaloo about and even throw things.
Yesterday, my daughter wanted to watch TV after school. Ms. Zhang wants her to finish her homework before reading it, but Xinxin shouts.
No, no. I'll watch it! Watch it now! Break the TV if you don't let me watch it! ?
Seeing Xinxin yelling like this, Ms. Zhang turned off the TV angrily.
I want to watch TV! If I don't watch TV, I won't do my homework! ? Yan Yan shouted and smashed the TV with a book.
Xinxin's grandmother quickly mediated after hearing the mother-daughter dispute. After grandma came, Ms. Zhang left, because Xinxin followed her grandparents since childhood, and they also loved her and followed her. Everything.
Sure enough, grandma was very troubled when she saw her crying granddaughter and complained to Ms. Zhang. There is nothing wrong with a child wanting to watch TV. If you have something to say, it's childish. ?
Ms. Zhang stood quietly, unable to quarrel with the child's grandmother, but Ms. Zhang thought of Xinxin, who was almost 10 years old. When she was dissatisfied with her performance, she made a hullabaloo about, feeling that she didn't care about her behavior, and completely broke something-her home phone had been disconnected by her, and her mobile phone had been broken by her. 2 broken!
Children's crying is a form of venting bad emotions, but parents should pay attention to it if there is a cheerful beating behavior in the case, because children throwing things and beating people are both aggressive behaviors, and aggression is a stable and continuous feature.
For example, children like to throw things and fight when they are 3 years old, and they still like to throw things and fight when they are 5 years old. If he is still like this between the ages of 6 and 10, it means that he will still fight with his companions between the ages of 10 and 14.
Parents need to pay attention to their children's anger, and don't make a fuss, because children will use violence such as beating things when venting bad emotions, so they don't show their wishes, just because angry parents have reached the peak and must find someone to vent. Parents need to find out why their children are angry and why they are more angry than other children, so as to effectively reduce their aggressive behavior.
1. Particularly popular
Children's anger is usually due to their extreme behavior can not meet their needs. Many children with grandparents are more likely to cry and even fight when they are rejected. This is inseparable from the love and connivance of grandparents when I was a child.
Modern families have only one child, and the number of people who take care of children may reach five or six years old, which makes it easier to meet the needs of children. Compared with families where two parents have to take care of two or three children, first of all, children's needs are not always met by parents, so modern children often show more temper and anxiety.
For children under 3 years old, self-awareness is very important. Everything is self-centered. As long as you like it, it belongs to you. You can't consider it or do it.
Be considerate and understand others. However, after three years old, children will still be self-centered. Once others can't satisfy or cooperate with them, they will cry, get angry and even be beaten. Parents should check whether they like their children too much.
2. Be too strict with children
Not all parents like children. Many parents are very strict with their children, even sleeping and eating on time, in order to make their children realize their dreams of going to college and attending famous universities. Parents will even care about their children if they don't comply with their own requirements.
I don't know that this will lead to depression, psychological imbalance, emotional tension and anxiety. Nervous and anxious children can't think calmly when they encounter problems, and often take aggressive behavior. Crying, smashing things, etc.
3. Emotional? Hunger?
Judging from the growth characteristics of children, the self-awareness of children from one to two years old is gradually formed. At this time, they need the care of their families, especially their mothers. Once their needs are not met, their mood may fluctuate, such as emotional anxiety, depression and destructive behavior that attracts the attention of their families.
4. Poor self-control ability
From birth, children become the center of attention of all adults in the family, which is easy to form? Self-esteem Their consciousness is too weak to accept blows, refuse, control and adjust their emotions. Once they feel depressed, they will become anxious, nervous, shouting and crying.
As psychologists, we must first point out clearly that a child's anger will only spread his negative emotions, which is beneficial to the child's mental health. Parents need to help their children find healthier channels to express their emotions and help them learn to control and regulate their emotions. This is a way to help children grow up.
1. Stay away from anger
When a child is angry and loses his temper, the first thing parents should do is not to argue with the child about right or wrong, but to express their understanding of the child's anger and anger, so as to keep the child away from this environment, or away from it? Provocative? If the child is angry, let the child calm down.
Many parents are eager to correct their children's behavior and make them obedient when their children don't listen to themselves. As we all know, in anger, children will not listen to any advice. At this time, no matter whether the child's idea is right or wrong, we must first accept the child's negative emotions and give the child a quiet and relaxed environment. When children's negative emotions have a chance to be alleviated, violence will not break out.
2. Cultivate children's emotional adjustment ability
Children are born with the same emotional system as adults, so children will also have negative emotions such as anxiety, depression and sadness. Parents should take good care of their children and carefully observe their emotions. If children are found to have negative emotions, parents should help them improve their negative emotions through soft language, full acceptance and hugs.
Parents can also teach their children some simple emotional adjustment methods. For example, when you feel depressed, you might as well cry. You will feel much better after expressing negative emotions. When you feel impatient and want to lose your temper for no reason, you might as well tell your parents how you feel and unhappy, and tell them that you need to be alone for a while to calm your child's mood.
3. Improve the ability of language expression
Parents can teach their children to express their ideas in words when they are angry or sad, instead of throwing things. Parents can tell their children not to quarrel with others when their actions or words make you angry. Instead, you should say how you feel- Am I angry? , and then quietly walk away. People stay for a while. Wait until the mood calms down before resolving our differences.
4. Give children more freedom
Every parent wants their children to be dragons, but therefore, they should not be too strict with their children. They must know that children are human beings and need their own space and time to carry out activities. Therefore, in life, especially after children go to primary school, parents should give their children more time to play and play, so that children will be very happy and avoid bad emotions.
Mother's name: Wu Lili.
Occupation: doctor
Daughter's name: Jiao Jiao, three and a half years old.
My daughter Jiao Jiao is very cute, just like a Japanese star? Arrale? Same. Everyone who met Jiao Jiao praised her as an angel, beautiful and smart.
But a year ago, she was a famous? Thorns? , is the most difficult child to deal with! Because her temper is so bad, even when I feel uncomfortable, I can't stand her yelling, crying, irritability and violence.
I reflect that this child is related to the excessive care of grandparents. I am a doctor, and I am very busy at work. Jiao Jiao was brought up by her grandparents. Before Jiao Jiao was two years old, she was in poor health and fell ill every three days. During the whole illness, grandparents should not only be more careful in their diet and daily life, but also take them regularly? The child is not feeling well. Do you want her to meet her needs as much as possible? Spoiled her for a reason. What toy does she want? Buy it right away. After a long time, she will become the head of the family and do whatever she wants.
When Jiao Jiao was over two years old, her health improved, and she didn't often get sick. But when she was unhappy, she had the problem of yelling, especially when my father and I refused her request, and her reaction was even more intense, rolling and even beating. Why is this child so bad? After observation
And after thinking about it, I found that her temper is usually only sent to me and her father. She is obedient in front of her grandparents. I realized that it was because we didn't pay enough attention to sexual intercourse, and she was attracting our attention in this way.
Realizing this, my heart hurts. Such a poor little man, in order to attract the attention of his parents, I thought of a way. Therefore, I talked with her father for a long time and decided to spend as much time as possible with her daughter every day. No matter how busy you are, make sure you have more than half an hour to spend with your daughter.
From the next day, I discussed with my colleagues that I would try not to work at night and go home to accompany my daughter after work. Dad also tried to reduce the evening entertainment and go home early.
Since then, every day after dinner, we will take our children to the nearby park, where we will walk and talk to find out what the children have done and what troubles they have encountered. At first, feet can't express anything accurately. What can she say as time goes by? Did you have fun with the children in the afternoon? .
And when we took a walk after dinner, we found that the tripod could not wait. For example, tripod wants to go to the park to play on the swing, but there are already children playing. At this time, she wanted to give each other a hand. At this time, I will accompany her and tell her: You want to play on the swing, don't you? But there are children playing. Let's line up, shall we? ? After hearing the news, she will wait quietly.
At first, after waiting a few minutes, she became impatient again. My father and I both gave her medals to reward her for waiting quietly for five minutes. Jiao Jiao was very happy when she received the medal. She calmed down and waited.
With the increase of time spent with children, children's emotional problems were corrected in time, and Jiao Jiao's anxiety problems became less and less. At the same time, she also learned to wait patiently and her temper was no longer bad. In the process of getting along with children, I also guide children to understand the work of parents and grandparents, so that children can take the initiative to take care of their families and understand their family difficulties. Let the foot glue become smarter and smarter.
We have reached an agreement with the grandparents of the coral reef. If Jiao Jiao does something wrong, don't yell at her. Please calmly point out the child's wrong behavior. Not on the label? Bad and disobedient Such a label. At the same time, after pointing out the child's mistakes, give her some time to reflect, let her stay for a while, and then give her good advice.
A year later, Jiao Jiao was only three and a half years old and had a bad temper. Even if she is in a bad mood, she will express it in words. I am very annoying. What should I do? ?
Through teaching, I think if you find that your child is irritable, you can not only complain, but also find ways to relieve your child's depression and stick to it in a scientific way. I believe that after a period of time, you must correct your child's illness.
I am a family education teacher, a senior obstetrician and a multi-platform parenting author. Follow me to bring you practical knowledge of motherhood and parenting. If you have any confusion or questions, please feel free to send me a private message, and I will reply in time. I hope some of my suggestions will make you as a parent suddenly enlightened and stop taking the road of parenting alone.