My friend's son got married last year at 65438+ 10.
After getting married, my friend wants to live with his son and finds it more convenient to take care of his life. I didn't live together because my husband was firmly opposed.
They live in two communities not far away. Every day, friends cook meals and call five or six times to urge their sons and daughters-in-law to come to dinner, but the result is still too late.
If you worry any more, there will be a very impatient voice on the other end of the phone.
The food is cold and hot.
My son and daughter-in-law don't come to dinner, and my friends and husbands have to wait.
My friend told me, "I really want to move directly to live with them, so it's more convenient to cook for them. I don't have to call again and again, the food won't be cold, and the food that is hot again and again is not delicious."
I said, "If you move there, can they eat in time? The problem is not eating, but space. The child just got married and needs two people to have their own private space. If you live in the past like this, buying food, cooking and doing housework for them will only be rejected. "
I suggest my friend make three rules about the law and make a rule: "When you eat every day, you must arrive early.". If you don't eat after this time, you will heat yourself when the food is cold. " Make it yourself if you want. "
Children will eventually grow up, and eventually they will go to the society and face the society independently. Don't parents let go all their lives?
China's parents sacrificed too much to fulfill their children.
My mother is a typical representative of China's parents.
The 86-year-old mother has been busy with her grandson and son since the day her grandson was born.
Buy food, cook, wash clothes and do housework every day.
Let her stay in my house for a few days during the holiday. She took her grandson with her, fearing that her grandson would not be able to eat without her.
My mother's concept of cooking all her life is: "Eat when cooked, eat less if you want to eat badly, so as not to lose weight."
Can think of the concept of mother, is bound to be contrary to the concept of son and daughter-in-law, son and daughter-in-law think the food is not delicious, so they don't come back to eat, and often eat between grandparents and grandchildren at home. So that my nephew said, "I don't pay attention to eating." I eat whatever my grandmother cooks. Just eat. "
Mother is used to cooking and cooking, for fear of not having enough to eat. Leftovers: Neither son nor daughter-in-law likes to eat leftovers. If they don't eat leftovers, their mother will be more nagging.
Grandson doesn't like my mother's nagging, son doesn't like it, and daughter-in-law doesn't like it.
Mom lives in nagging and complaining every day, and that voice is really unpleasant.
I advised her: "When the grandchildren grow up and let them live independently, you can also go back to your hometown for a few years."
She didn't listen to my advice.
Seriously, this is the greatness of China's parents, and it is also their sorrow.
Many times, they sacrifice their lives and happiness to fulfill their children. What they often get is not gratitude, not return, but more disgust.
I remember reading an article before.
A retired mother, because she has always loved her son, naturally takes care of her son and daughter-in-law after marriage.
In order to take care of her son and daughter-in-law, she moved to the community where they lived. Every morning, she goes to her son's house to help with breakfast and cleaning, and after dinner at night, she waits for them to wash and get ready for bed before returning to her home.
One day, as usual, she carried fresh vegetables from the morning market and walked happily towards her son's house.
As a result, she failed to open her son's door. It is not that she took the wrong key, but that her daughter-in-law changed the lock.
Daughter-in-law said, "There have been many thefts in the neighborhood recently, so …" As usual, she made breakfast for them, cleaned the room and washed all the dirty clothes. However, her daughter-in-law didn't give her the key to the new lock.
She thought, "Maybe they forgot."
In the evening, my son went to her house, gave her the key and said, "Don't let my daughter-in-law know."
She knows it's not easy.
The next day, she went to her son's house as usual, but as soon as she arrived at their door, she heard the argument inside.
The daughter-in-law said loudly, "You must have given your mother the new key."
"Who doesn't have procrastination? I took a shower, threw my underwear in the dirty laundry basket and was washed by your mother the next morning. Looking at the shorts and bras on the clothesline, I don't want to be helped, only privacy is peeped. "
"Look at you, your mother used to go home and lie on the sofa every day. You don't do anything, you don't collect things, and you don't take out the garbage. You just don't feed your mouth. You are like a child who is not weaned. "
"Can't she dance square dance like other aunts, take a modeling step, and stop staring at us all day like a lens?"
She did not expect that her mother-in-law, known as "twenty-four filial piety", paid such condemnation in exchange. The most unbearable thing for her is that her son said from beginning to end, "She is my mother. What do you want me to do?"
When she got home, she complained to her wife in tears: "He is my only son. My biggest idea is to take good care of them, but I just gave them my heart and left so many bad reviews. "
After that, she traveled with her wife and disappeared from the sight of her son and daughter-in-law.
True maternal love is the right exit.
Parents who don't want to be separated from their adult children don't so much love their children as want to control them in an all-round way, bring them a sense of accomplishment and strength, and make them satisfied with themselves.
If parents and children want to establish a better relationship, they also need to "break up".
"Break Free" said: "All tangible things are illusory, and our hearts are constantly changing. Enjoy the rare short encounter with things, which must be the happiness we pursue. When the fate is exhausted, let go smartly. This can be not only for objects, but also for anything. This is the desire to give up. "
?
Break: it is to give children independent space.
Adult children have their own lives. In order to make life happier, the way is for parents to give each other independent space. Don't judge whether they are well or not. Are their own lives. Parents just need to remember the beauty now.
She: willing to let go.
Parents can't forget the past, worry about their children's future and escape from the present.
Don't think that children are still "children" and can't live without their parents. Transfer your feelings for women to your partner, have your own life with your partner, be willing to let go and quit perfectly, and distance can produce beauty.
Leave: Leave the child and move on.
You will feel that the life ahead is more colorful.
People who cling too much to the past will form a vicious circle. They always feel that their contribution to their children has a unique meaning and they are reluctant to leave.
When you really let go and quit your child's life perfectly, and have your own social circle, you will find that your favorite taste and self-identity have improved.
I appreciate a passage circulating on the internet: "I admire a kind of parents who give their children a strong sense of intimacy when they are young and learn to quit when they grow up." Care and separation are tasks that parents must complete on their children. "
Parents should not regard their children as their only one, nor neglect their social circle, abandon their hobbies or even care whether their children are happy or not for the sake of their children.
Life is a kind of practice. Isn't being a parent a kind of practice?
May all parents in the world leave and know how to advance and retreat in front of adult children. I wonder if you have a house and can get it. Small house is small, big house is big.
Know how to give up, so as not to be rejected while giving.