2. Personal achievement =20% intelligence factor +80% non-intelligence factor, and the core of non-intelligence factor is emotional intelligence.
3. Our evaluation of a thing depends largely on ourselves, so changing the evaluation of things is a way for human beings to control their emotions. Shakespeare knew this clearly, so he said through Hamlet: "There is no difference between good and bad in the world, but it is thought that makes it so."
We all think that time is the holy medicine for healing, but in fact, time has never been, and revaluation is.
Almost all emotional psychosis, such as anxiety and depression, can be traced back to the conflict between rationality and sensibility. Behind this is the excessive admiration for rationality and the excessive suppression of sensibility.
6. Consciousness is not used to make choices, but to understand them.
Our subconscious has made a decision, but we don't know what this choice is; Our free will helps us understand why we have to make this decision.
7. "Only by reviewing life can we understand the meaning of life; But in any case, we have to move forward! "
Unfortunately, although we pay attention to ourselves, there is a great error in our understanding of ourselves. As Nietzsche said, "The farthest from everyone is himself."
9. Smile because you are happy; Similarly, because of smiling, I am happy.
10. Focusing on ourselves will not only exaggerate our contributions and our feelings, but also plunge ourselves into a deeper fog and make it difficult to recognize our true selves.
11."The' self' is invisible. Only when you hit something and bounce back will you know "self". So I know what' self' is when I collide with very strong things, terrible things and very advanced things. "
12. In an imperfect and unharmonious world, find your own position, accept the world, then realize your own value, and feel the meaning of your existence while making contributions to society.
Confucius said, "Do whatever you want, and don't overstep the rules."
13. As long as you have a sense of control, your life will be longer, even if you just control the life and death of a pot of plants.
14. One reason for depression is lack of control.
Conclusion: The real sense of control comes from living in the present.
15. Sense of control does not need to borrow foreign things, because the core of sense of control is to grasp the present. The real sense of control is actually living in the present.
Not worried about the past, not afraid of the future. Between the starry past and the infinite possible future, it is now.
16. Mindfulness 1: Reality only exists at this moment.
People are unhappy mainly because of the past and future: they are worried about the past and nervous about the future. Mindfulness brings a different way of existence-only this moment is our real existence, and only this moment is what we can really perceive; Our memories of the past and plans for the future are essentially just illusions in our minds. So only the present is real, the past and the future do not exist, and they are all illusions.
Mindfulness 2: Forget the known and remain ignorant.
Being ignorant means being objective and not prejudging a thing before knowing it; To remain ignorant is to remain curious and open your mind to new things and old things; To remain ignorant is to maintain the possibility that the present self will not be hijacked by the knowledge of the past self and the public.
Mindfulness 3: Be tolerant and don't judge.
17. Alice believes that externally induced events are only indirect causes of emotions, and people's evaluation, opinions and explanations of external events are the more direct reasons for emotional and behavioral reactions.
Unreasonable beliefs have three characteristics: absolute demands, overly generalized evaluations and extremely bad expectations.
18. Black or white is a kind of belief fascism. Self-blame, inferiority and self-abandonment, anxiety and depression often lead to self-blame, criticism, anger and hostility to others.
19. Unreasonable beliefs:
Every question in life has a correct and perfect answer, and once it is not answered, it will be very painful.
Refutation:
Life is a complicated and changeable process, and the problems in life are always endless. Some questions have definite answers, while others may not. Even if there is a correct and perfect answer, it may change with the situation and time, making the original answer no longer a correct and perfect answer.
Therefore, it is unreasonable to seek a perfect solution to any problem; If you persist in seeking the perfect answer, you will only feel confused, disappointed and depressed.
Reasonable belief:
Not all questions will have correct and perfect answers. For those questions that have no clear answer, there is no need to go to the end, let alone feel sad because they can't get a perfect answer. What we need to find is a good enough answer to solve the problem under the current conditions. But be good enough, not the best.
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Unreasonable beliefs:
I deserve to be liked and praised by people around me, especially those important people in my life.
Refutation:
A person's life can't be recognized by everyone. Even people who are very important to us, such as family members and close friends, can't always hold an absolute attitude of love and recognition for themselves. What's more, people live not for the likes and praises of others, but for themselves. If you insist on getting praise from everyone around you, you can only compromise to please others, and you will inevitably feel disappointed, depressed and frustrated, and it is difficult to have self-esteem and self-confidence.
Reasonable belief:
As long as I am not rejected and disliked by most people around me, I can be considered welcome.
As can be seen from the above examples, unreasonable beliefs are usually factors beyond our control, such as what others think of us. The solution is to learn to let go and learn to accept failure. For the controllable factors in irrational beliefs, we need to learn to adjust, such as adjusting the pace of life, so that these controllable factors have higher flexibility.
More common irrational beliefs
The following are common unreasonable beliefs, try to refute them and establish reasonable concepts.
The world should be fair, and I should be treated fairly.
Everything I do must be successful and I can't make mistakes. Only in this way can I become a trustworthy person.
People should always do the right thing. When people are mean, unfair or selfish, they must be condemned and punished.
Mood is determined by living environment. When things don't go well, I'm not happy.
My distress is caused by external events beyond my control, so it is difficult for me to make myself feel better.
6. I must always be on guard against those dangerous, unpleasant or terrible things that may happen, otherwise I will be helpless once they happen.
If I can avoid those difficult and unpleasant things in my life, I will be happier.
What happened in the past is the source of my troubles, and they still affect my feelings and behaviors all the time.
I should feel uneasy when others encounter problems, and I should feel sad when others are sad.
I should be calm in the face of suffering.
To get rid of anxiety, the core is to find unreasonable beliefs and then infer them.
19. Compensatory solution is to replace or compensate the quality that we are not good at or not good enough with a quality that we are good at or excellent.
experiment
"Compensatory Dafa" experiment
In a psychological experiment, psychologists pretend to test the IQ and EQ of participants, and then ask them: What are the key factors to predict the happiness of marriage?
People who are told that emotional intelligence is low say that emotional intelligence cannot predict marital happiness, but IQ is the key.
On the contrary, people who are told that IQ is low say that IQ can't predict marital happiness, but EQ is the key.
In other words, what you are good at is important; And what you're not good at doesn't matter at all. The purpose of compensation law is to make yourself feel that the qualities you are good at are very important and useful, so as to protect your self-esteem.
20. How can we get real high self-esteem?
That is, self-esteem = success and ambition. In other words, self-esteem depends not only on success itself, but also on the expectation of success. Either gain a high degree of self-esteem, or achieve greater success, or lower your ambition, or both.
Bandura, a psychologist at Stanford University, said: "It is easy for people to have strong self-esteem-just lower their goals."
2 1. "When we see a person constantly restless, grumpy and emotionally fluctuating, we can infer that he should have a strong sense of inferiority."
Inferiority appears because of unrealistic high expectations.
In this impetuous era, what we urgently need to do is to lower our expectations.
Three times the growth of human beings.
The first time is when you find yourself not the center of the world; The second time was when I found that no matter how hard I tried, there was nothing I could do. The third time is when I know that there may be something I can't do, but I will try my best to fight for it.
There is no essential difference between the happiness brought by the annual income of 22 10/00000 yuan and the happiness brought by the annual income of 300000 yuan.
The greater the desire, the faster we need to run; When we are exhausted, it is when our happiness declines.
23. For each of us, we have two worlds: a physical world that everyone enjoys and a psychological world that we have alone. The most important discovery of psychology is that these two worlds are relatively independent.
Therefore, what happens in the physical world cannot determine how the psychological world views this matter.
In other words, the core of our happiness is not the external material world, but how we view it ourselves.
Don't spend all your time on what you think is most meaningful. There are many sources of happiness, and lasting happiness requires a balanced life.
Therefore, a balanced life is more important in a healthy and happy system.
A good life must pay equal attention to both material and spiritual, and one of the reasons for this imbalance is the lack of psychological knowledge.