Humorous speech articles 1 Hello everyone! I will give a speech three minutes before class today. The topic is "Difficulties are Gifts".
One day, the lion, known as the king of the forest, came before the gods: "I am very grateful to you for giving me such a magnificent physique and such great strength that I have enough ability to rule the whole forest."
Hearing this, God smiled and asked, "But that's not why you came to see me today!" " ! It seems that something is bothering you! The lion gave a gentle roar and said, "God really knows me! I really need something today. Because my skill is no matter how good, I am always woken up by crows every day. Oh, my god I beg you, give me a little more strength so that I won't be awakened by crows! "God smiled and said," Go to the elephant and it will give you a satisfactory answer. The lion hurried to the lake to find the elephant. Before he saw the elephant, he heard the "bang" of the elephant stamping.
The lion sped up to the elephant, only to see that the elephant was stamping its feet angrily. The lion asked the elephant, "Why are you so angry?" The elephant shook its big ears desperately and roared, "There is a disgusting little mosquito who keeps trying to get into my ear and itches me to death." As the lion walked, he looked back at the elephant that was still stamping his feet and thought, "God wants me to see the elephant. He should just want to tell me that everyone will be in trouble, but he can't help everyone. In that case, I can only rely on myself! Anyway, whenever a chicken crows in the future, I will take it as a chicken to remind me that it's time to get up. Let me see, the crow will be good to me. "
This story tells us that obstacles are a new known situation. As long as you are willing, any obstacle will become an opportunity to surpass yourself. On the road of life, no matter how smooth we go, as long as we encounter some unsatisfactory things, we will habitually complain that God treats us badly, and then pray that God will give us more strength to help us tide over the difficulties. But in fact, God is the fairest, just like lions and elephants. Every dilemma has its positive value.
Humorous speech 2 xxx:
Hello everyone!
An ant saw an elephant on the road. The ant got into the soil with only one leg exposed.
Other ants asked inexplicably, "Why are your legs exposed?"
The ant said, "Shh! Don't make any noise, trip him! "
The next day, the rabbit saw the whole nest of ants waiting in line in a hurry and asked why.
The ant replied, "Yesterday, an elephant was tripped by one of our brothers and was seriously injured. Let's donate blood to it. "
Not long after, the rabbit saw a large number of ants coming back and asked what was going on. An ant said, "Oh, only one of them has the same blood type as that elephant. It is enough to leave him there to draw blood. "
On the third day, the rabbit came to the ant and asked: Is the elephant still alive? The ant said helplessly, I carried it. It's too heavy, my waist is bent and I fell too hard!
When an elephant is sick, it should sue ants. The court ruled that ants tripping over elephants were malicious injuries and imprisoned for 6 months.
The ant refuses to accept, "the crime of personal injury is imprisoned for up to 2 months. Why did you sentence me to half a year? "
Judge: "The crime of personal injury is sentenced to February, and tripping an elephant is a crime of racial discrimination, plus 4 months!" "
Thank you!
Humorous Speech 3 Love, Achievement Education, Good Life.
First of all, thank you very much for giving me such an opportunity to communicate with you. Standing here, I feel ashamed. I am just a drop in the ocean, just an ordinary member of the teachers. I have no successful experience, just talk about a little superficial experience and views. A hole in my heart, I hope you are honest.
First, growth experience
Looking back on the past few years, I thank the experimental middle school for building a growth platform, which has enabled me to grow and improve in all aspects. Every footprint, every harvest, is inseparable from the help and care of leaders and colleagues. It is with their care that I have the courage to pursue wisdom and success.
Second, some experiences in the work
1, straighten your mind and learn to be tolerant.
Many young teachers tend to overestimate their students and think that they can do anything, which I deeply realized in the first year. As a teacher, we must have a correct attitude, neither overestimating nor underestimating students. But we must believe in the potential of students. Don't let what happens to students affect your mood, learn to be tolerant, learn to control your emotions, and learn to forget unhappy things.
2. Prepare lessons carefully and attend classes with an open mind.
When preparing lessons, consult with experienced teachers humbly, learn from others, promote teaching with learning, and learn from each other's strengths; Listen to the class with an open mind, you can listen to the lecture content, the teacher's teaching style and everyone's teaching ideas. What kind of educational view and development view will directly determine your educational behavior and classroom behavior. How deep your thoughts are, how far your road is.
3. Ensure classroom efficiency and implement knowledge content.
Classroom needs passion, vitality and sense of humor, which is an important factor to mobilize the classroom atmosphere and provide students with enthusiasm for learning. I believe there is no student who doesn't like a teacher who is just knowledgeable and humorous. And the kind of classroom that is full of wisdom and deeply loved by students should be the goal that every teacher pursues all his life. A class is not fancy, but whether the students have learned anything. Don't expect students to be more conscious. Many teachers arrange for students to go back and watch. Instead of this, it is better to put knowledge into the classroom.
4. Improve students' confidence and carry out homework collection.
Self-confidence can be improved not by words, but by doing homework on the day of homework.
Before, do it yourself and know the knowledge points involved. When talking about the new lesson, mention it appropriately, so that students can improve their accuracy and have some confidence when doing their homework, and they are not afraid of not learning. It can be said that everyone has such a mentality, as long as they have a sense of accomplishment, they will work hard to do things.
5. Love all over the world and treat them equally.
It is not difficult to love students with good grades, but it is difficult not to discriminate against students with poor grades. Suhomlinski said, "What is the most important thing in my life? I answered without hesitation: love for children. " These words are very reasonable. Indeed, we should pay more attention to the disadvantaged groups. They need our care and encouragement more. Maybe a pat on the shoulder can change them. The soul of a teacher's personality charm is a word "love". Cheng Shangrong once said in "The Great Master": "Love is an education. Whoever has love will grasp the true meaning of education. "
It is true that our teachers pay too much and get too little in return, which will produce a feeling of psychological imbalance. At this time, we need a good attitude. Choose a mentality, and you choose a different life. I think: if you love education, education will make a meaningful life. 20xx, let's love education and enjoy life!
thank you
Humorous speech 4 1. "My friends, some people are really well-run, and they speculate well! There is a poem "knowledgeable person" that tells us: the status is not high, but there is a spirit above the head; The official is not big, but the hand is long; Si is a unique skill, only I can gain a foothold; Hold thick legs above and use them for private use below; Bragging is luck, flattery does not touch the needle, you can open the back door and talk about friendship. Without the cells of justice, without the principles and norms, alcohol and tobacco can clear the way, and money can communicate with God. Confucius said,' What is there?' "
2。 Sorry, everyone, you have come to the wrong place, and today's speech has been cancelled; I don't think we need any speeches. What we need is sincere communication. Then, our sincere communication begins today. As soon as you came on stage, you told the audience that today's speech was cancelled. Everyone will be surprised and think about what's going on. At this time, the audience's attention was completely attracted by the speaker, and then the speaker began to say, "Our sincere communication begins today." Next, start the speech. The biggest advantage of this method is that it can quickly catch the attention of the audience. )
3。 My last name is Hu, so what I said next is nonsense. Please don't take it seriously. My surname is Gu. Today is night, and there is a little moonlight in the sky. If you stay with me, you will become Hu, so what I said may be nonsense. Please don't mind!
4.LadiesandGentleman, please let me shine on the stage. Please applaud those who like me very much. Don't applaud people who like me too much. Thank you for your cooperation. ...
This opening remark left a good impression of frankness and humor. Soon, at the "Golden Microphone Night" literary evening, I saw him smiling and said to the audience, "I'm glad to see you again, but it's a pity to see you again. ...
Have you ever envied Tao Yuanming's life? Yes, he retired to the countryside, tasted the light wine in the country and watched the cold chrysanthemums in the wind. How chic and comfortable he is! However, do you feel his inner helplessness? He also has the ambition to help the world, but he can't show it. In that dark age, he could not tolerate the majestic character of Wei and Jin Dynasties, so he chose to be born in endless helplessness. His helplessness, his anxiety, his pain, do you understand?
6. Yes, you haven't. You only care about smelling the cold chrysanthemum fragrance in front of Mr. Wu Liu's house. You only care about being intoxicated by the mountains and rivers of Nanshan, so you envy their lives and complain about their anxiety and fatigue. When will you learn to face up to the joy of life and smell the fragrance of gardenia beside the window lattice? ("Gardenia by the window lattice")
7. Clouds are part of the sky. The clouds in the morning are dyed bright pink, like the cheeks of a newborn baby, with a soft blood color. The evening clouds are plated with golden orange, like rust, shining with the glory of lonely years. There is an idiom called "Bai Yun Cang Dog", and a movie "Bai Yun Cang Dog" is being staged every day in the sky. The audience includes immature children and dying old people. From the unpredictable clouds, they found the sweet cotton candy they tasted in their childhood, or the cloud country in fairy tales.
8. Will Su Shi's "Hanging a Tree without a Moon" make people think?
Zhu's sentence "The bed is full of phoenix trees, but there is no phoenix tree and bright moon", I wonder how many people have experienced it?
Li Yu's Lonely Wutong Deep Courtyard Lock Clear Autumn, that month is like a hook; Who can't feel the cold in autumn?
What a bleak autumn! How emotional-sad autumn! In autumn, take photos with phoenix tree, rain and moon. That photo can last forever only if it exists in our hearts. That photo is a true portrayal of autumn. Indus, perhaps western Western jackdaw refused to live; That drizzle may be envied by geese; The lack of the moon may be that the literati are pinning their feelings. (season)
9. What is Li Qingzhao singing? I believe that she is not singing the "bitter" autumn, but feeling the spring, which is so beautiful and gorgeous; She is worried about summer, too strong and too decisive; She is in a painful winter, too cold, freezing to death. Everything brought her former stability and happiness. Only in autumn, with her cold mood, tell her that there is another season in this world, which can be used as a footnote for her life. (season)
10 "friends, some people are really doing well and are very speculative! There is a poem "knowledgeable person" that tells us: the status is not high, but there is a spirit above the head; The official is not big, but the hand is long; Si is a unique skill, only I can gain a foothold; Hold thick legs above and use them for private use below; Bragging is luck, flattery does not touch the needle, you can open the back door and talk about friendship. Without the cells of justice, without the principles and norms, alcohol and tobacco can clear the way, and money can communicate with God. Confucius said,' What is there?' "
Humorous Speech Article 5 Dear teachers and students:
Hello everyone! I come from Class 2, Park 12, and I come from Lingbao, a beautiful Jincheng. Time flies, time flies, and in a blink of an eye, freshman life quietly ends. A few days ago, my monitor gave me an application form for a scholarship, and I suddenly realized that there were no certificates, medals or anything called honors to brag about. But I've thought it over. Although I have not made any brilliant achievements, I have also gained a lot, but it is different from what you agree. In fact, isn't that giving up and getting? What you gain and what you lose is up to you. Just have a clear conscience. Life is so simple, isn't it?
Today, I am honored to share my freshman life with you.
First of all, I want to talk about my study. Whether we are junior high school students, senior high school students, college students or master students, we are all students in essence, and we should focus on learning. We should always remember that our task is to study. When learning falls to a secondary position, college students can only say that they are part-time. The top few majors have never taken the exam or won a scholarship, but they have been studying hard. I'm a little lazy, but I'm active. I can always keep up with the teacher's ideas and listen carefully in class. I think it will be good to finish my homework carefully in the future. Because only by following the teacher's ideas can we ask questions that we don't understand in time and let the teacher help us solve them; If the teacher can't solve it, then we will take this problem as a known condition, then go to class, and then find a classmate or teacher to solve it after class, so that we won't lose sight of one thing. Some students always have an understanding that 60 years is a waste. All wet, our grades will be put in our files, and even the grades of failing and make-up exams will be written clearly. When we write a resume, where should the honor column be written? When the interview manager asks us about our professional ranking, what should we answer? I admit that academic performance is not unique, but we can't even do such a simple job at school. Can we do other work well? This is just my personal opinion. In college, we should not only learn professional knowledge, but also master the ability to analyze and solve problems, and know how to treat people, so as to be a high-quality college student. In addition to these, we must arm our minds and expand our connotations. A person with connotation, whether male or female, will be appreciated. If you have nothing to do, you can buy some books you are interested in on Dangdang. Don't just know Taobao, Confucius and Mencius, Zhuangzi Thought, you can also know a little. Remember, the knowledge you input into your brain can be used in the future. Don't spend too much time watching romance and martial arts. Of course, it's ok to know a little, but we'd better take the time to read books like What to Read in University, and no one has told you these truths. In high school, the goal of our study was the college entrance examination. In college, we lost our direction, couldn't find the goal of struggle, began to be confused, began to hesitate, and began to degenerate. In fact, in my freshman year, as long as I don't forget my purpose of coming to school and don't give up my studies, I can do other things casually, such as running for the student union, participating in club activities, going out to play by bike, reading in the library, listening to classes I want to listen to, etc., and I have to follow my heart. The university is a place where the Eight Immortals travel across the ocean and display their magical powers, and where they fully display their talents. As long as you are gold, you can shine here. Please put away your shyness and release your passion at will. In fact, I think the greatness of a university lies not only in its scale, the number of students and the number of majors, but also in how many teachers you can know, how many books you can read, how many abilities you can master, how much knowledge you can learn and how many friends you can make. We are young, which is an effective capital for learning knowledge and mastering ability. Your life may change because of college, so why not make your college life more colorful? We must benefit all available resources as much as possible and learn as much knowledge as possible.
Next, it's time to talk about my life. Although I didn't serve in the student union or become the leader of the society, I am glad that I am still a class committee and can serve my classmates. I can't say that I have no ambition, because the gain and loss lies between my second choice. I am optimistic and positive, but a little stupid. I like singing, and I never go out of tune, because I won't tune it again. I like playing basketball. Although I am a little short and have a big belly, my contribution to the players is just to serve a ball, but I enjoy it, as long as you like it. Most of my spare time is occupied by the campus pier team. The students in our team are just like brothers and sisters. They can say whatever they want. They come from different departments, and some of them are from other schools. Here you can feel the abilities of different students, so that you can really learn a lot of knowledge and understand a lot of truth. Relying on parents at home and friends when going out is such a thing in life. Here, we hold activities together, work together, eat, drink and be merry together. I don't want to say that my team is excellent, but I want to say that I really didn't waste time. The rest of the time is spent with roommates in the dormitory, eating together, having classes together and playing games together. When you are happy, you can buy some side dishes and take them back to the dormitory for a few drinks. It's very pleasant. When we meet my roommate's birthday, we will also go out for a big meal. Sometimes we will go to an Internet cafe and have a three-on-three game. Sometimes we will go to KTV to get high until dawn. Of course, when I am alone, I will go to the park by bike, sit in the library for an afternoon and get together with my high school friends. Life is like this, just spend every day happily and seriously, and don't waste it.
I also want to talk about our agricultural university. Our old campus is a little small, the accommodation is not very good, and there are not many books in the library. But what does it matter? Don't our seniors also have a good way out? There are difficulties, let's overcome them, and we can overcome them after 90. Some students will actively join the party, but I want to tell you that you must think clearly about the reasons for joining the party. If you think that joining the party can enjoy many benefits, then I want to remind you that you still have reason to denounce corrupt officials?
Finally, I want to say that universities must learn English well, do things seriously, use their own brains, think for themselves and make their own decisions. You'd better spend some time exercising yourself every day. Make some real friends, find someone you like and spend college life together.
In fact, the university can be very simple or very complicated, depending on yourself. We should or must seriously consider our present life. Really, it's time If you want to win back what you have lost, you must make up for the less efforts you have made than others. Keep yourself busy. For the sake of those who love you and those you love, please remember that it is really a mistake to miss.
Thank you!
Humorous speech article 6 dear teachers and classmates:
On this hopeful morning, I want to discuss a warm topic with you-learn to be grateful!
Some people say that a person's greatest misfortune is not that he can't get the "kindness" of others, but that he has got it and ignored it! Because a person who doesn't know how to be grateful will only take what others give for granted, and will only take it without giving it. Because of this, his life will feel lack of fun, and he will not experience the happiness he gives to others and a kind of happiness that extends from the happiness he creates for others. He will not be able to integrate into the society, even his survival will be threatened, and even he will have extreme psychology and make behaviors that endanger society. At this time, it is a pity for the teacher. It is the parents who are sad, but it is themselves who regret it.
A very successful woman once said, "I often miss those who gave me encouragement or praise with gratitude." Their encouragement and praise have benefited me for life, and I will never forget it. -I know that because they love me, they will encourage me, trust me, support me, appreciate me and criticize me; Because I love them and don't want to disappoint those who love me and appreciate me, I will always urge myself to do good deeds, be a good person, be positive and not afraid of failure, and always appreciate their encouragement and appreciation. Gratitude is also a way of love. It is because I am always grateful that my life can be full and happy, and my career can be successful. "
The words of this successful woman deserve our deep thought. Gratitude is a life attitude, gratitude is a survival wisdom, and it is the moral bottom line of being a man. The growth of feeling and appreciating others' goodwill ability is an essential psychological ability for a person to maintain inner peace and improve happiness. Gratitude is not only an emotion, but also an act. It is a childlike act to repay "Three Chunhui" with an inch of grass. Gratitude sometimes only needs a greeting, a bunch of flowers, a hug, or even a word to convey affection and express one's mind. Only by knowing how to be grateful can we experience a little happiness in life.
Gratitude is reflected in every detail of life. With a grateful heart, let us express our heartfelt thanks with our usual words and practical actions:
Thank you, mom and dad, for giving me life and making me feel the affection and happiness in the world.
Teacher, thank you for your inculcation, which made me taste the joy of learning knowledge;
Thank you, my classmates and friends. Your sincere concern and help made me understand the value of friendship.
Thanks to those who despise me, you have awakened my self-esteem!
Thanks to those who don't love me, you let me know self-love!
Thanks to those who hurt me, you have honed my will!
Thanks to those who cheat me, you have enhanced my wisdom!
Thanks to the flowers and plants in spring, I feel the vitality of life;
Thanks to the fallen leaves in autumn, I realized the magnificent return of life. ...
Let's be grateful for everything around us, treat every life equally, respect every ordinary job, complain less about the future life and be more satisfied and happy from the heart. Be grateful, be a grateful youth, treat life with tolerance, change life with happiness and enjoy life with gratitude, and we will find that life is so harmonious and beautiful!
Humorous Speech 7 A crosstalk troupe recently had a new boss, and the new boss took office with three fires. The new boss said at the first fire that he would lay off staff and reduce operating costs. The new boss decided to keep only one of the three senior crosstalk performers A, B and C in the troupe.
Now, crosstalk performers A, B and C exploded there. They picked a day and went to the boss's office, saying that they wanted to compete for business ability.
The new boss put down his work and took a look at the three of them. After thinking for a moment, he said, "Well, since I'm here, please evaluate yourself and tell me about your cross talk."
Actor a said first, "boss, I'm not bragging." I said crosstalk was funny. Once, a person suffered from depression. He came to listen to my cross talk. Within five minutes, he became an optimist! "
Actor b refused to give up after listening, waving his hand and saying, "boss, his skill is nothing at all." I'm sure it is more interesting. Once, a person became an immobile vegetable. After listening to my cross talk for five minutes, he immediately jumped out of bed. I heard that he is going to participate in the next Olympic Games! "
Actor c listened quietly. The boss said, "What about you? Tell me about your skills. "
Actor C said, "I have nothing to say. I only know that a person is in good health and died after listening to my cross talk for five minutes. "
The other two crosstalk performers couldn't help laughing: "People are dead to you, who dares to listen to your crosstalk!"
Unexpectedly, actor C went on to say, "I'm not finished yet. After his death, the prince told him to live again as soon as he heard that he had not finished listening to my cross talk! "