The Tang Monk teacher and disciple outdated (funny)
The Tang Monk teacher and disciple line through ninety-nine hundred and eighty-one difficulties finally met Ru Lai Buddha to seek the real scriptures.
Rulai asked, "Have you brought a USB flash drive?"
The Tang Priest and his disciples ......
Rulai asked again, "Where is the portable hard disk?"
......
Rulai continued to ask, "An ipod will do wow!"
Wukong digs his ears in.
Rudra sighed, "Then the only way to send it to you is online, so go back the way you came!"
Men's five outdated behavior
1, do not carry a laptop everywhere in the eyes, guaranteed to be immediately recognized. And the higher the grade of the handheld the more humiliating. These days, understand the computer can be more and more, in addition to Gates, who took the hand out of the door have to be recognized as a moron, as for Gates, he is to carry a lunch box out of people as a new concept of electronic.
2, do not pull out your quick translation or similar electronic notepad when there are many people. Unfortunately out of the should immediately find a crack to drill in, people go out and then come out. When there are a lot of people, you should hide your translation pass, don't show your face, and if you want to write down your phone number, you should immediately take out your notebook and a pen. Encountered those who do not know why do not use the fast translation pass, you just sweep him with the right eye and then a sneer to go away, sneer must be in place, so that people understand that you are not unable to afford to use but do not care to use. Now the popularity of the return to simplicity, holding a small stick point of time is over.
3, never use a wallet, the pocket is so few dollars do not need to buy a wallet. The most taboo to pay the bill when the left and right out of a wallet out of a wallet before and after turning over a ten dollars; the most appreciated is the hands in the pockets, ask how much money, "eighty. "Eighty? Here's a hundred, keep the change." From the pants pockets as quickly as magic out of the bills handed to the waiter, remember, must be generous "handed" to the waiter, and speak in a voice to special natural, can not tremble, before leaving also have to deep smile to thank the waiter's excellent service. The absolute pie!
4, do not care about the clothing brand name and gold goods and silver goods, my brother's big pants or Pierre. Kardan's, do not turn out to see the brand simply thought it was rag strips put together. A good man does not care what he wears, rags show true nature, of course, pants zipper to get firm. Gold and silver goods are placed there for the miners to grab, Li Ka-shing is wearing an iron chain, others are sure to think it is an unknown rare metal. See, the real show is not in these decorations!
5, never use a handkerchief, these than running naked in the street is still embarrassing. Sweat on the body to wipe, no matter how white and expensive clothes go up to the head to wipe, the action also want to float. Our slogan is: do not seek the most cheap, as long as more cheap.
This joke you have not seen? Too outdated
Today is my birth*, my girlfriend called early to say that the night to go to the house for me to congratulate the birth*, but also to bring me a surprise! Hearing the good news! I work today is extraordinarily buy power, a run a dozen customers! Back to the company. Are three o'clock in the afternoon, to the cafeteria to see, there is only a poor one dish and a soup, meat fried three beans (meat fried soybeans, green beans, peas) and turnip soup. No way, ran all morning customers, the stomach has long been grumbling, had to ask for a large plate of meat fried three beans and a large pot of radish soup, eat up! I didn't realize that towards the end of the day, my stomach was like an off-road jeep engine! --started a violent piston movement! In an instant, a stream of incoming gas scrambled out of my body! I rushed to a deserted place, and my stomach began to chant softly in embarrassment, but immediately turned into a series of poofs like a cannon! My stomach was so high! At that moment, my girlfriend called, saying she had already arrived home and asked me to hurry home. I'm sorry! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see me in this mess! ......
I made a deliberate effort to fart a lot on the way home. Almost home, my stomach felt a lot better, and I didn't think there would be any more problems. From a distance I saw my girlfriend waiting for me by the door, she looked a little excited. She exclaimed, "Honey, tonight, I have a really wonderful and sure to blow your mind gift for you."
Before I even entered the door, my girlfriend tightly blindfolded me with a piece of cloth and said that she wanted to surprise me! She also led me to sit in a chair located at the front of the dining table and made me swear that I wouldn't peek. Suddenly, I felt like farting again. Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made the excuse that it was too messy for her to answer the phone in the other room! She told me not to remove the blindfold and made me swear! Only after that did she run to the other room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the moment, shifted my entire body weight onto one leg, and let out a fart. Not only was the fart loud, but it smelled like the stench of rotten eggs. I could barely breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned myself around as hard as I could in an attempt to fan away the awful odor.
Just as I was feeling a little better, another fart came. I lifted my leg again and started to let it out! It sounded like a diesel engine spinning fast, and this time the odor was even worse. In an effort to keep from suffocating, I fanned myself with my arms by waving the chair cushion, hoping the odor would dissipate soon.
Again, just as everything was about to return to normal, another fart came rushing in impatiently. So I stood up, bent over, and puckered my ass backward and upward! And let it out. The fart was truly first class, even the newspaper behind me was blown off into the ground ..........
I listened sideways to the sounds of my girlfriends talking in the other room, and since I had to keep my promise not to peek, I didn't dare open my blindfold, so I had to keep farting in the pitch blackness, in order to hurry up and get all of the gases out of my stomach without making the house smell worse! I undid the waistband of my pants and slid my panties and pants down below my belly, exposing my ass, and fumbled to open the door of the balcony behind me, sticking almost my entire ass out onto the balcony and starting to fart like crazy....... Ahhhh! Much better! After that, I fanned my hands all over the room with a chair cushion, praying that the stench would dissipate quickly ......, and so, within the next ten minutes or so, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushion at the same time, and finally, by the time I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach had both gotten much better! I quickly fastened my pants, fixed my hair, and began to wait gracefully and with a smile for my darling her to surprise me.
As she approached, I had a contented smile on my face and a warm look on my face. My girlfriend first apologized to me for taking her so long on the phone and then asked me if I had ever secretly lifted the cloth. After I assured her that I hadn't peeked, my girlfriend removed the cloth covering my eyes and said to me, "Accidentally! My girlfriends had to ask me to bring them to see you today, they said you were very poised and handsome in the photos! Here! Look, these five sitting at the table are my good sisters from my flat, and those six standing on the balcony are my best friends from school!"
It was then that I realized with extreme shock and horror that there was a whole bunch of girls sitting around the table across from me, and another bunch standing on the balcony behind me, all of whom had come to attend the birth*party that had taken me by complete surprise. Now, each of them was looking at me with an unspeakable expression on their faces, like they had spotted a Martian ..................