It is easy for us to hear people in marriage blame their partners: my parents have never done this to me. Why can you do this to me? The two people had conflicts because of various living habits, and finally they quarreled upside down and broke up in discord.
Many people have similar problems in their marital status, and always feel that the other person is not good enough and does not meet their own standards. That's why they keep asking each other to meet their own standards. However, people's character is formed for a long time. How can it change quickly because of your words? In this way, the two sides are prone to conflict.
I have studied the marriages of many middle-aged people in China and found that most middle-aged people are in a "sub-health" state. Domestic violence, cold violence, widowed marriage ... This phenomenon can be seen everywhere. Many middle-aged people sigh: when people reach middle age, marriage will exist in name only!
It seems that Chinese marriage always attracts people's attention, and we know a little about the reasons. In fact, there is only one reason for this marriage problem, that is, both sides are making do.
Just like the bridge in the sketch "Xiao Cui tells a story": When asked about the marriage life of Baiyun and Heitu, Heitu gave a wry smile: "After dealing with Bai, you can still leave Zha."
Although it is a smile to everyone present, it also reveals the marital status of many middle-aged people: cohabitation.
-02-
Lu Xiao is 43 years old and has been married to her husband for almost 20 years.
Think of two people met for the first time, Lu Xiao can't help but smile. The two met for the first time through blind date accompanied by their parents. When I mentioned the meeting, Lu Xiao always felt a little ridiculous.
The two men looked at each other on the table and said a few words that were neither salty nor light. The rest of the time, parents are chatting, and the topic of discussion is only the conditions of both families. Xiao Lu squinted at the man with the teacup across the street and found that he was looking at the mobile phone with rapt attention. Xiao Lu left the pie mouth, took a sip of tea and never looked at him again.
Unexpectedly, two people have mistakenly determined the relationship. Xiao Lu had a general understanding of the basic situation of men in advance, and felt that he was a good match in all aspects. I just think it's appropriate, and I don't have much emotional foundation. It is estimated that men thought so at that time, just to get married.
In this way, they got married in less than half a year. Xiao Lu consoled himself at that time. There is no emotion to cultivate after marriage. It is popular to get married before falling in love.
-03-
There is no change in the days after marriage from being single before, and it is still a two-point and one-line life at work and home. Perhaps the only difference is that there is one more person in the family. Lu Xiao's husband is gentle and honest. Although his emotional foundation with Lu Xiao is relatively weak, he still respects her.
However, this "customer-oriented" respect made Lu Xiao uncomfortable. Shouldn't husband and wife be the closest relatives? Why are you like a guest here?
Married life is as dull as water, and men are more dull. They don't know what romance to give Lu Xiao, but they are just plain.
In the past twenty years, the same topic between them has been confined to daily necessities and children. There seems to be nothing to say except these two topics. In middle age, this phenomenon is more serious.
Men began to be indifferent to Lu Xiao, and the originally dull life of husband and wife was not over. Probably because of menopause, Lu Xiao felt that she was adding fuel to the fire every day and began to quarrel with men. Once both of them were in a hurry, and the man shouted at her, "It's been 20 years, and I have to make do with you every day!" " "Lu Xiao also angry, retorted," me too. I can't stand living with you for a day! " "
After that, men began to sleep in different rooms with Lu Xiao. Lu Xiao is very sad when facing her indifferent husband every day. The man tortured her with cold violence until Lu Xiao couldn't bear it any longer, and directly proposed to divorce him.
The man also readily agreed. In this twenty-year marriage, both of them are silently enduring and will make do with each other. Up to now, I am finally willing to face the reality and let each other go.
-04-
The tragedy of Chinese marriage is that two people who have no emotional foundation rashly decide to get married just because they think the other person is suitable. But after marriage, I found that it was not suitable for each other, but I was afraid to divorce. Because this society has a bad view of divorce, many people will look back and forth when considering divorce.
In this way, the marriage life of two people can only make do with each other. The normal state of marriage in China is to make do with life.
There are only three forms of marriage: you are willing to make do and the other party is unwilling; If you don't want to make do, the other party will make do; Two people make do together.
But can a patchy marriage be happy?
-05-
Obviously, you can't.
If both parties find it inappropriate after marriage, they should communicate in time, speak out the problem and correct it together. Most people think that as long as they have patience, nothing will happen. So both of them are trying to be patient and make do with each other. But after a long time, there will be more and more problems and contradictions, which will not be solved in time. Until the day when they can't make do, contradictions will break out and their marriage may break down.
Making do with life, people who have this idea often lack responsibility.
So, in order to make your married life happy, please don't make do with it, and communicate and solve the problem in time.