We have the saying that young people are rebellious, and many parents even have a fear of their children who are about to enter adolescence. In fact, rebellion is only the external expression that children want to be themselves, and it is the only way for people to grow up at this stage. Of course, the degree and way of rebellion of each child are different, but it will always be different from childhood. If your children have never rebelled in adolescence, maybe it is just that their development has been hindered, which leads them to rebel in adolescence, which is not necessarily a good thing.
If parents can realize that their children are entering a particularly sensitive growth stage as soon as possible, find out the small changes in their emotions, identify the children's distress signals, adjust the way they get along with their children in time, give them emotional care, and help and encourage them to deal with some difficulties they want to escape, their children will spend this adolescence relatively smoothly and become more confident and powerful psychologically.
It is more appropriate for us to call this stage a difficult period, and parents should pay more attention to the reasons behind these rebellious behaviors of their children. Children's rebellious ways in adolescence are different in different growth environments. What difficulties did children encounter during their growth to have these so-called rebellious behaviors? As long as parents can have this thinking position, I believe they can finally find the right direction.
Of course, this so-called adolescent "rebellious" behavior is moderate. If the child's rebellious behavior has seriously hindered the child's normal study and life, the normal social function has been damaged, and the parent-child relationship is in a state of collapse, then this is not such a single thing as the child's adolescent rebellion. This is definitely a problem in our family, but it is a problem for children.
Children's ability to feel life far exceeds their parents' imagination, and their loyalty to their families far exceeds their parents'. It's just a family problem, and one child can't solve it by himself. Therefore, when he enters adolescence, he can only present it in a different way, but how many parents can understand the "painstaking" behind his child's rebellion?
If parents entangle their children's rebellious behavior too much, point the finger at them and try to change them in various ways to bring them back to their parents' controllable range, it will only backfire in the end, escalating contradictions and intensifying confrontation.
There are also many topics about adolescence, and various parents' guides abound. Many parents even feel that they have learned too much and read too much, but they are at a loss. They don't know what to do. Today, we will simplify the complex and combine the characteristics of children's adolescence. Parents just need to grasp the key three points. I believe that parents who can actively read this article must also be very concerned about their children's growth.
First, be a role model and the best spiritual direction for children in attitude and methods.
The example I'm talking about is not simple. Parents study hard and work hard, and children will study hard and work hard. This is just a basic example, but the social environment of the two generations is different, and the family growth environment is also different. Many things can't be compared like this. The example I am talking about is the attitude and method of parents when dealing with problems. For example, when dealing with the relationship between husband and wife, we should reflect more on ourselves, think more about each other and be considerate of each other. In other words, the way and ability of parents to deal with family relations and social relations themselves is imperceptibly teaching their children. In a sense, this is much more useful than preaching. Everyone knows the truth, and so do children, but the key depends on what you do, and children depend on what parents do. As parents, if we are immature individuals, we will only deal with things emotionally, but we don't know how to reflect on ourselves. We always criticize others blindly. Such parents, whether at work or at home, will be very unsuccessful, so don't expect to guide their children correctly. Therefore, when children have problems, every parent should learn to reflect. Have I learned to deal with them in a correct and effective way? Self-correction is the best teaching for children, so as to gain their heartfelt respect and make children proud of their parents and full of strength to face all difficulties in their growth.
Second, accept and love children with principles rather than conditions, and be the strongest backing for children.
Unconditional is not unprincipled, which is easily confused by many parents. Accept and love a child unconditionally, that is, no matter whether the child's IQ is high or low, beautiful or ugly, and has many shortcomings or advantages, this is our real child. We love him, he has his own characteristics. Let the children rest assured that no matter whether they get full marks or zero marks, they don't have to worry that their parents don't love them. No matter what they look like, they are all parents' treasures, and parents will never leave them.
But in reality, our parents' love for their children has too many additional conditions and has become an exchange. If you pass the exam, you will say hello with a smile, buy this and that, and if you fail, you will look unhappy. If they do things according to their parents' wishes, they are good children of their parents. If they deviate from their parents' wishes, they will be scolded and accused. Some parents may not be so obvious, or even pretend to be relaxed, but they clamp down on their children in the same way, only in a more subtle way. Learning is the embodiment of children's self-worth, and it is their own business. How many parents can recognize this layer?
If a child's self-awareness goes wrong, the first thing that will be affected in adolescence is learning. Think about it. If you think you are a poor person and don't deserve recognition from others, then it doesn't matter whether your work is good or not. It doesn't make sense anyway. Will you still work hard? So are children. They feel that they are loved, not their achievements, so their hearts are stable. They will feel that they are worthy of everyone's love and will become more and more confident. Even if there are some mistakes or failures in their growth, they have the courage to face the failure, because they don't have to worry about their parents looking down on themselves or being angry and disappointed. When they grow up, they will be willing to tell their parents their confusion. Under the proper advice and guidance of parents, children will try their best to adjust themselves and realize their own values. This is the most primitive internal motivation of human beings.
Third, give children enough trust and proper space to become themselves through experience and find their place in society.
What is enough trust? When you are worried that children will not take care of themselves, eat or wear warm clothes, when you are worried that children will not get up in bed, when you are worried that children will not study hard and have no future, all this stems from distrust of children. A person's instinct is to eat and wear warm clothes, but since childhood, he has been regarded as mentally retarded by his parents and worried that he will not eat or wear. This is not distrust. What is this? If you can't get up for school, being late will naturally be punished by school rules. Will the teacher punish your parents for being late? Your worry is that you don't trust your child to take this responsibility. Your child is too stupid to think about his future. This is his own life. He is the master. Doesn't he have a dream? What you are anxious about is your distrust of your children. You don't believe that he will fight for his future.
If parents raise their children in this state of distrust for a long time, the children will certainly develop in the direction of your concern. You know, enough trust is to believe that your child has such a self-responsibility and the ability to distinguish right from wrong, but many things are right or wrong, good or bad, so let the child experience and feel slowly when he grows up. This requires parents to give their children appropriate room for growth and not to be too tied behind.
Growth is an experience. If you don't trust them and let them walk by themselves, it will only make children less and less able to walk. Only by letting them experience themselves on the basis of trust can they learn to distinguish right from wrong, be self-disciplined and be responsible for their actions.
Many people are eager for their parents' desires and strive to be what their parents want, but they feel extremely empty and depressed when they succeed, because they are not sure who they are and what their real desires are. For them, it is cruel to continue to pretend to be others or face the truth.
Let children become themselves, not their parents' vassals. If a child hasn't become himself after puberty, he doesn't know who he is, what he needs, and where he should be, it's really a sad life, and how bleak and bleak the future life should be.
Don't be afraid of children entering adolescence, which is an important milestone for children's growth and the best opportunity for parents to learn and grow themselves. Are parents ready?