And the best critical period to give us this kind of psychological nutrition is 4-6 years old.
Before 1-3 years old, the child was still a * * * living body with his mother, and did not really become a person psychologically, but at the age of 4, he began to become a person psychologically and had an independent personality. Children aged 4-6 began to have self-awareness, and children had my concept for the first time. At this time, children will find that there is still a "my consciousness" in this world. It turns out that my mother and I are two independent people. I am me, and my mother is my mother.
And what will he be most interested in at this time? What do children want to know most?
He wants to know:
What kind of person am I?
what can I do?
What are my characteristics?
Compared with other children, am I as good as them?
At the age of 4-6, children will naturally compare others with themselves and compete with other children. It is also called competition period, especially in families with two or more children.
For example: mom, look, am I eating faster than my brother, am I obedient than my brother, am I better than my classmates in this exam, and so on.
Will compare themselves with other children.
People can do it, so can I.
Why is this happening?
In fact, the main reasons are:
The children mainly want to make sure
People can do it, so can I.
What the hell can I do?
What makes my parents happy or unhappy?
What mom and dad are allowed to do and what they are not allowed to do is the most important decision at this time.
The easiest way is how do I see myself?
The child does not have this ability at this time, and there is no way to tell himself.
Who am I? What am I like?
At this time, all the important people around him told him.
Who is the most important source of affirmation, praise and recognition?
At this time, what he needs most is the affirmation, praise and recognition from important people!
What is the psychological nutrition that four-year-old children want most?
Affirmation, praise and recognition of important people.
If he gets the affirmation, praise and recognition of his important people at this time, he will know who I am and what kind of person I am.
Generally, children aged 0-3 tend to find their mothers, and they need to get a lot of acceptance and security from their mothers.
After the age of 4, children will find their father and often ask: Where did dad go? When will dad come back? What did dad do? etc
Why is this happening? In fact, the most important reason is:
At this time of the child, he really wants his father to give him affirmation, praise and recognition, and let his father tell him what kind of person he is.
So at this time, the best gift parents can give their children is to tell them what kind of person you are when they just become an independent person and want to know what kind of person they are.
If you want your child to be an independent and confident person, your child will try to be such a person.
During the period of 4-6 years old, dad's influence is very important. Father is the child's psychological protector, and his influence is more profound than that of mother.
What can be gained through affirmation, praise and recognition? By affirming praise and recognition, children can get three gifts in life: outlook on life, self-image and gender identity.
Outlook on life: What is the outlook on life? Outlook on life is the greatest direction that people pursue all their lives. What is this? Help children shape their outlook on life. This is the power of the father, very far-reaching.
Self-image: not only external or internal, but also my view of myself. It will make children look up to themselves and have a higher sense of value.
At this time, when you say that she is beautiful, she feels beautiful; At this time, when you say that he has a good character, he thinks that he has a good character; If you say he is kind, he will think he is a kind person and so on.
In fact, the easiest way for parents at this time is to give their children affirmation, praise and recognition. Children will be willing to work hard on good quality, which is much easier and more useful than telling them a lot of education and teaching.
Gender identity: it will make children like their own gender and their own.
It's best for dad to come How can I put it?
Can you tell the child that I am glad that you are really my son?
You are really my son, and you will like your gender, so you will like being a man.
I am glad that you are my daughter. You are cute, beautiful and smart.
Children will like their own gender, so they will like being a woman.
Gender identity will make it easy for a person to accept himself. Whether I am a man or a woman, I like whether I am a man or a woman.
And why many men don't like their men has a lot to do with whether their parents gave this gender identity when they were young.
If a child can get the above three gifts as a child, he will live healthier, happier and more confident.
How to affirm, praise and identify?
There are two ways to give children affirmation, praise and recognition: verbal and nonverbal.
How to express affirmation, praise and recognition in language mainly includes four points: present, concreteness, process rather than result, and sincerity.
The first point is that the present expression is past and done.
The second point is to tell children why, when and how it happened. What did I find? What do I see? Hear what? Wait a minute.
For example, it is a good behavior to see a child bring a glass of water to grandpa. Grandpa will definitely feel very warm, and mom thinks you are a very caring and filial child.
The third point is about the process, not the result.
The fourth point is sincerity (touching)
Attitude is very important when expressing. We should sincerely appreciate children and praise, appreciate and identify with them when we see their specific behaviors. Can not be used as a tool as a means to ask the child to do what we want him to do in disguise. If it is not sincere, the child can feel it.
There are four ways of nonverbal affirmation, praise and recognition.
The first way is to express it through body movements: smile, clap your hands, pat him on the shoulder and touch his head.
The second way is through social activities: playing chess, playing ball, playing ball, etc.
The third way is through material gifts: gifts.
The fourth method is achieved by granting privileges:
(1) card: 30-minute privilege, requiring 30-minute privilege, doing what you want, and not hurting or disturbing others;
(2) a wish: look at the age of the child. For example, an older child can make a material wish that can be realized within 100 yuan, or accompany him to do what he wants.
(3) One favor: If you make an unprincipled mistake, you can tell yourself one favor.
The above is my affirmation and recognition of sharing psychological nutrition today. Psychological nutrition is the easiest of all psychological nutrition. I hope everyone can apply psychological nutrition to real life, turn this knowledge into our real strength and help our children become happy, healthy and confident.
I am Hui Ai's mother Huang Wenjie, a practitioner and sharer of happy family education, and I am a global partner of Good Parents Online. My vision is to help 300 million people get happiness.
If you want to know more about personal growth and family education, please pay attention to Ai Hui's mother.