The fundamental reason is that the eastern and western cultures have different views on marriage and love.
There is a deep tendency of individualism in western cultural traditions. Ancient Greece lived in a narrow Apennine Peninsula, but there were always many city-states, which could not be merged into one country, because of its individualism. Plato's Republic is aimed at these small countries and few people. Pursuing love and establishing a family is also a personal matter for westerners, and has nothing to do with others and society. Westerners regard love as a sacred thing and think that love is the most sacred and perfect thing in human feelings, so many people aim to get true love in life. Indeed, in true love, the lover is so perfect, beyond this dusty and dirty world, she is an angel in real life. In contrast, I am so ugly, selfish and humble, so I must change myself and make myself pure, selfless and noble, so as to be worthy of her. This is the truth that "love makes people sublime", "love makes people selfless" and "love makes people surpass". This feeling, whether westerners or orientals, is the same, and it is the sublimation of human nature. The meaning of love lies in the expression of the spirit of life, and it is not necessary to have a physical combination with the lover. This is why westerners value love rather than marriage. Goethe experienced a lot of love in his life, so his inspiration came from generation and was full of poetry. But every time his feelings surged to the extreme, Goethe ran away and finally married a very ordinary woman. Dante met Beatrice, a woman he has been attached to all his life, in heaven, not on earth.
Just because westerners value love more than marriage, and even think that "marriage is the grave of love", many people will feel a great sense of loss when their feelings gradually fade after marriage. In order to give one's spirit another object of sustenance, and to pursue and improve oneself, "lovers" appeared in the west. As for the harm caused to the spouse, it can be ignored. I am free to get married and divorce. These are my personal freedoms and rights, and others have no right to comment.
It was the "love supremacist" who did it. On the other hand, many people don't understand the true meaning of love now. They just regard love as an indispensable enjoyment in life, asking for more, paying less, falling in love more times, but their character is getting more and more humble. Those who are inferior to others, in order to meet the needs of the body, in order to covet wealth and personal purposes, do not hesitate to be a "third party" or a "fourth person", which is even more heartless. In the eyes of westerners, family is just a place where two independent people combine. Marriage is the best choice when it is impossible to combine, because it "can maximize everyone's interests." Personal interests, freedom and rights are the most important, and one's own rights and interests must be fully guaranteed and satisfied all one's life. And when the family gets in the way, you should dissolve the family and leave it. There is no doubt that the cultural tradition of western individualism is exposed in marriage. Nowadays, China people are eager for westernization. They share this idea and act together, which leads to a higher divorce rate and unimaginable consequences. What a strange thing.
China culture has different views on marriage and love from the west. China people never think that love is the single highest goal in life. Love is beautiful, but life is far more than that. Home, country and the world are beyond their love. Marriage is not only a matter for two people, but also a matter for all people who have influence on their children, parents, relatives and nationalities.
I say so. From the perspective of modern people, I will condemn China's traditional marriage as "feudal ethics bound human nature" and "ethics killed people". This view is indeed caused by the great misunderstanding of the traditional culture of the motherland by modern people. China culture is a big cultural group, and I believe no one can live alone without social groups. Without large groups, how can there be individuals? If the skin does not exist, how can the hair be attached? In the history of ancient and modern China and foreign countries, which person has realized the "maximization of personal interests" without his society? Nowadays, influenced by western cultural individualism, China people always think that the state and society are obstacles to the realization of individual interests, and that individuals are equal, independent and free above large groups, which is short-sighted and shallow. The ancients in China were far-sighted, so China culture especially encouraged everyone to talk about morality, so that personal cultivation gradually moved away from their own selfish desires and reached the realm of selflessness. This is the meaning of "the world is public" in Li Yun.
On the other hand, although its goal is in Dagong, its foothold is in each individual. Great and beautiful ideals can only be realized if everyone in society practices them. Only by self-reliance can people stand on their feet and achieve something can they become talents. Therefore, China's culture is characterized by the spirit of independence, which holds that "everyone can think of Yao and Shun" and "others, me, and those who are promising, if they are also". It is emphasized that everyone should start from himself and things around him, step by step, achieve family harmony, neighborhood harmony, national prosperity and people's peace, and finally realize that all ethnic groups and countries in the world can live in peace, thus achieving the goal of long-term stability and world peace. This is what China people often say: cultivate one's morality, keep one's family in order and govern the country. "From Tian Zi to Shu Ren, one is based on self-cultivation." It can be seen that China people have an overall harmonious social outlook. It can be seen that the purpose of social development is to enable everyone to express themselves and do their best, so that everyone can be happy for a lifetime. At the same time, I deeply realize that in order to effectively protect everyone's interests and happiness, the country and society must be peaceful, just and harmonious, which is the premise and foundation of personal interests. A small family with everyone together; There is a big group, only one person. This is not empty talk, it is the fact.
Reflected in marriage and family, it is what China culture calls "ceremony". Husband and wife should not only love each other, but also treat each other with courtesy. Politeness is not only politeness, but also a sense of responsibility for both husband and wife, including the sense of responsibility for family, others and society. At the same time, both husband and wife should have self-esteem and independent personality.
Husband and wife are the closest people in all interpersonal relationships, fighting in the same room and mutually assured destruction. However, if the relationship between husband and wife is only maintained by feelings, the foundation of marriage is not solid. No one can live alone without society. If both husband and wife only see their lover and no one else, it is tantamount to putting themselves out of the whole society. Can their lives be happy? Love is the most easily aroused and irrational person among all human feelings. It is necessary to guide family life to be ritualized, so that love will not overflow and will not bring harm to both husband and wife and others. The ceremony is like a dam on a river bank, in order to let the flood of feelings run in a reasonable and orderly river. Ritual is not to bind feelings; On the contrary, politeness makes feelings more secure and the flowers of love more gorgeous and fragrant. China people say, "It's just a matter of affection, but it's just a matter of politeness". Isn't the way of treating feelings in China more humane, scientific and reasonable than that in the West?
Meng Guang in the Han Dynasty took Qi Mei as an example and treated him with courtesy. Zhang Chang in the Tang Dynasty made thrushes for his wife every day, saying that boudoir was more pleasant than this. The traditional marriage system in China makes the feelings between husband and wife long and profound, graceful and lingering, even more so than in the west. For example, Wang Shifu's "The West Chamber: Leaving the Palace": "The sky is yellow, the west wind is tight, and the geese fly south in the north. Who is drunk in Xiao Lai's frost forest? Always in tears. Hate can't meet each other late, and resentment will return to illness. I can't wait for Qian Linshu to hang the oblique light. " He Zuoxiu, a poet in the Song Dynasty, wrote Half-dead Child: "Everything is wrong when it is more important than Nagato. What's wrong with you? " ? Wutong was half dead, and after first frost, Bai Yuanyang lost her partner. "Now many people think that the traditional marriage system is the product of feudal ethics. If there is no merit, is it full of resentment under the traditional marriage system? What card examples are there on it? Modern free love must be a good couple, right? Under the influence of modern individualism, both men and women have the mentality of "if they are United, they will stay, but if they are not, they will disperse". They have no sincere commitment to each other, nor have they considered their responsibilities as wives. They just emphasize their feelings and demands. I am afraid that the happiness between husband and wife is only less than that of the ancients, not more than that of the ancients.
Husband and wife are the first of the five ethics (husband and wife, father and son, brother, monarch and minister, friend). Five virtues are the closest people in anyone's life. When the five virtues are handled well, other interpersonal relationships can be extended, and the great happiness of life is thus laid. The five principles require everyone to do their duty, such as kindness and filial piety as a father, respect and loyalty as a brother. The same is true for both husband and wife. A husband has the responsibility of a husband, and a wife has the responsibility of a wife. Outside the husband's family, we should get married, support our families, assume our own social responsibilities, and strive to take the world as our responsibility; A wife should be filial to her in-laws, educate her children and do housework. Although women are now widely employed and husbands often do housework, there is no need for such a clear division of labor between men and women, but both husband and wife have their own responsibilities and cannot shirk their responsibilities, which is no different from ancient times. Everyone can do his duty, so family harmony is inevitable; If the family is harmonious and happy, both husband and wife will feel happier, cherish more and have stronger feelings. There is me in agriculture, and I have agriculture, which is inseparable. Is it not the further sublimation of love? Gifts will not bind feelings, but will make them feel more secure.
Only when the husband does his duty and the wife does her duty can he win the respect of the other party. The husband knows that his wife is a good wife and mother, and he has no worries about housework. The wife knows that her husband is a gentleman, and feels that she has a lifelong dependence, cherishing this karma and cherishing this family. In this way, the cohesion of the family is greatly enhanced. If two people are connected, their sharpness can cut metal. This concentricity stems from mutual respect. Anyone will admire the person he respects and will not give up easily. Who has ever seen a devout believer give up his leader and a studious student give up his mentor easily? Both husband and wife regard each other as respectable people and have made great sacrifices for their families. They are grateful, grateful, and it is too late to hope to be with each other again. How can they have the idea of giving up and divorcing? Therefore, China people say that husband and wife should be "polite" and "polite". Respect between husband and wife is not the courtesy of strangers, but the admiration and follow-up psychology based on respect for each other's personality, which is another sublimation of love.
Nowadays, many people think that there is only love between husband and wife and there is no need for respect. Just like each other and have no respect for them, don't you treat each other like kittens and puppies? You can play with pets and discard them if necessary; You can also play with your lover and abandon it when necessary, without heartache. This is the psychology of love and disrespect. The husband can't do his duty, and the wife can't trust him for a lifetime, so she can ask for it at any time; The wife is not conscientious, and the husband regards it as a burden and is willing to give up and remarry. Modern people praise human rights and freedoms and pay little attention to responsibilities and obligations. The same is true of couples in the family, resulting in less true feelings, less respect, less follow-up, less gathering, more divorce, more rupture, more indifference and more harm. Nothing in a person's life is more intimate than husband and wife. If husband and wife get along so ruthlessly, what happiness can there be in life? Isn't it obvious that the evil of modern individualism is deep and wide?
Love between husband and wife is not enough.
1, don't fart. Don't pretend to be a saint in front of people who love you. You are husband and wife, not strangers. Just be cool outside and behave yourself when you go home. Don't fart
If you grow up, your wife (husband) will stay away from you. Is there still love?
We should discuss it more economically. Although you are married and living together, don't take the money in the other person's wallet as your own money. Money is money, love is love. Is it love that she (he) gives you all her salary? Then your love is too superficial. It's not family money. It is natural to control who is the husband or wife. It is necessary to discuss who cares about the money. Nowadays, due to the economic crisis, it is not easy for anyone to earn some money. If you can't manage money, you have to rush to do it, and finally make a mess at home. Hey, hey, that young couple can fight.
3 Be diligent. People born after 1980s have a common fault, that is, laziness. Some brothers and sisters are so lazy that they can grow maggots on their bodies, and there is nothing they can do. Since we live together, please be diligent. Don't engage in hegemonism at home, do nothing by yourself, rely on each other for everything, and even say: if you don't do so-and-so, you don't love me. Isn't this nonsense? If I love you, I must help you wash clothes and cook. Then you might as well hire a chef or a laundryman to keep my love for you.
4 don't nag. Nagging is what people who got married in the last century often do. 2 1 After they got married in 1980s, they should not learn this "fine tradition". Isn't it enough to get angry outside every day and make your eyes dirty? I have to do some small things when I come back. I'm tired of nagging. It may directly affect the quality of life, which we don't want to see.
5 speak with scruples. Don't think that you can say anything just because you are married. It's better not to say it if you can. For example, with so many people chasing me, why do I have a crush on you, a loser? Wait, wait, fool, if you are attracted to a loser, what are you? If it takes too long, you can't even handle a loser, then you're finished.
6 don't be old. What is the most popular in 2 1 century? Haha, this is unheard of in China for thousands of years. If Kong Old Master Q knew about it in the grave, he would blow his nose and stare at the ground, shouting, which is outrageous. Popular is popular, we don't want to learn, * * * well said, do it yourself, and have plenty of food and clothing. The young couple have hands and feet, but they have to rely on the old man to feed them. When you two are outside, you are rats crossing the street, and everyone shouts and fights.
7 be frugal. The post-80s generation grew up at home like babies. Their parents dare not fly in their hands and dare not melt in their mouths. They are all like baby papules. They don't know that money is hard to come by without suffering. Especially after work, it is even more extravagant to spend your own money, and there is no spectrum at all. It is often the rich at the beginning of the month and the poor at the end of the month. Here, I want to tell my brothers and sisters to be thrifty, or they will find that they have no money at all when something big happens. So you two didn't fight?
Abide by the "three major disciplines"
First, never interfere with each other's freedom.
Born in 1980s after the reform and opening-up, they not only accepted China's traditional thought, but also absorbed some ideas of freedom and equality, which were embodied in the marriage relationship, that is, they did not interfere with each other's freedom.
Yes, two people entered the marriage hall by falling in love, but getting married does not mean that the other person is your private property. The other party is a person first and has basic freedom. If you interfere with the other person's freedom to make friends as a husband or wife without authorization, it will cause the other person's disgust. It may not matter once or twice, but if you keep doing this, you are ready to collect the body for love. Maybe the other person will live under the same roof with you from now on, but it is more because of living than because of love. In fact, as long as the other person still loves you and doesn't do anything sorry for you, such as cheating, why do you interfere with the freedom of others?
The second is to dare to admit mistakes and be good at forgiving.
To err is human, and no one in this world is absolutely right. This is especially true for young couples living together. Everyone makes some small mistakes in trifles every day. At this time, the other party should be good at forgiving mistakes and be brave enough to admit their own mistakes.
Don't always listen to the older generation, and don't bow to her (him), or you will be sad in the future. If you are always lenient with others and strict with yourself, don't admit your mistakes, and don't remember that the other party made a little mistake, you should watch it every day and always, for fear that the other party won't know that you are wrong. That's a long time, and the other party promised not to even enter the house. Try it if you don't believe me.
Third, don't let the other person feel lonely.
Most of the children born after 1980s are only children. For the only children, they grew up in a reinforced concrete forest, and their neighbors were isolated from each other and had no brothers or sisters. Therefore, post-80s people feel lonely in their hearts, afraid of being forgotten by others and encouraged by the world.
Others may forget, but as her (his) favorite person, if you don't know where you are fooling around when he (she) is lonely, you can't find a ghost or even have a phone call, which shows how lonely she (he) will be. So, don't let the person who loves you be lonely. Even if something happens, let him (her) know that you remember him (her) in your heart.