Being an active parent can cultivate optimistic children. In the face of children's education, parents must not ignore their children's mental health. Whether the future is good or bad depends on the growth of your child at this stage. The following is for everyone to share.
Be active parents to teach optimistic children 1 1, and parents should set an example.
When children are young, parents are the people who have the most contact, so parents' words and deeds can especially affect children. For example, when parents encounter unpleasant things at work, their performance at home is quarreling, not eating, and being passive at work. Children will also see such behavior and may learn from their parents' behavior.
Therefore, at this time, parents should become positive and optimistic, so as to teach their children positive things, so that children can be influenced by their parents and become more positive and optimistic in the future.
2. Let the children experience setbacks.
Optimism often manifests itself after failure, which is a positive attitude towards failure. Therefore, if parents create more setbacks for their children, they will exercise their optimism. We can encourage them to get up by themselves instead of helping them when they fall, and encourage them not to cry, but to face it positively, so that the next time they fall, they will get up by themselves optimistically.
3. Tell inspirational stories to children
When I was a child, I often heard stories told by my parents, including many optimistic examples. For example, the great musician Beethoven was deaf in both ears, but he didn't give up. Instead of being "caught by fate", he worked harder and became a great musician. Parents can tell similar stories to their children and let them be influenced by optimism in a subtle way.
Being an active parent can teach children optimism. The meaning of pessimism
Martin seligman, the father of positive psychology, wrote a book called Teaching Optimistic Children. Seligman pointed out in the book that many parents not only failed to teach their children optimism, but provided a lot of pessimistic information. As Montessori said, "We can say that all adults have become defendants, that is, the society responsible for children's happiness has been tried."
Seligman thinks, "Pessimism is defined as being stuck by any most devastating reason when suffering setbacks. ..... In essence, pessimism is a way of spiritual protection, which has enormous and devastating consequences. " We will find that many teenagers and even adults are very familiar with the use of "defensive pessimism" to maintain their cowardly self-esteem-a strategy of first restraining and then promoting, stating their pessimistic views and judgments in advance to avoid being laughed at because of really bad consequences. Although not everyone who expresses pessimism is a loser in the general sense, there are also many wily people, but once pessimism becomes a habit, it will become a chronic virus, which will spread to every level and corner of life, eroding all possible vitality and sunshine, and life and life will only become pessimistic skins.
Second, dealing with setbacks and cultivating optimism.
However, it is absolutely not blind, unrealistic and "I can do it" to make children optimistic and constantly strengthen themselves. I am willing! " Words. Long live the slogan! Slogans are often inversely proportional to our reality. However, we should not only be "giants of words", but also be "high standards of action". Whether a person is optimistic, happy and successful in the secular sense does not depend on his mouth, nor does it depend on those well-intentioned people to label him as warm. Seligman said sternly: "Children need to fail and feel sad, upset and angry. ..... Deliberately relieving depression will make it more difficult for children to feel satisfied.
Iii. Principles of criticism and methods to solve problems
Obviously, when children encounter setbacks, parents can't criticize them blindly, but also need targeted education and help. In helping children learn problem-solving and social skills, seligman believes that parents should abide by at least three principles.
First, don't solve any problems for children;
The second is that once the child is allowed to solve the problem by himself, he can't ask too much for his solution, pay more attention to the process and don't pay too much attention to the result;
Thirdly, parents should demonstrate flexible problem-solving strategies by themselves.
Fourth, childhood that can play is happy.
Edward Hallowell bluntly named his masterpiece "Childhood, the Source of Happiness in Life", arguing that "the full play of childhood is closely related to the happiness of adulthood". Anxious readers should not rush to refute. After all, we have not said that "childhood determines happiness in life". Indeed, childhood is the source of happiness in our life. A person with a bad childhood experience can still live a happy life as an adult, but they often feel sorry that they didn't have a childhood and often pay more to get the happy life they have now. In the traditional sense, childhood often means playing without utility. Whether it is the story telling and arrangement of the prince and princess, playing house, playing with slingshots, playing with mud, origami and turning ropes, although there will be more or less the shadow of the adult world, it is full of innocence and childlike interest on the whole. Today's children are not only "China characteristics", but even the United States. Their childhood is full of smoke, and they are rehearsing for the drama that will be officially staged in 20 years.
Verb (abbreviation for verb) company and face to face.
As good parents, to teach optimistic and happy children, their "magic weapon" is simple, and that is unconditional love. This kind of unconditionally requires parents to face their childhood and past life directly and to accompany their children. It can even be said that the key to being a good parent is to set aside time to accompany children, really live in the "present" and enjoy every moment of life with children. Correspondingly, many parents are busy with work and entertainment until their children grow up and regret not leaving photos for their children. Companionship is love, and the most direct output of work and entertainment is money. Obviously, you can't live without money, but love is more important than money and cannot be measured and replaced. It is scarce, so it is more precious. I remember when I was a child, my parents were very busy as ordinary employees, but as long as my mother was convenient to work, she would take me to her work unit to look after me. My father's favorite thing was to take me to the Huting in the park after work to tell me about the newly bought picture books. When I was young, my mother was in poor health. There are many pictures of my father holding me or me riding on his shoulder. I especially remember that my father carved many beautiful hollow flower baskets with carrots and painted eggs vividly on the Dragon Boat Festival after work, and I always saw him holding an umbrella outside the door before the bell rang every rainy day. These companions make me feel their deep love for me and make me feel confident and happy. They were all less than forty years old at that time, which is the eternal freeze frame of my impression that the family is very happy together. And my mother, always silently preparing everything for us. Without her great love and survival wisdom, whether I can continue studying after my father's work injury is a problem. Her slightly pudgy figure always reminds me of Mr. Zhu Ziqing's back. The love of my parents is the most important foundation and source of my happy heart since I was a child.
Six, the childhood roots of happy adults: the five-step cycle method
Annette Lareau, an American sociology professor, once convincingly and shockingly showed us "unequal childhood". Although childhood is unequal for various reasons, it does not indicate the inevitable happiness inequality in the future. The difference lies not in the children themselves, but in the difference in acquired education. This educational model, which can lead us to a happy adult in the future, was summarized by Edward Hallowell as a "five-step cycle method": connecting, playing, practicing, mastering and recognizing.
Be active parents and teach optimistic children 3 1. Parents should set an example.
Grumpy parents can't raise gentle children, and pessimistic parents can't teach optimistic children. Therefore, parents must get along with their children with a positive and optimistic attitude, especially for younger children. Because younger children may not understand the meaning of adults' language and behavior, but they can passively accept the signals transmitted by adults and form their own personality characteristics by imitating others' styles.
Parents are the best teachers for children, and a good family atmosphere is the best school. When children are young, parents are the ones who have the most contact, and their words and deeds have a deep influence on children. Parents should become positive and optimistic, so as to teach their children positive things, let them be influenced by their parents and be more positive and optimistic in the future.
2. Correct praise and criticism
Praise always makes people happy and easy to accept. Let children unconsciously associate the results with their own behaviors in praise, thus forming good habits. Therefore, parents should use descriptive sentences to describe what they see and feel to express their appreciation for their children. Children know their own behavior ability through the description of adults, and can understand that their efforts will have good results.
When criticizing a child, don't speak ill of the child, even if it is the adverse consequences caused by the child's own reasons. Don't even label your child, such as: You are always, you are, in this case.
The most important thing is to guide children to establish an optimistic thinking mode.
As children grow up, they begin to analyze the cause and effect of things, and then form their own thinking mode. What parents have to do is to help their children establish an "optimistic thinking mode". When children encounter difficulties, guide them to think positively. An old frontiersman loses his horse—a blessing in disguise. Give children proper freedom and let them try to solve problems by themselves.
Optimism is a powerful tool for children to gain a foothold in this society.
Children always leave their parents' shelter and go to society. Only by establishing their own optimistic thinking mode can children solve difficulties with confidence without being pessimistic or depressed. Optimism is a powerful tool for children to gain a foothold in this society.